4. Theo

CHAPTER 4

Theo

Theo's head pounds, throbbing so hard it feels like it might split into two. There's also something plastic digging into his back. He groans as he rolls sideways, only to fall onto the cold, hard ground.

With a grunt he opens his eyes, trying to figure out how he fell off his king-sized bed, only to discover that the rug beneath him is an ugly mismatched design that's always reminded Theo of movie theater carpet. Definitely not in his own house, then. Getting both eyes open is difficult, the sunlight streaming through the massive living room windows enough to have Theo groaning and trying to hide his face. Everything is too bright and Theo's stomach is churning like he's stuck on an upside-down roller coaster.

"Someone save me," Jason moans. Theo's not sure where Jason is, but judging by the sound of his voice, he'd guess on the floor under the dining room table. "I think I might be dying."

"If you are dying, then it's your fault," Theo says, not moving his head off the ground in case it starts to spin.

"Have some sympathy, Theo." Jason sounds suitably pathetic, but Theo doesn't have any compassion to spare right now. What he has is a raging headache, a bladder that's so full it hurts, and a gnawing pit of anxiety. He rarely drinks, and when he does it's usually only one or two beers. While he doesn't mind a little buzz, he hates being drunk, and he hates having a hangover even more.

There's something deeply unsettling about the idea that he might have said or done something he normally wouldn't while sober. He wracks his brain, trying to remember specific details about the party, but it's impossible to focus and his mind is nothing but a hazy blank. He might not have gotten blackout drunk, but whatever was in the birthday punch hit hard.

"Theo, get me Advil," Jason moans.

"This isn't even my house. You get it," Theo retorts. He grabs one of the pillows off the couch to prop his head. He doesn't want to move from the floor, but he's also not a martyr. There's no reason for him to get a crick in his neck.

"You lived here for a year, this is basically your house, too." Jason appears at the end of the couch on his hands and knees. Even without his glasses on, Theo can tell he looks like absolute shit. There's marker on his cheek in the shape of what he's pretty sure is a dick. His hair is also sticking up in the front with something questionably gummy in it, and he's dressed in a neon green swimsuit with pizza on it. This would be less weird if the King family had a pool, which they don't.

"Come on Theo," Jason whines. "You're basically family."

The reminder should soothe Theo, but at the moment all it does is make him want to hurl as thoughts about his not at all familial feelings towards Alec as the activities from last night come rushing back.

Last night Alec had been the center of attention with his bright eyes and gorgeous smiles. Yet no matter how Theo tried to hide, Alec always managed to find Theo in the crowd and offer a kind smile. God, Alec was too nice.

Alec had been the single sexiest person Theo had ever seen, but the worst part hadn't been how Theo had constantly sought Alec out in the crowd. The worst part wasn't even how Theo had, after too much punch, began to wonder if his own big hands might fit around Alec's tiny waist. The worst part had been the way Theo ached for one of Alec's smiles when they were directed at someone else.

The worst part was the way Theo let himself be pulled into the party and laughed and danced and let himself have fun. Not that Theo never has fun. He reads books. He goes on hikes. He and Jason even have pizza most Friday nights where they watch movies and eat too much, at least during the off season. When Jason is in coach mode during football season all their normal plans go out the window. Either way, Theo can have fun. He has safe, calculated, and controlled fun. Last night was not controlled. Last night Theo let go and now he's facing the consequences.

Basically family. Theo's gonna puke.

Curling into the fetal position, Theo closes his eyes and presses his fists against them so hard he sees spots. He's always been the responsible one. The Kings loved Theo because he made sure Jason did his homework and got home safely on school nights. Theo's always been good at knowing what to do to make sure people don't get sick of him. He's supposed to be like a pseudo-big brother to Alec. He should not have the hots for him. Just thinking about what Jason's parents might think if they found out makes Theo want to curl into a ball and die.

