Chapter Twenty

CHAPTER TWENTY

H e was already out of town when he realized that he'd forgotten a few things.

The brooch was one.

It wasn't that he didn't want to return it to Celesse, but Cassian had visions of those little rats from next door kicking in the kitchen door again and absconding with that priceless brooch. He'd left it with her when he'd last seen her, the evening they'd played Tables, but now he wanted it back for safekeeping. Until he was certain those children had learned their lesson and lived in fear of the two big knights who had threatened them, he couldn't be sure they wouldn't try to break down the door again.

In fact, he needed to check all of the doors and windows for weaknesses.

He couldn't believe he hadn't done it already, but he'd gone to warn Celesse about the suspicions surrounding a rumored assassin and he'd been so caught up in the discussion that he forgot to check her perimeter. He had to remedy that.

Spinning his horse around, he crossed back over the London Bridge and headed towards Candlewick Street.

It was busy this time of day, with cogs having docked on the riverbank and men flooding into the town, especially to a street where there were known brothels. Cassian found himself moving around some very eager men, which he found comical in a way, a week that hadn't seen much reason for laughter. As he headed towards Angel Court, he could honestly say that he'd never seen such highs and lows as he had since his reunion with Brielle. Since the tournament had ended and the competitors were leaving, he was certain she was back at Lonsdale preparing to return to Lioncross. At this time of year, they didn't spend much time in London because of the humidity.

She was probably already heading home.

He couldn't even think about David changing everyone's mind. Brielle was stubborn, although she wasn't unreasonable. Perhaps her uncle's intervention would stir something in her, some embers of forgiveness, but he couldn't count on that. He'd move on to Yeovil and compete in the coming tournament as if nothing in his life was amiss. He'd spent three days wallowing in self-pity, but on this fourth day, he refused to give in to that pain.

It simply wasn't healthy for him.

Making his way onto Angel Court, he could see the de Bambeque townhome up ahead. He directed his horse around the side and tethered it next to the trough before making his way to the front door. He reached for the latch and found the door partially open, so he entered.

The first thing he saw was Alexander's surprised face.

And then he saw Brielle.

Shock ran through him.

"What are you doing here?" he said.

Brielle hadn't seen him come in, but she certainly heard his voice. Startled, she leapt up from her chair, whirling to face him.

"Cass!" she gasped. "I thought you'd gone!"

He looked at her as if she had monsters crawling out of her ears. The expression on his face was one of disbelief and shock, but rapidly, rage reflected in his eyes.

"You thought I'd gone ?" he repeated, looking at Alexander. "And what in the hell are you doing here?"

Alexander could see that Cassian was not happy to see them. Not in the least. Alexander was here for a much more serious reason than Brielle was, but he couldn't lie to the man, especially since he'd discovered that de Lara's theory wasn't true.

He only hoped he could explain it before Cassian threw a punch.

"I am here because I have been watching your movements in London," he said steadily, lowering his voice so Celesse wouldn't hear him. "Cassian, there is no time to explain this to you thoroughly, but suffice it to say that there was a potential crisis and you were identified as a suspect."

Cassian's entire body was beginning to tense up. "The assassin?" he said, jaw flexing. "I already know about it. So does Lady de Bambeque. Canterbury told me and that is why I came here today. I came to warn her."

Alexander frowned. "David?" he said. "When did he tell you this?"

Cassian eyed the man dangerously as he moved into the chamber, his body taut as if ready to strike. He kept his gaze on Alexander as he moved in front of the hearth, coming to stand just behind Celesse.

"This morning," he said after a moment. "He asked me if I was the assassin there has evidently been rumor of and I told him honestly that I am not. He thought that mayhap de Bambeque and his supporters had hired me for such a task, but Alain de Bambeque has been dead for two years. All you see left of his great house is this elderly woman who I am sure does not need to be interrogated or harassed by the two of you no matter what your reasons are for being here."

Brielle found her voice. "We were not harassing her," she said, seeing that Cassian was quite enraged about her presence. "If you must become angry at someone, be angry with me. I followed you here again. I was coming to see you at Bromley this morning and saw you leaving the field, so I followed you. I sat outside for hours watching this townhome until you left and then I knocked on Lady de Bambeque's door."

Cassian's eyes were flickering menacingly at her. "Why did you do that?"

Brielle knew she was in the wrong. So very wrong. There wasn't anything she could do but be truthful with him and hope he had the capacity to forgive her. She didn't know why he should, since she had treated him so terribly in a similar situation, but she hoped he had more compassion and understanding than she did.

