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Chapter 19

Rose

W armth surrounded me. Not in the feel of a body next to me, but in Milo's pelt. It was draped over me, enveloping me in Beastie's wilder scent. Without thinking, my fingers brushed through the soft fur, and I rubbed my cheek sleepily against it.

The soft murmur of voices down the hall—though my sleepy mind couldn't exactly recognize who spoke—brought contentment to my heart. Peace filled me. The only thing that could have made this moment better was the feel of someone next to me. Someone to share the heat with, to hold and to nuzzle.

I reached a hand to feel for Milo, to feel the comforting touch of the man I loved. He'd enveloped me as we fell asleep the night before, arms wrapped around me and one thigh slotted between mine so there was no space between us at all. I'd spent far longer than I'd ever admit staring at his face, thinking about how young he looked as he slumbered deeply, before kissing him and listening to his heartbeat to help me settle.

But now he wasn't there. The spot where he'd been was empty and cold, and though I couldn't fault him for wanting to get out of bed, I still felt bereft. Until I focused in on the voices coming from down the hall.

Even without opening my eyes, I could tell the door to the bedroom was slightly ajar. The sounds were not as muffled as they would've been otherwise, and the scent of frying fish wafted in from the kitchen. Though I was loath to get out of bed, the emptiness of my stomach and the fullness of my bladder was the death knell of my rest.

With heavy, begrudging steps, I dragged myself out of bed and headed to the bathroom first. Milo had told me the night before that he'd had a silencing charm put on our room and bathroom, especially after I expressed discomfort at the idea that he could hear me use the toilet on one of the first nights I spent at his house. I'd felt a little childish, but he'd been understanding. And now, after having tested it out, I could do my business in peace without worrying about being heard.

Once I finished, I washed up and put on a sundress. I didn't know why, but it felt… weird… intimate… to be wearing Milo's clothes in front of Will. Nothing about that made sense, but I felt off-kilter enough in my everyday life without adding to it unnecessarily. Especially not when all I could think about, when I let my thoughts wander, was how nice Will's shirts would smell…

No. I wrenched myself away from the thought of the merman's ocean and summer breeze scent. Don't even go there. You have a mate. One who loves you.

But even then, with everything that had happened on Charlotte and Alexander the day before, I had to wonder if being remade was the wrong course of action. If this hatred of merfolk went on for much longer, would Milo, too, start to resent me? Would he long for someone he could be seen with without people turning up their noses?

The rejection yesterday had hit me harder than I thought it would, ripping open old wounds from my childhood about not fitting in and not being wanted. The terrified, anxious child in me cried, feeling Selena's and Tomas's every word like physical blows. I had hoped that I'd be part of their community now rather than a liability, not only by being Otherkind myself but also by being Milo's mate… if he still wanted me later on, that was.

No sense in torturing myself with maybes, I reminded myself with a sigh. Pre-rejection doesn't make it hurt less when it actually happens. Spare yourself the pain, Rose. Just this once.

If only it were so easy.

I twisted my hair into a bun to get it off my neck and went in search of what deliciousness my selkie was going to spoil me with. I padded down the hallway, chasing the scent of fresh fish—but I stopped short just before the end of the hallway when I heard my name. Though I was keenly aware I shouldn't be eavesdropping, I was unable to stop myself.

"I know I should've told her last night. I meant to, but after her nightmare and my father trying to lure her out of bed, I couldn't," Will grumbled. "Rose has enough on her plate without you and I adding to her list of worries."

"We need to tell her," said Milo, gentle as ever but with a hint of urgency. "This isn't the sort of thing that can be kept hidden. It's not fair to her or to us. And you're confusing her needlessly with how you're treating her."

"Milo, Gods, she just fucking died," Will retorted. I expected there to be venom or anger in his voice, but there was only pain.

"It's not our place to decide for her what she can and can't handle. I did that before, and look where it got us," my selkie replied in return. "You know she feels the pull. It's evident in how she looks at you. Hell, she even gave you a pearl! That's a big fucking deal!"

It… it was?

"Probably out of a misplaced sense of obligation or guilt or…" Will trailed off. "Besides, it's not like she knows what it means. She was trying to be nice. That's all. You know she'd give and give and give until there was nothing left of her."

"You know that's bullshit as well as I do. We need to trust her to handle something that so intimately involves her." I could almost imagine Milo crossing his arms and quirking an eyebrow at the merman.

