12. Holly

12

HOLLY

A s Holly walked up to the apartment building where her mother and Nora lived, she felt an overwhelming sadness in every cell of her body. She’s been through break-ups before, but nothing like this. She hadn’t slept or eaten for days. Every time she went to drink so much as a glass of water, she felt sick. The past few days had been nothing but a blur of tears and confusion. Walking out of Deborah’s apartment had shattered her world, leaving her feeling totally untethered to reality. She could barely remember how it had all spiraled out of control, but she knew she needed the comfort of her mother now more than ever.

She took a deep breath and pressed the intercom button. “Mom, it’s me,” she said in a breathless whimper. “Can I come in? I need to see you.”

A moment later, the door buzzed, and she pushed it open. The walk up the stairs seemed to take forever, her mind racing with thoughts of Deborah and the life they had begun to build together. She knocked softly on the apartment door, and it opened almost immediately.

Esme stood there, her eyes filled with concern. “Holly, sweetheart, come in,” she said, pulling her daughter into a tight embrace. “I’ve been so worried about you. Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you and calling you, and you never pick up. I’ve been going out of my mind. And so has Nora. I swear she can’t cope with us two. We’re too emotional. She’s not used to all the outbursts, poor thing.”

Holly clung to her mother. “Mom, I don’t know what to do. Everything feels so wrong.”

“We’ll start with tea. And then we’ll talk it over. Debs told me everything. I think you’re both putting a lot of pressure on yourselves. And I blame myself for that. I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you. But I’m here to help you get you through it, alright? ”

Her mother led her into the living room, where Nora was sitting on the couch, looking equally concerned. “Hey, kiddo,” Nora said gently. “Come sit down. Let’s talk. Breakups, huh? Your mom says she’s been trying to get hold of you, so we assumed you’d gone into meltdown mode, right? Tell me about it. I’ve been having a tough time at work. We were supposed to be foreclosing this block in Manhattan. I’ve been up there twice already this month, and I?—”

“Not now, honey,” interrupted Esme, frowning at her wife.

Holly sat between them, feeling like a little girl again. “Yeah, I’ve got work issues as well as love-life drama. I haven’t been in all week, so I’ve probably fucked that up as well. I can’t stay here anymore,” she blurted out. “I want to go back to Australia.”

Esme and Nora exchanged a worried glance. “Holly, what are you saying? Things can’t be that bad. Have you spoken to Debs at all? Are you sure that’s what you want?” her mother asked.

“We broke up. It’s done. I’m moving on.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but running away won’t solve anything.”

“I can’t be here without her,” Holly said, her voice breaking. “It’s too much. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. I need to go back to where everything made sense. Coming back here was a mistake.”

Esme sighed deeply and took Holly by the shoulder. “Sweetheart, I think it’s time you knew more about Deborah’s past. Maybe it will help you understand why things happened the way they did. Did she not explain more?”

Holly looked up, surprised. “What do you mean? And no, Deborah never really talked about it. She always said it was too painful. She’s so damn guarded.”

Holly’s mom nodded, her expression growing more serious. “Deborah went through a tough divorce a few years ago. It wasn’t just any divorce; it was a devastating experience and incredibly public. Like the most complicated, emotionally messy divorce ever. Leaving with her a great deal of emotional baggage and a totally guarded heart.”

Her voice grew soft as she continued, “Deborah was married to Jenny, and she always looked after her two nieces, who were almost like children to her. I should have said something already. I could have warned you this would come up, but I didn’t feel it was my place. Jenny was a significant part of Deborah’s life, and as a couple they always seemed so solid. We were all pretty jealous of them back in the day. But then everything fell apart. And it was brutal. Jenny left Deborah and ran off with Hailey, who was actually Deborah’s brother’s wife. She must have spoken to you about her brother, Daniel?”

“Not a single word,” replied Holly, her face blank.

Esme sighed deeply, her eyes reflecting the gravity of the situation. “The betrayal was devastating. Daniel was completely blindsided. He and Hailey had been together for years, and their separation was a huge shock. The fallout was brutal for everyone involved. They had two little kids. The media pounced on the story, turning it into a circus. The public couldn’t get enough of the scandal, and the court case was streamed live on the Internet, adding an extra layer of humiliation for Deborah. The kids suffered too.”