The Kings have always been so good to Theo. When his dad had to work late and there was no food, there was always a place at their table. On the weekends when his dad worked doubles and the house was as empty as the fridge, they let Theo have sleepovers with Jason. They came to all of his and Jason's games, and while that's because their son was playing, they used to cheer for Theo, too. In high school when his dad got a new job at a factory three hours away, they'd turned the guest room into a place for Theo so he could finish his senior year with his best friend and not risk losing his college scholarship. In many ways the Kings are his family, and now he's gone and done something unforgivable.

"You're doing the hangover spiral, aren't you?"

"I don't spiral," Theo mumbles from behind his hands.

The sound of Jason crawling closer is all the warning he gets before Jason flops down beside Theo and pulls him into a hug. Theo doesn't breathe, doesn't move, but neither does Jason.

"You know you're allowed to have fun, right?"

"Shut up."

"I'm serious," Jason says and the worst part is, Theo knows it. Jason isn't really a sappy guy, but he notices more than most people give him credit for. Sure, sometimes he's as observant as a toddler, but Theo always liked that because it meant there was no one around to notice when his feelings didn't match his words. Besides, there are other times, like now, Jason is unexpectedly astute.

"You had fun last night." It's not a question so Theo doesn't respond. He lets his hands fall away from his eyes, rolling into Jason's hug. There'd been a time back when he was first discovering his sexuality where he wondered if he was in love with Jason. He was the only person Theo let in, the only person allowed to touch him. Was that love? He'd quickly realized that yes, he did love Jason, more than anyone in the world—but not romantically. Lucky for Theo, Jason didn't care that his best friend was queer, and had never held back from showing his affection.

"Whatever your brain is saying right now, it's lying."

Theo's jaw wobbles. That's another reason he doesn't drink. It makes the anxiety lessen while he's drinking, but the hangover nerve spike is brutal, something Jason knows firsthand. Except this time Theo's not wallowing in his own feelings of inferiority or fears of abandonment. He's thinking about Alec and all his golden skin and warm freckles, Theo is the actual worst best friend alive.

"Everything is okay, dude." Jason's warm hand is on his cheek and Theo dares to open his eyes, the well of emotions in him taking a backseat to the up close and personal view of the dick on Jason's cheek, complete with detailed pubes. "I'm serious, Theo."

"It's very hard to take you seriously with the dick on your face." Theo snorts.

"There's a dick on my face?" Jason frowns, slapping his cheek. "Well, that's a first."

He doesn't look remotely bothered but maybe having a bisexual best friend, twin queer older brothers and a loudly gay baby brother have ensured that there's not an ounce of toxic masculinity in Jason King's body. Hell, the last pride parade they'd all gone to, Jason had worn more rainbow shit than Theo or his brothers combined.

"My head hurts," Theo admits, closing his eyes again.

Jason being Jason is somehow the best and worst thing that could be happening right now, because it's exactly what Theo needs and yet everything he doesn't think he deserves. If Jason knew what he was thinking right now, well, Theo's not sure what would happen. Jason isn't the kind of guy who would punch Theo for lusting after his baby brother, but Theo can't imagine he'd welcome it either. Theo's too old for Alec, for one thing. The big thing. He's almost thirty and Alec is a fresh faced twenty-one year old with his entire life ahead of him.

"My head hurts too," Jason sighs, tucking Theo's head under his chin. He wraps one of his big arms around Theo's back, offering the kind of tactile reassurance Theo would never in a million years ask for, and Theo's mind finally quiets.

They must have drifted back to sleep because one second Theo's dreaming about miles of bared skin and freckles, and the next second there's the god-awful sound of a blender whirring.

"What the fuck, Alec?" Jason bellows. If Theo weren't already awake, the pitch of Jason's voice would've done it. He groans, covering his ears and shoving his face into Jason's shoulder. The whirring is so loud it makes his head feel like it's actually in the blender with whatever Alec is making.

"I need my protein shake," Alec says loud enough to be heard over the stupid blender.

"Fucking protein shake," Jason mutters. "Eat some real food. Quiet food."

"Quiet food won't have complete protein after a ten mile run, dick face."

"Did you put the dick on my face?" Jason asks.

"Nah, Riley did. But I asked him to." Alec's laughter echoes through the kitchen into the open living room.

