Chapter 22 - Bailey

Days go by, and my heart gets heavier and heavier. The house feels so empty, and it echoes with memories of Gina’s laughter. Sometimes, I go into the garage, lift the cover on the piano, and touch the keys, trying to recapture the perfection of those moments.

When I go to work, I can barely concentrate. I have to drop my personal training and assign my clients to someone else because I’m too distracted to give good advice. I can’t respond to anyone with anything vaguely positive—I feel like my world is crumbling apart.

I don’t dare contact Gina. After telling me that she needed space for the baby, I assume that she’ll call me once she feels rested. I can’t help but worry about how things are going, but after a few days, I see her return to work. At least then, I know she’s okay.

And I can keep an eye on her.

I keep too close of an eye on her. I can’t do much else except stand at the windows and watch her. Seeing her smile and laugh with customers cuts me to the bone. She looks closer to her casual acquaintances than she does to me.

I want to stop watching, but I can’t. I’m torturing myself, thinking about the future and imagining her getting bigger with the pregnancy. How I won’t be there to rub her belly and hear the baby’s heartbeat.

Alone over the weekend, I start to get so lonely that I can’t take it another second. I have to see her… even if it’s just for a few minutes. We do need to talk, and I’m sure we can do that without causing her too much stress.

Just as I’m walking towards the door, someone knocks on it. I hurry over to it, praying that it’s Gina.

“Jack?”

“Hey, man. Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

“Looks like you were on your way out? This can wait if you’re in a hurry.”

I shake my head. “I was going to try and track down Gina. Probably not a good idea.”

Jack nods. “That’s what I wanted to talk about, actually.”

I sigh, not knowing how to respond. I want news on Gina, and I was planning on talking to her, so I guess I should listen to Jack.

“I’ll grab us a couple of beers,” I offer.

“Great,” Jack says, settling on the couch. When I get back, I put a couple of ice-cold bottles on the table and throw half of mine back in one gulp.

“So, what’s the news?” I ask. “Is the baby okay?”

“Yes, the baby’s fine. She had a full check-up and has taken some time off work. It’s too early to do any really detailed imagery, but everything is coming along beautifully. Or so they tell me.”

“I assume Carla is taking really good care of her?”

“Actually, Gina’s at my place.”

I frown. “What is she doing there?”

“She was worried Mom would suffocate her.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle. “That does sound like something Carla would do. Please tell me she’s eating something better than baked beans and noodles.”

“Yes,” Jack says, grinning. “She’s cooking something nice every night. I could get used to it.”

“Or you could learn to cook.”

We both laugh, finishing off our beers. I run to the kitchen to get a couple more. Even though I’m pleased to have Jack’s update and the distraction, the need to see Gina isn’t going away. Deep inside, buried under piles of fake calm, is a clawing anxiety that drives me to hunt her down and hold her, kiss her, convince her to stay with me…

“Jack,” I say, cutting through the frivolous tone of the conversation. “I need to see her.”

Jack shakes his head, taking a sip of beer. “That’s not a great idea, buddy.”

“Why not? We’re married—she’s carrying my baby!”

“Yeah, but didn’t you just tell her you want to break the mate bond?”

“No, that’s what she said to me.”

“Hmm,” Jack muses. “Looks like we’ve got one hell of a communication gap here. She says you don’t really want her. You’re just forced to because of the mate bond.”

The words strike me like cold darts, leaving me paralyzed from the inside out. “What?”

“She’s been afraid, ever since she came back,” Jack sighs and shakes his head. “I told you at the wedding, this is super-dicey. She never got over what happened at prom.”

“I know that. I apologized, and she accepted my apology.”

“Yeah, she told me about that. But she said you had something going on with Jill?”

“Not this again,” I groan, covering my face with my hands. “I’m not seeing anyone. I can’t remember the last time I went on a date or had an actual girlfriend. Yes, girls talk to me a lot. I talk back. But I barely notice them., and as for Jill, she’s been a good friend lately. She’s offered me a lot of support, and told me how Gina feels about getting trapped here with me.”

“Gina doesn’t feel trapped here—she wants to be with you!”

“So why did Jill say she doesn’t!”

“I’ll give you one good guess, buddy.”

All the pieces suddenly fall together in my mind, and the effect is devastating. I’m seeing all the recent events from a whole new angle.

“Well, it’s about time you started paying attention,” Jack says. “So, you can tell each and every one of these girls—and Jill—to back right off. You’re hurting Gina, man.”

My eyes close as pain knifes through my chest. He’s right. I don’t even remember that much about walking into the party and talking to Jill, but it hurt Gina. I should have been more aware of it.

And everything that’s happened with Jill since then makes me feel like a complete fool. I thought she was just friendly, and trying to help. She’s Carson’s daughter—she’s always been involved in pack business. It never occurred to me that she could be trying to break us up.

