Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Felkington Castle

"I t seems to me that you two have manipulated this entire situation," Lista said. "You saw Julian and Louis as potential suitors for me and then you somehow manipulated the circumstances so that one or both would ask to court me."

She was standing in the doorway of that filthy, smelly tower chamber, glaring at her mother and aunt, who were gazing back at her in various stages of bewilderment and defiance. At least, Meadow appeared bewildered while Flora seemed defiant.

The woman didn't bend easily when it came to her niece.

"If you had done your duty as the daughter of the House of de la Mere, we would not have had to manipulate anything," Flora said. "Do not blame us for your lack of duty, Lista. Be fortunate that we found two viable candidates. Now, you have the son of an earl who wishes to court you and any normal girl would be thrilled at the prospect."

After speaking to Louis, Lista knew her aunt and mother had arranged that entire encounter in the vineyard but hearing her aunt confess to it made her blood boil.

"I should have suspected," she said coldly. "It did not occur to me when Louis came to the vineyard and said that he'd been told I wanted to bid him a private farewell, but it should have. I should have known you were behind the entire event that sent Julian fleeing from Felkington."

Flora snorted and turned back to her jumble of pillows on the floor. "Then he is unworthy," she said. "Only the strongest shall survive and that is Louis, the earl's son. He has permission to court you so I suggest you get on with it. Your mother and I are eager to return to the grandeur that we are used to, so do your duty. Marry the earl's son."

Lista thought that was an odd comment and she peered at her aunt as the woman plopped down on her collection of dirty pillows.

"Grandeur that you're used to?" she repeated in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Flora said as she lay back and put her arm over her eyes. "Our mother was the daughter of an earl. You are aware that your mother and I spent our early years at court, something you did not do so you do not know what you are missing. It is time we reclaim our social status and the Sunderland son will accomplish that. Your husband's father will be a well-placed man and that will get us into the finest houses in England."

Lista couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So this was a ploy for you to regain social standing?" she said, appalled. "Is that what you are telling me?"

"A de Velt is good enough, but he is only the son of a great battle lord," Flora said. "The family is prominent, but there is no grand title. No earldom. De Rhos is perfect if you will only do as you are told. He does not seem like an unpleasant man and he is handsome. It should please you that he is interested in you."

Lista stared at her aunt in disbelief but it also occurred to her that Flora was the only one talking. So far, her mother had remained silent so she turned to Meadow, who was sitting on a small chair, dazed because of all the hemp smoke she'd inhaled. Lista moved so that she was in her mother's line of sight.

"Do you hear what she is saying?" she asked. "Is this why you gave permission to Louis to court me? Because you wanted social standing?"

Meadow looked at her daughter as if she didn't understand the question. Then she abruptly nodded her head. "De Rhos seems pleasant enough," she said. "Don't you like him?"

Lista was quickly becoming exasperated. "He's very nice, but I do not want to marry him," she said. "I want to marry Julian but your little plan chased him out of Felkington. He saw me and Louis together and he thought… Mama, did you come up with this scheme? Or was it Flora?"

Meadow blinked as if startled by the question. She looked nervously at Flora, who by now was sitting up again and glaring at her ungrateful niece.

"We thought…" Meadow said, stammering. "There were two eligible knights and you must marry, Lista. I wanted to speak to you about it but I gave my permission for Louis to court you. He asked first. He seems like a nice enough man and he is the son of an earl."

Lista listened to her mother stutter over her words, knowing immediately that her mother more than likely had been bullied into giving her permission. If, in fact, she even gave it at all. Flora was known to tell the servants and even Lista that she had a directive from Meadow when, in fact, her mother knew nothing about it. The whole situation was convoluted but Lista knew one thing– Flora was behind it. That little comment about reclaiming their social status clued her in. Flora had seen an opportunity with Louis. Now, her ambition was showing.

Lista's rage began to build.