Theo tries to keep up with the conversation. He's pretty sure Riley was the frat guy attached to Alec's side all night. Tall, dark hair and handsome with gorgeous olive complexion, and enough confidence to rival Alec's. That's probably the type of guy Alec likes, Theo thinks bitterly, hating how sour the tinge of jealousy tastes. Yet another reason he shouldn't drink; it makes him a morose idiot.

"What a beautiful morning," Alec sing-songs, pulling the blinds open in the kitchen and making the large open room even brighter.

Theo groans miserably, trying to use Jason's body as a shield from the horrifying reality of day. He doesn't want to deal with anything.

"Why isn't Alec hungover?" Theo mumbles.

"Why aren't you hungover?" Jason yells, rolling onto his back.

The blender whirs and whirs. Theo blinks open his eyes and stares at the ceiling, wondering what the hell Alec could possibly be making that requires running the blender for that long. After another thirty or so seconds it shuts off, though the phantom buzzing lingers in his ears.

"Because I wasn't drunk," Alec answers, the sound of his sneakers squeaking on the hardwood, alerting Theo to his impending approach.

There towering above Theo is Alec, who squats down and lowers something onto Theo's face and, oh, he can see. Everything still hurts, but at least the world isn't blurry anymore.

"You left those in the kitchen," Alec says, brushing the hair off Theo's face. "Take this."

"Take wh—" but his words are cut off when Alec slips pain meds between his parted lips, moving a hand to the back of Theo's neck to help him sit up. A second later a glass of water is lifted to his lips and though Theo could do it himself, he pathetically lets Alec hold it for him.

"That should help." Alec lowers a bottle of cucumber melon Gatorade down on the table. Jason reaches for it, but Alec slaps his hand away, pushing it closer to Theo. "That's not for you, that's for Theodore."

"What the fuck, Alec? I'm your brother. Where's my caretaking?"

"You got Theo drunk, you don't get any." Alec levels Jason with an unexpected glare.

"Theo's a big boy. He can make his own decisions."

"Theo doesn't like drinking."

"Theo is right here," he points out, his head hurting way too much to figure out what the hell is happening.

Alec's expression softens as he grabs the Gatorade and puts it in Theo's lap. "Drink this. I'll make breakfast after I shower."

"You gonna cook for me, too?" Jason asks, half slumped against the couch and looking utterly pathetic.

"Yes, I'll cook for you too, idiot. I don't wanna smell you burning the house down." Alec rises, drawing Theo's attention to what he's wearing. Or not wearing. He's got on a pair of running leggings that are so tight they might actually be painted on, his freckled ankles exposed between the bottom of his pants and the low-cut socks. Over the leggings is a pair of bright purple shorts with cutouts on the side that highlight the curve of Alec's plump backside. His shirt is a slashed black tank, the sides of Alec's stomach on full display, and when he turns Theo sees how many freckles he's got there, too.

Theo has never considered running clothes sexy, but he is definitely reconsidering that right now.

"I don't burn anything down," Jason objects, his indignation bringing Theo out of his thirst spiral.

"You can't even make toast. You're not allowed in the kitchen." Alec points a menacing finger at Jason.

"I'm still confused why you're not hungover," Theo says, watching Alec's full lips curl around his smoothie straw.

Alec grins. "I told you, I didn't get drunk."

"You danced on the table."

"Uh-huh."

"You ran around in your underwear."

Alec shrugs.

"You did all that sober." Theo is way too hungover to monitor his tone.

Rather than get offended, Alec smirks. "Why not?"

There are a lot of reasons why not. At least for Theo. He keeps them all to himself, not trusting himself to speak right now. That's another thing he hates about hangovers. It makes him say things he'd normally have the common sense not to say out loud.

"There's smoothie on your mouth," Theo points out, eyes drawn to the creamy liquid at the corner of his lips. He really does have a pretty mouth—full, pink lips and oh no, Theo is not doing this right in front of Alec and Jason. He can't.

