Chapter 22 - Nic

Well, that didn't go as planned at all. After talking to Mom and Nic's mom, I actually thought I had a chance with Lex. When he almost came to blows with TJ after finding me in his arms, I was actually secretly delighted. Manuel unexpectedly showing up had me worried for a minute, but I finally had the chance to put him in his place. Besides, Lex's relief when he heard me say that I was never going back to Manuel had me believing that he had a thing for me.

Apparently not.

I don't know what this risk is that he keeps referring to. He sure seems scared of it, whatever it is.

I steal a glance at his face. He is still looking pale. Has his fear got something to do with my stalker? I still feel as if I'm being watched, but the tracking device has provided me with a sense of security. I make it a point to keep the tracking device on me at all times. Even today, I didn't forget to take it out of the handbag and put it in the clutch.

What is Lex not telling me? He is trying to smile at me and talking about unimportant things. How well the party was organized. How everybody seemed to have enjoyed themselves thoroughly. I nod and smile from time to time. The omelet was excellent, I tell him after we've polished the plate. He takes it away and puts it in the sink.

So this is how it is going to be, I think gloomily. Mind-blowing sex with too many orgasms to count followed by meaningless small talk. Won't we ever talk about anything real? Won't he ever open himself up to me?

"Hey, you're miles away," he says, tapping me between my eyebrows. "Why the long face?"

"Do you think Manuel was my stalker?" I blurt out, unable to think of anything else.

He scratches his chin and looks thoughtful.

"It is a possibility."

"But then what about that thing I saw outside my office window?"

Lex remains silent. I have a feeling he knows exactly what it was.

"You know, I have given it a lot of thought. I don't think it was Manuel. I think it was a drone or some kind of surveillance technology, but it doesn't make sense. It was a lot larger than a drone. Almost the size of an airplane. And even though I only had a brief glimpse of whatever it was from the corner of my eye both times, I could have sworn that it was alive. I'm almost tempted to think that it was a large bird of some sort. Can large birds be trained to spy on people?"

"Perhaps."

"But why would somebody go through all the trouble just to spy on me? I mean, it simply doesn't make any sense! Unless it is industrial espionage? Do you think it is that?"

"That is another possibility."

Lex is infuriatingly tight-lipped. I want to tear out my hair. He knows something, but he's not telling me.

"Lex, you know how earlier you said that you had never lied to me?"

He nods warily.

"I want you to be honest with me," I say, crossing my arms tightly across my middle.

"Nic, there are some things that I simply cannot tell you."

His eyes are searching my face. He looks anguished. I want to question him, but how can I, knowing that I'm causing Lex anguish. But I need some answers.

"Okay, at least tell me this—has my stalker got anything to this ‘risk' you keep talking about?"

"We… I think so," he says carefully. Who is ‘we'? The other partners? Just who are these people? Am I better off maintaining my distance from Lex after all? I have always sensed an aura of power and danger around Lex, but I have never been afraid of him. Quite the opposite in fact. He makes me feel safe. When Lex took me into his arms in my office after the little episode in the break room and promised me that he wouldn't let anything happen to me, I believed him. That was the first time I felt safe ever since this business with the stalker started.

I still feel eyes on me almost round the clock, but every time I'm tempted to freak out, I tell myself that Lex will keep me safe. It calms me down instantly. It also makes me want to believe that he cares for me.

"Lex…" I begin hesitatingly.

"Yes?"

"If you eliminate this ‘risk' you speak of, is there any way we can be together?" I ask in a low voice, studying my nails.

"Oh Nic," he comes around the island and puts his arms around me. I wince at the expression on his face. I should have never asked the question. I am pathetic.

"Sweetheart, the risk can never be eliminated. It stays with me as long as I am alive," he says gently. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Why did I have to open my big mouth? It's Mom's fault for urging me to follow my heart. And Lex's mom fault as well. Why did she have to practically push me in his direction?

"Right. Forget I asked. Old habits. Like I said, I have never done this casual sleeping around thing," I say, pulling away from his arms.

"So, you never did answer my question about why you recover so quickly. Are you some sort of a superhuman?" I joke. Lex's eyes widen and he remains silent.

"What the actual fuck?" I blurt out as my mouth hangs open. "You are a superhuman?"

"Of course not! Don't be silly!" he says, avoiding my gaze. I am more curious than ever.

"So you had a chance to dump your ex today. I am so, so glad that you didn't decide to let him back in your life."

He is steering the conversation away in a completely different direction. I am tempted to doggedly pursue my line of inquiry, but I don't want him to clam up. We are finally talking about stuff that actually matters.

"I'm glad as well. He had some gall coming after me like that," I say, pushing hair away from my eyes.