She could only pray.

"Because I wanted to see the whore you were visiting at this brothel," she said, her lower lip trembling. "I wanted to see the woman that caused you to lie to me. I was coming to see you this morning to ask you for an explanation about your visit here the other day because I realized I had never given you the chance to explain, but when I saw you leaving the encampment, I knew you were coming here. I knocked on the door because I wanted to see the face of the woman you had lied about. But that was not what I found."

Cassian was looking at her, angrier than he had ever been in his life. "So you dragged Lady de Bambeque into your putrid mistrust, did you?" he snapped. "You came to confront a sick and kindly old woman who has never hurt anyone in her life."

"Cassian," Celesse stepped in, turning to look at him. "You will not be so rude. Lady Brielle has been quite pleasant. We have had a good conversation."

Cassian never took his eyes off Brielle. "You need not defend her, my lady," he said. "I see her now for what she truly is– petty, shallow, and suspicious. Brielle, I told you that I had changed in the time we spent apart. I learned what it means to grow as a man. I understand what good qualities are and what they are not. What I see in you now are qualities I would rather not associate with. I should have realized it before."

Brielle looked at him in shock. "Cassian, I did not…"

He cut her off. "While I have changed, so have you," he said. "You used to be so honest, so forthright. But time has changed you. Rather than ask me to my face about my business on Angel Court, you assumed the worst. Though I cannot blame you the first time it happened, I do blame you the second time. You said you waited for me to come out of this townhome? A candid and decent woman would have shown herself and asked me to explain my visit. I would have done so happily. I would have brought you inside to meet Lady de Bambeque and I would have been glad for it. The two women I love most meeting one another. But instead, you chose to be sly and underhanded and waited until I had left before snooping behind my back. I hope you discovered why I have really come here."

Brielle was looking at him in horror– horror because nothing he accused her of was untrue. "I have."

"Are you satisfied?"

"Aye."

"Then get out. And don't come back."

It was a harsh command, but probably no less than Brielle deserved. Even she knew that. Any chance of reconciliation, in that brief and terrible moment, had been turned to ash. Everything she and Cassian had shared, any hope that remained, had been burned to the ground.

There was absolutely nothing she could say.

Nothing she would say.

It was over.

Trembling, she tore her eyes away from Cassian and looked at Celesse, who was deeply frowning at Cassian's behavior. When the old woman looked at her, she forced a smile and held out her hand.

"Here," she said softly, placing the brooch into the elderly woman's palm. "You will keep this. It is quite beautiful, but it belongs to you."

Celesse grasped her by the wrist. "But I want you to have it," she said. "Cassian does not mean what he said. He has not been part of this conversation and he does not understand why you have come."

Brielle leaned over and kissed her cheek, forcing her to release her wrist. "He understands perfectly," she said hoarsely. "He is not being rude and he means what he says. My lady, it has been an honor to speak with you and I wish you well. I truly do. But I must beg my leave now. Thank you for your hospitality."

With that, she quickly turned away, leaving the small chamber as fast as her trembling legs would take her. There was sorrow in her wake, an intangible mood that settled over everything. Alexander watched her go before turning to Cassian.

"If I did not think it would hurt Brielle or Lady de Bambeque, I would throw you through the wall," he growled. "You have no right to treat Brielle like that and you certainly have no right to act so self-righteously when you are the one who has behaved abominably from the start, Cassian. You are hardly in a position to throw stones when it comes to misunderstandings."

Cassian stiffened. Pound for pound, he and Alexander were a match, but he didn't want to get into a physical altercation with him in front of Celesse.

"You are upsetting Lady de Bambeque," he said. "Get out, Sherry. You have no reason to be here."

Alexander's gaze lingered on Cassian for a moment before looking to the tiny woman seated in front of him. He bowed his head politely.

"My lady, it has been a pleasure," he said. "I wish you a good life."

He quit the chamber, closing the door behind him, leaving Cassian and Celesse alone in the room. When they were gone, Cassian moved away from her and leaned against the hearth, studying the flames as he mulled over what had just happened.

"I am sorry they bothered you, my lady," he said. "I had no idea they were watching the townhome. I truly must apologize."

Celesse was watching him. "Why?" she said. "Cassian, I am not entirely sure what just happened, but I must say you were wrong. You were not at all understanding of their motives."