"I will not be forced into marriage by anyone," Lista finally said, mostly to Flora. "It is Julian I want, not Louis. At least, I did want Julian but now… now, whatever scheme you've tried to bring about has ruined everything and I'm not entirely sure I shall ever forgive you for that. Julian was kind and considerate and there was something about him that I found endearing and attractive. Now you've made it so he's gone home and he'll never come back, but that does not mean I want the earl's son. I'm not sure I want anyone at all."

"You are going to be a spinster if you do not marry soon," Flora said. "Stop being stubborn and understand your duty, Girl. Your mother wishes for you to marry."

Lista whirled on her aunt. "I want to be very clear to you so you understand what will happen when I marry," she said through clenched teeth. "Be it a pauper's son, a warlord's son, or the son of a king, I will make sure you are nowhere near me. If you show yourself, I will have the guards throw you in the vault and toss the key in the nearest river. What I do will not elevate you in any way. I have told you this before, Flora– I owe you nothing. You mean nothing to me. And you shall get nothing from me no matter how much you try to manipulate the situation. Is this in any way unclear?"

Flora's mouth worked as if she wanted to say something but she ended up falling back on the pillows, grumbling about her ungrateful niece. Lista's gaze lingered on the woman for a moment, waiting for her to get up and start arguing, but she remained on the floor.

Lista finally turned to her mother.

"Stop allowing Flora to make your decisions for you," she said. "Send her back to The Filey, Mama. Send her home. She has done nothing but drag you down into her pit of despair since Simon's death and although I am sorry for what happened to my brother, you and I can get along without him. And without Flora. So please send her home before she ruins your life and my life along with yours. She's already caused Amaury's death. What more will she do before you realize how terrible she is? Please , Mama."

Meadow smiled tremulously at her daughter, reaching out to grasp her hand. Lista took it, squeezing it tightly, but even as she did so she knew that her mother would never send Flora home. Flora was too strong for her, too demanding, and Meadow submitted to her every time. That left Lista defending her mother and all of Felkington against her mother's ambitious sister, which was only growing worse as the days passed. Until Julian de Velt appeared a few days ago, Flora was relatively benign, but now… now, she had a taste of what her life could be like should her niece marry well. And Amaury, once an ally against Flora, was gone.

Now, Lista had a reckless woman on her hands and if she wasn't careful, Flora was going to make a bargain that Lista wouldn't be able to get out of. Perhaps she already had.

It was time for a heartfelt discussion with Louis.

Leaving her mother and Flora wallowing in the last of their hemp smoke, she quit the chamber and went in search of the earl's son.

*

Louis knew that Lista wasn't happy about the situation.

Standing on the roof of Felkington's enormous structure, he was looking up at the stars and thinking of the Felkington heiress stashed in a quiet corner of Northumberland. It wasn't as if he had a problem finding women– quite the contrary. He had a few he was fond of, and one lass in Lincoln in particular, but there was something about Lista that had his attention.

Truthfully, he wasn't sure what it was. He was coming to wonder if it was the competition with Julian that had spurred his interest. Certainly, a woman sought after by another knight was a woman worth having. He might have believed that it was only because of the competition but for the fact that he felt something when he looked in Lista's eyes. What beautiful eyes they were. He wasn't quite sure why she seemed to make him the slightest bit giddy, but she did. Coupled with the fact that she was intelligent and witty, she was a rare jewel, indeed.

But he was fairly certain she wasn't keen on him.

It was because of Julian and he was well aware. She'd told him she was fond of Julian, so that was established. De Velt was a god among men and certainly from one of the most important families in the north, so Julian de Velt had much to offer to a potential wife and Louis had a great deal of respect for him in that regard.

Truth be told, he was rather disappointed with the way things had worked out with Julian. He thought he'd made a friend in the man and was disappointed to realize that had been ruined. He'd come to like the big man with the quiet wit. When Julian's sister had tried to defend his actions, Louis had told her that a good man wouldn't have behaved the way Julian had behaved, by assuming a situation before he knew the facts, but that wasn't entirely true. It wasn't like Louis' behavior was perfect.