Alec shrugs, reaching up to wipe it away with his thumb. He looks at it for all of two seconds before pressing his thumb into his mouth and sucking on it. If Theo didn't know better, he'd swear Alec was teasing him, but that's impossible. Alec has no idea his older brother's best friend is an asshole thinking about what it might look like to have something else thick and white all over his face, wondering if Alec would suck that off, too.

Theo is a horny, hungover asshole.

With a groan he drops himself back onto the ground, rolling onto his stomach. He'd rather be embarrassed about being socially awkward than let Alec or Jason notice his half-hard dick. His glasses are smashed into his cheek and he can't quite breathe, but he can't make himself move.

"Theo's having a hangover spiral."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here." Theo's biting words have little effect since they're half garbled by the pillow.

"I'll leave you two to do whatever it was you were doing before."

Theo holds his breath, waiting for Alec to leave. What he's not expecting is to have a blanket draped over his back, or have Alec pull his glasses back off, folding them before setting them on the edge of the couch just in reach in case he needs them again.

"I'll make you coffee after I shower." Alec smooths back Theo's hair. Theo might be a grown man who has taken care of himself since he was old enough to walk, but an ache forms in his throat at the offer.

It's the hangover, it has to be. Theo doesn't let people take care of him. He doesn't want them to, either. He doesn't.

For the second day in a row, Theo lies, only this time to himself.

At some point Theo must have drifted to sleep for a second time, proof of just how hungover he really is. This time when he opens his eyes it's to see Alec in the kitchen and Jason passed out on the floor snoring. The only reason he doesn't immediately whine and close his eyes again is because the scent of coffee is strong enough to wake the dead, or a very smashed idiot.

Theo opens his mouth to ask for some, but then snaps it shut when he realizes Alec isn't the only person in the kitchen.

"What exactly are you doing?"

Theo's too hungover to tell which one of the twins that is from voice alone—Charlie or Andrew. Back when he was a teenager, he couldn't tell them apart to save his life. The only way he can now is because Charlie's always got paint-stained clothing from his job at the art museum, whereas Andrew wears nothing but polo shirts and loafers. He claims it's to be taken seriously with the job he just got with the hockey league, but he's pretty much always dressed like that, even on his days off, so Theo thinks it's just his personal style. Not that he has any room to judge. He is one of the least stylish people alive.

"I'm cooking, obviously," Alec replies.

"Smart ass. Tell me what you're really doing."

"I'm trying to make breakfast here, Charlie. You're distracting me."

"You can multitask like no one else," Charlie says. "Seriously, we should talk about how you danced with a certain someone last night and what exactly that means."

"I danced with a lot of people." Alec waves a spatula through the air, his tone making no secret that he doesn't want to be having this conversation.

"You know exactly which guy you danced with."

Alec hums. "You're going to have to be more specific. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Dammit, Alec. You know what I mean." Even without Theo's glasses, the change in Alec's demeanor is noticeable, his entire body stiffening. "Look, I don't want you to get hurt. Again. He's a good guy, but?—"

"But he doesn't like me romantically," Alec finishes. "Yes I know, Charlie. Thank you so much for reminding me how unwanted I am."

"You know I'm just looking out for you. How many times are you gonna get your heart broken by the same guy? You need to move on."

Theo's stomach churns uncomfortably. He hadn't known Alec had feelings for anyone, but then again, why would he? Apart from seeing him at family get-togethers, he and Alec hadn't crossed paths much since he started college. Sure, Alec goes to school in the same city, but he isn't Jason's baby brother anymore; he's living his own life. Theo has a busy job and Alec has college and soccer. Theo sighs, knowing that Alec is around the King house enough that Theo could've seen him if he wanted to and these are all nothing but excuses. The one who put distance between them is Theo. Alec had tried over the years. He'd invited Theo to his first college game, or to hang out when Jason was busy. What had started out as a means to protect Alec had turned into a loss of closeness that Theo feels acutely now.

He can't help but wonder if he'd accepted all those invites, if he and Alec could've been friends in their own right. He wonders if they still can now.

"He's not gonna hurt me again, because I know what I'm getting myself into this time," Alec snaps.

