Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Year of Our Lord 1224

Summer

"W e will be arriving at Pelinom shortly," Brielle hissed at her husband. "Are you going to tell him now or not?"

She was riding in the de Lohr fortified carriage, that boxy contraption that could be so uncomfortable over a rough road, but it was better than riding a palfrey these days. At five months pregnant, Brielle was in that awkward stage where she wasn't yet enormously pregnant, but she was pregnant enough to be obvious. And pregnant enough to be snappish at times, but Cassian didn't mind. He was quite stoic through her mood swings, but when she wanted something done, she was quite demanding about it.

Like now.

Cassian was riding at the rear of the carriage as his wife stood in the doorway practically glaring at him. There were soldiers all around, as they were bringing about eight hundred men north in case they ran into any trouble, and Christopher himself was part of the contingent heading to Pelinom Castle.

Cassian was going home.

It was largely based on something his father had said to him before he had died– I would still like you to come home when you have had your fill of de Lohr. He reached that point where he'd seen enough of Lioncross, so he was finally doing as his father wished. He was heading home. But before he got there, Brielle wanted him to do something.

"Now?" he said. "Why do you want it done now?"

She frowned impatiently. "You were going to do it when we married," she said. "Then you put it off. You said he was not ready to accept you."

"He wasn't."

"You said you that he had to come to know you better."

"He did."

Brielle rolled her eyes. "Now, we are going to your family home where several members of your family have the same feature." She was pointing to his eyes, indicating the unusual eye color. "Maxim is not stupid, you know. He's practically the only one at Lioncross who does not know you are his father, so you cannot wait any longer. If you do not tell him before we arrive at Pelinom, I will."

Cassian flipped up his visor, looking at the dress she was wearing. It was linen, gathered beneath her full breasts, and quite lovely on her figure. He pointed to his shoulder.

"You are wearing it today," he said.

Brielle knew he was trying to get her off the subject of Max. She looked down at her bodice, realizing he was pointing to the pearl and ruby brooch that went so well with what she was wearing.

"Of course I am wearing it," she said. "Lady de Bambeque gave it to me on our wedding day and I've worn it ever since. Stop changing the subject."

"It pleased her greatly to know you wore it so often."

She softened slightly, knowing they were veering to a difficult subject with him. Celesse had peacefully passed away in her sleep three months earlier and Cassian was still quite sad over it. He'd lost a friend and a mentor, and that wasn't something he took lightly. If there was one thing Brielle knew about her husband, it was the fact that he felt deeply for those he loved.

Especially little old ladies who beat him at a game of Tables.

Celesse had become a friend to both Cassian and Brielle before she died.

"And I think of her every time I wear it," she said, more gently. "I am happy to honor her, as you know. Now… stop changing the subject. You must tell him no w."

"She is right," Christopher said, riding on the other side of the carriage. He had been listening to the entire conversation. "Max is a sharp lad, Cass. He's probably already figured it out, so it would do well if you told him personally. He is your eldest, after all. He is old enough to know and I would like to start addressing him as my grandson."

They were both right. Cassian knew it. He didn't know exactly why he'd been so fearful to tell the boy he was his father and that Brielle was his mother, but he had been. Perhaps it was because he'd almost lost Brielle and, for the first few months of their marriage, he simply wanted to enjoy her without the added pressure of having to be father to a lad he didn't know.

But he wanted to know him, very well.

As he settled down to married life beautifully as a vassal of de Lohr once again, Cassian took his time coming to know Max, who was everything he ever hoped a son would be. He was bright, resourceful, and humorous. So very humorous. Max and Alexander's oldest boys, Andrew and Adam, had been caught shoving pieces of straw into the boots of soldiers snoozing on watch, then lighting the straw on fire. They'd burned up one pair of boots that were attached to an old soldier, who had chased the three of them with a stick all around Lioncross.