He certainly couldn't cast the first stone.

Still, he had permission to court Lista and he didn't take that lightly, but he knew he had a task ahead of him making her forget about Julian and having her focus on him. He knew he could do it given time, and hopefully her willingness, and he felt strongly that this was something he wanted very much. Whether or not Julian deserved her was immaterial.

It boiled down to the fact that Louis wanted her.

"I was told you were up here." Lista suddenly appeared from the stairwell, her soft voice breaking into his thoughts. When Louis turned to look at her, she smiled politely. "Although I admire your sense of duty, I'm not entirely sure the night watch is your responsibility. Looking for more Scots?"

He grinned. "One can never tell," he said. "There were a few grapes left on the vines. They might return for those. You never know."

Lista's smile turned genuine. "Quite true," she said. "They might return for the last apple or the last grape. We have a cherry tree at the edge of the garden, so surely, they would want to strip that, too."

He was leaning on the wall, looking at her over his shoulder. "Are the cherries ripe?"

"Almost."

"I like cherry pudding. I just thought you should know."

Lista chuckled. "They will give you a bellyache if you eat them now," she said. "Cherry pudding will have to wait."

"I can wait."

It was a statement with many different meanings. Lista sensed that right away because her smile faded. With a sigh, she leaned against the wall a few feet away from him.

"Louis, I think we must talk," she said. "I have just come from my aunt and mother."

He nodded. "I see," he said. "And how are Lady Felkington and Lady d'Orbec?"

Lista shrugged. "How are they ever?" she said. "Inhaling hemp leaf smoke. Or sometimes, it's eating the fungus that grows in the forest. Other times, it's licking the green moss on the walls in the hope it will give them visions or make them giddy. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say they will never change. Any husband I have will need to accept that burden and it is too much to bear."

Louis grunted softly as he returned his attention to the silver-cast landscape. "Don't you think he should be the one to make that decision?"

Lista shook her head. "Nay," she said. "I do not think he should. I think I should. Louis, you may as well know that the only reason my mother and aunt wish for me to marry you is so that they can re-establish their social standing. That is all they want you for, I am sorry to say, and that is unfair to you. You are a man of integrity and kindness and you deserve far better than the ravaged baggage I would bring with me."

He looked at her again. "Do you try to scare me?"

"I try to warn you."

"I do not need to be warned," he said. "I am a grown man. I understand this situation. Your aunt is a desperate woman, desperate enough to give me permission to court you when I suspect your mother did not."

"How did you know?"

He shrugged. "Call it a suspicion," he said. "Was she like this with de Velt?"

Lista shook her head. "Not at all," she said. "Mayhap she simply didn't have time. We had not known Julian long before you appeared. All she had to hear was that you were the son of the Earl of Sunderland and you became her prime objective."

Louis scratched his neck pensively. "I am not troubled by the Lady d'Orbecs of this world," he said. "It does not change my interest in you. I am still very interested in courting you but, of course, given the fact that your mother did not give her permission, I will seek yours instead. I realize you had your heart set on Julian, my lady, but all I ask is that you give me a fair chance, too. I promise I will not disappoint you."

It was an earnest plea. Lista found herself looking at him, his handsome face beneath the moonlight, but try as she might, she simply couldn't feel any inclination to agree with him. Had there never been a Julian, she could easily see herself being agreeable towards him. But Julian was a ghost between them, a ghost that would never leave. Although she hadn't known him for very long, the man had marked her enough so that she knew she wouldn't be able to easily forget him. If at all.

Sighing heavily, she averted her gaze and leaned back against the wall.

"I simply do not know," she said honestly. "All of this has happened so quickly. I do not know what I am feeling or what I am thinking other than I am extremely disappointed and sad that Julian left. I am quite fond of him."

"Do you love him?"

It was a blunt question. Lista lifted her head, turning to look at him. "Don't you think that's between Julian and me?" she said softly.