Will's retort was quick and snappy. "What isn't bullshit is that you already asked her about this, and she said she wasn't sure about it."

Milo sighed. "Only because she doesn't truly understand and doesn't have all the information. I know if she were fully informed, she would be more amenable."

The way he spoke made my anxiety spike. Whatever this was clearly was important, but the idea that there were more secrets? After all that had been kept from me already?

I couldn't just listen any longer.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, stepping out from where I'd been hiding to show myself to them.

Will's face went bright red, his eyes growing wide. I wasn't sure he was even breathing as he looked at me like I was a ghost. He—in only pajama pants and no shirt once again—was standing by the dining room table, frozen in place. If the stack of dishes on the counter was anything to go by, he'd been setting the table for three but had gotten distracted by their argument. He moved again only when the kettle on the stove started to whistle, springing into action, grabbing it, and setting it on a potholder on the table.

Milo was in the middle of plating some fresh fish on a serving platter, but he turned to face the other man. The expression he wore was less shocked and more expectant, like he was waiting for Will to get his shit together and speak.

When he did not, Milo sighed. "There's something important we need to tell you," he said, his eyes trained on the merman before him. "We wanted to tell you over breakfast."

Milo and Will's auras reached for each other, both thrumming with the same anxiety now shaking me to my core. My stomach twisted and knotted painfully as neither elaborated and the silence stretched on. I pressed my hands to my belly, hoping to alleviate some of the tension there, to no avail. One moment dragged into two, the guys holding each other's gazes but saying nothing.

This is it. This is where they tell me that they want me to leave, too. That they want nothing to do with me anymore because of what I've become… I should've known not to hope for a better future… I thought, fighting the bile rising in my throat.

"You guys are starting to scare me," I said, unable to stand the quiet any longer. "If it's something bad, will you just say it and put me out of my misery? Please?"

This knocked them both back to the present.

"It's nothing bad, I assure you, sweetheart," said Milo. "In fact, this is supposed to be a good thing," He smiled at me gently, trying so very hard to calm me. It might've worked if he hadn't turned back to Will and given him that look again.

Will, still looking like a deer in headlights, stammered. "Why don't you sit down and we'll tell you over breakfast?"

My heart hammered in my ears. "Please just tell me, Will," I nearly begged. My voice was a ragged whisper, belying the intensity of the terror boiling within me.

His features twisted seeing my pain, but he took pity upon me. He crossed the space between us until there was only a foot separating us. Lifting a tentative, somewhat shaky hand, I thought he would cup my cheek, touch me—but then he dropped his hand again with a sigh. His voice lowered to a tone far more intimate than I'd expected as he finally began to speak.

"I should've told you this earlier, and I didn't want to tell you like this, exactly, but…" He trailed off, and the sound of his heart racing filled the silence. His eyes caught mine, the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. "You're my mate."

My whole world condensed down to that one word.

The way that he spoke the word, the reverence, echoed down into my chest, into my bones. It rang all the way into my soul with a sense of truth the scope of which I didn't yet understand. It settled as deep within me as my connection to the islands did, nestled alongside it like it'd always been there, just waiting for me to awaken it.

Mate.

I'd seen it before. Heard it, even. Before my change, there'd been hints at it with Milo, that he was courting me to be his mate. I'd thought "mates" were just another word for partnerships. But this… this wasn't that.

It was so much more.

And just like with Milo, it rocked me to my core.

Yet even as I examined how right the word was to describe what the two men in front of me were, there was no joy in the revelation. What should have made my soul rejoice, should have relieved my guilt-laden heart for feeling for Will as strongly as I did, only made me feel hollow.

Because they didn't tell me. They'd kept it secret. Just like Vi had done with our family's true legacy. About her relationship with Adrian.

The realization hit me like an eighteen-wheeler to the chest, and I struggled under the weight of it. Emotions rushed to the surface. Anger, upset, confusion, but most of all, hurt. Why… why hadn't they told me? Why would they keep something so important from me?

Why would all of them withhold so much from me?

His ocean eyes met mine and held them. Despite the racing of his heart and the red rising in his cheeks, his gaze was clear and calm, bearing none of its usual roiling waves. There was sincerity there, a certainty and confidence I hadn't seen in a very, very long time.

