Chapter Twenty-One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

"I have to say that I am not surprised," Christopher said solemnly. "This entire situation has gotten out of hand, Sherry. First, Cassian abandons Brielle for seven years and then he returns. She mistrusts him, and rightly so. She sees something that makes her suspicious and when she gets to the bottom of it, it seems that Cassian is far more noble than we gave him credit for."

Standing in Christopher's solar while several child bandits milled outside the door, waiting for a victim to emerge, Alexander nodded his head.

"He is," he said. "According to the former Lady St. Albans, Cassian has been supporting her since her reversal of fortune. He would go to her and her husband in that dilapidated townhome and serve them as formally as if they were still the lord and lady of Broxbourne Castle. The old couple was robbed blind by John, without a penny to their name, and Cassian still treated them with the greatest respect. Truthfully, such devotion is rare."

Christopher shook his head in awe. "I think it proves that Cassian has indeed grown up, for only a man of great personal character would have done that," he said. "I'm ashamed that we thought he might have been an assassin for John's supporters."

"He told me what he has been doing," David said, seating himself on a leather-covered lounge that Christopher liked to take his daily naps on. "He told me that the Earl and Countess of St. Albans were good to him when he needed it. What Brielle saw was Cassian going to visit the countess and take her some money that he had won at Bromley."

Alexander looked at him. "That's exactly what Lady de Bambeque said," he said. "I assure you, there is no subversion going on and she is not behind a plot to assassinate Henry. She does not have the means, the will, or the political fortitude. I think her greatest concern is simply surviving day to day."

"And Cassian provides her with the means to do that," Christopher put in.

"Exactly."

It was quite a story, one of the greater good for one old couple that they could have never imagined Cassian capable of. Finally, Christopher snorted softly.

"One of the last conversations I had with Jax was that he felt the need for his son to mature," he said. "I think this is exactly what he meant. He would have been very proud of Cass."

Alexander nodded in agreement, looking to David, who seemed deep in thought. "But this does not solve the issue between Cassian and Brie," David said quietly. He looked at Alexander. "I would suggest you tell Addax and Essien what you told us. Essien has been particularly sad about Cassian, so he might like to know the man still has a noble spirit."

Alexander knew this was David's way of getting him out of the solar so he could speak with Christopher privately, so he obeyed. As he headed out to find Addax and Essien, David turned to his brother.

"How is Brie taking all of this?" he asked quietly.

Christopher shrugged. "She has been through a great deal over the past seven years, but never as much as she has had to endure over the past few days," he said. "I've not seen her since she and Sherry came back from London, but I will see to her shortly. I believe Dustin is with her now."

David hissed softly. "She must be feeling terrible, given what Sherry said happened. It sounds as if Cassian gave her a scolding."

Christopher moved over to his table that contained an earthenware pitcher and cups. He poured a measure into each cup and picked them up, taking one over to his brother.

"We will be leaving for Lioncross shortly," he said. "We'll take her home and she can heal from all of this. She's strong, David. She'll survive."

"But what of Cassian?" David asked as he took a cup. "Will he survive?"

"He's been doing a good job of it for the past seven years," he said, eyeing his brother. "You know I told his brother, Cole, about his presence on the tournament circuit. Cole knows and I'm sure his other brother, Julian, knows as well. They will seek him out at some point."

"What of Max?"

That gave Christopher pause. "I suppose he will go through life believing he is orphaned," he said with sorrow. "I do not like it, but I do not see any alternative. If Brielle has a chance of finding another husband, it cannot be with a bastard son."

"Definitely not," David said. "But surely there are some candidates for her. Mayhap the best thing to do is simply to marry her off so she will forget about Cassian completely."

Christopher sipped his wine. "Truthfully, I have thought on it," he said. "For her own good, of course. I do want her to be happy and I don't think living a life as a spinster, pining over a lost love, is a way to be happy."

"Nor do I. Do you have anyone in mind?"

Christopher looked at him. "Possibly," he said. "Have you met the de Wolfe knight who serves Caius d'Avignon at Richmond Castle?"