When Christopher found out what they'd done, he gave his soldier his full permission, and Max and Andrew and Adam were eventually caught and punished. Not wanting the boy to hate him, for fatherhood was still quite new to him, Cassian had turned punishment over to Alexander, who was more than happy to dish out the sentence. The boys were spanked by Alexander himself and then sent to the stables to muck out the stalls, sweep and clean the stable floors, and then haul all of that dirty straw to a pile outside of the castle walls. It had been hard and dirty work, but they'd managed to complete it without complaint.

Until the next time they lit someone's boots on fire.

Cassian had tried very hard to build a solid relationship with Max to the point where, after only a few months, Max followed him around everywhere. He was Cassian's shadow and the rumors of their similar features ran rampant around Lioncross and the village that surrounded the castle. As Christopher said, everyone knew Max was Cassian's son except for Max, so the time had come to tell the lad before he met the rest of his family. He was de Velt and de Lohr blood and it was time he understood that. But Cassian had been afraid to tell him, afraid the child might not want that kind of burden. Afraid he might not want him for a father.

Brielle knew that and so did Christopher, but it couldn't be put off any longer with the walls of Pelinom coming into view to the north.

The time had come.

"Cass?" Brielle said, shaking him from his train of thought. "He's riding in the rear. Are you going to tell him or shall I?"

Cassian took a deep breath, looking to Christopher, who smirked and looked away. Cassian returned his focus to his wife, pointing to her belly.

"That child had better come out knowing who his father is," he said. "You had better make it obvious from the very first day."

Brielle put her hand on her rounded belly. "Unless he comes out looking like Essien."

She gasped dramatically and put her hand to her mouth as if she'd just divulged some terrible and great secret. But she broke down in giggles immediately and Cassian just shook his head.

"He can have you," he said. "I will happily turn you over to Es and welcome it. You are too much trouble."

She grinned. "Am I?"

His harsh stance broke and he grinned at her. "Aye," he said. "But you are my trouble and I love you madly."

Brielle blew him a kiss. "You will have more trouble than you know if you do not speak to Max before we arrive."

Leave it to his wife to break up a tender moment. Cassian rolled his eyes. "But it may be overwhelming for him, don't you think?" he said, lowering his voice. "I must tell him the truth about his parentage and then immediately introduce him to his new family at Pelinom?"

Brielle just lifted her eyebrows and he knew what that meant. He was sunk. Dutifully, he reined his horse around, heading to the rear of the column where the provisions and baggage wagons were. While Alexander, Addax, and Myles had remained back at Lioncross, Christopher, Essien, Curtis, Richard, and Beau had accompanied Cassian north. Having grown weary of the tournament circuit, Cassian's old friend had sworn fealty to Christopher when Cassian had married Brielle. His near-deafness made no difference to the mighty Earl of Hereford and Worcester and Beau made a powerful addition to the de Lohr stable.

Cassian was glad his friend had found a prestigious lord to serve once more.

He was glad they had both found a home, together.

Pushing thoughts of knights and tournaments and Pelinom aside for the moment, Cassian made it back to the wagon. Max was riding next to the driver on the bench while Curtis and Richard had command of the rear. Cassian could see them riding at the back of the contingent on new and somewhat spirited horses while Essien and Beau were at point. It was a tight and disciplined group.

Cassian focused on Max.

"You," he said. "Come with me."

Max eagerly stood up and Cassian pulled him onto the back of his warhorse. The boy gripped him tightly as Cassian spurred the horse out into the meadow that flanked the road. He loped along with the army off to his right, keeping an eye out for any threats as he moved. At least, that was what it looked like.

What he was really doing was trying to figure out how to bring up the subject.

"Max, I must ask you a question," he finally said.

Max was holding on to him from behind but he leaned around him as if to look him in the face. "Aye, my lord?"

"What do you know about your mother and father?"

Max blinked at the question, surprised by it. "I was told that my mother and father were cousins to Lord Hereford."

"Do you ever wonder about them?"

