31. Liam

My fingers duginto her biceps as inexplicable rage filled me – eclipsing whatever relief I might feel over finally being in the same room as her. Nothing could have prepared me for the moment I saw red when she picked up that knife.

I've never blacked out from rage before either.

But I don't remember how I got here or who broke down her door. All I could remember was the way the faint sunlight had caught the edge of that blade and then nothing until the moment I ripped open the closet door.

Fury poured off of me in waves as if my scent blockers were completely useless. The scent of my rage permeated the room – so thick everyone would be dead if it were anyone else in here with me.

I couldn't fucking believe she would do this.

Grabbing her face, I shoved upward, not bothering to be gentle. I couldn't. I was too fucking angry and scared. The smell of blood was making me lose my goddamn mind. I felt insane. Certifiably fucking insane because I couldn't figure out where that scent was coming from.

She was wearing scent blockers again and I tore them off, desperately searching her neck for any sign she'd hurt herself.

The scars covered by ink were proof she'd done it before. She'd thought about slitting her own throat more than a few times and those marks were my fault. I couldn't let her do this again, not when I was finally here to do something about it.

"What exactly were you planning to do in there?" I shoved her head to the other side, still not seeing where the scent of blood was coming from. "Why are you bleeding?"

Cas growled, the sound so low and deep it rattled my bones, but he would have to fucking wait.

Lucy tried to shove me off her and the sensation barely registered. I was so fucking angry I couldn't feel anything. Couldn't even breathe.

I've never been so scared in my fucking life.

"Just tell me what you were doing," I snarled, shaking her hard enough she stopped fighting me. "Because I'm pretty fucking sure I told you the last time you did this shit that no one gets to hurt you but me and Cas. Not even you."

"Were you afraid?" Lucy looked so fucking calm and that only made me angrier.

"Of course I am!" I snapped, furious she would doubt this out of all the things she could ever doubt about me. "I'm always afraid when it comes to you. Fuck Lucy, I've been scared every day of my life that you want nothing to do with me. You don't need to do this shit to make me feel fear."

It was like acid in my veins – in my throat. I couldn't swallow. I could barely fucking breathe with the burning sensation spreading through my chest. My hands were shaking asI yanked her shirt up, trying to find where she'd cut herself.

"Tell me where it is and I'll forgive you. Just this once," I muttered, patting her down to see if there was any blood seeping into her clothes.

"Where what is?" she shoved me hard and I stumbled back a few steps, surprised by her willingness to touch me more than her strength.

But this was my last chance and I couldn't fuck it up.I couldn't let one more scar damage her perfect skin when there was something I could do to stop it.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I do," I tried to explain, grabbing her arm and shoving the sleeve all the way up to see if she'd tried to do it somewhere else. "It's just that I can't fucking stand the smell right now."

She shoved me again and this time I felt whatever tiny thread of humanity I was desperately holding on to snap. All the rage and hurt boiled over and the growling snarl that erupted from my chest worried me almost as much as the scent of her blood.

"Are you really going to tell me you didn't take that knife in there to do this again?" I grabbed her throat and pressed my thumb into the old scars, baring my teeth at her so she'd fucking understand. "You're going to stand here and tell me I shouldn't be afraid? Can you hear how fucking crazy you make me? How desperate?"

I couldn't stop myself from shaking her again, even knowing I could really hurt her – that my pheromones might just make her sick if I didn't get my shit together, but the last few days had nearly killed me.

Watching her work on the case instead of looking for her missing treasures had seriously fucked with me.

I'd done everything I could to keep from losing it completely – to make sure she had the time and space she needed to realize her pheromones had nothing to do with how desperate I was to keep her in my life.

But this was my limit. I couldn't hold all my crazy back anymore. I couldn't pretend to be normal when my omega grabbed a knife and then hid herself away where we couldn't see her.

My thoughts were so loud, screaming in my head, and I couldn't keep them inside anymore.

"I can't lose you. Not again. I refuse to lose you again, do you understand? I let you go even though it fucking killed me and now you want me to believe you weren't going to do something insane after finding out I could have told you sooner and didn't?" I grabbed her wrist and forced her to press the edge of the blade against my neck. "Whatever you were going to do, do it to me instead. There's no way I could ever live without you so don't make me find you covered in blood and wonder if you did it to yourself. Don't ever disappear on me again."