"Morgan de Wolfe?"

"The same," Christopher said. "He has also served The Marshal on important missions for king and country. He's a nephew to the Earl of Wolverhampton, so he will not inherit unless ten strong men in the line of succession drop dead, but he's a solid man of good character."

"And unmarried?"

"According to Cai, it's not because he doesn't have the opportunity," Christopher said. "You know the House of de Wolfe. They all look like Greek gods and women faint dead away at their feet at the mere sight of them. You remember how they used to look at Edward."

He was speaking of Edward de Wolfe, his dear friend and the former Earl of Wolverhampton, who had recently passed away. David grinned.

"I should be so fortunate for women to look at me the same way," he said.

"You are not a de Wolfe."

David chuckled, lifting his cup to his lips and talking a healthy swallow. "Thank God for that," he said. "But mayhap Morgan is a possibility."

Christopher nodded, but it was with reluctance. "Anything to move Brielle into a happy, healthy life."

As Christopher and David lost themselves in the speculation of a groom for Brielle, Alexander was already out in the bailey, looking for Addax and Essien. The wagons had been brought in from Bromley and were now over by the stables being offloaded. Alexander headed in that direction, spying Addax as he helped offload his joust poles. As he drew near he could hear Essien on the other side, out of his line of sight, snapping at the soldiers for being careless with something.

He caught Addax's attention.

"Can I help you?" he asked, pointing to the wagons.

Addax gave him a lazy smile. "A son of de Lohr wants to work?" he teased. "I am shocked. Disgusted and shocked."

Alexander snorted. "I am not a son of de Lohr," he said. "I happened to marry a daughter and that is all. If you do not want my help, all you need do is say so."

Addax was sitting on the edge of the wagon bed, throwing his legs over the side and plopping to the ground. "I suppose your help is better than none at all," he jested, but he quickly sobered. "What happened this morning, Sherry? David and Chris are whispering and then you and Brielle returned swiftly and she ran into the house. What's it all about?"

Alexander's gaze moved to Essien, who was still snapping at the soldiers. "Cassian," he said, his voice low. "We discovered something about him."

Addax grunted unhappily. "God," he muttered. "Do not tell me that it was something terrible."

Alexander shook his head. "Not in the least," he said. "It was surprisingly good. Cassian has become a man of great generosity and compassion, far beyond what we thought he was capable of. You do know that Brie thought he was visiting a brothel in London, do you not?"

Addax shook his head. "Hereford said that something terrible had happened between her and Cassian, but he did not say what it was," he said. "Cassian visited a brothel and she found out about it?"

Alexander leaned against the side of the wagon. "She caught him visiting a home on Candlewick Street and assumed it was a brothel."

Addax's lips twisted in disgust. "As well she should," he said. "That is a seedy street."

"It is," Alexander agreed. "But it was not a brothel he was visiting. It was the home of the former Earl and Countess of St. Albans, whom Cassian served at one point. He felt such loyalty to them that he continued to take care of them even after they fell destitute. It's a sweet story, really. Cassian returned from time to time to serve the countess, whose husband has since passed away, ensuring she has food and a fire even though she has no money to pay for them. He took care of the woman and those are the actions of a noble man, my friend."

Addax was looking at him in surprise. "They are, indeed," he said. "Is that what has become of our Cassian since he left us?"

Alexander nodded his head. "It would seem so," he said. "He has become a better man. You may want to tell your brother that before he ends up throwing a fist at one of those soldiers."

They both turned to see Essien, frustrated with the men who were helping him. "I will," Addax said. "It may help the fact that Cassian has not come around to see him. I think that is what upsets him the most– they simply haven't spoken."

"I think Cassian has been focused solely on Brielle."

"Agreed."

A scream caught their attention and they turned to see Christin coming out of the manse with an escort of four little boys, who ran straight for Alexander. The elder two were too young to jump into his arms, but the younger two had no such restraint. While the older boys crawled onto the wagon and Addax was forced to supervise them, Alexander picked up his youngest sons.

