Chapter 23 - Gina

The day seems dark and gloomy, even though I can see the bright sunlight glinting through the front windows of the music shop. I know it’s just my mood, but I can’t help feeling like the sky should be stormy-gray and drizzling on a day like today.

I’ve been staying with Jack for about a week, and while it’s been fun to catch up with him, missing Bailey is tearing a hole in my heart that gets bigger with my every breath.

“Gina,” Martin says softly, “I think you might wear a hole in the bench if you keep polishing it that hard.”

“Oh.” I come back to reality with a jolt, looking down at the long wooden shelf in alarm. I’m so distracted that it takes a moment for me to realize Martin wasn’t being literal.

“Are you okay, dear?” he asks gently. “You’ve been so out of sorts.”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Martin, I’m just tired. I promise.”

I haven’t gone public with the pregnancy yet. I’m not ready to sing it from the rooftops. Of course, by now, the whole town knows that Bailey and I are no longer living together. The threats of being banished echo in my mind, and I feel a touch of fear.

Will the pack exile my baby as well?

The little bell above the door jingles, and I turn around, expecting to see a customer or maybe one of my friends. When I see Bae standing in the doorway, it’s like my heart stops beating and my blood freezes in my veins.

It’s as if my longing has conjured him. I’ve been missing him and thinking about him so much, this could easily be a dream.

I want this so much, it can’t possibly be real.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” Martin says, heading to the back of the store. His voice shakes me out of my freeze and proves to me that Bae is actually here, not a figment of my imagination.

“Bae,” I say. My voice is too soft, not even a whisper.

“Gina.” The way he says my name gives me chills. I can hear his longing and his regret. “I’m so sorry to bother you at work,” Bae says, walking up to me. “But I didn’t want to intrude on you at home, and I wanted to give you these.”

Bae holds out a small bouquet of brightly colored daffodils and tulips. I stare at the arrangement in astonishment.

“How did you know these flowers were my favorites?”

“Well, I did have a little help,” he admits, smiling sheepishly. “But I also remember a flower box you had in the front of your house when we were at school. You said you liked how the flowers were seasonal and would always return if you kept the conditions right.”

“Yes,” I whisper, now completely choked up.

He nods enthusiastically. “It’s like… faith. The flowers returning each year, it comforts you that all is right with the world.”

My throat is too tight to talk now, so I just nod. He extends the flowers a little, and I take them, admiring the deep, vibrant colors.

“I also brought these,” Bae says, handing over a small satin box. “I’m not sure what chocolate you like, so this is just a sampler. Please tell me if there is anything else you… or the baby needs.”

A touch of fear spikes inside me. Is that the only reason he’s here?

“Like I said, Gina, I’m sorry to drop in while you’re at work. I know you probably don’t want to see me right now. But I just had to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“Yes.” Bae gets a little closer and reaches for my hand, then withdraws again. “I don’t know why, but I expected you to just know exactly how I feel without me even telling you. It’s stupid, I know.”

My surprise is rising by the second. I was expecting him to talk about his duty to the pack and our child, not strip his heart bare.

“So, that’s really the only reason I stopped in. I don’t want to upset you or stress you out, so I won’t stay. But I want you to know I’m really sorry for not considering your perspective, and I completely understand why you didn’t tell me about the baby.”

Tears threaten at the back of my eyes, but I swallow them down. I don’t want to cry right now.

My emotions are a twisting, writhing mass in my guts. I can’t get Jill’s words out of my mind. She has put so much doubt into me. It’s hard to believe Bae.

I look up into his beautiful, pale brown eyes and nod, trying to keep my lip from trembling. “Thank you, Bae. It means a lot.”

We stand in silence for a few seconds. It looks like Bae wants to hug me, but instead, he steps back.

“Let me know if you need anything, Gina,” he says. “I’ll talk to you soon, I hope.”

He smiles and waves as he heads out the door. I watch him jog across the road back to the gym and try to process what just happened.

I believe him, of course I do, and I do feel bad that I didn’t tell him about the baby immediately. I’m just not ready to forgive him. Not yet.