Theo can't help but frown. Alec is young and gorgeous and funny, any guy would be lucky to have him, though from the sounds of it, this idiot Alec likes doesn't know that.

"Things were different last night." Charlie lowers his voice. "I saw how you kept looking at him. I have eyes. You're going to get your heart broken for real this time."

"It's my heart and I can do whatever I want with it."

"I know." Charlie's sigh is so deep that Theo feels it in his chest. "That's the worst part. I've protected you since you were a kid, and I can't protect you from this and I hate it, Ally. I fucking hate it."

No one but Charlie has ever been allowed to use that nickname with Alec. Andrew and Jason tried and learned early on to respect Alec's boundaries.

"I don't need protection. I know he's probably never going to feel the same, but I can't move on. Not yet." Alec sets his spatula down. "Don't look at me like that. I don't need your pity, okay? I'm a big boy. I can handle this."

"Of course you can," Charlie tells him. He pitches his voice low enough Theo can't make out what else is said, but whatever it is has Alec launching himself at his brother, burying his face against his chest as Charlie wraps him up in a tight embrace. Charlie towers over him, not quite as tall as Jason but close. And though he's far lankier, he's still big enough that all that's visible are Alec's arms, which hold on tightly.

Theo squeezes his eyes shut, guilt making his stomach churn. He shouldn't have been listening, and he needs to find a way to alert them to his being awake without making it seem like he was spying. Groaning loudly, he stretches out and bumps the couch with his leg, hoping to make enough noise that it'll look like he just woke up. It works. By the time he's sat up and retrieved his glasses, Charlie is back to sitting on a stool at the kitchen island and Alec has returned to watching the stove.

"He lives," Alec announces, far too loudly. He's showered, his curls a little damp at the ends still. There's a drop of water that's slowly making its way down the back of his neck and in between his shoulder blades. Shoulder blades that Theo has a perfect view of, because for reasons unknown to Theo, he decided to start cooking in nothing but a pair of obscenely thin gray sweats and one of his mom's aprons. It's got frills and flowers, cinched at Alec's waist, and the sight of the floral bow tied right at the base of his muscular back is making Theo wish he were drunk again.

"You look too happy considering I feel like I'm dying."

"I'd say sorry but I don't like to lie." Alec says it with a smile that makes it impossible to be bothered by his words. "It's your own fault for drinking so much. You and Jason are idiots, you know."

"It was your big birthday." The excuse is feeble even to his own ears. Theo's pretty sure he didn't even drink that much when he turned twenty-one.

"Yeah, we had to have fun," Jason pipes up from beside Theo. He makes his way closer to the kitchen, lured awake by the smell of food.

"Well, we know how much Alec loves a party boy." Charlie snorts.

Alec pales and Theo's stomach sinks. He suspected he wasn't Alec's type anymore, but hearing confirmation still stings more than it has any right to.

"Put something in your mouth and shut up," Alec grumbles, shoving a massive plate of pancakes in front of Charlie.

"Have I told you lately I love you and you're my favorite brother?" Charlie tells Alec.

"What about me?" Andrew pipes up, descending the stairs two at a time. It never fails to amaze Theo how he somehow manages to look exactly like Charlie and yet nothing like him. Their personalities are so visibly different as adults. Charlie's dark hair is as wild and as haphazard as his wrinkled tie-dyed shirt with paint stains, boxers and mismatched socks. Then there's Andrew, who looks entirely put together, his hair the same length as Charlie's but brushed neatly to the side in an attractive swoop, dressed in a pale blue polo with ironed khakis and sensible brown loafers.

"You can't be my favorite. You hogged the womb."

Andrew flips him off while smiling widely. "Morning everyone."

"Why aren't I the favorite?" Jason frowns, slumping into the barstool next to Charlie.

"You aren't my favorite because you don't cook for me," Charlie points out, waving his fork in Jason's direction. "Plus Alec's cute."

"I'm cute," Jason pouts.

"You're my favorite," Theo points out, unable to stand Jason looking like a dejected puppy.

