32. Liam

Lucy gently placedthe knife back in my hand and dread settled in my stomach.

"You know what hurt the most though? You knew I wouldn't be able to recognize you and it was excruciating to realize you've been using that to your advantage this whole time." Lucy looked up at me with enough devastation in her eyes to make all my rage falter. "How was I ever supposed to win this game? You know I can't. It was rigged from the very beginning. So, I wanted to make you understand that you weren't the only one with power. That is why I took the knife with me. To make you realize you have no control over me."

Jesus Christ.

I ran my hand over my face and almost laughed when I saw just how badly I was shaking.

An omega was an alpha's entire reason for existing, and Lucy…I've never seen an omega weaponize that the way she did.

Because omegas weren't just capable of soothing an alpha like no one else, they were also our greatest weakness.

Normally, an omega's instincts made it nearly impossible for them to harm an alpha, but if they really wanted to, they could destroy us. They could take advantage of our instincts the same way alphas took advantage of theirs.

Clearly, Lucy was aware of that more than most and she lived to torture us.

Grabbing her arm, I yanked her toward me and wrapped my arms around her body until her face was pressed against my chest, her fingers digging into the fabric of my shirt until it was all bunched up in her fists.

There was nothing in the world that could stop me from holding her right now when she needed it so badly.

"You did good, baby. You made a real fucking mess of me and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm still losing my mind because I can smell your blood and I have no idea where it's coming from." I felt the tiniest piece of my humanity return when a broken laugh escaped her, butshe sounded so heartbroken it made my chest ache in sympathy and I'd do anything to make her feel better.

Anything.

I pressed her head to my chest and stared at nothing, wishing I could get her to understand. "I'm fucking terrified to lose you and I know I don't deserve this, but I can't let you go. Not again. You accomplished exactly what you set out to do and scared the living shit out of me but you have to know…you've always been the one with the power in this relationship, Lucy. Not me."

How the fuck was I supposed to get her to understand? What would it take to make her realize she was the only person in the world who could get me to do anything to prove just how bad I had it? She's always been the one who held my life in the palm of her hand.

One day, I sat with the weird girl at lunch and it had changed my fucking life. Everything I'd ever done since then was because of her. All of it. I've done unspeakable things just for the smallest hint of where she might be.

All this power I possessed was worthless without her.

I wanted that weirdo back. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted her to know just how far I was willing to go.

Maybe things would have been easier if we were both betas, but we weren't. I would always be the alpha and she would be the omega. No one would ever see us as anything else and I knew she had issues with that.

With how they would perceive her.

To make all this fucking worse, I was a legacy alpha.

Her father had suffered because of his designation and Lucy had seen firsthand the kind of power an alpha had in a relationship. She knew how vulnerable it would make her to give in.

If I wanted any chance with her, I had to be the one to risk it all. I had to make her see how vulnerable I was willing to be because she just didn't get it and everything I've done up until now clearly wasn't enough.

Slowly releasing her, I dropped to one knee. And then the other. I sat back on my heels and let the knife drop to the floor, clattering against the hardwood. I forced my eyes down to her feet and placed my hands on my thighs.

"I know you want me to beg for your forgiveness, but I'm not sorry for the way I handled this. I am sorry it hurt you. I tried to find the least painful way possible, but it still hurt you and I fucking hate that."

I took a deep breath and pressed my forehead to her thigh, needing to get it all out before she interrupted me or decided to just walk away.

"I am sorry I wasn't there when you needed me most – that it took me so long to find you. I never should have let my mother ship me off to the academy…or maybe I should have just kidnapped you and brought you with me, I don't know, but I promise I'll never hide anything from you ever again. What I'm feeling. What I'm thinking. What I want. What I need. It's all the same thing and it's you."

"Liam—"

"I don't care how desperate I sound," I insisted, hating that I had to interrupt her but she needed to understand. "I love you. I love you so fucking much I can't even remember what it was like not to love you. You don't even have to love me back, just don't leave me."

Her cool hand caressed my cheek and I leaned into her touch, ready to beg if I had to.

For once in my life I didn't feel disgusted by the thought.

"Liam, look at me."

Tipping my head up, I clenched my hands into fists so I wouldn't reach for her and ruin everything.

"You didn't trust me enough to tell me," she whispered, voice thick with tears. "You made me feel like I was nothing. How am I supposed to forgive that?"

"You're not nothing, Lucy. I'm the one who's worthless. You've never needed me the way I needed you. Every time I was looking at you, you were all I could see. My whole world. I'm always starving for your attention. Desperate for you to let me be yours. You're everything. Can't you see? You're the one who has all the power here. You have me on my knees, begging for the chance to keep all the promises I've ever made to you."

"Jesus," Cas muttered.

Her hand slipped away and I was too desperate to stop myself from grabbing it and holding it to my face so I could have this for just a little bit longer. "Lucy…I don't care what other people might think. If this is what you need from me, I'll kneel before you in front of the whole fucking world because I would rather die than have to watch you walk away from me one more time."

Tears rimmed her eyes and she wasn't looking at me like she wanted to kill me anymore. She looked just as wrecked as I felt.

"Was this what you wanted?" My voice cracked and my eyes burned as I stared up at her, hoping I knew my omega as well as I thought I did.

"You make it so fucking hard to hate you." Her tears fell then, sparkling like diamonds before splashing against my face. "Why do you have to be so good at this? I'm still so angry with you."

Lucy leaned down before I could say anything to that, kissing me like this might just be the last time she got to do it.

