Chapter 26

Nikolai

W hen I wake, the bed is empty beside me. Arianna is gone. I find her drinking coffee in the kitchen. I go toward her, to try to touch her but she moves out of my grasp.

"Drink this and get dressed, we need to talk," she says thrusting a coffee at me.

I'm unaccustomed to taking orders, but I do as she asks. When I return, she's sat waiting for me at the table. She gestures for me to take a seat opposite her, and I do as she asks. She bravely meets my eyes, steeling herself for what she's about to tell me.

"Nikolai. I'm going to tell you what I know, the information I promised in exchange for my freedom. I know I can't expect you to promise to grant me a new life, that's why I held off telling you for so long. But I hope that you will do it, that you will let me leave safely, despite what I am about to tell you."

Her eyes plead with mine, her green irises glistening with unshed tears and unspoken words. I couldn't possibly refuse her now, not that I'd want to.

"Of course, if that's what you want. I promise," I say. Though already the thought of letting her go, of living without her is impossible and has the caveman inside me rattling his cage.

"My father was… is a cruel man. He thrives off hurting others. I know that he seems like a vile, petty thug without clever ideas, and for the most part that's true. But sometimes, he or more likely his associates think up new and unexpected ways to hurt their enemies. He wasn't always that smart, but since my sister's death, he likes to use deception and trickery," she explains carefully.

"Yes, I'm beginning to see that," I agree, thinking of how he managed to replace Arianna with another woman without anyone knowing of his deception, got someone close enough to take a shot at me in my own club, and tricked his way into my home.

Just thinking of this makes my blood boil. Anyone would think I'm getting soft, allowing De Luca to get one up on me even once. The bastard is either cleverer than he looks or there's a brains behind this operation I don't yet know of. Perhaps Di Stefano? The mysterious don hasn't been spotted in years yet seemingly runs his operation flawlessly. It's the kind of thing I'd expect from him. Perhaps he's running the show on all sides and De Luca is just reaping the rewards.

"I mentioned before when I first told you of my sister's death how my father used it as an opportunity. He had an enemy he thought he could destroy and take over by claiming it was a retaliation against them, that they were the ones who killed Adelina. Nikolai, that enemy was your family, your father."

She wrings her hands together, looking at me with baleful eyes. I let out a small laugh, that's it? Her big secret? This is no surprise to me, "Arianna, there's nothing your father has done to me or mine that I don't know about. It's all been minimal at best. I certainly never heard any accusations of being the one to kill your sister. I promise that wasn't us."

So, she's been holding back because she thinks my family might have had something to do with her death. No wonder she hated me to start with. At this point, I don't even care that her information has proven to be worthless.

"Nikolai, there's more. I'm sorry it's just hard to find the right way to tell you…" she says anguished. "That was the original plan, but then it… developed. He then found a way to ‘kill two birds with one stone'."

My curiosity is piqued, what does she mean?

"Go on…" I ask, trying to be as encouraging as possible. She looks like a frightened animal, one that might bolt at the first sign of movement. I stay stock still, keeping my expression neutral.

"One day, I overheard my father's men convincing a new recruit, a young man, barely older than a boy, that he needed to get a tattoo. The De Luca family symbol. That wasn't uncommon, but here was the funny thing, when I saw the boy's tattoo, it wasn't our family crest. I heard the men laughing after the boy left that it was that of a rival gang, they couldn't believe he'd fallen for it. The tattoo belonged to a family I'd not heard of before, the Tanakas."

She watches my reaction as the pieces slowly start to fall into place for me. "I never saw the boy again. But I heard my father ranting and raving about how he should have known anyone stupid enough to not check what tattoo the other men had, was bound to get himself killed before successfully completing the mission. I overheard him mention your father's name. When I later heard about your mother's death, I knew it was my father who was behind it."

My mind struggles to contemplate what I'm hearing. That everything that happened to me was a lie. My father was driven mad by a betrayal that never happened, a whole family was wiped out, and my father was the one to do it.

