20. Teddy

My parents have a three bedroom house in the suburbs of Newark, and I'm thankful my sister, Elizabeth, is home and willing to pick me up so late. She's my closest sibling, at only ten months younger, and also the one I trust the most. With dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes, we got mistaken for twins as children, and we even shared a room until I was eight.

Elizabeth guides us out of the airport maze and onto the interstate. "How was the trip?"

She lets me give a non-committal, "Good, just tired," and moves on to telling me how everyone in the family is doing on our way home.

Elizabeth is still living at home and just finished her masters, so she's in between work and starting a career in education. I offer hms and ahs, hoping I'm not being rude, but I'm ready to sleep for days.

Our older sister, Mary-Catherine, is already married with two children of her own, and they are fully moved into their new house only a mile away from Mum and Pops. She and her husband are expecting a third child at the end of the year, but haven't announced it yet. Elizabeth says the morning sickness is better this time, and they're hoping for a girl after two boys.

Abigail, our youngest sister, is in college in New York City, following in my footsteps and going out of state. She's the dreamer in the family, and I'm glad she got a scholarship, but our parents aren't so sure about her auditioning for Broadway roles at only twenty. Elizabeth thinks it's great.

When we're almost home, I'm starting to regret asking my most talkative sibling to give me a ride. I could have called my little brother, Christopher, since he's the silent jock type. But he's only sixteen, and drives like he stole the car according to Mum.

It's after midnight where we pull up to the two-story place I called home until I moved in with Jamie. Thinking about him makes me dizzy, so I hop out and grab my luggage, carrying it up the steps and waiting for Elizabeth to open the door. She waves and heads for her bedroom upstairs. She's lucky to have had it to herself since Abigail left for college.

Pops is waiting up, fast asleep and snoring loudly in his old green recliner. My parents got married young, so he's only a little gray at the temples. His flannel pajamas are the matching pair to ones I own, bought as a family set the previous Christmas.

Shaking his shoulder gently, I don't want him hurting his neck sleeping upright. "Pops, I'm home."

He snorts awake and reaches for his glasses. Pops still has a bit of the Welsh accent, but Mum didn't pick it up from her parents. "TJ, my boy?"

"Yeah, Pops."

Helping him up, we slap each other's back and make our way up the stairs after Elizabeth. "Everything alright?"

"Just needed a break," I give a bit too much of the truth in my tiredness. I change the subject to where I'm sleeping, the spare bed that used to be mine. "I'll try not to wake Christopher

"He's probably on his phone, anyway," Pops chuckles. "We'll talk in the morning?"

Pops phrases it like a question, but I know he and Mum will want answers. They were busy raising five children, but they always make time to talk when we act off.

"In the morning. Night."

Christopher isn't on his phone, but it takes me hours to fall asleep, and I wake to the sound of people moving around downstairs. The single bathroom is free, so I shower off the travel funk and make my way downstairs. I have to face them, even if I don't have answers.

It's Sunday, but my parents don't go to church every weekend, and I greet my mom with a kiss on the cheek. Her long hair is pulled up into a messy bun, and I notice she's wearing a new apron. She's manning the stove, cooking bacon and eggs enough for the whole family, though there's only three of us home.

"Morning, Mum. Cooking for an army, I see?"

"Don't know any other way, TJ," Mum pats my cheek and piles food onto a plate for me.

My stomach is in knots, but I don't say anything and sit at the round table where we used to squeeze seven people. I'm between my sister and brother, who are eating and scrolling on their phones, not realizing this puts me straight across from Pops. He's reading an actual paper, glasses on the tip of his nose, and doesn't look up when he greets me.

Pushing my food around the plate, I sense Mum sit down next to Pops and I take a bite so I'm not being rude. The tension in the room grows thick, and I'm reminded of how my parents have a talent for going quiet and letting us get things out before they ask questions. This resulted in me and my siblings admitting our sins when they had no clue what we'd done.

"How was the cruise?" Elizabeth asks, breaking the tension only a little and making me blurt out without thinking.

"I think I'm bi. Or maybe gay."

Mum gasps and drops the knife she's using to spread butter on toast. Everyone goes still and quiet. Christopher has his mouth open with the forkful of eggs halfway to his mouth. Elizabeth reaches out to squeeze my hand between us on the table and I look up to see Pops is expressionless, staring at a spot over my head.

Shit. I have been grappling with my confusion and forgot they have even more Catholic hang-ups than me. Their parents left Wales partially because they wanted religious freedom, but their religion doesn't treat queer people equally.

But who wants to follow a religion that hates on people in love?

Am I in love? I hadn't even considered that possibility. It's too much and I stand to leave, not wanting to sit around waiting for rejection.

Elizabeth stands beside me and grabs hold of my hand again. "Mum, Pops, I'm bi."

"Fuck, I wasn't expecting that," I curse, not realizing I spoke out loud.

"Language, Theodore," Mum chastises, and drops my full first name. I must be in trouble.

"Is that all you have to say?" Elizabeth asks, squaring her shoulders beside me. I admire her bravery, and am glad I have her to support me when I thought I might lose them all.

"You can't take mass if you're gay," Christopher comments, setting down his fork and looking up at me. "But I'm not surprised."

"You're not?" I blink at him, my parents' silence forgotten at his revelation.

"I shared a room with you for ten years, bro." He shrugs, "And you never reacted to girls like I did when I hit my teens."

"I'm not exactly surprised either," Mum adds in a small voice.

Well, shit. Was I the last to know? I take my hand from out of my sister's and wipe my clammy palm on my pants.

Pops takes his glasses off and meets my eyes, his expression unreadable as he asks, "Is it JJ?"

It's my turn to take in a sharp breath as I look from him to Mum. She doesn't seem surprised by his question. I hold my breath until he speaks again.

"We already think of him as a third son, but I don't care who you love, my boy," Pops takes Mum's hand and gives her a sweet smile before turning it on me. "We only want you to be happy."

Sitting back down and covering my heated face with my hands, I admit, "It's Jamie. But we didn't know…or, we didn't think of each other that way until this cruise."

"Well, that is a surprise," Elizabeth chuckles and sits down again, picking up her toast and twirling it around. "I thought you were living in sin for years."

Mum nods and sniffles and I see how they might have thought so from the outside. But I have no clue where Jamie stands.

"I kind of ran away to avoid talking to him about it."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" Elizabeth asks.

My watch buzzes and I check the notification out of habit. It's a text from Jamie and I read it before replying.

Jamie: I don't like being in our apartment without you. I'm going to visit my parents. Let me know if…when, you're ready to talk.

"I think I'm going to Richmond."