18. Liliana

Chapter 18

Liliana

F or the next two weeks, the sex with Matteo was constant. Intense.

H e introduced me to sexual experiences I didn't even know were possible.

My body was covered in light bruises from his firm grips. The impressions of his teeth marred the sides of my neck.

I couldn't help but feel they were a mark of ownership. I stared at them in the mirror and ran my fingers over them.

And the closer it got to the end of our agreement, the stranger I felt. I couldn't describe what exactly it was, but it consumed my thoughts day and night.

With each passing day, I got caught up more in his web. And a part of me knew he felt the same. The way he looked at me, especially when I caught him off guard, or when he didn't think I was watching.

The way he touched me…as if he were afraid I'd be taken away from him.

And then there were the whispered words he said against my ear right before I fell asleep. I never understood what he said, the phrases in Italian, but sounding proprietary, as if they sealed that moment in time.

And here I was, at the very end of those fourteen days, I felt anxiety claim me in a chokehold.

But my time here had finished, and I knew I wouldn't go down without a fight.

I wanted Matteo and I would tell him just that. Today. On the day I was to leave and never look back.

Luca, the big and burly guy, who I learned was Matteo's most trusted man in his underground army, had come and gotten me.

We said nothing to each other as I was led into the library. The significance of this space—where Matteo had fucked my ass for the first time—wasn't lost on me. I knew it wasn't an accident Matteo wanted me here.

Luca left and shut the door behind him, and I walked around anxiously. I finally sat in one of the overstuffed chairs and bounced my leg, staring at the door and willing it to open so I could get this over with.

And after what felt like an eternity, the door opened and Matteo stepped inside.

He walked right to the bar and poured himself a drink, but I didn't miss how he swayed slightly and had to balance himself with a hand on the wall.

Brows knitted, I said, "Matteo?"

Matteo's shoulders stiffened. But he didn't look at me, not until a solid minute had passed.

"I think we should talk." I just got right into it. "I want to talk about this…us."

"There is no us," he responded right away.

That hurt far stronger than I thought it would.

"Will you please look at me?" My voice shook, and I didn't even try to hide it. "Please." God, why did I have to sound so desperate?

Because I've fallen in love with him, that's why.

He turned around after he threw back a shot. The first thing I noticed was how drunk he truly was. His eyes were glossy and red-rimmed. He crossed his thick arms over his wide chest and stared at me.

"What do you want to talk about?" He cocked one of his eyebrows. He sounded so bored, so irritated with me.

"I want to talk about us," I whispered.

"Stupid girl," he snarled. "Still thinking there was anything more between us than hardcore fucking."

I didn't let his words sink deep enough to hurt or at least that's what I told myself. But it was inevitable. I opened my mouth, but no words came through, lodged in my throat because I felt this tightening in my chest.

He chuckled. "Oh, you poor, little thing. Did you think I wanted anything more from you than your pussy?" He tsked . "I felt nothing for you aside from the moments I was buried deep in your cunt and blowing my load into your body. After that…you were nothing to me once more."

His dark, apathetic look made everything in me hurt.

"It doesn't seem like you felt nothing for me." I regretted the words after I said them because I knew his response would be even more painful. "Just like that?"

He grinned. "Just like that."

I hated that my eyes were watering. Fuck him. Fuck these feelings. All of this is nothing but an illusion.

"I'll remind you I paid for these two weeks. You were nothing but my whore."

My anger replaced the hurt, and I narrowed my eyes.

"So you'll leave today. All the account information will be given to you, and Luca will take you wherever you want to go."

"You're absolutely right." I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin. I stood and said in a low voice, "Fuck you, Matteo. Glad I won't have to see you again for the rest of my life."

Before I could break down and cry, I left the library and headed to my room, but before I could get there, I heard the library door open and slam shut.

I only made it a handful of steps before I heard the heavy fall of footsteps approaching, and then someone grabbed my arm and spun me around.