Things were so good! Gina forgave me for everything, and I screwed it up!

I can’t help but remember how it felt to have her in my arms, the way she smiled at me first thing in the morning, and her obvious joy when playing the piano. It seemed like there was no fear in her then.

“I have to see her,” I say, shaking my head, almost ready to jump to my feet. “I need to sort this out, right now.”

“Like I said, it’s not a good idea,” Jack emphasizes. “She’s really hurt right now, and she can’t think straight. I don’t think you guys should try to talk until your emotions calm down.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been like a week, and I’m not calming down even slightly.”

He sighs. “To be fair, I don’t think she is, either.”

“So, I should see her?”

Jack shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“But I wasn’t with anyone else! Surely, she knows by now how much I want her. We’ve been doing so great.”

I can’t stand the happy memories that come flooding back to me again, and I take another swallow of beer, trying to drown them out.

I miss her so much.

“She doesn’t want me,” I say sadly. “That’s the issue here. She never wanted to be with me in the first place. I asked if she wanted to split; she said yes. If she really cared about me, she would have told me about the baby right away.”

“That is rough,” Jack agrees.

“If she really wanted the baby, and me, if everything we’ve shared together has been real, she would have run straight to me and told me.” I shake my head, finishing my beer. “The only explanation is she doesn’t really want to be with me.”

“Bae, buddy,” Jack says, putting down his beer to look right into my face, “there is the other girl thing. That’s real, but it’s a symptom of a deeper problem.”

I nod. “Her getting caught in the mate bond. Not really wanting to be with me, but being forced to stay in it.”

“Oh, man,” Jack shakes his head. “I always knew you weren’t the smartest jock in the shed, but this is beyond dumb, Bae.”

“What?”

“That’s exactly how Gina feels. She thinks you’re only in this because of the mate bond, and she wants you to love her for her own sake. Not because you have to.”

“No.” I shake my head. “No.”

“It’s true, and that’s why she’s so paranoid about other girls,” Jack continues. “Because she thinks you’d rather be with anyone else other than her.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“I’ve just spent quite a few nights listening to it while she smashes endless buckets of ice cream, so yeah, I think it’s legit.”

I groan, covering my face with my hand. “So, when she said yes to breaking the mate bond, she thought it was something I was suggesting because it’s what I wanted.”

“Yep.”

“And the only reason she said yes is because she doesn’t think I want her.”

“Correct.”

“But how can she think that? We’ve been so close the last few weeks. We haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other.”

“Bae, did you ever, even once, say that you love her?”

“Of course I did…” I say, then frown. “I think I did.”

“Have you admitted it to yourself?”

“Only just now. Like this second.” I bury my face deeper in my hands.

“She says it excited her how much you wanted her, but it kept making her feel bad because you never said you loved her and wanted to be with her. It seemed like it was all just attraction—pheromones, or fate. Not choice.”

I’m racking my brain now, thinking back over the last few weeks, desperately searching for an instance where I told her how I feel. I can’t be completely sure, but I don’t think I ever actually said the L word. If I did, it was in a moment of intensity that could easily be overlooked.

I sure as hell never went into any detail about how much I love her, or the reasons why.

“Oh my God,” I say, the words coming out as a defeated sigh. “No, I don’t think I ever really told her.”

“Without that reassurance, she’s been dying inside, man.”

“Fuck.”

“Trust me, Bae, she wants you. She’s always wanted to be with you, and that’s why she’s struggling so much. It’s like the universe just handed her everything she wants on a silver platter. It’s too good to be true. Without you actually telling her you’re in love, all it did was fuel her insecurity.”

“She seems so strong, so sure of herself. It’s difficult to imagine she’s been hiding this kind of doubt.”

Jack laughs softly. “Only in relation to you, good buddy! You’re her one weakness.”

“She really, really wants me?”

“Bailey,” Jack says, his tone dead serious. “If she wanted to leave you, then why is she still here?”

Jack gives that a moment to sink in. He’s right. If my fears were in any way real, she would have left the second she had the chance.

“Do you really think we can work it out?” I ask.

Jack nods. “Just take it slow, okay? Right now, she thinks you don’t want her or the baby. She’s crushed. If you come charging in with words of eternal love, she’s not going to buy it. She will probably think that you’re just trying to fix the relationship for the sake of the mate bond.”

“Okay,” I agree, nodding. “So, I’ve got to just make contact and take things really slow, try to show her how much I appreciate her and want to be with her, and it has nothing to do with the mate bond.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

“That, my friend, is entirely up to you,” Jack says, raising his bottle in a mock salute. “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, shaking my head.

“Her favorite ice cream is chocolate with caramel ripple.”

“Well, that’s a start.” Already, my mind is racing, trying to figure out ways I can show Gina that I really, really want her to stay.