"Thank you. At least someone in this family loves me. Also, why are Charlie and Andrew here if they're not hungover?" Jason scrubs a hand through his hair, frowning when his fingers get stuck. He drops onto the stool beside Charlie, eying his breakfast. "I want pancakes."

"I made you a vegetable omelet and a protein shake." Alec sets both in front of Jason with an innocent smile.

"We had a sleepover for old times' sake," Andrew offers, always one to be counted on for actually answering the questions asked when Jason and Charlie inevitably dissolve into bickering.

"I don't want a protein shake that tastes like ass." Jason pushes it away petulantly, looking closer to thirteen than thirty. "I want pancakes. Charlie has pancakes."

"As someone who enjoys ass, I can promise you that Alec's shakes definitely don't taste like that." Charlie smirks, making a show of eating his pancakes with an appreciative groan to annoy Jason.

"Thank you," Alec says. "It's yummy."

"They taste more like play dough than ass," Charlie adds, earning him a glare from Alec.

Jason cackles. "Ass play dough."

Andrew leans over, swiping the protein shake from in front of Jason and taking a drink. He shrugs. "It kind of does taste like ass."

"Whose ass are you eating?" Jason asks at the same time Charlie takes the shake and pushes it towards Theo.

"Taste it."

Too hungover to argue with any of the King boys, he does as instructed. It's not the worst thing he's ever had, but the vanilla is overly sweet and the banana is too, well, banana-y. There's definitely something gritty and chalky about the texture, too.

Aware of everyone watching him, Theo shrugs. "It tastes like play dough."

"We need a tie-breaker. Give it to Alec."

"I drink one of those every day so I don't need to taste it," Alec points out. "I literally finished my own shake before I showered."

"Then settle the votes," Andrew says plainly, lifting an eyebrow at him. "I don't care if the team nutritionist makes you drink one of these every day to hit your protein goals. Be honest about the taste. Ass or play dough?"

"I couldn't say," Alec answers evasively. Theo's not sure he's ever seen Alec so blatantly deflect a question. His own curiosity is piqued enough for him to butt into the conversation.

"Why not?" Theo asks, blinking when four sets of eyes swivel towards him. Jason looks delighted, Andrew is as impossible to read as ever, and Charlie looks inquisitive. Alec's reaction is the most confusing of all, though, because he almost looks like he's blushing. Theo has never, ever seen Alexander King blush.

"Alec doesn't have to answer," Charlie says.

"Why—" Jason starts, cut off when Charlie shoves a forkful of pancakes into his mouth.

"What aren't you telling us?" Andrew asks.

"Nothing," Charlie tries, but it's no use. The other two are like dogs after a bone.

"What's going on?" Jason and Andrew ask at the same time.

"Not all of us have eaten ass," Alec mumbles.

"I haven't," Jason pipes up.

"No shame in not liking that," Andrew says. "Sex is kind of overrated anyway, am I right?"

"No," Charlie, Jason and Theo all answer at the exact same time.

Theo laughs, along with Jason, until he notices Charlie isn't laughing and neither is Alec. If anything, Alec looks a little pale.

"So the pancakes are amazing," Charlie tries, but it's no use because Jason clearly hasn't picked up on the tone shift.

"What about you, Alec?" Jason presses. "You didn't vote on the smoothie, so place your vote on sex. Overrated or not?"

"You don't need to answer that," Charlie tells him.

"Why are you being weird? It's not like—" Charlie elbows Andrew so hard in the stomach he wheezes, his eyes darting towards Alec and widening in realization. "Right. Don't answer, Alec."

"Why is everyone being weird?" Jason asks.

"I haven't ever had sex," Alec yells, bits of egg flying off the spatula and through the air when he spins. "And now all of you are going to shut up and eat your breakfast, and I don't want to hear a single word about sex or ass or play dough. You got it?"

All three of the King brothers nod, looking thoroughly chastised. They might all be older and taller and bigger than Alec, but it's clear who is in charge. It's also clear that the topic of conversation has rattled Alec.

"I'm going for a run," Alec mumbles, struggling to undo the bow on his apron.

