Chapter 20

Rose

W hen I hit the water, belatedly pressing the link on my necklace to make me invisible, I didn't have a destination in mind. All I knew was that I needed space to think, to make sense of the confusing mass of feelings all jumbled up in my chest. It came as no surprise to me, however, that I found myself heading to Vi's temporary home in the secret cave.

I swam through the magic door and through the tunnels, the Heart of Nora singing to me. Her song was not the happy one I'd heard before; she responded to the turmoil in my heart with discordant and chaotic notes. The tendrils of her energy coiled around me in an attempt to comfort me just as she'd done so many times before. But as much as I wanted to lose myself in it, to allow myself the ease of her touch, I didn't let myself.

I was so stuck in my head that it didn't even register that I'd exited the water and was just standing there, my teeth clenched hard enough to give me a headache. Opening my mouth wide, I stretched my jaw to provide some relief, the joints popping audibly as I made myself visible again. Still, I continued to stand there, everything in tangles with no guide to tell me where to go or how to feel.

Eli, I prayed, desperate for someone to give me an answer. What do I do? How am I supposed to feel about this? Two mates? Not one, but two mates? That's—that's not possible, right? Not for someone like me… right?

And why didn't they tell me?

Why is everyone around me keeping secrets from me?

As usual, there was no answer. Only the incessant buzz of my racing thoughts filled the silence.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I began to pace the width of the hallway, only inches from where it terminated into water. My dress and hair dripped fat water droplets onto the cool stone beneath my feet, the only sound aside from my harsh breathing and the slap of my soles. From one side to the other, then back again. I tried to get my thoughts to make sense.

This was supposed to be a good thing, so why was I freaking out? Why did I feel like I was on the verge of losing control? Why was I—

"Rose? Are you alright?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Adrian appeared in front of me. A shriek died on my lips at the near specter of the man I'd loved as a father. The only thing that kept me from leaping back into the water was his hands wrapping gently around my upper arms to keep me in place, as if he knew what I'd do.

"Oh, fuckin' hell," I swore, gripping his elbows in return to steady myself. "I'm so sorry, Adrian."

He backed a few feet away from the water's edge, bringing me with him and drying me as he did so. So close to him, I could see the differences between him and Eli. A scar bisected one of his eyebrows and crossed the bridge of his nose. Where Eli's face lit up with laughter and mirth, Adrian's was more serious, even a little sadder. There was a bit more curl to his shorter hair, and he was a little taller than I remembered Eli being.

"There's no need to apologize," he said, his voice soft. "I felt you come into the cave like a storm. Are you alright? Has something happened?"

Has something happened? My whole world has been turned upside down!

I kept these thoughts to myself. He might look like the man I'd admired, but I didn't know him, not really.

"I'm sorry. I must look like a madwoman right now, pacing back and forth in front of what amounts to your front door." My breath was coming in short pants now, my heart not calming.

Was I about to have a panic attack?

Why was I about to have a panic attack?

Adrian grabbed my hands, and all I could do was look at them like I'd never seen such a sight before. But his voice, so calm and quiet, pierced through the veil of my thoughts, pulling me to the present. "Breathe with me for a moment."

He didn't give me any instructions or speak further. Adrian simply modeled for me deep, even breaths, sucking in some air, holding it, then releasing it at even intervals. I tried very hard to match his pace, struggling to slow my breathing, until, after a moment, we breathed in perfect unison. Soon, my heart rate evened out, and as it did, my head began to clear as well.

But with the panic gone, other emotions crashed over me instead, ones I couldn't bottle up. Ones I couldn't shove down like I normally did. And in their wake came clarity.

I was angry.

I hurt.

The people I trusted most in my life had kept things from me that were so important, so vital, until they simply couldn't be kept from me anymore. Vi, Milo, Will… each one of them had kept me in the dark. It scoured my already fragile heart.

I burst into hot, exasperated tears.