But Louis shook his head. "Nay," he said. "I have a stake in this, too. I think it is a quite reasonable question given the circumstances."

He said it rather firmly. Lista could see that he meant it and she struggled to come up with an answer.

"I do not know the answer to that question," she finally said. "All I know is that Julian is in my thoughts every moment of every hour, every hour of every day. He was hurtful when he left and I'll not deny it, but I've had time to think on it. I cannot say that if I hadn't come upon him with some woman in his arms, no matter how innocent, that I might not have reacted in the same fashion. I do not think you can say that, either– where the heart is concerned, we're all fragile. The heart is the most valuable part of us and if it is wounded, we weaken. If it is broken, we die. Right now, my heart is wounded. Julian's departure did that. I told you once that my heart no longer belonged to me and that is still true. I cannot give it to you if someone else has it, Louis."

Louis listened to her rather impassioned speech and although she didn't give him a direct answer to his question, the implication was clear. A weak smile finally creased his lips.

"I understand," he said. "But if Julian is gone, he will not have your heart forever. Gradually, you will reclaim it again and when you do, I want to be there. I think you are a remarkable woman, Lady Lista de la Mere, and I will not give up on something so remarkable that easily."

Lista sighed faintly. "It is at your own risk," she said. "I am not making you any promises. I could feel the way I do forever."

"Or not," he said.

She conceded the point. "Possibly," she said. "No one knows what the future will hold. But I will ask you not to push me, please. That cannot go well. Whatever happens will happen in its own time."

Louis nodded but the truth was that he was trying not to feel a sense of discouragement. Whatever Lista and Julian had between them was strong; he could see that. But he had to believe he was just as good as Julian de Velt. Perhaps even better. That was something he intended to prove to Lista if she would allow it.

But all he could do was promise not to push.

"As you wish," he said. "For now, mayhap we can simply be friends. Mayhap that is all we can be at the moment."

"I would like that."

His gaze lingered on her in the darkness before he turned, gesturing off towards the south. "There is a place called Iowick Castle to the south," he said. "Have you heard of it?"

Lista shook her head. "I do not think so," she said. "Why?"

He leaned against the wall. "Because they breed ponies that are no bigger than a large dog," he said. "My sister has one for a pet and it sleeps with her. From one friend to another, I was thinking you might like a pony no larger than a big dog as a pet. They are very sweet little animals and finely bred ladies covet them."

Lista was greatly intrigued. "Little ponies?" she said. "I've not even heard of something like that."

He grinned. "I will take you there tomorrow," he said. "Pick out the pony you like and it will be my gift to you. From one friend to another, of course."

"But why such a gift? It is not my day of birth."

"It does not matter. Gifts are for any day of the year."

Lista thought about that but, somehow, she simply didn't feel like indulging in something that was supposed to bring her joy. At the moment, she couldn't manage to feel any joy. Julian was gone, her aunt and mother were concocting schemes behind her back, and she simply didn't feel like being happy or joyful, not even with something as sweet as a tiny pony. Besides… something told her that Louis was perhaps trying to endear her to him with a gift.

Buying her affection, perhaps.

That wasn't something she was willing to do.

"It is a very kind offer," she said. "But not tomorrow. I have much to do here and with the raid yesterday, I would not feel comfortable leaving Felkington for any length of time. I'm sure you understand."

Disappointment rippled across Louis' face. "As you wish," he said. "If the Scots return, I will be here for you to command."

"How long do you plan on staying?"

"You were agreeable for me to remain a few days."

"I know, but I also remember that you said you had business for your father in Kelso."

"Would you like to go with me?"

Lista smiled at him, shaking her head with regret. "Nay," she said. "But you are kind to ask."

He wriggled his eyebrows. "It was worth a try," he said, grinning. "You cannot fault a man for trying."

"I have a feeling it will not be the last time you try."

"You would be correct, demoiselle."

Lista chuckled. "Do not try too hard or you will annoy me," she said. "We will not stay friends for long."

