Chapter 28

28

Anna

I gave myself a headache after crying myself to sleep. I had Al'rik show me where I could be alone and didn't come out for the entire journey from Earth to Aprix. I'd say I'm thankful for the sleep, but I'm not.

Instead of wallowing away, sulking in the sorrow I created for myself, I should have gone to Drak. I should have sobbed and apologized while trying to explain, but of course, I didn't. I isolated and wallowed in my grief like I always do. I cried for my mistake and for Landon, too. He was too young to die, and he should be here with us, but he's not.

I can't shut down and stop living because he's gone. Caleb needs me. Drak needs me. And I need both of them more than they'll ever possibly know.

Before I passed out on the flight, I thought about going to Terum. Having him berate me or tell me that he knew I wouldn't be good enough is exactly what I deserved. I didn't dare, though. Despite his previous warning, I don't think he's the kind of person to yell at a girl and make her feel worse while she's down.

If he tried to comfort me, I'd spiral. I don't know how to handle it when people treat me better than I deserve. Maybe with Dad always being quick to anger—yelling before anything else—has affected me more than I thought, but it's no excuse. I hurt him. Drak of all people.

The best man in the world, the best partner I could ask for… and I hurt him.

Stumbling out of the ship onto wobbly legs, Caleb helps hold me up by my arms while I furiously rub at my eyes. Most of the girls are squealing with excitement, looking around our new environment with wide, light-filled eyes. Caleb looks happy too, and I refuse to squander his joy. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut—everyone is happier that way.

Looking around so that no one thinks I'm sulking, I take in the wild views of Aprix. For miles, you can see blue grass, unfamiliar plants of varied colors, and strangely shaped flowers. Dauntingly tall trees with blue leaves stand under the magical purple sky. There aren't pillowy clouds up there, but there are visible planets and moons sprinkled all around.

It's beautiful, really.

My boots swish through blue grass, and my lungs fill with air. It feels exactly like Earth's, albeit maybe cleaner.

Things move quickly as we break into groups. Drak ushers Caleb and me into something he calls the M.T.S. The Mountain Transportation System appears to be a system of clear tubes with connections to different locations. Like elevators and trains had some sort of strange love child. The tubes look like they go in several directions, instead of just up and down. Drak seems to key something into an advanced looking computer, and then the thing hums to life, moving us swiftly.

"Cool as hell," I hear Caleb comment, his head swiveling to look around as we move. "This is how you get to your house?"

"When we do not use a ship, yes," Drak answers. To his credit, he doesn't sound as withdrawn with Caleb. I wish I could thank him for that. He's being hospitable even though he's sad so that he doesn't make my brother feel bad.

When the machine comes to a stop, the glass doors open, and my eyes widen. Coming face to face with a large wooden structure has my jaw dropping. It's a beautifully built cabin, a medium-sized ship parked right in front of it, and the shadow of a larger building behind it.

"Is your war ship in that?" Caleb asks with an impressed whistle. "That's the biggest garage I've ever seen."

"It is," Drak confirms, waiting for me to leave the tube. Embarrassed, I brush some hair from my eyes and step outside with the pair of them. "I will take you to see it tomorrow if you wish, brother Cay-leb."

"Oh, I definitely wish," he chuckles.

"For now, I will show you the house."

And he does, robotically giving us a tour of his lovely home room by room.

"Where is everyone else staying?" Caleb asks casually, following Drak through the next hallway to the rooms.

"Meg-ham has decided to stay with Al'rik, but the other females will stay with Terum for now. He has the most space, and they wish to stay together."

I can't even find his mispronunciation of Megan's name amusing because I'm too lost in the disconnect between us. It's so obvious in his tone and demeanor, and I don't know how to fix it.

I obviously didn't talk to any of the girls on the ship, choosing to self-isolate and sleep away the ache of what I've done. I'm sure Megan is fine being in a house alone with Al'rik—she probably insisted on it—but I don't know if they're just friends or if she's truly seduced him yet. The alien is shy as hell, and Megan is as forward as it gets. I left with Drak to look for my family before figuring out if there was any potential there or if my roommate was simply horny and found him the hottest.

I do know that no one else's soul seed has lit up yet. So, Brooke and Cayte are both staying with Terum but aren't mated to anyone. I'm sure it was the most logical decision, keeping them free of the pressure to live with someone one on one. Either way, I didn't give them the option to meddle in my personal life, so I don't have the right to pry into theirs.

