Chapter 3

CHAPTERTHREE

Owl held onto Lara’s gloved hand and stared out at the rising sun. He was exhausted, which was nothing new, but somehow the coming of this new day felt different. More positive. As if the rising sun signified a shift in the status quo.

He was as relieved as he could be that Lara had agreed to talk to Henley, but he wasn’t so sure about being with her when she did. For one, he wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t react the same way she’d claimed Cora might, if he heard every gory detail about what Carter Grant had done. The little he knew already made him want to tear Grant limb from limb. Hearing more about the horrific abuse might push him over the edge. The thought of anyone hurting Lara made his heart ache. He wanted to put her in a protective bubble to make sure nothing and no one ever harmed a hair on her head ever again.

But that wasn’t how the world worked. He knew that better than anyone. She’d be much better off learning how to deal with the shit life dealt out. But that didn’t mean he still didn’t want to keep the worst of that shit from raining down on her.

Lara had made some strides since the day he’d carried her out of that house in Arizona. She still didn’t sleep great, had issues being alone, was paranoid of every strange sound, and was a long way toward trusting anyone. But given the improvements he’d seen, he knew she’d get there.

This woman…she was everything he’d ever wanted in his life. Kind, gentle, smart. And much stronger than she thought. It wasn’t that he had issues with Cora or the other women his friends had ended up with. Each of them were exactly what the other men needed. But it was Lara who made the anxiety he’d always lived with settle.

What they were doing now was a great example. They’d arrived at Table Rock, and he’d spread out the blanket he’d brought for them to sit on. Neither of them said a word as the sun slowly rose above the horizon. Most women would feel the need to fill the silence with chatter. But not Lara. She sat beside him, her hand in his, and simply absorbed the wonder of the moment.

Maybe it was their shared trauma. They’d each been so close to never seeing this kind of thing ever again. So the fact that they could enjoy it now meant…everything.

When the bright orange and pinks faded from the sky, Owl heard Lara sigh. He turned to look at her.

She had a small smile on her face as she glanced at him. “Beautiful,” she said quietly.

“Yes,” Owl replied, talking about more than the sunrise. Her straight blonde hair was hanging out the bottom of the stocking cap, splayed around her shoulders, and static electricity was making a few strands stick out a bit. She had on one of his old coats that was at least two sizes too big. Cora had bought her some warm gloves from town, along with a pair of boots.

Her cheeks were pink from the cool morning air and for the first time since they’d arrived back at The Refuge, Owl saw more than misery in her ocean-blue eyes. He couldn’t look away.

“What?” she asked a little self-consciously. “Do I have something on my face?” She reached up to wipe at her cheek with the hand that wasn’t entwined with his.

“No,” Owl told her. “I just…I like seeing you like this.”

“Like what?” she asked with a tilt of her head.

“Calm. Relaxed.”

Lara turned to look back out over the beautiful scenery, and Owl mentally kicked himself for ruining the mellow mood. Her shoulders were back to being hunched and her muscles were tense again.

“When Stone and I were rescued, I was grateful. Of course I was. But I went through a phase, a long one, where I was resentful as well,” Owl said.

At that, Lara’s head turned so she could look at him again. He didn’t wait for her to comment before continuing.

“A part of me, a huge part, wished that I had died while in captivity. I would’ve been seen as a hero. Helicopter pilot goes down in enemy territory, gets tortured, and dies serving his country. I probably would’ve had an interstate named after me or something.” He chuckled, but it wasn’t a humorous sound. “Instead, I came home broken, bitter, and untrusting. It sucked knowing the entire world saw me when I was at my very lowest. Even today, those damn videos are still out there. Once something’s on the Internet, it never completely goes away. There’s no telling how many assholes saved those clips and have them on their hard drives.

“Not only that, it felt impossible to get back to the man I used to be. What I didn’t realize at the time, and had to learn after lots of therapy, was that I would never be the person I was before. That Callen Kaufman was gone. And I had to figure out how to be the new me.”

“How did you get over that feeling? The one of wishing you’d died?” Lara asked.

