Chapter 2

CHAPTERTWO

Lara woke up and stayed stock still, trying to get her bearings. She’d learned the hard way that pretending to be asleep could save her some pain…at least for a while.

It didn’t take long for her to realize that she wasn’t in that basement. Wasn’t mostly naked. Wasn’t at the mercy of Carter Grant.

She was at The Refuge. In New Mexico. Her best friend had gone above and beyond and refused to believe she wasn’t in danger. Cora had persuaded the former military men who lived and worked here to come to Arizona to find her.

Lara opened her eyes and saw Owl asleep in the other corner of the couch. His head was resting back on the cushion and his mouth was partially open as he snored quietly. Lara took the time to study him while he was unaware.

Callen Kaufman, known as Owl to his friends, wasn’t like any other man she’d ever met. He kind of looked like Ed Sheeran—had reddish hair, bright green eyes, and a closely cropped beard and mustache. He was younger than her thirty-five by two years and looked kind of preppy. They were the same height, which Lara loved. She didn’t have to look up or down to see his eyes. He was fit and strong, but not hugely muscular like the other men who lived and worked at The Refuge. He didn’t ooze testosterone. But Lara knew without a doubt that if push came to shove, he’d do whatever it took to protect her from any danger. Had already done just that, in fact.

She didn’t have clear memories of her rescue from that house in Arizona, but one thing she did remember was staring at Owl’s back as he stood between her and Carter Grant like a sentinel. Guarding her. Then she remembered his arms around her, but instead of being alarmed at the touch of another man she didn’t know, Lara had just…melted into him.

He was her safe place, had felt it instantly, and she somehow knew that if he left her side, she’d find herself right back in Carter’s clutches.

It was unreasonable and irrational, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that without this man, she’d be right back in the nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.

Over the last couple weeks or so, she’d finally been able to force herself to let Owl out of her sight. She struggled hard to make strides, to convince Owl she was getting better…but the truth was, she was just as messed up in her head now as she’d been in that basement.

Carter Grant was going to get a hold of her again. She had no doubt about that. He’d bragged about the other women he’d captured. The things he’d done to them. Especially loved telling her in detail how he’d killed them…and laughed because he hadn’t been caught.

But it was what he’d whispered in her ear one night after he’d finished playing with her that tumbled over and over in her mind.

You’re my favorite. I’m not giving you up. Ever. You’re mine.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She wasn’t nearly ready yet, but the time was coming when she’d have to leave. The last thing she wanted was to lead Carter to The Refuge. To her best friend. To the men and women who lived here.

Her original plan had been to go to Alaska and hide out in one of those off-the-grid cabins. But she wasn’t so sure about that anymore. She didn’t know where she wanted to go, all she knew was that she didn’t want anyone else to be hurt because of her.

Lara opened her eyes and stared at Owl once again. On the surface, the man always looked calm and collected, but he was just as broken inside as she was. And for some reason, that made her lower her shields around him. He’d been through what she had. Well, not exactly, but he’d also been held against his will and tortured. He’d opened up and told her a few things that, according to him, he’d never told anyone else.

She was also the only one who knew about his insomnia. Other than his doctor in town, of course. It made her feel special that he’d told her something so private, even if she would have discovered it on her own eventually, given all the time they spent together.

He’d been so patient with her, not caring that he’d basically had to be in her line of sight twenty-four hours a day to ensure she didn’t freak out. He didn’t make her feel like a burden. Like she was crazy. He was kind and patient and bent over backward to do whatever he could to make sure she felt comfortable and safe.

Of course, she didn’t think she’d ever feel truly safe again. But she wasn’t going to admit that. Not even to Owl.

If she could ever love a man, it would probably be the one sleeping on the other end of the couch. But her dream of happily ever after had died a horrific death. She wasn’t as trusting as she once was. She second-guessed every single thing anyone said or did. She was newly cynical and wary of everyone’s motives. Once, she might’ve been a romantic, but Ridge Michaels, the man she’d thought loved her so much he couldn’t bear the thought of moving back to Arizona without her, had destroyed that part of her.

She was glad he was dead. Didn’t care that his family had been through the wringer after it came out that they’d employed a literal serial killer. That women had been tortured and murdered on their property in Phoenix.