Matteo stood right in front of me, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled and exhaled fiercely. "Don't you fucking walk away from me, Liliana."

I felt my rage boiling to the surface.

"Fuck. You." I enunciated each word.

He slammed his hands on the wall on either side of my head. "Watch it, little girl, or I'll show you a side of me I reserve for those I hate."

There it was. The minute amount of truth he tried so hard to hide. And by the way his eyes flickered, I knew he realized his fatal error. But I was sick of this shit. If he wanted to push me away, then I'd push right back.

"You're not going to talk to me that way either, asshole. Like you said…" I rose on my toes, still not even were nose-to-nose with him because of his imposing height. "I was just your whore. I'm free to go with an account full of your fucking money. So leave me the hell alone and back the hell up." I placed my hands on his chest and pushed, but he was like steel in front of me.

"Fucking brat. I should spank your ass and leave pretty bruises." He lowered his gaze to look at my mouth.

" Don't fucking threaten me, Matteo." I thrust a finger against the hard wall of his chest.

The corner of his mouth lifted. "I'm not threatening you, Sunshine. I'm telling you the cold, hard truth. If you knew the kind of man I was, you would never have agreed to stay with me and never have agreed to let me in your body."

I clenched my jaw. "You must think I'm a fucking moron. I know exactly what type of man you are…the type to kill my father and brother because they hurt me repeatedly."

"You think you know me, but you only know the stories the streets tell. The rumors that are layered and that are only half of my reality. The truth is much worse. Darker." He leaned in, all that heat gone, and in its place was something more deviant. "You want to know me, Liliana? The real me?"

His words were a warning.

"I've killed so many people, I couldn't even tell you a number."

I wasn't surprised but said nothing.

"Growing up, I was nothing but a thief. A criminal. I had to be in order to survive. I did whatever it took to not let the world eat me up. Petty crimes, assault…murder. It got to the point I relished doing it all." His grin was slow, as if thinking about it turned him on. "I wasn't going to let anyone stand in my way. I wasn't going to let anyone have control over me." He held his arms out, his face becoming a monstrous mask.

I didn't know what to say, how to react. He looked more dangerous in this moment than I'd ever seen him. He felt…cold.

"I could tell you about my shitty childhood and all the heinous shit done to me."

He took a step back, and I got the feeling he didn't quite trust himself around me right now.

"I could go into great detail on all the disgusting and vile things I had to do to stay alive." Something sinister crossed his face. "But I'm not going to do any of that. Those are my scars to carry, and frankly, it's not shit I want to hash out with a woman I'd been fucking for the last couple of weeks."

I realized I was crying before I knew it happened. I wasn't sad or frightened. I had no idea why this dam in me had opened. It felt final, though, like this was the last straw to break everything wide open.

"I sell guns, drugs…hell, pussy for a living. I run underground fight rings…ones that finish in death. Did you know I bury bodies outside of town where no one will ever find them?" He scrubbed a hand over his face, almost looking weary. "I could have my men get rid of the bodies, but I fucking like doing it, Liliana. I relish burying them into an unmarked grave and covering their rotting corpses with dirt."

I curled my hands into tight fists. He was pushing me away, trying to scare me. It was working.

"That's it," he purred. "You see the monster I am? Be fucking afraid." He slammed a fist on his chest.

Repeatedly.

"I'm not capable of caring about someone." His anger seethed. "And I never will. You know why? Because it's not what I fucking want."

I had no one to blame but myself for how I felt, for allowing my heart to open up and feel things for this man. This monster.

I knew from the very beginning Matteo would hurt me. I just didn't know the type of pain would be from a broken heart.

He stepped back, allowing me to leave. But I was frozen for long seconds, just staring at him and knowing this would be the last time I looked into his dark, turbulent eyes.

"Leave, Liliana." He took another step back. When I didn't move, he roared, "Get the fuck out of my house!"

His icy voice had me moving, stumbling over my feet. All I cared about was getting the hell out of here and never looking back.