But this meant he wasn't lying. It wasn't a joke or a trick. He truly believed that we were mates… but…

"How?" I asked stupidly.

It wasn't at all what I wanted to say, but it was the only word that I could produce from the jumble of my thoughts. Because, really, what he was saying just didn't make sense. Mates? But I already had one?

"I'm not sure how it works," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I suppose the Fates have something to do with it."

His answer made me realize I needed to clear away some of the noise in my head, so I could better explain myself, but I couldn't. There were just too many thoughts buzzing around, too much to parse so soon after waking up.

"How long have you known?" I tried again.

"I only learned that merfolk could have mates right before I came to see you in June. I'd have told you then, but when I got here, you were with him, and since you were battling with so much, it didn't seem right to complicate things."

I nodded, trying desperately to get my brain to function… and to breathe, as his confession knocked the air from my lungs. He'd known for so long and kept it to himself? Wasn't this important?

"How do you know?" I whispered so low I could barely hear myself over the rapid staccato of my heart.

Will's hand moved to his chest, right above his heart, and when his fingertips made contact with the skin there, that beautiful sigil spanning from shoulder to shoulder flared to life.

"This is the merfolk version of a mating bite," he explained. "When two people who are fated to be together come together, they both get this sigil. It's the first part of the mating mark."

I looked down at my own chest, with its distinct lack of such an important sigil, and doubt seeped into my thoughts.

Will gave me a small smile when I glanced back up at him. "I think because you were human at the time, you didn't receive one of your own. Even if you had, you might not have kept it through your transition, since, unlike a bite, it's magic that's tied to your life force."

"How do you get such a mark?" I asked, tracing the swirls with my eyes.

His cheeks burned red again. "There are many ways, from what I've been told. It really just depends on the individuals. For us," he said, his eyes flicking to Milo then back to me again, "it was our first time being fully intimate, after we watched the sunrise."

I thought back to that time, trying to remember what had happened… aside from the mind-blowing sex. When it came to me, my cheeks burned with the heat of a million suns.

There was a pulse under his scales, the tiniest flicker…

The light beneath his scales now growing in intensity…

The light exploded as he did, bathing me in splendor. It sank into my skin and filled me as thoroughly as he filled me with his seed…

I covered my mouth as I remembered, casting my eyes downward. There was no way I could look either man in the eyes, talking even in polite euphemisms about sex.

"But… Milo and I…" I gestured between myself and the selkie to steer the conversation away from such spicy topics.

"You are still his mate," Will said with a gentle smile. "Just as I am your mate… and just as he and I are mates."

I blinked at him. What? I couldn't comprehend. The two of them were mates, too?

"We've not done anything intimate," added Milo calmly. "We were waiting for you to come back to have this discussion with you before we did anything. Like I said before, all of this depends on communication, and I didn't want you to feel like I'd betrayed you or was trading you for him."

When I looked over at Milo to gauge how he was feeling, so I could maybe pretend like I knew what I should be feeling in that moment, his eyes were soft. He looked from me to Will, then to me again.

"How long have you known?" I asked.

"I had an inkling the day on the beach when Will outed me and my family as selkies. I felt the energy passing between us but didn't quite recognize it at the time, especially since Will's scent was masked by his cologne. I only truly figured it out when I saw you on the boat together the day you nearly drowned. I scented him in truth for the first time, and I knew he was ours. The way his scent mingled with yours was divine." Milo's expression was wistful as he remembered this.

I took a moment to gather my scattered thoughts. Chewing my lip, I forced myself to consider what Milo had told me about mates, about the signs… until, suddenly, everything made sense. The pieces slid into place one by one before my eyes, clarity brightening all the discordant facts I'd thought were unrelated things:

The pull I felt toward not only Milo but Will as well.

How bereft I'd felt watching Will leave… and having to leave myself.

The way Milo's and Will's auras always seemed to be reaching for each other and intertwining when they were close.

How I needed to feel their skin against mine.

The arc of power that went through me when they touched me at the same time.

The comfort of their scents.

All of this had a purpose, had meaning. I wasn't a bad mate for wanting Will as much as I wanted Milo. My bond wasn't broken. Alleviation from my overwhelming guilt was immediate and swift. I wasn't selfish. I was only feeling the natural effect from being fated to both the merman and selkie before me.

On the heels of my relief, however, came one thing with which I couldn't reconcile. Two. I had two mates.