I can hardly breathe as Drak moves on from his explanation to showing Caleb his bedroom. He has his own bathroom facility, which thankfully works quite similarly to Earth's. Drak gave him a large bed and plenty of space, too, telling him to make himself comfortable while he shows me where I'll be staying.

I follow silently behind him as he leads me down the hall, footsteps tapping against solid wood flooring. Swinging open a large door, he motions for me to go inside, and silently I do. It's very similar to Caleb's, unoccupied like a common guest room.

"This is your room," Drak says without a trace of his normal happiness.

Your room. Not our room.

His tone alone makes me want to burst into tears and beg him to forgive me. To throw myself in his arms and proclaim how wrong I'd been before. The fact that he won't look at me only makes it harder.

Dully, he adds, "Once you are settled I will show you the kitchen and the rest of the place. I will be staying at Terum's to sleep; he is not far. I will be able to hear you from there and get back quickly if there is any trouble."

I can't hide my gasp.

"You're leaving?"

"You wished to live with your brother," he states, voice deep and calm. "You have made it clear that I am not needed or wanted, so I will not bother you any longer."

"Drak—" my voice cracks.

"Caleb is hungry," he interjects, ignoring my pleading tone. He still doesn't look at me, and even though his chest is glowing, it doesn't seem as bright as before. "I will show him the food and leave him to explain it to you."

"Drak," I try again, water stinging my eyes.

"I will return when the sun rises again," he says, leaving without another word.

I release a painful breath and bury my face in my hands. I groan, sitting down on the edge of the bed so that my weak knees don't crumble beneath me.

I fucked up worse than I thought I had. I didn't mean to hurt Drak. When I said that Caleb and I were staying on Earth, I wasn't wishing that he would leave without us. I just couldn't imagine risking my brother's safety after he spent so many months all alone and suffering. I didn't think to ask about Aprix being a safe place for Caleb because I clearly don't think straight when it comes to protecting people I care about.

And in return, I hurt the man I care about more than anything. I love Drak, and I made him feel like I couldn't care less about him. I didn't make myself clear or express my concerns, I just… snapped. Now, I can't take it back or think straight enough to know what to do in order to fix it.

Raking my fingers through my hair, I rub my temples and shake my head. I've lost him before I've even given myself the chance to confess how I feel. We haven't even fully mated yet because of me.

How do I keep messing my life up so badly?

Why do I do this?

"Hey," Caleb says, cheerfully letting himself into my space. He's chewing on some kind of fruit, holding the pink oval food with bites missing from it in his hand.

I look up, trying to muster a brave face.

"They have a whole list of Aprixian foods that are similar to ours. Marrec and Stevie made it apparently. This thing tastes like candied dragon fruit. Can't remember what the hell Drak said it's called, but it's good. Are you hungry?"

"Not right now, no," I reply with a flat smile.

My brother frowns. "Anna, just apologize to him. You know he'll forgive you."

He won't even look at me, how can he forgive me?

"He doesn't want to hear it," I mumble, picking at my fingers and avoiding his eyes. "I'm not hungry, is there something else you wanted?"

"So fucking stubborn," he sighs. "Do you need me in here with you tonight?"

I scoff. "No. I want to be alone."

Caleb sighs again but doesn't argue with me. "I'm right down the hall if you need me. There's food on the kitchen counter, it's just below us. Anything out is edible for humans."

"Got it," I mutter, staring at the ground.

"I'll give you time for now, but don't expect me to let you wallow in self-pity for long," he warns. "I just got you back, Anna."

Sniffing, I nod.

I don't have the energy to argue with him.

Kicking off my shoes, I don't bother looking around. I don't take a shower even though I smell like a stale spaceship. I simply find the light button and press it, sinking the room into darkness. Crawling into bed, I push my face into a pillow and close my eyes, praying that when I wake up, Drak won't be so sad anymore.

My own despair will likely linger, too intense to be washed away overnight. Fresh tears spill from my eyes, and my chest feels heavier than it should. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix me .

So for now, I just silently sob until sleep takes me. Even as I rest, the idea of a future with Drak consumes me. My mind whirls with vivid dreams about a happy and full life. Free from the fear of death and the struggles of living in an apocalypse. I imagine exploring this new planet and everything it has to offer.

I see long nights gazing at the sky, passionate kisses, and sweet hugs. Most intensely, I get a glimpse at some tiny, white-haired babies with light green skin and sparkly blue eyes. Drak as a father and me as a mother…

A future I never thought possible, and one that I crave more than anything else.