Lara was harder now. Less naïve.

But Owl made her feel a tiny bit like her old self. At least when it was just the two of them in his cabin. She could relax around him because he’d made it abundantly clear he wasn’t interested in her romantically. He touched her, but usually just her hand, or at most a brief, platonic hug when she was at her lowest. She never saw anything but concern in his eyes. Nothing that would indicate he was interested in having some sort of relationship. Nothing beyond friendship, which she was grateful for.

But…a part of her, deep down, couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have Owl as her own. To do what she could to help him sleep at night. To let him take her in his arms and hold her tight when she got scared.

Shaking her head, Lara pressed her lips together and took a deep breath. No. Owl was her friend. She’d been forced on him, and he’d probably be very relieved when she left. She’d tell everyone she was going back to DC, although that was the last place she ever wanted to see again. Instead, she’d go somewhere else. Maybe overseas. She didn’t know.

All she knew was that she didn’t ever want to feel helpless again. Didn’t want Carter Grant to find her and lock her away in some dark, creepy basement so he could live out his sick fantasies with her for the rest of her life.

She needed to work harder to convince everyone she was back to her normal self. Going up to the lodge for meals. Interacting with the others here at The Refuge. Even if that was the last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to stay here. Holed up. Safe with Owl. But no one would believe she was ready to move back to DC and get on with her life if she didn’t start acting like it.

So she’d put on a front. Lara had a feeling she could trick the men who lived here easily enough. She didn’t know them, and they didn’t know her.

But Cora would be much harder to deceive.

Thinking about her best friend made Lara a little teary-eyed. She’d heard from Owl all about what Cora had done for her. The lengths she’d gone to in order to convince someone, anyone, that Lara was in danger. To go to Phoenix and see for herself whether or not Lara was all right.

How she’d researched The Refuge, bid on Pipe at that bachelor auction, stood up to that bitch Eleanor, sold literally all her belongings, and put herself in grave danger by coming to Ridge’s house.

Lara would never be able to repay her, even though Cora insisted that they were now “even.” But befriending Cora back when they were in high school was nothing like what Cora had done for her.

What Cora didn’t know was, back in high school when they’d met, Lara had needed a friend just as badly as Cora. Her parents weren’t abusive, but they simply weren’t that interested in their daughter. Other kids thought Lara was stuck-up because of her family’s money, and because Lara never initiated any kind of conversations. She was smart, too smart to fit in with most other kids, and she’d had no interest in dating.

Cora was the best thing that had ever happened to Lara. She was outgoing and not afraid to say what she was thinking. She was Lara’s opposite, and she adored her.

Years later, when Cora was hours away from being homeless, she’d added Cora to her bank account and made her promise to use her money if she ever found herself in that kind of situation again. Of course, Cora being Cora, she’d refused to touch a dime.

The truth was, Lara needed Cora much more than her friend had ever needed her.

Not a day went by when Lara didn’t mentally kick herself for not listening to Cora when she’d tried to tell her Ridge Michaels wasn’t genuine. They’d gotten into a big fight over the man, which had led to Lara impulsively agreeing to go to Arizona with her then-boyfriend. If she’d only listened to Cora, she wouldn’t have fallen into Carter’s clutches.

Thinking about everything the serial killer had done to her made Lara shiver in fear and revulsion.

A moment later, she felt Owl stir, then a second blanket was being draped over her.

“I can turn the heat up if you’re cold,” he said softly.

Closing her eyes, Lara tried to control her erratic emotions. Even in his sleep, Owl had felt her shudder…and misinterpreted it. Had anyone ever been so attentive to her before? That answer was easy. No.

“Thanks,” she told him.

He stood then, and Lara watched him as he headed for the bathroom just down the hall. She had no idea what time it was, but it was still dark outside. When she’d first arrived, and Owl had discovered she was terrified of the dark, he went into town and bought a dozen nightlights. They were plugged into every available outlet, throwing off enough light to allow her to see, but not so harsh as to prevent her from sleeping.