"My father was never the target…" I say aloud as the realization hits me.

"No. I don't think so. There needed to be someone to avenge your mother, to take down the Tanakas. I think the plan was to kill you and your mother. Let your father take down the Tanakas and then form an alliance with whatever remained of the Kuzmin family. If you all got killed fighting against each other, even better. If you were weakened sufficiently enough, then an alliance wouldn't be necessary," Arianna explains.

"You knew. This whole time you knew what your father had done to my family, and you allowed us to take you in, to protect you, to…" I trail off, unable to finish the sentence, to say that she allowed us to fall in love with her.

"I know, I'm sorry. It wasn't until met Kimiko and heard your story that I truly realized the damage my father had caused you all. I thought it was just your mother he had killed."

" Just my mother?" I ask incredulously, my voice icy calm.

The betrayal that I feel, that Arianna has withheld this big of a bombshell this whole time, sickens me. That she can try to justify it as though the murder of my mother is no big deal. I get up, unable to sit opposite her and look at her traitorous face.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that, I knew that was important information. I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid. I wanted guarantees that you wouldn't…" she trails off, coming toward me.

I move away from her outstretched hand, afraid of what I might do if she touches me. "You were afraid I would kill you when I found out? That I would try to hurt your father by taking away his only family, the way he destroyed mine?"

"Yes," she replies in a small voice.

"So, when I wouldn't promise your safety in exchange for the information you used the next best skill at your disposal, you worked your way into my bed in the hopes that because we fucked I would spare you," I spit venomously.

To think that I trusted her, started to have feelings for her, and she was just using me this whole time.

She looks horrified at my words, tears well up in her eyes. "No, I would never do that. I should never have kept it from you for so long. I just… things between us were so good, so special. My feelings for you were real, Nikolai, please believe me. I didn't want to let that go, not right away."

"Then why tell me at all, why tell me now?" I ask, my voice flat.

"Because you have a right to know. Because we can never work," she says truthfully.

Though there's a flicker in her eye, a slight twitch in her movements that suggests she's not being completely honest. That there's something else she's holding back.

"And? What else is there? You've proven that you're more than capable of lying and manipulating to get what you want from me, what else is there?"

She looks so defeated, so sad. But then I see her chin jut out defiantly, the way I'm used to her doing when she's set her mind on something.

"There is nothing else, Nikolai. It's simple. You want this life, will never leave the Bratva lifestyle, and I abhor it. I want my freedom. I don't want to be your doll, your mistress, your prisoner. I told you this information knowing full well that you have made me no promises in exchange for it. I'm asking for you to be a better man than my father, for you to not punish me for the things he has done. To let me go," her voice wobbles and breaks.

I force myself to meet her bewitching gaze one last time. Right now, I feel so hurt, betrayed, and vengeful that I don't trust myself not to hurt her. To kill her just as she feared. I need to look at her, to discover if I can do as she asks. Or if I will lash out and respond the only way I know how.

I look at her, and despite it all, I know I can't hurt her. I will do as she asks and give her the life she is asking for, one where she's safe from me and the other monsters of this world. She was never meant for it. I take one last look at her face and harden my heart again. Turning the parts of it she had thawed and softened back to icy stone.

I tear my cold gaze from her and turn and walk toward the door.

"Nikolai, where are you going?" I hear her tearily ask, following tentatively behind.

"I'm leaving, if I look at you again, I can't promise I won't hurt you. I'll send someone here later with ID documents and flight tickets, I'll arrange everything for you. But I never want to see your face again," I say, forcing myself to remain standing with my back to her. "Goodbye, Arianna," I say, striding out of the door and shutting her out for good.

If she replies, I don't allow myself to hear it. I have to keep going forward, I know that if I look upon her again, I'd be lost. To the darkness or her light, I'm not sure. But neither one is good for me. For my family. And the Kuzmin family has to come first now.