Esme sighed, “Danny and the kids were caught up in it all, big time. He was seriously affected by the split. He hardly ever gets to see the little ones either. The court battles over custody and visitation rights were relentless, and the impact on Danny was… well, he was left a bit of a nervous wreck. ”

“I’m guessing that Deborah is terrified that all this press about you and her will bring her divorce and her brother back into the fray. Her brother was nearly admitted to a psych unit from it all. it was awful for him. Deb has always held it together for everybody, but Jenny truly broke a piece of her forever.”

Holly exhaled. “But why never mention any of this? I mean, she’s told me that she was worried about gossip. We even hired a publicist, although I’ve never heard anything about that since. I don’t think she’s been of much use. But Debs didn’t even tell me about her brother. And we’ve had all the deep and meaningful chats, you know? I’ve really opened up to that woman, and now I’m finding out that she kept all this from me?”

Holly’s mother continued. “Deborah tried to keep it together, but she was painted in a very negative light. The public didn’t see the full story; they only saw the scandal and the drama. Talk about victim-blaming. Jenny has some great lawyers, let me tell you.”

Nora added, “I think she’s been through so much, and reliving it would be like reopening old wounds. Maybe she thought she was protecting you, but at least now you know why she’s been so guarded. I’m just sorry we were the ones who had to tell you.”

Holly felt as though her heart was actually physically aching for Deborah. “Why didn’t she trust me enough to tell me any of this? If only she’d just talk to me. Maybe we wouldn’t have gotten here.”

Esme looked at Holly with a mixture of sympathy and understanding. “Deborah has always been very private. She’s afraid of being judged. My bet is that she didn’t want to burden you with it all and maybe thought it might complicate your relationship. She doesn’t like to admit the emotional baggage that comes with her love.”

Nora squeezed Holly’s hand gently. “It’s not about not trusting you or not loving you. It’s about her trying to shield you from the hurt she’s still carrying. But you know everything now, so maybe you can get a little perspective? And I’m not saying that in a rude way, honey. I’m trying to help.”

Holly felt a lump in her throat, struggling to process the weight of what she had just learned. “Maybe I could have been more supportive and understood her better. I’ve been a little curt with her at times. I just had no idea.”

Nora offered a reassuring smile. “It’s never too late to show support and compassion. It’s about moving forward, right? I’m sure she’s asking herself the same questions.”

Esme clapped her hands together and offered her daughter a sympathetic smile. “Exactly. Wow, Nora! I didn’t have you down as the insightful therapist! That’s my job. Where’s my cutthroat businesswoman extraordinaire gone, huh? But, Hols, listen, my love, Deborah’s past is painful, but it doesn’t change the love you share. Or does it?”

Esme wrapped her arm around Holly’s shoulders as she continued to speak, trying desperately to bring her daughter out of what was clearly becoming a state of depression. “Holly, relationships are complicated. We all have our baggage. You can’t run away from your problems. You need to face them and learn from them.”

Holly nodded and turned to her mother, pushing her tear-soaked face into her shoulder. “I just feel so lost without her.”

“You’re stronger than you think,” Esme said gently. “But you need to take care of yourself first. Maybe going back to Australia isn’t the answer. In fact, it’s really not. I think it would be the wrong move. ”

Nora handed Holly a glass of wine. “Here, this might help take the edge off.”

Holly took the glass, sipping it slowly. The wine was a temporary comfort, but it did little to numb the pain. She drank more than she intended, and soon, the room started to spin.

Her mother noticed and gently took the glass from her. “That’s enough for now, sweetheart. Let’s get you to bed.”

Holly agreed, feeling a mix of exhaustion and sadness. Her mother helped her to her old bedroom, tucking her in like she used to when Holly was a girl. “Try to get some rest now, and we’ll come up with a plan of action in the morning.”

As Holly started to drift off to sleep, she could hear Esme and Nora talking quietly in the living room. “I’m super worried about her, Nora,” Esme said. “She seems so lost and fragile.”

Nora replied, “She’s young, Es. She still has a lot of growing up to do. Maybe this experience will help her mature and understand what it takes to be in a real adult relationship.”

Esme sighed. “I just want her to be happy. She is older for her years, and I do know Deb will look after her, but it’s so much to process still. ”

“Of course it is, but you’re her mother and she needs you more than ever.” Nora replied.