He looked at her. "You heard what they said," he pointed out. "That beautiful young woman was Brielle de Lohr, the mother of my son. She came here because she thought this was a brothel. She saw me come here the other day and thought I was visiting a whore. She came to satisfy her curiosity about it and she did. I do not need someone so mistrustful in my life. She is suspicious of everything I do and while I admit I have caused the situation to a certain extent, I will not let her punish me for the rest of my life."

Celesse sighed faintly after listening to that diatribe. "Cassian," she said slowly. "Sit down. I must speak with you."

Cassian did what he was told, but he was becoming more agitated. "And Sherry," he muttered. "He was spying on me, was he? He can go back to William Marshal and tell the man to go straight to hell. For me. They all live in filth so that is all they know. Polluted, suspicious minds."

Celesse watched him fidget and twitch. "Or minds that can only deduce the situation from the clues given?" she asked. "You must think hard on that statement. I will assume you have known the man named Sherry for a long time."

"Quite a long time."

"Do you know him well?"

"I used to."

"And is he a good man?"

Cassian paused. "Aye," he said after a moment. "He is a man of noble intention, but he is also a trained spy and assassin. The things he has done would give you nightmares, my lady. Do not ask me to tell you."

"I will not," she said. "But if you say he is a noble man, I believe you. Do you believe he has behaved ignobly towards you?"

Cassian frowned. "He could have just asked me, like Canterbury did. He did not need to engage in subterfuge."

"Mayhap he felt it was the best way to go about it. Does he have terrible judgment, then?"

"Nay."

Celesse let that word fill the air between them for a moment because Cassian was obviously thinking on it. But her pause was only momentary.

"Now, what about Brielle?" she continued quietly. "You said that you have loved her since you were young. Is that true?"

He wouldn't look at her. "I have."

"And would you say she is a good woman?"

"She was," he said. "She was until she started following me around, thinking the worst. She was until she knocked on your door to confront whomever she thought she would find in here."

"Do you think she did it out of malice?"

That brought him pause. "Not malice."

"Then what?"

"Pettiness. Shallowness."

"Not love?"

He looked at her then. "If she loved me, she would not have gone behind my back."

"She would if she wanted to look upon the woman who stole you away." When Cassian turned his head away as if resisting her words, Celesse went on. "Cassian, I have lived a long time. I have loved a man in a way few women do. Alain and I were meant for one another. We did not always behave well with each other but, in the end, our love and understanding always healed whatever wounds there might have been. Lady Brielle did not come here today because she was trying to hurt you. She came because she loved you. I could see it in everything about her. You are wrong if you think she was being shallow."

Cassian sighed sharply. "She simply could have asked me."

"Or she could have seen for herself," she said softly. "She has not seen you in seven years because you left her. You told me that yourself. You broke her faith when you left her. Of course she is afraid of being hurt again. What she did today was helping her rebuild her faith in you. It had nothing to do with being shallow. Only a woman willing to have faith in you would have come to see me, to see for herself how good you have been to me. I was happy to tell her of your noble deeds and compassionate care. Don't you understand? Her visit today healed any doubts she'd ever had in you but you ruined it with your actions."

Cassian didn't want to hear that. He was still struggling to hold on to his indignation. "She came to pry."

"She came to save her heart. And yours."

Cassian could only hold out a few seconds more before sighing heavily. "How can you defend her? She thinks the worst of me. Mayhap she always will."

Celesse sat back in her chair, watching the young knight she loved like a son. And that reminded her of something he'd told her.

"Cass, you told me that your last words with your father were harsh ones," she said. "You expressed how much regret you had that he died before you were able to make amends."

"That is true."

"You said that you were young and angry and foolish."

"I was."

"Given your deep regrets with that conversation, are you truly willing to let your last conversation with Brielle be one of anger?"

Cassian hadn't thought of it that way. He turned to look at her, his brow furrowed in thought. "I do not know," he said. "I do not know if I can forgive her."

"For what?" Celesse said. "Cassian, she did not sin against you. Just as your father did not sin against you. You were angry with him and now you are angry with her. Do you see that you are repeating history? Your last words with her were those of anger. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, for any of us. If she vanishes tomorrow, what would you do?"

Cassian shook his head, fighting off the mere idea of Brielle leaving his life forever. "I do not know."

Celesse watched the emotions ripple across his face. He didn't have to tell her what he was feeling because she could see it. He was feeling remorse and fear. Reaching out, she took his hand and placed the brooch that she was still holding in his palm.