And they'd waited so long to tell me.

"B-Both of you?" I asked finally.

"Both of us, and he and I are mates as well," Milo tentatively confirmed. I dumbly made a triangle with my fingers, and he nodded. "All equal to each other."

My world tilted beneath my feet, the axis on which it spun knocked off kilter and wobbling chaotically.

"Is this—is this possible?" I asked.

It didn't feel like it should be. My whole life, I'd only ever seen romantic relationships between two people. The rational part of me whispered that it was different with Otherkind, that they were, in general, much freer and more flexible about these kinds of things. Hell, Milo had even mentioned polyamory mere days before, yet my upbringing screamed at me.

Selfish.

Impossible.

Cheating .

"It very much is possible," Milo replied. "Many Otherkind have multiple partners. It's just more love to share."

"This is why you tried to bring up being polyamorous that day. You were testing the waters about how I would feel about having multiple partners." Gods, I'm so stupid to have not seen the signs. They've been practically whacking me upside the head with them, and I was too freaking oblivious to see it.

Milo nodded. "It wasn't the best time to have spoken to you about it, and that's on me."

"Now isn't really good, either," grumbled Will, shooting the selkie a narrow-eyed look.

"Perhaps not, but we both have kept this from her for too long," he replied, unmoved from his position. "Now that everything's on the table, Rose can decide what to do from here."

As I looked from one man to the other, the weight of their expectant gazes froze me to the spot. There was no script I could fall back on, no experience to draw from to give them the right answer, or at least an answer that would draw their attention away from me. Panic and hurt, much richer than before, had me scrambling for words, but none of the right ones came.

I knew, rationally, that the best response was elation at the prospect of not having to choose between them. Getting to have both Milo and Will was a dream I'd never dared to think about. But the almost taboo nature of being able to love both of them drew me up short and robbed me of any and all joy.

"Thank you for being honest with me," I started, though I had no idea what I was going to say next.

"Of course. We want this to work out between the three of us, and that starts with laying the facts bare." Milo looked me over, scrutinizing my expression. "How are you feeling about all this? I know it's a lot to take in all at once."

I pursed my lips, uncertain how to explain that I had no fucking idea how I felt. I glanced between them. It might've been all in my head, but the intensity of their need for my opinion, the implication that I must have a fully formed idea of my feelings moments after the revelation, pressed against me, urging me to open up. To step into this with them and give it my all.

But I couldn't. And I didn't know why.

"I—I need a moment… to think about this," I stammered out, the pressure finally too much. I couldn't meet their eyes anymore, even as my heart crowed in its happiness. "This is—this is a lot."

The gentleness in their eyes gave way to concern when I had the momentary bravery to flick my gaze up at them.

"Of course," said Milo softly. "You can take all the time you need. We'll wait for you. As you said, this is a big step, especially for someone who so recently was human."

"I don't want you to hold back with each other on my account, though," I rushed out. "That wouldn't be fair to either of you. You—you're mates. You should be together in whatever way you wish, even if I—I'm struggling a little with my own feelings."

Will reached out and, crooking a finger beneath my chin, tipped my face up. "Are you certain? All this can stop with just a word. We can halt all this mating stuff right here and right now."

I gulped, my heart jumping all around my ribcage. "I'm sure. You know I'm not good with my emotions," I said, my cheeks heating with the admission. No matter how many times I said it, it embarrassed me to admit. "I just need some time to untangle my thoughts. And just because I'm confused doesn't mean that should stop the two of you from being together. You've waited long enough."

I willed them to understand my sincerity, because, when it came to that aspect at least, I was certain of my stance. They should get to mate as they liked, whatever that looked like for them. In fact, I wanted them to be together. Even if I was a mess, they could have each other.

Will wasn't completely convinced, but he nodded, releasing me from his touch and stepping back. He and Milo exchanged a look, one I realized likely meant they were talking telepathically, though I had no definitive proof of that.

"Please take as much time as you need to think about this," said Milo after a long moment, his eyes returning to me. "We have the entirety of our lives. There's no need to rush."

It was stupid how much better that made me feel. The pressure lessened just enough to let me breathe a little. "Thank you," I said. "I'm going to go take a swim, to clear my head. Okay?"

"Of course. We'll be here when you're ready to talk, whenever that may be."

I thanked them again for their understanding. Then, turning away from them, I did what I did best: I fled.

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