"Here you are," Christin said. "I thought we might find you out here. Can you please mind the boys while I see to Brie?"

Alexander nodded. "For a little while," he said. "How is your sister?"

Christin sighed sadly. "Not well, I'm afraid," she said. "Mama is with her, but even for the short time I was there, I heard what happened. Did Cassian really shout at her?"

Alexander shook his head. "He did not shout," he said. "But his words were… harsh. Very harsh."

Christin's features tightened. "How dare he become angry with her?" she growled. "He establishes a foundation of lies and then he is angry when she wants to find out what he is up to? He had no right to be angry with her."

Alexander knew that Christin was quite capable of working herself up into a lather, as most women could, but the difference was that she was a trained killer. His lovely Christin had the skills to bring down a grown man, something she'd not used in years, but he had a healthy respect for her and her skill set.

Even if she did look like a porcelain doll.

Leaning forward with the boys hanging on his neck, he kissed her soundly.

"I love you madly," he murmured. "I love that you love your family so desperately. I love that you want to protect your sister. But I was there when everything happened and I can tell you that although Cassian was harsh, he was not cruel. If I thought he needed a beating, I would have done it myself, I assure you."

Christin calmed down a bit, as she always did when Alexander reasoned with her, but she was still hurt and angry on behalf of her sister.

"Then Cassian really was talking care of an old woman?"

Alexander nodded. "A former countess," he said. "Cassian served her husband and the man had been good to him, so when the couple lost their fortune and became destitute, Cassian continued to serve them and make sure they were fed and comfortable. It was quite noble of him."

It was. Christin couldn't disagree. But she was on her sister's side. "He did not have to become so irate at Brie," she said. "Surely he understands that Brie will have her doubts in what he says. He violated her trust when he ran off and left her pregnant with Max."

Alexander sighed but he was forced to break up a slap fight between Gabriel and Nicholas, one that ended up involving his face. He set the boys to their feet before focusing his attention on his wife.

"I know that," he said patiently. "We all know that. Cassian's actions have made many people doubt him, but I believe those doubts are not well-founded. While he has been away from us, he has been doing great and noble things during that time. He has also been living his life without your sister, so mayhap it is just as well that he continues to do so. Clearly, the two of them are no longer meant to be together."

Christin was about to open her mouth when something caught her eye. She looked over his shoulder, towards the gatehouse of Lonsdale, and her eyes widened.

"You think so, do you?" she breathed. Then, she pointed. "Sherry… look ."

Alexander turned to see Cassian coming in through the gate astride his fat warhorse. There were dozens of people in the bailey since they were preparing an escort to head back to Lioncross, but Cassian entered easily because no one stopped him. Alexander broke away from his wife and rushed to intercept Cassian before he came too far. Once he got within shouting range, he called out to him.

"Cassian," he boomed. "Come no further."

His words echoed off the stone walls, causing men to look towards the gatehouse. Suddenly, dozens and dozens of eyes were looking at Alexander planting himself in front of Cassian, who had come to a halt, and that included Addax and Essien.

They began gravitating towards the gatehouse.

"What do you want, Cassian?" Alexander asked dubiously.

Cassian's gaze was on Alexander, but he caught movement and looked behind the man to see Addax and Essien approaching. His old friends, like old times, but at the moment, there was no warmth from them.

But he wasn't surprised.

He had expected it.

The entire ride from London had Cassian reliving moments with people from Lioncross, moments from his past that had brought him joy and laughter and friendship. Memories of Essien and a local Welsh lord's daughter, a woman who was pledged to another man but who had a strong appetite for Essien. The lord had been on to them and Cassian had removed Essien right as her father battered down a door to find his daughter in bed with a big dog. The dog had been brought by Cassian to replace Essien in the woman's bed, thereby saving his hide.

And there were so many more stories than that.