Words spilled from my mouth before I could rein them back in, exposing my feelings to this stranger who had every reason to hate me for my part in his brother's death. "I have mates. I have two mates. And I know I'm supposed to be happy about that, but how can I be when they kept it from me for so long? Hell, my friends and their families knew before I did." I took in a deep, shuddering breath. "And then Vi kept things from me, too? I know that everyone has their reasons, but so many? Everyone ?"

Even to my own ears, I sounded like a lost little girl, and I loathed myself for being so weak.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you this way, Rose." Adrian's voice was filled with kindness, an ever-present gentleness I wasn't sure I deserved from him. "Come inside and we'll get you something warm to drink."

He didn't wait for me to answer. He simply turned, put his hand on the middle of my back, and guided me forward as one might with a small, crying child. Before I knew it, we were in the library. He directed me to sit at the table then walked away again, leaving me to bury my face in my hands. The Heart of Nora reached out to me with her tendrils and hugged me like she had the day Will left me on the beach. All I could do was lean into it, my own aura entwining with hers to keep myself from bursting apart at the seams.

It wasn't long before Adrian came back, the quiet padding of feet alerting me to his presence. But he wasn't alone. Trailing behind him was my aunt, and between the two of them, they carried three mugs of something warm and sweet smelling. He set one of the mugs in front of me, and they sat next to each other across from me. Neither said anything, waiting until I could find my own words.

"Why has everyone decided to keep things from me?" My voice cracked as I forced the words past my lips. "Like, even you, Aunty. You kept Adrian and our family legacy from me, and maybe I deserve it because I lied and hid my change from you. It's hypocritical, after all, to expect honesty when I didn't give it to you, but… this changes everything. Is it that you don't trust me?"

"No, it's not that at all," she replied, her voice small. Vi squeezed her mug tightly, her eyes fastened to the liquid inside of it. "When it comes to not telling you about our family legacy, well, as I mentioned to you before, I wasn't sure you were ready to hear it yet. You were grieving and not in a good place mentally, and when I thought it was the right time, you went missing, then I was told Eli was missing… Then you had your breakdown, and I wasn't in the right headspace to teach you.

"As for what happened with Adrian," she started, glancing at him tenderly, "it didn't start out as anything romantic. I called to keep tabs on the kids, and that was that. I'm ashamed to admit that I kept calling because I wasn't ready to let go of Eli yet, and Adrian sounded enough like him that I could pretend for a little while that he wasn't gone. It grew slowly. A weekly phone call, then texting pictures back and forth. Then it turned into something a little more. We weren't talking only about the kids anymore. We talked to each other, learned about each other. I started to look forward to talking with him and wanted to do it more often, so I did.

"After a while, we were talking every day. Around Christmas of last year, maybe New Year, I started gaining feelings for him. I wanted to be honest, so I opened up to him about it, and to my shock, he told me he felt the same for me, too." She glanced back over at him, her cheeks a little pink.

There was such adoration, such love, in the look they shared that I almost had to look away. Adrian reached up and brushed the back of his fingers down her cheek, eliciting a soft smile from her. My heart melted, and the little bit of the icy anger and hurt began to thaw.

"One of the reasons I was going to come down here from Canada," Adrian added, finally turning back to me, "was that we wanted to see if what we were feeling was real or simply our grief uniting us, or if it would be weird and something neither of us could handle. We thought that if we could be together in person, even for just a short visit, it would bode well for a real relationship, especially considering the kids weren't acclimating to their new school and wanted to come back to Nora. As it turns out, we mesh very well, even under these difficult conditions."

"Do you love each other?" I asked softly, almost sure they wouldn't answer considering the intimacy of the question.

"We do," Adrian answered, without hesitation. "It was unexpected and exactly what we needed."

Vi's tender expression turned solemn again. "I didn't want to tell you because I feared how you would react. You loved Eli. You saw him as the father you always wanted, and here I was, moving on, to his brother of all people. I didn't want you, or anyone else, to judge me for liking my late boyfriend's brother. It felt taboo, almost."

"I'm sorry you felt like you had to hide that from me, Aunty," I whispered, guilt lurching within my sternum again.