Those first few days, she’d slept out here on the couch, with Owl at her feet. Then she’d forced herself to go to the guest room, but sleep was elusive. That was when Owl began sleeping in the chair next to the bed. Every time she woke up, her eyes would pop open in terror, only to see her own personal bodyguard right there at her side. Most of the time he was awake, quick to reassure her that she was all right. That she was safe in New Mexico.

She often felt guilty that she was so needy. So dependent on Owl. But he never made her feel as if looking after her was a hardship. Never complained that he didn’t have a moment to himself because she freaked if he was out of her sight for more than a few minutes.

Cora and Owl had saved her life. And Lara still wasn’t sure if she was grateful or pissed at them as a result. Some days, she felt as if everyone—including herself—would be better off if she was gone. She wouldn’t be dealing with the debilitating fear and depression that she suffered now if she was dead.

Owl came back into the room carrying another blanket. He’d obviously made a detour after using the restroom. He settled himself back into the corner of the couch and stared at her.

Lara’s muscles tightened at the look on his face. Determination. Stubbornness. She braced for whatever he was going to say.

“You need to talk to Henley.”

She was shaking her head before he’d finished his sentence. “I’m doing okay,” she insisted. The last thing she wanted was someone getting inside her head. Discovering how messed up she really was.

And finding out that she was planning on leaving and disappearing for good.

“You are, but you aren’t. Trust me, I know.”

“You don’t know,” Lara said, the bitterness leaking through in her tone.

“I do,” Owl insisted.

“You know what it’s like to crave the drugs you were forced to take because they dull your senses, so you don’t have to feel what’s being done to you? To be touched against your will? To be told that you’ll never get away and you’ll be someone’s plaything for years to come?”

Where the words were coming from, Lara didn’t know, but she couldn’t stop.

“Really, Owl? You know what it’s like to feel as if every time you step outside, you’re going to be snatched up and stuffed into a trunk and stolen away? To be terrified every second of every day, knowing the person who tortured you is still out there? Waiting for the perfect time to grab you again and shove you back into a basement, strip you naked, and jack off to your terror?”

Lara was panting by the time she stopped, every muscle tense and her head pounding. Her hands shook with adrenaline as memories swam through her brain.

“I know what it’s like to be touched against my will. To be beaten to within an inch of my life…for fun. To look up at a red blinking light and realize my humiliation is being filmed to be blasted on the Internet for millions of people to watch. I completely understand the fear of being recaptured and put right back into the same situation I’d just escaped from.

“I also know how it feels for my best friend to be tortured, simply to hurt me even more. To hear his cries of pain and know I can’t do a damn thing to help. And yes, my captors are still out there. Some were killed during our rescue, but others weren’t. Dozens of men who delighted in every strike, every slash of their knife. I know without a shadow of a doubt if they had a chance to get me back in their clutches, they’d not hesitate to make me their prisoner again.”

Owl’s gaze was intense, but his tone wasn’t accusatory. It was almost…gentle. And Lara couldn’t help but feel ashamed by her outburst. But Owl wasn’t finished.

“I also know how it feels to be happy one minute, then feel so depressed the next it’s all I can do to get out of bed. I hated the pitying looks I got from people who recognized me from those damn videos. I didn’t want to see a therapist. I was a man—I could deal with all the shit in my head without help. But after I sat in my kitchen one night with a knife in one hand, and a bottle of painkillers in the other, I realized it was time. I cried like a baby in my first session with my therapist…and damn if that didn’t help.

“I’m worried about you, Lara. I can listen, be by your side, reassure you that I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re safe, but I don’t have the training Henley does. I swear to you that she’s good at her job. And anything you say to her will be held in the strictest confidence. At least try. Please. One session.”

Lara closed her eyes. She felt off-kilter…and ashamed. What happened to her was horrible. Terrifying. Life-changing. But she wasn’t the only person who’d been through something awful. Owl was proof of that. Hell, all the men who ran The Refuge were. As were all the guests.

She was being selfish. And that made her feel even worse about herself.

“Look at me,” Owl ordered.

Reluctantly, Lara lifted her gaze to his.