The times when he was younger, when Peter would slip frogs into Christin and Brielle's beds just so Cassian could come to the rescue. He mostly rescued Brielle, though Christin had been saved once or twice. Or times when sweets were dispensed at meals but Brielle wanted more and Cassian would gallantly give her his own.

Memories of days when the world was bright and new, when he and Brielle were children with their whole lives ahead of them. He always knew he would spend it with her.

Now, he'd come to fight for that right.

But first, he'd have to get past her very protective family, Alexander included.

"May I dismount?" he finally asked.

Alexander shook his head. "Say what you came to say and be done with it."

Cassian looked around to the faces that were now coming into view. Along with Addax and Essien, he could see Christin as well. People he'd known very well, once. He hadn't been on a de Lohr property for seven years and now that he was here, he felt as if he'd come home again. These were his people, where he belonged.

There was a pain in his heart that they didn't want him here.

"I am afraid Brielle and I did not part well," he said. "I have come to speak with her."

Alexander cast him a long look but before he could reply, Christin came forward.

"About what?" she demanded. "Cassian, she returned here not an hour ago in tears. I know what happened in London and if you are going to yell at her again, then you can turn around and go. I'll not let you tear her to pieces."

Cassian could see the fierce sister defending her wounded sibling. "I promise I do not want to tear her to pieces, Lady de Sherrington," he said. "I want to apologize to her. Will you please let me?"

That brought Christin pause. She hasn't been expecting that reply and she looked at Alexander indecisively, who seemed to be leaning towards Cassian's request simply by the expression on his face. As Christin wavered, Essien suddenly, and quite unexpected, spoke up.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. "Cassian, you have no right to be here or even speak to these people. Do us all the courtesy of leaving."

Addax was by his brother's side. "Es, this is not our fight," he said quietly. He tried to pull his brother away. "Come with me. This does not involve us."

But Essien yanked his arm away. "It does involve us," he said angrily. "It involves me . Cassian, you pretended to love us all but the truth was that you didn't. If you had loved us as you said you did, then you would not have gone off and left us thinking you were dead. It was a cruel thing to do."

Cassian could see that his friend was hurting simply by the expression on his face. He knew he'd face this moment, defending himself to everyone and everything, but he wasn't prepared for it. At the moment, all he wanted to do was speak with Brielle and he didn't want to get into a verbal sparring match with Essien. As Addax grabbed his brother again and tried to pull him away from the confrontation, Cassian leapt from his horse.

"You are absolutely right, Es," he said, his voice loud and commanding as his feet hit the ground. "I have no right to be here, yet I am. What do you want from me? An explanation as to why I did what I did? I told Brielle, but I will tell you, too, because you were my friend. You deserve an answer. I left because I could not face the terrible wrongs I had committed. I left because my last words to my father were terrible, awful words. Those were the last words he ever heard from me and I could not take them back. I could not take them back!"

He was shouting by the time he was finished, his voice reverberating off the walls. It was loud enough to cause Essien and Addax to stop tugging at each other, looking at Cassian warily to see what he was going to do next. Cassian came closer, his dual-colored eyes blazing.

"I loved you like a brother," he said, his voice dropping to a hiss. "You are correct; I loved everyone here. I loved you because you were foolish and strong and loyal. I loved Addax because he reminded me of my older brothers. I loved Brielle with my whole being, with every breath I took. She was the blood in my veins, the heart in my body. But I still left all of you because I couldn't face what I had done. I couldn't look into your eyes and see how poorly I had behaved, how utterly hurtful and destructive I had been to my father. It wasn't you I left, Essien– it was me . I would see my reflection in your eyes and I would hate that man. So, I left. I have come to apologize for hurting you, but know this– I never, ever stopped loving you as my friend."

His voice cracked. He was in the process of jabbing an angry finger at Essien but he had to turn away because he could feel his emotions getting the better of him. As he struggled to stave off the tide of tears that were bubbling up, Essien's features dissolved into grief.

"I never stopped loving you, either," he said, tears in his eyes. "I have missed you every day for all of these years. I wish you had let me help you, Cass. I wish you had told me all of this instead of running."