The following day, Holly woke up with a pounding headache and a sense of regret. She remembered the conversation with her mother and Nora and realized that she had acted impulsively during the breakup with Deborah. Over the next few days, Holly decided to give up her internship. It was a tough decision, but she knew she needed time to heal and figure out her next steps. She also knew that bumping into Deborah at the office was the last thing she needed. She had to clear her head and come to terms with what had happened before she could even think about talking to Deborah. So, she asked her mom if she could sub her rent for a while and enrolled in an art group, hoping to find solace and clarity through her painting. It was a small community of artists who met two or three times a week, sharing their work and offering support and encouragement.

Holly immersed herself in her art, pouring all her pain and confusion onto the canvas. The act of creating felt surprisingly therapeutic, helping her process her emotions and gain a new perspective on her life. She spent hours at the art studio, surrounded by the comforting smell of paint and the quiet hum of the creativity of her newfound friends. It was just what she needed.

One day, as she was working on a particularly challenging piece of découpage, Cam, who had recently joined the group, made her way over to Holly, who was sitting in full concentration mode at her easel. “Hey, Holly. Mind if we have a little chat? I never get a chance to talk to you, and I haven’t seen you down at the Indigo in ages. Where have you been?”

Holly looked up, actually feeling pretty grateful for the familiar company. “Sure, Cam. I’d love that. I had no idea you were a budding artist.”

“You know what? I’ve never really found my passion. Unless you count pleasing women.”

“Cam! Someone will hear!”

Cam was a few years older than Holly and didn’t exactly have a calm and reflective demeanor. Holly had heard that women flocked around Cam, and as she looked at her angular jawline and bright eyes, she could see why, even if her cringy banter was too much for most. As they painted side by side, Holly found herself opening up to Cam about her relationship with Deborah.

“I feel like I didn’t give her a chance to explain, or any chance at all,” Holly admitted, her brush strokes slow and deliberate. “I was so caught up in my own hurt feelings that I didn’t stop to consider what she was going through.”

Cam nodded thoughtfully. “It’s easy to get lost in our own pain. But it sounds like there’s more to the story than you realized. I like Debs. I get on with her fine. I knew about her divorce, but I assumed you did, too. Maybe it’s worth talking to her again? Or maybe you should forget all about her and hit the clubs with me. You’re too young to settle down. There’s a lot of women out there.”

“Oh, I had plenty of fun in Australia. I think my one-night-stand days should stay in the past. I’m not interested in going down that road again. You’re right, though. I’ve been so focused on my own feelings that I forgot about hers. I need to be more self-aware, more mature.”

Cam smiled encouragingly. “It takes a lot of strength to admit that, Holly. You know what? I remember Debs telling Harper and me about you. She was absolutely gushing. You two were on the right path; it’s worth fighting for. ”

Over the next few weeks, Holly continued to hone her skills, her art reflecting the evolution of her emotional journey. She painted scenes of love and loss, of hope and healing. Each brushstroke felt like a step toward self-discovery. She’d always enjoyed painting, and had even started exhibiting a little in Australia, but this group was helping her focus her talent and turn it into something that she felt might be a success. But as happy as she was in the art group, when she was away from her oils she still felt broken. Deborah hadn’t called or texted. Nothing.

Should I make the first move or is it too late?

One evening, after a particularly intense art session, Holly sat down with Cam to discuss her next steps. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Deborah,” she said, her voice steady. “I realize now that I need to fight for our relationship. I’ve had time to reflect, and hopefully she has too, but I need her in my life.”

Cam flashed her new friend a wide smile. “You go, girl! What do you plan to do? I wanna hear everything.”

“I haven’t really thought that far ahead. I think I’ll start by reaching out to her,” Holly said, her determination clear. “I want to apologize for not listening, for not being there for her.”

“Yeah, that’d be a good start. And if it doesn’t work, you or Debs can always fall back on me because I’m going through a bit of a dry spell, and I’d gladly take either of you. Or both. You say the word.”

“You’re relentless and I have no idea how your charm gets so many women into bed,” Holly rolled her eyes as she laughed it off.

Cam flexed, puffing out her chest before replying, “Honestly, neither do I!”