“By doing things like this. Sitting still, appreciating the things around me that made me feel small. I know that sounds strange, but—”

“It doesn’t,” Lara interrupted. “Sitting here this morning, seeing all this,” she gestured to the impressive view in front of them, “makes me feel small. Insignificant. Until this morning, all I could think about was that basement and what happened to me there. This sunrise has reminded me that life rolls on. It doesn’t care about me…one tiny little person in the scheme of things. You know what I was thinking about when the sun was coming up?”

Owl was so proud of her, he could barely get the words out. “No, what?”

“Destiny Miller.”

When she didn’t continue, Owl asked, “Who’s that?”

“She’s one of the kids who attended the preschool I worked at back in DC. She was four when it happened…She was walking down the street with her dad, holding his hand. He was holding her nine-month-old brother in a car seat in his other hand. Apparently, they were going down to the store on the corner to buy some milk, since they’d run out. He’d wanted to give her mom a small break from the kids. She was at home, sleeping in for once. Someone ran up to them…and just shot her dad dead. But you know what?”

“What?” Owl whispered, horrified down to his core by what had happened to that little girl and her family.

“Destiny came to school the next day. She was so devastated, everyone could see that, but she ended up consoling us. When she saw me crying for her, she wiped my tears away and told me not to be sad. That her daddy was now her guardian angel, and he’d watch out for her and her brother for the rest of their lives.”

Lara turned to stare out in front of her once more. “Bad stuff happens all the time. To people who don’t deserve it. Like Destiny and her family. And she’s just one of hundreds, thousands…millions of people who have crap happen that isn’t fair. Cancer, fatal car accidents, house fires, robbery…the list goes on and on. And life goes on. It doesn’t stop. The sun still comes up every morning and goes down each night.

“If Destiny could manage to have a positive mindset about what happened, at four years old, then I need to figure out how to do the same.”

Owl was speechless. His throat was so tight, he wasn’t sure he could speak at that moment. He’d admired this woman before, but now? He realized she was the strongest woman he’d ever met. Yes, he was surrounded by strong women, but in his mind, Lara blew them all away.

“I just…” she went on. “Don’t know how. I can’t think of a single positive thing about what I went through.”

Owl swallowed hard to clear the lump from his throat. “Cora met Pipe. Your best friend proved exactly how important you are to her, and how much she loves you. You’re here this morning watching this amazing sunrise. Your situation made the case against Grant stronger and brought renewed interest and desire to catch him once and for all. Brick started self-defense lessons here at The Refuge to help other women.”

Lara closed her eyes, and her grip on his hand tightened.

“It’s not easy,” Owl said. “I wish I could tell you that it is. That one day you’ll wake up and just be better. That the negative and destructive thoughts in your head will—poof!—be gone. But they won’t be. I have days when I still struggle with everything I went through.”

“How do you get past it?” Lara asked, her eyes still closed.

“I watch sunrises. I help Tonka shovel cow shit. I talk to Stone. I do crosswords. I sit on my couch in my sweats, don’t bother to shower, and eat junk food all day. I allow myself to have a down day. I’m not Superman, no matter how much I might want to be. Give yourself some grace, Lara. No one is expecting you to bounce right back to your old life except you.”

She sighed and opened her eyes again. “He’s never going to stop,” she said in a barely audible tone.

Every muscle in Owl’s body tensed, but he forced himself to take a deep breath and not reject her words. “Then we’ll just have to make sure when he does make his move, we’re ready for him.”

Lara turned to stare at him with wide eyes. “You aren’t denying that he’s going to come after me? That I’m not safe here?”

“No,” Owl said simply. The thought of Carter Grant coming within ten feet of this woman made him feel homicidal. But Lara needed him to be level-headed and calm right now.

She bit her lip and her brows furrowed before she said, “I think that’s the first time anyone’s admitted that I’m still in danger.”

“Carter Grant is insane,” Owl said. “And he’s smart. He used to be special forces. He has the skills and the patience to wait out the renewed interest in finding him. Pipe should’ve killed him when he had the chance, but I understand why he didn’t. He was more focused on getting all of us out of that house alive. I can make you a promise, though.”

“What?”

“If I come face-to-face with that bastard, I’m not going to hesitate to kill him for you.”

Lara’s lips twitched.

“That’s funny?” Owl asked.