Cassian took a deep breath to regain his composure before returning his attention to Essien. "I did not even know how to voice it," he said, his voice trembling. "All I knew was that I had disappointed my father and I felt unworthy of all who loved me. And that is the truth. If you choose not to forgive me for leaving, then I understand. But know I felt as if I had no other choice at the time. I am truly, truly sorry, Es."

Essien didn't reply. He wasn't angry anymore. He wasn't anything anymore, as if all of that hurt and rage had suddenly drained out of him. He went to Cassian and threw his arms around the man, squeezing him tightly. Cassian hugged him in return before releasing him, tears in his eyes as he smiled at him. They grinned at each other like times of old, when a smile or a roll of the eyes conveyed everything they were thinking to one another. That moment was back. Now, the smile conveyed friendship and welcome and forgiveness. It conveyed everything. All was well in the world between them.

But that wasn't why Cassian had come.

Patting Essien on the cheek, he returned his attention to Alexander and Christin. Christin had tears in her eyes having witnessed Cassian and Essien, but when Cassian looked at her, she quickly wiped them away.

He pointed at her.

"And you," he said. "I never meant to hurt your family. I never meant to hurt people who had become my family. But my father dying… I was so ashamed of what I had done, of how I had spoken to him in our last conversation. I do not mean to keep bringing that up, but it is the root of everything for me. My father said that I needed to mature, to find myself, and that was exactly what I did. I found out who I didn't want to be and who I did want to be. There is a big difference between the two."

"What is the difference?"

The voice came from his left and he turned to see Brielle standing there. She had heard the shouting and had come to see what was going on, only to see Cassian standing in the bailey and shouting at Essien. She'd come out of the manse and Cassian hadn't seen her because he wasn't facing the house. He was looking at everyone who had come at him from the stables. But now, Brielle was a few feet away, her mother and father and uncle behind her, all of them waiting for Cassian to explain himself.

All of them waiting for him to either sink or swim.

Now was his moment.

It would never come again.

Brielle knew it. In truth, she looked much calmer than she felt. She'd just spent the past hour reliving those moments in Lady de Bambeque's townhome and blaming herself for Cassian's reaction. Her mother tried to comfort her, as had her sister, but there was no comfort to be had. She'd ruined her chances with Cassian by being deceitful.

As deceitful as she thought he had been to her.

Ironic how, in the end, she had been the one to do something underhanded. She could rationalize it all she wanted, but the truth was that she hadn't asked him about the townhome because she was certain he would lie to her. As it turned out, not only had the man not lied to her, but he'd been doing something fine and noble all along. She simply couldn't bring herself to condemn him for his reaction when he found her with Lady de Bambeque.

And that was why his appearance at Lonsdale was so surprising.

Brielle was looking at a sight she never thought she would see again– Cassian at her home. She'd heard him apologize to Christin, so there was every shocking hope that he'd come to make things right between them.

And she was going to let him.

No more misunderstandings. No more mistrust.

"Well?" she said after a moment. "I heard what you said. What is the difference between the man you were and the man you want to be?"

Cassian had to take a deep breath before speaking. "The Cassian you knew seven years ago was young and spoiled and immature," he said, a lump in his throat at the sight of her. "He was everything my father said he was, only I cannot tell my father that he was right. I can only tell you. Brie, I know I hurt you. I know I did something incredibly shameful. I realize your trust in me was fragile when I asked you if we could begin again. I suppose what I did not realize was that your encounter with Lady de Bambeque was necessary for you to start rebuilding that trust. I only realized that after the fact, after Lady de Bambeque pointed it out. I'm so sorry I did not realize that before."

Brielle's eyes were already swimming with tears as she heard the sheer remorse in his tone. "And you came to tell me that?"

He shook his head. "I came to say that I am sorry I became angry with you," he said softly. "I am sorry I have hurt you. If these are to be our last words, then I want to make sure they are not words of anger. I wanted to apologize for my failings and tell you that I have loved you since the day I met you, every single one of those days and every single one of those hours. If you are to return home and we never see each other again, then this parting was well made. It was not well made with my father, but I will not make that mistake again. I love you and I want you to know that, for the rest of your life."