"Nothing you did made me feel this way. I think… I think I've been so used to keeping secrets on my own for so long that I forgot that I don't have to do this alone anymore, especially since it's never been clearer to me that what I've been doing is unsustainable." She gave a half-hearted laugh. "As much as I'd like to get out of here, it's been nice to have nothing else to worry about aside from day-to-day life and the kids. It's something I never thought I'd get to have, honestly."

My eyes traced over Vi, taking in every detail, as an old anxiety reared its ugly head. "Am I a burden to you, Aunty?"

"What? No!" she said as she reached across the table to take my hand. "You've never been a burden to me, darling girl. You're the daughter I never thought I'd get to have. I love you."

The knot in my stomach eased just a bit. Not just because she'd told me, earnestly, that I wasn't a burden, but also because her explanation for keeping secrets made sense. I couldn't imagine how guilty she felt for falling in love with Eli's brother, or how confusing it must have been for her.

"Thank you," I replied, giving her every last ounce of sincerity I had in me. "And for the record, as long as you're happy and healthy, I'll support you in anything."

A shadow of a smile ghosted across her lips. "Well, there goes my plan to get addicted to hard drugs."

I pulled my hand from hers to bap it playfully. "You will not ."

We laughed, Adrian joining us with a chuckle. Now that I finally understood her reasoning fully, part of me felt lighter—though I couldn't deny that there was still a part of me that wished I hadn't been so weak. So fragile. But there was no changing the past. All I could do now was try to be stronger in the future… even if I wasn't certain I could be.

Though this part of my upset had eased, the aching wound left by Milo's and Will's secrecy ate at me.

"Why would they keep us being mates from me?" I asked, changing the subject as my expression twisted again.

Vi took a big breath and let it out slowly. "I can't tell you why they hid it from you. What I can tell you is that true mates—as in, ordained and brought together by the Gods or Fate or whoever—are sacred and rare in our world, and considering how unstable the situation has been since you arrived, perhaps they couldn't find the right time?"

"That's what they told me, but it seems like everyone but me knew about it, at least when it came to Milo's mate bond with me," I said, and took a sip of my honey tea to collect my thoughts. "They even waited to tell me that they're mates with each other, too. And I know that they were waiting until I was ready, but their timing… Gods, I know I sound like such a brat to say this out loud, but I don't even know who I am anymore. This is… this is so much to figure out all at once."

Adrian's features softened. "From what I've heard, the very beginning of a mating is a precarious time. Until you are bonded fully, things can go awry, or the bond can be broken before they can figure out how to be in a relationship. With everything going on, I can see why they'd want to take it slowly. Even your aura looks fragile."

I couldn't deny that I was on the verge of shattering. I'd been five seconds and a slight breeze from breaking since I found out I was changing, and even now that I was back, there'd been no time to comprehend what had happened to me or my new place in the world. It was all too much all at once.

"What does it even mean, ‘mates?' What are they?" I asked. Maybe if I understood the foundation of what it was, I'd feel better.

"Well, mates, as Violet said, are a rare and sacred thing," Adrian explained. "There's a bond between the souls of mates that pulls them together, and it doesn't matter if it's in this life or any other after, they will find each other. It means different things for different species of Otherkind, and the rituals regarding it are different as well, but the gist is the same: mating is a reunion of souls. There are few sins between Otherkind cultures greater than killing true mates or interfering negatively with the bond in any way."

"How can there be two of them?"

"Not everyone is monogamous, and apparently you aren't, either," he replied gently, "which is normal and natural. Love is not a finite thing, nor is attraction. The Gods, the Fates, whoever is in charge of matching souls together gave you the number of mates that would make you happy and give you the love and support you need."

The words, on their own, made sense. I could hear and understand what he was saying, but… how could I reconcile this with how I thought the world and society worked? It wasn't like I'd ever met someone with one mate, let alone more.

"But that sort of thing isn't done in our society. Like, perhaps it's done, but it's not normal, right?" I asked, trying desperately to understand.