"I lost my love," she whispered. "All I can hope for now is to see him again when I die. But your love is not lost, not yet. Do not squander this chance, Cassian. Do not cast aside the only woman you will ever love."

Magda came in at that point, bringing the pressed and boiled apple juice with her. The walls of the townhome were so thick that she hadn't heard any of the conversation in the front chamber, nor did she realize the guests were gone. She set the tray containing the juice down on the table and poured two cups, handing one to Celesse. When she wandered out, Cassian made no move to collect his own cup, mostly because he wasn't thirsty. At least not for boiled juice. He would have liked to have had an entire bottle of wine at his disposal because he would have downed the entire thing.

He was terribly confused.

"For the first several years that Brielle and I knew one another, everything between us was perfect," he finally said. "We never quarreled. We laughed a good deal of the time. I fell in love with this young woman who was wise beyond her years and beautiful beyond measure. I remember the moment we met as clearly as if it happened yesterday. One look in her eyes and I was smitten."

"Has that feeling ever gone away."

Cassian shook his head faintly. "Nay," he whispered. "Never."

Celesse watched him as he looked into the fire, the light from the flames reflecting on his face. "Do you know what I think?"

Cassian snorted ironically. "You mean you're not finished telling me?"

Celesse grinned at his cheeky answer. "I will never be finished with you, dear boy," she said. "I think that you were punishing her just now."

He looked at her, then. "For what?"

Celesse shrugged. "For the fact that she thought you'd gone to a brothel and then would not let you tell her otherwise," she said. "She refused to listen to you and now you are punishing her for it. I believe that would be the definition of petty."

Cassian stared at her for a moment before rolling his eyes and looking away. "Mayhap," he said. "But I do not like the fact that she pulled you into the situation by coming here."

Celesse waved him off. "I have not had the company of a fine lady in years, Cassian," she scolded. "I enjoyed speaking to her. She was kind and thoughtful. And you would become upset over that? It is not your right. If anyone should be upset about the intrusion, it should be me. It is my house. But I am not upset in the least, so your irritation is unfounded."

That was plain enough. Cassian looked at her in surprise because Celesse was always quite mild mannered. But she'd taken a stand and pointed out his folly. He respected that. He also thought it was rather humorous.

"God's Bones, you're a tyrant when you want to be," he said, a glimmer of mirth in his eyes. "But you may be right. You have the advantage of seeing this situation from an outside perspective. I, in fact, do not. Brielle and I have much history between us and it is difficult to overcome that."

But Celesse shook her head. "You do not want to overcome it," she insisted. "It is your foundation. You have a solid foundation of life and love beneath your feet, including things that should have killed your love for one another but they did not. Don't you understand, Cass? Your love for Brielle is the strongest thing you have. Your rage will calm in a little while and then you will regret what you have done. You will realize your love is worth fighting for, because it is. I want you to go and fight for it."

Cassian could see the earnest expression in her face. He wanted her to fight for something she'd lost– in her case, her husband. She could no longer fight for it because now, it was a bittersweet memory. Cassian didn't even have the luxury of having had a woman to love for sixty years of his life. For him and Brielle, their lives together hadn't even begun and he knew, as Celesse did, that he would never be happy without Brielle.

That was the reality of it.

"Very well," he finally said. "You win. I'll go after her and apologize. But first, I have duties to attend to here, so let me go about them."

"Nay," Celesse said flatly. "Everything here can wait, but Brielle will not. I appreciate that you want to tend to me first, but I am not who truly matters, Cass. Do not let Brielle go one more moment thinking you hate her, for it will cost you if she becomes used to the idea."

Wisdom that comes with age. Cassian realized how grateful he was to have Celesse in his life, helping him to understand things when he could not see them clearly. In his youth, it had been his father. Then it had been Christopher. Now, it was Celesse.

And he was richer for it.

She was right.

He was wrong.

"As you wish," he said, rising from the chair and leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. "Thank you, my lady. For everything."

Celesse smiled at him. "It is no less than what you have done for me," she said. "Now, go. Hurry. Do not come back here unless she has forgiven you."

Cassian smiled weakly, heading for the door, but not before he called for Magda. He instructed the woman to go to every window, every door, and ensure they were all locked and covered with a cloth of some kind so no one could see in. Magda agreed and ran off, leaving Cassian heading for the door.

He'd never moved so fast in his entire life.