“I might not have experienced the same things you have, but I know how you’re feeling. And I’m in this for the long haul. You can stay here as long as you want. If you need me to handcuff my wrist to yours so you can feel safe, that’s what I’ll do. He’s not going to win, Lara. I promise you that. If it takes me the rest of my life, I’m gonna do whatever’s necessary to make sure he can’t hurt you again. Got it?”

For the first time since she’d found herself locked in that basement, Lara felt a spark of…hope.

She swallowed hard, then gave Owl a barely there nod.

“Good. Now, do I need to dig out a pair of handcuffs?”

Her lips twitched. “Kinky,” she said softly.

A grin formed on Owl’s face. “I can think of worse things in life than to be shackled to you, sweetheart.”

When he said things like that, some of the old Lara surged to the surface. The woman who would’ve swooned if a man spoke to her like that in the past. But she wasn’t that woman anymore. She was hardened. Cynical. Terrified.

But she found herself relaxing all the same.

Owl looked down at his wrist. “It’s five. You want to get up and watch the sunrise at Table Rock with me?”

Lara blinked in surprise. “Table Rock?” she asked. “But that’s like…miles away.”

He shrugged. “It’s an easy hike.”

“It’s cold outside.”

“Not that cold. Spring has finally arrived.”

Still, she hesitated. Carter could be lurking in the woods. Waiting to grab her.

“We’ve got cameras all over the woods. And I’m not supposed to tell you this, but fuck it—there are buried bunkers throughout the forest as well. If something happens, if I feel even a second of concern about someone being out there who shouldn’t be, I’ll get us to a bunker and we can hide out until the others search the area and make sure we’re safe.”

Lara blinked at him. “Really? Why?”

“Why do we have bunkers? Because…when we built this place, none of us were in a great space mentally. We needed the reassurance those bunkers gave us. And they’ve come in handy. Alaska hunkered down in one when the human trafficker came for her, and Jasna was rescued from that asshole who kidnapped her and brought to one to make sure she was safe.”

“Oh,” Lara said, at a loss for words. She’d heard all about what happened to the other women at The Refuge and was amazed all over again at their resilience.

After a long moment of silence, she took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” he asked, one brow rising in surprise.

“Yeah. I’ll go to Table Rock with you.”

He smiled then. And Lara realized just how much he’d been holding back with her. She’d been with him for months, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen such a genuine look of pleasure on his face. He held back because of concern for her.

Once again, those tingles in her body returned.

“Great!” he said quickly, obviously afraid she would change her mind. “Go change. Put on some thick socks, those fleece-lined leggings Henley bought for you, a long-sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt, and I’ll grab my parka just in case you get cold.” He stood and put the blanket he’d just retrieved from his room on the couch, then held out his hand to her.

Without thought, Lara reached for it.

The second his fingers closed around hers, she panicked. Same as always. She didn’t like to be touched. Didn’t like the feel of someone else’s skin on hers. But also like always, the fear faded almost instantly. This was Owl. His hands were warm and calloused and gentle. Not cold and abusive like Carter’s.

He let go of her as soon as she was on her feet but stayed near. Lara realized that he did that all the time. Stood by her side just in case she got dizzy, or wobbly, or if she panicked.

This man had definitely become her rock, and she couldn’t help but want to please him. To make sure he knew how much she valued his presence…and his advice.

Once he was sure she was steady on her feet, he turned to head toward his bedroom.

Lara’s hand shot out and she touched his arm.

Owl froze, only his head turning to look at her. Both of them understanding the importance of this moment.

It was the first time she’d ever initiated any kind of contact with him—with anyone—since she’d been rescued.

“I’m sorry about what you went through,” she said gently.

Owl’s piercing green eyes bore into her own. “Thanks.”

“And…I’ll talk to Henley.”

The relief she saw in his gaze was intense.

“Thank you,” he said again.

“Will you…” Her voice trailed off.

“Yes.”

Lara felt herself smiling, even though there was nothing funny about this conversation. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“Doesn’t matter, sweetheart. You want or need something from me, I’ll bend over backward to give it to you.”

The tingles were back.

“What if I asked you to put on a Bigfoot costume and slink through the woods, making sure to be caught by those cameras you said were out there, just to make everyone else freak out?”