"Sometimes, my lord."

"What do you wonder?"

Max thought on that. "What they were like, I suppose," he said. "If they were kind. If they loved me."

That little statement made Cassian a little sad. He was going to drag this out a little, feel the boy out a little before gently telling him the truth, but he didn't want to toy with him. Pelinom was on the horizon and he didn't have all the time in the world, but it was his own fault. He'd waited too long.

He could wait no longer.

"I think I can answer that," he said, reining his horse to a halt and watching the army lumber down the road past them. "How old are you now, Max?"

"I will see eight years soon, my lord."

"Eight years," Cassian repeated softly. "You are getting quite grown up now."

"I hope so, my lord," Max said. "I am looking forward to fostering at Pelinom Castle. Lord Hereford says it will be a good place for me with kind people."

That was the story they'd told Max for bringing him along, that he was going to be fostering at Pelinom. The truth was that Cassian wanted to go home for a while to spend time with his family and he wanted his next child to be born at Pelinom where he was born, so they were going to Pelinom to stay for a while and they weren't going to leave Max behind.

He was part of the family, after all.

"It is a good place with kind people," Cassian agreed. "You will learn a lot there. But I want to talk to you about your parents."

"What about them, my lord?"

Cassian paused. "Max, have you noticed my eye color?"

Max had no idea what he meant. "Your eyes, my lord?"

Cassian grasped the boy by the arm and lowered him to the ground. Then, he dismounted. Taking a knee in front of Max, he looked the child in the eyes.

"Look at my eyes," he said. "What color do you see?"

Max looked at him closely. "Green and brown."

"Your eyes are green and brown, too."

Max nodded. "I've seen them in Lady Brielle's mirror," he said. Then, he frowned. "She makes me look in her mirror and comb my hair."

Cassian gave him a lopsided grin, reaching out to finger the boy's straight, dark, and glossy hair. It wasn't curly like his was, but straight as his father's had been.

"Did you ever think that your eyes and my eyes are very similar?" he asked.

Max shrugged his shoulders. "My eyes are mostly green. Yours are mostly brown."

Cassian nodded. "That is true," he said. "But they are similar. That is because I am your father, Max."

Max nodded without hesitation. "I know."

When Cassian thought Max would be the startled one, now it was Cassian's turn to be completely flummoxed. The child hadn't missed a beat in his reply. No surprise, no astonishment… nothing.

He already knew.

"You know ?" Cassian said, incredulous. "How did you know?"

Max grinned, pointing at his eyes. "We have the same eyes."

Cassian's mouth popped open. "That can't be the only way you knew, lad," he said. "Did someone tell you?"

"Nay, my lord," he said. "Not really. But I heard the other boys saying that I look like you. I've heard servants say that you were my father."

Cassian didn't know what to say. He felt like a fool. Reaching out, he grasped Max's arms. "Then why didn't you say something?" he said. "I thought you did not know. I was simply waiting for the right time to tell you, when you were a little older."

For the first time, Max looked a little uncomfortable. "I thought…" he trailed off, shifting on his feet. "I thought you did not want me, so I did not want you to know that I knew. I thought this is the way you wanted us to be."

Cassian's heart just about broke. He pulled the boy into an embrace, hugging his son for the very first time as his son. It was a vastly fulfilling moment. "Nay, lad," he said. "Of course I wanted you to know. Of course I want you. But I was gone for so long… I thought it would be easier for you if I gave you some time to get used to me before I told you."

Max hugged him tightly, his little arms around his neck. The child had been formal and polite until Cassian grabbed him. Now, he turned into a warm little body that just wanted to be hugged, starved for parental affection from the man he'd admired since the moment he'd first seen him. To be acknowledged was more than his tiny heart could hope for.

"Why were you gone?" he asked. "Did you like tournaments better than me?"