I don’t expect to hear much from Bae after that, but for the next week, he comes in every day to check on me or bring me a small gift. He apologizes more than once for not fully expressing himself and leaving me in doubt.

I want the happiness back that we had before. Can I go back to it, just like that?

One warm, bright afternoon, Bae asks me to lunch, and I accept. There is still so much I don’t understand, and I think both of us are finally ready to listen.

We get hot chocolate and fresh donuts and head towards the park. The closeness and warmth we had enjoyed such a short time ago feels like it’s waiting just around the corner, and I want it back.

I know we have to go through a very uncomfortable conversation to get it, though. I try to swallow down my nerves and focus on what I need to say.

Bae sits down at a table in the sun, and I sit across from him. He looks relaxed, but I can tell he’s anxious, too.

Is it because he’s afraid to lose me, or something else?

“How is everything going?” Bae asks. “With the baby, I mean.”

“Oh, everything’s good,” I answer, rubbing my belly a little. “Not showing or anything, but this is one hungry bub! I’m starving all the time.”

Bae grins. “Don’t make me roll you up in a blanket and force-feed you cookies.”

“You wouldn’t be forcing me,” I say with a chuckle.

For a moment, we both go quiet as we work on our donuts and hot chocolate. I’m still trying to figure out how to say what I need to say.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Bae says again. “Do you have any doctor’s appointments soon?”

“No, not yet,” I answer. “Coming up soon, though.”

“Okay. Let me know.”

Silence falls again, and I look down at my donut, crumbling it with my fingertips.

“I miss you, Gina,” Bailey finally says. “I miss you like crazy. I love you so much—it’s hard for me to admit how much. I should have told you, every moment, every day. This is not just about the mate bond. It’s you I really want, and I’m miserable without you.”

I can tell by Bae’s face that this was not easy for him to admit. His words have stirred up my thoughts, and now they’re buzzing like a hornet’s nest.

“I believe you,” I say. “And I accept your apology, don’t worry about that. But one of the reasons why I needed space is because of how you reacted when you found out I was pregnant. It really felt like you wanted me to go away.”

Bae’s eyes widen, and he sits up a bit, shaking his head. “No, I thought you wanted to leave me.”

“Why would you think that?” I ask, my voice rising a little. I’m not angry with him, just upset. The very idea that I could play with him like that is more hurtful than I can bear. Especially after weeks of not knowing how he really felt.

“It’s just obvious,” Bae says. “You missed your life in Denver, and I was feeling really bad about holding you back. When I got some confirmation that it was true, I reacted badly. Like I said, I’m sorry about that.”

“What do you mean, confirmation?” I ask, a bit shocked.

“From Jill,” he answers. “When she was driving us to the hospital. She told me how you were just pining away to go home and that you felt trapped here. I had been worried about it so much, and then finding out about it from your best friend…”

“Jill,” I mutter, anger rising in my chest.

“Yes,” Bae agrees. “Then, we get to the hospital, and they tell me you’re pregnant. I was so scared for you, and for the baby. I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Bailey.” I reach out and take his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t think this was your fault, or mine. There’s been a horrible communication gap here.”

“Oh?” Bae looks innocent and hopeful.

“I never wanted to move back to Denver. I am sorry I didn’t make that clearer. It’s very sweet that you were worried about me in that way, but all I want is to be with you.”

Bae squeezes my hand, smiling. “So why didn’t you run to me and tell me about the baby as soon as you found out?”

I can feel a frown tugging at my face. “The same reason you thought I wanted to leave. Jill.”

“Jill,” he repeats. “She seems to be at the heart of all of this. I thought she was my friend—and yours.”

“She hasn’t been my friend for a long time. I guess I didn’t really make that clear, either.”

“No, you didn’t.” Bae says, a determined look coming over his face. “I can’t believe she would go to this much trouble to break us up.”

“It’s all she’s been trying to do, for a very long time,” I say, sighing. “And we should go and confront her, right now.”