"Let me," Theo says, unsure why he's the first one across the room to undo the bow. He skims his fingers over Alec's lower back, noticing how soft his bare skin is while the words ‘I haven't had sex' sear themselves in Theo's brain. Of all the things he expected to hear, learning Alexander King was a virgin was not on the list.

He should hurry and undo Alec's apron but he doesn't, fingering the worn cotton tie before Theo gives the bow a final tug and lets it fall open.

"Thanks," Alec says, cheeks unnaturally pink when he turns to face Theo and pulls the apron off. "There's uh, coffee in the pot and your omelet is on the stove. You've been here a million times so you know where the plates are."

"Thank you, Alec."

"Uh-huh, don't worry about it." Alec turns, slipping his socked feet into his sneakers before pulling on the hoodie thrown over the back of Charlie's chair. It's easily three sizes too big on him and obviously not his.

"You already ran nine miles this morning, Ally. Rest."

Alec ignores him, all but darting out of the room. Judging by the looks on everyone else's faces, they're as confused as Theo. Well, except for Charlie, who just looks sad.

"Does anyone know what just happened?" Jason asks when the front door slams.

Andrew shrugs, taking the unwanted protein shake and sipping at it. "Maybe Alec was embarrassed."

"Alec doesn't get embarrassed," Theo says.

"Or maybe none of you know Alec like you think you do." Charlie's tone might be easy, there's something sharp in it, too. He's not wrong. Theo doesn't know Alec, not like his brother does. If Andrew or Jason pick up on the double edge, they don't say anything. At least not about that.

"What I want to know is, why did Charlie know Alec was a virgin and we didn't?" Jason asks.

"Because Andrew doesn't like talking about sex and you have a big mouth," Charlie says.

Andrew nods. "That's true."

"Yeah, I would've told Theo," Jason agrees, using his own fork to sneak a bite off Charlie's plate.

"See," Charlie hisses. "And stop stealing my pancakes or I'll stab you with my fork."

"No, you won't. You're a pacifist."

"I'm anti-war and anti-capitalist, not anti-stopping my idiot brother from stealing my blueberry pancakes."

"Just make more."

"You make more."

"I can't cook."

"Neither can I."

"Then who taught Alec?" Theo wonders, unprepared for three people to turn and stare at him again.

"Abuela," Charlie answers. "When Alec went vegetarian, she was afraid he might starve to death, so she started learning to cook more things without lard and meat for him, and I guess he wanted to learn. You know how hard it was for her the last few years with her weakness. She couldn't cook anymore, so she'd tell Alec what to do and he did it for her. She even taught him her secret recipe for mole."

"I never knew that," Andrew says.

Charlie shrugs. "We were all away at college or working. I think Alec spent a lot of time with her while we were gone. He was lonely."

"Alec was lonely?" Jason frowns like he's been physically wounded. "I would've come home more and visited him. Why didn't he tell me?"

"Because Alec doesn't tell anyone anything if he thinks it's going to inconvenience them," Charlie says, the sharp edge back in his tone. "Alec deserves everything."

"‘Course he does," Theo agrees.

"He shouldn't ever be hurt by anyone." Charlie stabs his pancakes so hard that syrup squirts onto the kitchen island.

Jason frowns. "What did the pancakes ever do to you?"

"I'm not hungry anymore," Charlie sighs, sliding the plate of pancakes in front of Jason. "I'm gonna go look for Alec."

"But you don't run," Jason points out, already filling his mouth with food.

"I have a car."

"Oh, duh."

"I'll come," Andrew says, as always seemingly content to follow Charlie.

"Was that weird or is it just me?" Theo asks once the twins have left.

"Charlie and Andrew are always weird. I think it's a twin thing." Jason takes another large bite of pancakes, chewing thoughtfully. "Alec was weirder than usual, but he's probably just tense since he has to move back into the dorms next week for preseason training. He always gets tetchy before a new season."

"He goes back in July? I thought classes usually started in August."

"All the D1 athletes have to move in early. Alec's already got his diet and training schedule up on the fridge."