" Our society, or do you mean human society?" asked Adrian. I blinked at him, tilting my head in confusion, prompting him to continue. "I'm not sure you've had much time to truly process this, but you're not human any longer. You're not bound by their rules anymore. If you desire your mates, if you want them as your own, then have them. In this, being greedy and selfish is perfectly okay."

You're not human any longer.

My rational brain knew this, but it had not, up until that point, been something I could face. With everything happening, it didn't feel real. Not really. But when he said it like that… It was like being struck by lightning.

I looked down at myself, trying to see how and if I was different, but I saw nothing. Outwardly, I was very much still myself. Inwardly, I also still just felt like me…

That wasn't exactly true.

Down past the untamed jumble of my thoughts and feelings was the very core of myself. It prickled and buzzed with everything that made me a siren; pulsed with raw, unadulterated power. The foreignness of it took up every bit of space it could. It flowed in my veins, sparked along my nerves. It was what kept me alive now that I'd changed…

Without thinking, I reached up to my heart and, with an ease I'd not earned, tugged my aura from my chest. I stared at it in my hand, unsure of what to think of it. No longer was there any hint of the lovely sky blue it had been. Now it matched my eyes: a deep, sparkling midnight blue with thin gold lines where the furrows had been. It fluttered in my hand as if it were as unsure of itself as I was. And in the very center glowed a bright slash of gold, bigger than what I'd seen in the other sirens' souls attached to me.

I looked up at Adrian and Vi, stricken, holding out the little ball. "I'm not human anymore."

I expected pity, but that was not the expression I found when their eyes met mine. For Adrian, it was the keen understanding of what it meant to lose one's humanity, and for Vi, it was a look of tender love. Of acceptance.

"It's not a bad thing, Rosie-roo," said my aunt. "You're still the same person on the inside. You just have extra cool powers and stuff now."

"It will take time for you to acclimate and come to terms with what happened to you," added Adrian. "For right now, it's okay that you feel out of control and overwhelmed and lost, but in time, maybe even with the help of your mates, it will become a little more normal."

I took a deep breath. Then another.

Adrian was right. It would take time and patience. More than that, I didn't have time to have a whole moment about the loss of my humanity. There was just too much to deal with.

"So, it's really okay that there are two?" I asked, feeling like a child again needing reassurance and approval from some sort of adult authority.

"It really is," said Adrian.

"They love you very much, Rose. Both those boys," Vi added, giving me a smile. "And considering your upbringing, I think the more people to love you, the better. You deserve to have what your heart desires."

"And you would accept both of them?" I asked, though I wasn't sure what I'd do if she said she didn't.

"Of course. They're good people, and it's clear they're willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy."

My eyes welled up with tears. Her acceptance of them, without caveats, without even a second thought, brought so much peace to my heart.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," I said, trying my hardest not to blubber… and likely failing. "I want you to know you have my blessing, too. If you're happy, if you love each other, then please don't hide it on my behalf. All I ask is that we're honest with each other from now on. I don't want to deal with secrets anymore. Please?"

They looked between each other, a secret, intimate expression passing between them, before turning back to me.

"Of course. Now that we have everything on the table, there's no need to hide anything else," Vi replied before addressing Adrian. "Well, darling, it seems we must start up negotiations for Rose's dowry. I was promised twelve cows, by my last count. We must do what's best for our eldest."

Adrian tilted his head in confusion, looking at us like we were aliens. "Dowry negotiations?"

"Oh, yes," I said solemnly. "Very serious business. There's an ancient pact between the Kings and the Suttons where every fifth generation, a Sutton woman is given to a King man."

"And now we have to get in contact with Will's stepmother to see if we can leverage more cows," said Vi, matching my tone.

He looked between us for a solid ten seconds before he cracked a smile. "I hadn't realized I was going to be acquiring two trolls when I got into this relationship."

Vi grinned. "Oh, we're a matched set."

"Looks like I shall have to gird my loins to withstand the force of you two plus the kids," he said. Though he feigned weariness, there was delight in his eyes.

"Good luck," I said. "You're going to need it."

"Of that, I have no doubt."