He snorted and turned away from the wall. "I am finished trying for tonight, so you may rest easy," he said. "But I was thinking that I should go to Kelso on the morrow. I will return by evening. Then, I can remain a few days before I must return home."

It seemed to Lista that he wanted her to give him some encouragement, some hope that when he returned, she would be glad for it. No matter how much she explained to him that her affections were with Julian, Louis wasn't inclined to surrender. He was looking for a ray of hope, a hint of encouragement, where she could give him none and no matter how much he told her that he would be content with friendship for the present, Lista knew he couldn't keep to that vow. Frankly, she didn't need the pressure.

Nor did she want it.

Perhaps suggesting they remain friends had been too ambitious.

"Louis," she finally said. "Would you do something for me if I asked it of you?"

"Of course I would."

She faced him. "When you finish your father's business in Kelso, I want you to go back home right away," she said, lifting her hand to silence him when he opened his mouth to protest. "I know I told you that you could stay for a few days, but I have changed my mind. I am afraid I must ask you not to come back. For a while, anyway. I know you believe that you can win me over and you speak of being friends, but I do not think you can keep to that vow and I do not want to get to the point where I avoid you because I do not want to feel as if you are pressuring me to accept your suit. I need some time to reflect on my thoughts and feelings and I cannot do that if you are here. Please do not think me cruel. I think it would be even crueler to let you stay, knowing I cannot give you the answers you seek."

Louis sighed faintly. "May we discuss this again in the morning?" he asked. "Mayhap you should sleep on it and see how you feel on the morrow."

"Nay," Lista shook her head. "It would be better if you go. Please. Go home to Herrington and I will send you word if, and when, I am ready to speak on the subject."

"How long should I wait?"

"That is a fair question," she said. "The answer is that I do not know. It could be a month, a year… I do not know. But if you meet another young woman in the meantime, please do not refuse her because of me. I would wish for you to accept her and be very happy for it."

He gazed at her in the moonlight. "That sounds as if I will never hear from you again."

Lista shrugged. "As I have told you, I do not know," she said honestly. "You are kind and bright and thoughtful, a rare man and one of great value, but my feelings are with another and I do not know if those feelings will ever go away."

Louis looked at her a moment longer before averting his gaze. He'd tried so hard to be understanding, but the truth was that he was a man used to having his way. He was convinced he could sway Lista if she'd only allow it, but it was becoming increasingly clear she didn't want to.

That was a difficult pill for him to swallow.

"I am as good a man as Julian de Velt, my lady," he said quietly. "I would make a good husband."

"I know you would," Lista said. "An excellent husband. But it may not be for me."

He simply nodded his head, but Lista could see that he was clearly unhappy. Even in the torchlight, she could see his jaw twitching faintly. Since there wasn't much more she could say, and she certainly didn't want to delve into the subject of his suit again, she turned back towards the stairs.

"I hope I will see you on the morrow," she said. "But if you are gone when I awake, then know that I wish you safe travels and the very best life has to offer. You deserve everything good, Louis. I mean that sincerely."

He didn't say anything, nor did he respond much other than a tight smile. Lista limped back towards the stairwell but his deep voice stopped her.

"Wait," he said.

Lista paused, trying to stay off her right ankle, as he made his way over to her. He put himself in front of her and gestured to his back.

"Jump on," he said. "Let me take you down the stairs so you do not trip and kill yourself."

He meant to give her a ride on his back and, considering that she had to go down three flights of stairs, it was a rather welcome offer. Without another word, she put her arms around his neck and climbed onto his back as he gripped her with an arm. The other arm was used to steady himself as he made his way down the steep spiral stairs, down to the third floor where Lista's chamber was.

Louis carried her all the way to her chamber door, setting her down carefully when they reached it. With a soft word of thanks, Lista went inside and shut the door, quietly bolting it and listening for Louis to leave.

He stood outside her doorway for a solid hour before she finally heard him depart.

More than likely, for good.