“No,” she said immediately. “I’m amused by my gut reaction to hearing you say that. Most women would be appalled by knowing a guy wants to kill someone. But it just makes me feel safe. Safer than I’ve felt in several months. God, I’m so messed up.”

“No, you aren’t,” Owl countered. “You’re human. And honestly, I think this is the healthiest you’ve been since you’ve gotten here.”

“Yeah,” Lara agreed. “I feel like I need to thank you for—”

“Nope,” he interrupted.

She frowned. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Don’t care. You don’t need to thank me for anything.”

“Owl, I’ve been glued to your side for months. Hell, for a while there, you could barely go pee without me completely losing it.”

Owl leaned a tiny bit closer. So many things were on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to tell her. But he settled for, “I haven’t done anything I didn’t want to do.”

The air between them was charged, and Owl wanted more than anything to lean forward and put his lips on hers. But that would be wrong on so many levels. She was just beginning to regain some of her confidence. By leaving his cabin, she’d gone from being petrified to the beginning stages of healing. He didn’t want to do anything that might undermine that.

Eventually she’d move on. Go back to her life. She’d probably remember her time at The Refuge with mixed feelings. She’d feel grateful for what he’d done for her, and for him and his friends letting her stay in New Mexico, but this place would also bring up bad memories of a time when she felt lost and scared.

Lara licked her lips, and the strength it took for Owl to ease back was almost superhuman. “I heard Robert tell Cora that he was going to make maple pancakes this morning. You feel like heading up to the lodge to try them out?”

Lara blinked as if she’d been in a trance, but he had to be projecting his own feelings onto her. Hoping to see something that simply wasn’t there.

“Will you come too?” she asked.

“Of course,” Owl said. Hiking out to Table Rock was enough of an accomplishment for one day. He’d never make her go to the lodge alone.

“Can I watch you play your simulation game after?” she asked.

Owl stood…and realized he was grinning. In the space of minutes, things between them felt so much lighter than they had over the last few months. The threat of Grant was still out there. He felt it, and he knew without a doubt that Lara did too. But for this moment, he could pretend all was well.

“Game? I’ll have you know, woman, that the flight simulator is no game.”

“It looks like a game. You have two joysticks and even pedals, and you put on that headset and you get to mock-fly around the desert, cities, through storms, and other dangerous situations,” she said with a wry look.

He and Stone had both purchased flight simulators a few years ago—the same ones that the Army used to help train their Night Stalker pilots and keep them sharp between missions—when they’d decided to keep their flying licenses up-to-date. And now that Brick and the others were seriously considering purchasing a helicopter for The Refuge, it was even more important to keep their skills sharp.

“You wanna play?” Owl asked.

“Me? Oh, I couldn’t. I’d crash,” Lara said as they started heading back down the trail toward the cabins.

“So? It’s not real. It might help take your mind off other things,” Owl said with a small shrug.

“True,” she mused. She looked over at him as they walked.

Owl loved that they were the same height. He didn’t have to look down and she didn’t have to crane her neck up when they were talking. He’d also dreamed more than once about how well their bodies would line up in other, more intimate ways.

“All right. You can teach me to become a Nightrider then.”

He chuckled. “Night Stalker.”

“Whatever,” she said with a grin she didn’t even try to hide.

Owl liked this side of her. The fact that she was actually teasing him was such a good sign. She wasn’t like her friend Cora. Even before she’d been kidnapped, apparently, she’d been the quiet one of the two. More laid-back. So her teasing was a welcome surprise.

“All right, after breakfast, I’ll teach you to fly.”

“I can’t wait.”

And it actually sounded like she was looking forward to it, not just trying to placate him.

If someone had told Owl even a month ago that this is where they’d be today, he wouldn’t have believed them. But he’d underestimated Lara. She was stronger than even he’d given her credit for—and he already thought she was damn strong. She’d not only agreed to talk to Henley, but she’d gone on a hike outside the cabin, had opened up to him a little more, had agreed to eat up at the lodge, and had actually smiled more than once.

This was a good day. A great day.

And even though her getting better meant their time together would end even sooner than he’d like, Owl would do whatever it took to keep her on the path to regaining her confidence and getting her life back.