The pressure on the knife increased and the look on her face told me she planned to spill as much of my blood as she could.

The acid in my throat rose until it was all I could taste.

"Please," I whispered. "You have to know—have to know just how fucking desperate I am. My life is yours to command…whatever you want—whatever it is, I'll do it."

I would do anything for her—anything she wanted me to do. Didn't matter what it was. I'd cut out my own fucking heart if that meant she'd finally accept it. I'd bleed for her—make the world bleed for her.

I was made for her and she was made to be mine. I needed her so badly…it wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. Without her I was empty.

All I needed was a chance – one tiny chance.

"Whatever I want?" Lucy stepped closer, her grey eyes as dark as the storm clouds outside. "You forget Liam, I'm not a nice person. My father made sure of that and there is no way you could possibly understand what that means – what I want from you right now."

"You drive me up the fucking wall," I growled, yanking her close enough she could see the absolute insanity in my eyes. "You think I don't know? How could I not?"

"If you knew then you would've fucking told me from day one!"

Holding her wrist tight enough to leave a bruise, I ripped the knife from her hand and shoved her away from me, not trusting myself when she was getting in my face like that. I wanted to devour her when she looked at me like she wanted to kill me and that was the last thing she needed right now.

"Tell me when I should have told you. Teach me, Lucy. I'll admit I was wrong if you can explain to me how I was supposed to tell you when you were suddenly there, in front of me, right after I got dragged away by the police because someone tried to frame me for killing my brother."

She glanced over at Cas and a growl of frustration escaped me. She needed to pay attention to me right now. Not him.

All the rage settled into my bones and it didn't make me feel like I was going to vibrate out of my skin anymore. No, it was almost comforting and I felt a strange sense of calm.

Staring down at the blade, I studied the edge closely but the only blood I could smell from it was mine. "There were so many times I tried to tell you – when you were feeling better. That night at the restaurant. During your heat. When I had you strapped to that bloody chair in my basement but then you went into heat…tell me, would you have even believed me? Would you have believed that I didn't have ulterior motives for telling you?"

Licking the edge of the blade, I didn't taste a single drop of her blood.

A flash of hunger in her eyes when she studied the blade in my hand gave me a tiny sliver of hope there was still a chance we would find our way through this mess.

My eyes met hers and Lucy looked at me like I was nothing – like she could walk away at any moment.

It was as if no time had passed at all and it felt like I was back in that cafeteria as she looked at me like she'd rather be alone for the rest of her life than have to deal with the inconvenience of sharing her space with me.

"You don't feel guilty about lying to me at all, do you?"

"I didn't lie to you." If looks could kill I'd be dead already, but we both knew I was right.

"You did," she countered. "Because I may be bad with names, but I know I would have remembered that you're a Valor."

"And that's exactly why I never gave you that name."

She slapped me then. It was a good one too. My head whipped to the side and everything. I even tasted blood.

I licked my lips, savoring the taste of her violence. Yeah it was fucked up, but I wanted more of it.

Lucy went to slap me again and I caught her wrist before she could, leaning down to give her my best smile, making sure she could see all my teeth. "Is it my death what you want then?"

Placing the knife in her hand, I carefully wrapped her fingers around the hilt, forcing her to take it.

"Make sure to kill me slowly, baby. Blade's so sharp it can cut through bone. I wanna feel it. Paint this room with my blood. Red is always such a pretty color on you, Lucy."

I grabbed the front of her shirt and yanked her body against mine, forcing her to look up at me with her head all the way back in the most uncomfortable position I could put her in without actually hurting her.

"It would be so romantic, don't you think?" Leaning down until we were close enough I could feel her breath on my face, I made sure she could see I was being dead fucking serious about this. "There's no world that exists where I don't belong to you. It doesn't matter if your name is Daphne or Lucy. I'm yours, so do whatever the fuck you want with me. Even if you won't let me be your alpha…let me at least give you my death."

I felt her pull away and it was like someone punched me in the gut.

"I don't want your death, Liam. I just want you to feel the same pain I did."

That was it?

If she wanted me to suffer, then that's what I'd do.

As long as she stayed, I could do anything.