By the time he was finished, there wasn't a dry eye for anyone who had been listening. Brielle's eyes were spilling over with tears, Dustin was weeping, Christin was weeping, and the knights were trying not to weep and look like the women. Brielle took a few steps, moving closer to him, contemplating how to reply.

"I am afraid to say the wrong thing," she admitted in a husky whisper. "I am afraid to say something wrong and you will leave me again. But know that I am sorry, too. I should not have been so mistrustful. I should not have followed you but, rather, I should have simply asked you. I do not know why I followed you, only that I had to know the truth."

"I know," he assured her. "You did not trust me to tell you the truth and I do not blame you. But I swear to you, Brielle, from this day forward, I will never lie to you. I will never leave you unless you want me to. I will stand by your side, every day of your life, until the end of all things. I want to come home if you will allow it. To you."

"Are you certain?"

"Never more certain of anything in my entire life."

Brielle wiped at her tears. "But what about the tournament circuit?" she said. "It made you rich. Will you give it up?'

He smiled faintly. "I do not know," he said. "You've not yet told me if I can come home."

Brielle took a few more steps towards him, gazing up into his handsome face. It was a moment of complete, naked honesty between them, something they'd been trying to achieve since they'd first seen each other in Bromley. It had never been a matter of if they would get back together.

It had always been a matter of when.

That time was now.

In a completely unguarded moment, Cassian dropped to his knees in front of her, grasping her hands and bringing them to his lips.

"I am so sorry for what I have done," he whispered tightly. "You do not have to forgive me. No one would blame you if you did not. But I am praying you can find it in your heart to do so, Brie."

Brielle gazed down at that dark, uncombed head. Then, she fell to her knees as well, facing him as they both knelt in the dirt. There were tears in her eyes, but the smile on her face was brighter than the sun.

"We have both made our share of mistakes," she said softly. "I think we've both behaved poorly at times, so my sins are no worse than yours. I will forgive you if you will forgive me."

His head came up and he looked at her, prepared to say something important and prolific, but all he could manage to do was pull her into his arms and kiss her. He kissed her so hard that he drove his teeth into his soft lip, but he didn't care. It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered anymore except Brielle in his arms.

He wasn't going to let her go ever again.

There was joy and there were tears, but there was also laughter when Christin ran over, dropped to her knees, and put her arms around them both.

"Do not leave me out of this," she said as Cassian laughed, letting go of Brielle with one arm so he could put it around Christin. "I have been a part of this from the beginning, so I want a hug, too."

Cassian continued to chuckle, noting Alexander as he came up behind them. "Is this how it is going to be?" he asked. "Whatever I do for Brielle, I must do for Christin?"

Alexander snorted. "And me," he said, getting down on his knees opposite his wife and wrapping his big arms around everyone. "I want to be part of this, too. Welcome home, Cass."

It was an unexpected love fest as Addax and Essien came over, trying to wrap everyone up in a hug. Essien climbed on Cassian's back and kissed him on the cheek as everyone roared with laughter. Eventually, the entire group fell over when Essien threw them off balance and they lay there in the dirt of the bailey, laughing until they wept.

And no one was happier to see it than Christopher himself.

When he'd first come to Bromley those days ago, it had been with the intention of bringing Cassian back into the fold. He was hoping things would work out between Cassian and Brielle, but he had to be honest with himself to admit he'd had his doubts. Sometimes love just wasn't enough, no matter how deep that love is. But as he watched Brielle and Cassian and Christin roll around in the dirt, laughing, he gave thanks for the sweet and blissful moment that he thought would never come.

Brielle was going to have her happy life, after all.

As Dustin went to pull her pregnant daughter out of the dirt, Christopher found himself looking up to the sky and giving a wink to the heavens above.

"He's home, Jax," he murmured. "Cassian is finally home."

And he was.