Cassian grunted with sorrow. "God, no," he said. "It's difficult for you to understand, but it was something I had to do. When you are older, I will explain it all to you. Just know that I will never go away and leave you, ever again. And you are not a de Lohr– you are a de Velt. You will bear the name proudly."

"And my mother, too?"

Cassian pulled back to look the child in the eyes. "Do you know who your mother is?"

Max cocked his head. "Lady Brielle?"

A smile spread across Cassian's lips. "Aye," he murmured. "Lady Brielle. How did you know that?"

"The same servants who said you were my father."

Cassian really wasn't surprised to hear that. "Your mother and I were not married when she gave birth to you and in order to save her reputation, Lord Hereford told everyone you were an orphan so they would not know the truth," he said. "Lady Brielle loves you so much and it was very painful for her not to tell you that she was your mother. I hope you understand that."

"I was a bastard."

God, how Cassian hated that word. But it was the truth. "You were," he said. "But no more. Brielle and I are married and you are our son, and we love you very much. No more telling everyone that you are an orphan, because you most certainly are not. You are my son and I will make sure everyone in England knows it. Do you understand?"

Max nodded, a flicker of joy in his eyes. "I can tell the servants? The ones who say I am a bastard?"

Cassian cocked a threatening eyebrow. "You tell me who has said such a thing and I will make it clear to them," he said. "Max… I know you will not understand this now, but you will in time. Even though Brielle and I were not married when she gave birth to you, you must understand how much we love one another. Even when we were not married, we loved one another. We loved each other so much that you came into being. You were loved from the beginning, lad. And you will be loved until the end."

A smile crept over Max's lips. "May I call you Father?"

"Why not Papa?"

Max pointed to the army. "That is what I call Lord Hereford. Well, Grandpapa."

Cassian touched the boy on the cheek. "I am your papa and you will address me as such. Since all the other grandchildren call Lord Hereford ‘Grandpapa', you will continue that as well. For now, we are all going to live at Pelinom as a happy family. You, me, your mother, and your new brother when he is born. Does that make you happy?"

Max's answer was to throw his arms around Cassian's neck again and squeeze. With the boy hanging off his neck, Cassian mounted his warhorse and tore off towards the army down the road.

It was a glorious, glorious day.

Pelinom Castle was waiting for the de Lohr army with open gates and open arms. Cassian dropped Max off into the carriage where Brielle hugged and kissed the boy, greeting her son openly and freely for the very first time, as Cassian continued on to the head of the army. By the time he arrived, they were just passing through the gates and into the vast bailey of Pelinom.

The first thing Cassian saw was his mother on the steps of the keep.

He didn't even know how he dismounted his horse because the next thing he realized, he was running towards Kellington as she began to come off the stairs, heading for him with her arms spread wide. Cassian had sent word to his mother when he'd married Brielle, apologizing for the years of silence and absence, begging for the woman's forgiveness for his transgressions, but this was the first time he'd seen her in over ten years.

The pain of separation was about to end.

Even as he ran towards her, he could feel tears in his eyes, feeling like a five-year-old boy again as he ran for his mother. All he wanted to do was hug her and tell her that he loved her, and the second he put his arms around her, the tears came. Sobs of relief came as he held his mother and told her over and over again how much he loved her and how sorry he was. Sorry for the follies of a foolish young man.

Sorry his last words to his beloved father were those of disappointment.

But all his mother had to do was whisper a few simple words in his ear that made the pain, and the years of torment, fade away as if they had never existed at all. Those sweet words and Cassian could feel the years of guilt and anguish blowing away like dust in the wind.

Gone.

You've come home and Papa would have been so very happy. He loved you so.

How on earth Cassian thought his mother could have hated him was beyond his powers of reasoning at the moment. Of course she didn't. He knew she didn't. But Cassian had to hear it from her own lips, soft and soothing, a voice he'd heard in his dreams his entire life.

Kellington de Velt welcomed her prodigal son back with open arms.

Jax would have been happy, indeed.

* THE END *