The chuckle that rumbled through Owl made Lara feel as if she’d won the lottery. He was a serious man. He didn’t laugh a lot. So being the one who’d elicited that kind of reaction felt oddly amazing. It was the first time in months that she’d felt anything other than fear or worry about her own situation.

“I’m totally doing that now. I can’t wait to see Tonka’s face when he sees Bigfoot tromping around,” Owl told her.

“Well, now that the idea’s out there, I’d love to see the Bigfoot thing too. Maybe we could get two costumes and I could tromp around with you.”

“Deal,” Owl said with a smile.

The moment felt charged. Different. As if they were simply a man and a woman, rather than a broken sexual assault victim and her savior. That thought brought back the question she wanted to ask him.

“I’ll talk to Henley…but will you be there with me when I do?” she asked.

The easygoing expression on his face disappeared, replaced by a frown. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“I understand if you don’t want to hear about everything that happened,” she started uncertainly.

Owl shook his head. “It’s not that. Don’t ever think that. I just want you to feel as comfortable as possible opening up to Henley, and it might be awkward if I’m there. You might not want to be as truthful.”

“Without you there, I probably won’t be as willing to tell her anything at all,” Lara countered. “I feel safe with you. I don’t know Henley. I mean, I’m sure she’s wonderful, but telling a stranger everything that happened isn’t…it’s not…I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Maybe Cora would be better,” Owl hedged.

“No. Absolutely not. She’s my best friend. She’d get pissed off and want to go hunt down Carter on her own. She’s amazing and wonderful, and I know I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have her, but she’s not exactly the most calming presence.”

Owl’s lips twitched, but he stayed serious as he studied her.

When the silence got awkward, Lara regretted asking him. “Never mind,” she mumbled.

“I’ll be there,” he said quickly.

“Great. Now I’ve guilted you into agreeing,” she said, dropping her gaze.

“Look at me.”

It was the second time he’d ordered her to do that in the last hour. But she couldn’t ignore the concerned dominance in his tone. She lifted her gaze.

“I’m honored and overwhelmed by your trust in me, sweetheart. I would rather walk across a football field full of glass, in my bare feet, than do anything that might make you uncomfortable. There’s also nowhere I want to be than by your side as you start on your healing journey…but if you ever change your mind, don’t be afraid to tell me or Henley. I won’t be upset. I won’t take it personally. If there’s something you want to talk about with her that you don’t want me to hear, I can go take a walk or something. Okay?”

Lara couldn’t think of anything she might want to talk about that she wouldn’t want Owl to hear. But a niggling voice in the back of her mind called her a liar.

She couldn’t talk about her deepening feelings for this man. Not in front of him.

Nothing could come of them. He was helping her out as a friend to Cora. As a friend to Pipe, since he and her best friend were going to get married one day. Besides, she was just feeling things for the man because he’d rescued her. Kept her safe.

“Okay,” she agreed quickly, not wanting him to change his mind.

The tender look in his eyes made her knees weak.

“Go on, get changed. I don’t want to miss the sunrise,” Owl told her, effectively breaking the intimate bubble that had formed around them.

It wasn’t until she was dressed, and she and Owl were outside walking on the trail toward Table Rock, that Lara realized she wasn’t scared.

She was outside. In the dark. And she wasn’t afraid. It felt like a miracle.

But she wasn’t stupid. She knew it was because of the man at her side. Owl had taken hold of her hand as soon as they’d left his cabin and hadn’t let go.

After feeling nothing for so long, for the second time this morning, Lara felt hope.

Hope that maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to climb out of the fog of despair she’d been in for months.

And all of a sudden, her plan to leave, to hide out somewhere far from her best friend and The Refuge, didn’t seem like such a great idea. She still hated that her presence put everyone in danger, because without a doubt, Carter would hurt anyone who got in the way of what he wanted.

Maybe it was stupid, but Lara could no longer deny that she didn’t want to live the rest of her life alone. And she definitely didn’t want to live in fear. And if she was living somewhere by herself, she had a feeling that’s what would happen.

With Owl’s help, and Henley’s, and Cora’s, Lara wanted to believe that spark of hope meant the possibility of living a normal life again was within reach.