The taste of blood filled my mouth and it was almost as sweet as her scent.

Intoxicating.

"All I've ever wanted is to kiss you," I murmured. "To make you feel loved – I want to consume every second of every moment you have. And that hasn't changed for fifteen years."

Every single part of me wanted to tie her down and mark every fucking inch of her body. I wanted to drown her in my scent and feast on her…

I wanted to rip her apart and burrow deep inside her.

Reaching up, I gently tugged her chin down to see inside her mouth. "Not making sure we could contact each other has been one of the biggest regrets of my life and I've paid for that choice every fucking day since my mother shipped me off to Blackwood Academy."

Slipping my thumb inside her mouth, I felt the rough spot on her cheek where she must have bit down hard enough to make it bleed.

"I may have been young, but I'd already decided that you'd be mine regardless of what your designation would be. I've wanted you every single day since we met, and I still do." Lucy stared down at me with those big, beautiful eyes of hers and more tears hit my face, mixing with mine. "I've spent the last fifteen years searching for you and I would spend the next fifteen years exactly the same way if I had to."

I didn't dare look away from her. Not when her pheromones were hesitantly curling around me. But the rich scent of black currants and roses had a sharp tang I didn't like.

My omega was desperately trying to figure out how to deal with what was left of her world after I'd destroyed it, but she didn't have to rebuild it alone. Not anymore.

"Giving up never occurred to me," I confessed. "How could I? It was you. I didn't have a name or a face either Lucy, but I never once gave up on you."

"I always thought you'd come back when it rained," she whispered. "Every year you didn't, I tattooed another goodbye on my back and now my spine is made of spider lilies."

Those words shook me so much I almost couldn't believe what I'd heard. I looked over at Cas who was leaning against the doorframe, silently watching us.

Lucy dug her nails into my face, forcing my attention back to her. "What took you so fucking long?"

"Well, some brat changed her name and had any record of Daphne Thomas wiped from existence." I stood and scooped her up all at once and surprisingly, she didn't fight me. She just held on, burying her face in my neck as I carried her to the bed. "So it took me a little longer than I expected. I'm sorry baby, but I'm right here. I came back. Just like I promised."

I sat down on the edge of her bedand squeezed her tighter, memorizing the way her body fit perfectly against mine. It was bittersweet because she was crying like I'd broken her heart, but shewasn't pushing me away anymore. She was holding on like she'd never let go.

She was mine. And always had been. Even if she wasn't ready to admit it yet.

"You knew this whole time."

"I did."

"How? I made sure I don't look the same."

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, wishing I could have been there when she'd felt so vulnerable and scared she wanted to drastically alter her appearance. "I was so fucking tired after spending all night at the police station that I thought I was hallucinating when I saw you, because you did look completely different and I couldn't be sure…not until I saw the axolotls on your shoes."

Lucy dug her nails into me, burying her face in my chest to hide how hard she was crying but her body was so still – only the dampness of my shirt and the thickness of her voice when she spoke gave me any indication she was crying at all.

"You're the most precious thing in my life," I murmured, her hair tickling my lips – saying whatever I could think of that might make the sound of her broken sobs disappear, but she only cried harder. "I've spent more than half my life loving you and I've been so fucking miserable without you…I didn't know how to tell you I've spent years looking for you given our circumstances and that's my fault. I know you hate me for that. Hate me all you want. Call me every name in the book. Punish me for making you think I'd never come back. I'll take it. All of it. You can do anything you want, Lucy. Just let me be yours."

"I do hate you," she said through her tears, but she didn't sound all that convincing. Especially when she rubbed her cheek against my scent glands like she wanted to be covered in my pheromones. "I hate you so much I can't stand it."

"That's right, baby. Don't let me off easy."

She pulled back and hergrey eyes glimmered up at me. They were so pale and clear – no sign of the raging storm I saw earlier. They were so fucking gorgeous I found myself getting lost in them and I was content to stare into her eyes for the rest of my life.

"Why do you keep praising me for making you suffer?"

"Becauseyou're crying over something I did that hurt you. You're in pain and I can't do anything to make it better. All I can do is suffer and I'm so fucking into you that I can't even breathe without you. My lungs freeze and my heart stops. And I know it's fucking pathetic but I'm just so relieved you want to hurt me. You could have walked away from it all—from me, but you didn't."

She searched my eyes like she wasn't sure if I was being serious or not. Then she reached up and wiped away the tears on my cheeks, her eyes widening when she realized they were mine, not hers. "Would you really kneel in front of the whole world?"

I really fucking hope that question meant what I thought it did. "Only if you agree to be mine. All you have to do is say yes, and I'll do anything you ask of me."

I wiped away the fresh tears streaming down her face and admitted that I wouldn't take no for an answer, even if it was just to myself. I'd follow her around for the rest of my life if I had to, waiting for another chance.

Maybe I should feel bad about that, but Lucy didn't seem concerned about the fucked up shit we did. She wasn't under any illusion that either of us was normal.

Lucy gently took my face in her hands, hesitant as she studied my face. I held my breath, terrified that if I moved a single muscle she might stop touching me. "You'd do anything? Even if I asked you to let me go?"

"No…that's the one thing I can't do. Not again, Lucy. Just kill me if that's what you're going to ask for. I'd rather die."

"I wish I could hate you for real but you keep saying all the right things." The way she stared straight into my soul made it feel like she could see everything. "…fine then. Let me ask you this. If I made you choose, would you pick me, or the name you refused to tell me? Would Liam Valor give up his legacy for me?"