21. Jamie

After sending the texts to my mom and Teddy, I take a quick shower and throw on the first clothes I find. I don't even bother to change what's packed, I just grab my unopened luggage and hit the road.

Driving up to Richmond doesn't clear my head. Teddy hasn't replied, so I turn up the music and skip any song about unrequited feelings or break ups. We weren't truly dating, so we didn't break up, but I still don't want to dwell on those feelings.

Though I'm tempted to keep going until I reach New Jersey, I follow the well-known path to my parents' place outside of the city. The two-story house has a stone facade and is too big for two people, with an indoor pool and outdoor tennis court, but they host events for my father's firm there and need the space. They have a full time maid and chef, along with my mom being a housewife, so I don't see them downsizing until my dad retires.

The decor is warm and inviting, but not too formal for my taste with family portraits alongside expensive art. It felt like home growing up, but now I recognize that I don't feel at home without Teddy.

They're expecting me and my mom has lunch waiting even though it's midafternoon. My parents are loving and open, but also big on appearances. Despite it being the weekend, Dad is in a suit jacket and pants, and my mom has a flowery dress with a full face of makeup and jewelry on. They've been married thirty years this winter, and are both in their sixties with graying hair. I always imagine having a happy marriage like them, but I never picture what my partner would look like.

Now, I can't imagine anyone but Teddy in that mental image.

We make conversation about Dad's clients and mom's friends before a lull in the conversation lets me know I haven't been paying attention.

"What were you saying?"

"Not that I don't love this unexpected visit," Mom starts and stops, turning to my dad.

"We're wondering if something happened on the cruise," Dad finishes for her.

They are good at reading one another and often finish each other's sentences. I want that, and wonder if I had it with Teddy but lost it before we even knew what we had.

"You looked like you were having fun from the picture you sent on jet skis," Mom adds, trying to get me to talk with worry clear on her face. "Was the storm worse than the weather reports said?"

"No, it wasn't too bad," I rush to assure her, patting her hand. "We were docked for the whole thing and stayed indoors. It's why we had to change flights, though."

Dad folds his cloth napkin and places it beside his empty plate. "Did you and Theodore have a falling out?"

Alan, their personal chef, walks in to clear the plates and I realize I only took a few bites. I thank him and he smiles politely before leaving for the nearest kitchen.

"Why would you think that?"

"He always comes with you when you visit. Naomi and I expected him to join you."

Mom nods and it hits me that I've rarely been back home without him in a couple years.

"Not a falling out, per se," I hedge, not sure how to get the words out. "He's visiting his parents in Newark."

"It's not school is it?" Mom asks, but Dad interrupts before I can reply.

"I hope not, you're only a year away from joining my firm."

This is getting into another sensitive topic. Maybe I should rip that bandage off that impending wound first, put everything out there at once instead of waiting. And it will give me time to think about how to say the rest.

"What if I don't want to join your firm?"

My parents blink at me and Dad frowns, "You don't want to be a lawyer?"

"Oh, shit. No," I start and she their eyes widen. "I want to be a lawyer, just maybe not a litigation attorney." Their shoulders drop with my clarification and I continue explaining, "You enjoy negotiating settlements for big companies and staying out of court. I think I'd like to focus more on civil rights cases and do more trial law. Teddy is the one who wants to be in litigation."

"I know," Dad smiles and clears his throat. "I hope he'll come work for me as well. It's why I was so concerned you may be fighting."

"You're not upset that I don't want to do the same thing as you so you can be Horowitz and son someday?"

"Oh JJ," Mom giggles and it's her, don't be silly, laugh, "Sarah is about to be a doctor and you"re one year away from passing the bar. We're beyond proud of you both no matter what path you choose with your degrees."

Dad sits back when Alan brings out coffee, giving me time to process how well the conversation I'd been dreading for years went. I have hope that the rest of what I plan to say will come easy as well.

"Besides, you can still work in my firm with a different focus. Expanding won't hurt us," I think he's done, but then he adds, "You know I think of Theodore as a son, too."

"Yes," Mom nods and sips her coffee. "Which is why we must know what's going on between you two."

Sitting back, I don't need more caffeine after the amount I had on the drive over. My nerves are already frayed between thinking about Teddy and the surprisingly easy but still anxiety inducing conversation about my career path.

"I think I'm in love."

"You think?" Mom sets her coffee down and reaches out to squeeze my wrist, a toothy smile on her face, "In love with whom? Is she Jewish?"

"Um, no, he's not Jewish."

"Well, that's not the end of the world. No one is perfect," Mom sighs and then freezes. "Wait…He?"

No time like the present.

"Yeah, I"m not straight. And I'm in love with Teddy."

A pause has my ears ringing, and I'm encompassed in my mom's arms before I realize she has moved. My dad joins in, getting me to my feet as they crush me between them. My cheeks are kissed by Dad while Mom's head only reaches my chest, and I can feel their love and acceptance.

"Oh, JJ," Mom coos and I lean back to look at her. Her eyes are watery but I see a question in them, "Does he love you back?"

That's the million dollar question, isn't it.