Theo turns around, whistling when he takes in the color-coded and highlighted schedule listing Alec's every workout, meal, and rest period for the next two weeks. It's far more intense than Theo would've ever imagined. Not that he's ever given that much thought to college athletes, but if asked he would've assumed they worked out and that was it. He obviously knew Alec trained hard and was talented, of course he did, but he'd failed to ever think about what that might look like behind the scenes.

"I didn't realize," Theo says, thinking back to Alec's words the night before about his last night of freedom while eating tacos. He'd thought Alec was being dramatic as always, but as he takes in the schedule on the fridge listing every single meal Alec is supposed to eat with weighed and measured amounts to ensure he hits his protein and calorie goals, it suddenly seems less funny.

"That's exactly why I didn't wanna play football in college," Jason says around a mouthful of pancakes. "Way too much work and not enough fun."

"You weren't scouted for college football."

"Fuck you," Jason laughs. "And then you were and you didn't play."

It'd been a bit of a sore subject for a few weeks. They'd gotten really drunk, talked about too many feelings, then woke up the next morning without mentioning it. Every couple of years Jason likes to remind Theo of his failed chance to become a famous football player and in turn, Theo points out he never had the chance to begin with. It's just how they roll.

"It is what it is, no changing the past." Theo shrugs.

While he'd played football in junior high and high school, the truth was that it was only because Jason did, and whatever his best friend did, Theo followed. It didn't hurt that his dad liked football and Theo had secretly held out hope of trying to get his dad's approval or attention. It backfired when his dad needed to take on a second job to pay for equipment, team fees, away games, and snack rotation.

More than once Theo had tried to quit for the money alone, but his dad had refused to let him, insisting it would take him far in life. All playing football did was awaken his bisexuality, when he realized there was more than one kind of ball he was interested in. Which isn't to say Theo hated playing by any means. He'd enjoyed the team dynamics and camaraderie, but had never had the kind of love for the game that it felt like he should've.

Instead Theo spent his high school glory days longing to join some of the other after school clubs like art or photography, but that was something he'd never wanted to tell anyone, not even Jason, and certainly not his dad. It wasn't that his dad had a problem with Theo being bisexual or less sports-obsessed than him, it was that his dad worked himself to the bone every day working minimum-wage jobs. And Theo wasn't stupid enough to think his hobbies would get him a future.

Years playing football with Jason meant Theo had a decent amount of skills along with the body type for the game, but he didn't have the passion or drive that was required to continue sports past high school. He certainly never had the drive that Alec clearly has for soccer. He also hadn't been nearly as talented as Alec and while being scouted for a D3 school might have been exciting for someone who lived and breathed football, it meant very little for someone like Theo, who needed a full scholarship to even be able to contemplate attending college. His dad hadn't gone to college. Hell, his grandparents hadn't even graduated high school, and the odds were stacked so high against Theo they might as well have been a fortress.

All being scouted had done was remind Theo that without a scholarship, he couldn't get a degree and without a degree he'd be stuck living paycheck to paycheck like his dad. So he'd declined the offers and gone to the same college as Jason, both because the academic scholarship they gave him were enough to cover everything besides housing. And because where Jason went, so did he.

"You're doing that lost in your brain thing again. Have some pancakes."

Theo doesn't really want pancakes, but he also doesn't want to be stuck in his brain. Jason's solution to everything was food, probably because as kids Theo had never had enough and it usually had fixed things. He's got enough now, but he never turns it down, not from Jason. He might not be great with feelings, but it's how he shows he cares.

"Thanks," Theo mumbles, taking a bite. The pancakes are perfect, thick and fluffy with bursts of sweet blueberries in every bite.

"You know I was thinking, maybe I should text some of Alec's buddies. See if they got any photos of last night."

Theo groans. He hadn't even thought of that. "I hope they didn't."

"I just wanna see you dancing with Alec. You never dance."

The bite of pancakes stops halfway to Theo's mouth, which remains open and gaping like a fish. "I what?"

"Danced," Jason repeats. "With Alec. You were so drunk."

"How do you remember? I thought you were drunk, too."

"I was, but I can hold my liquor. You never could. You almost got up on the table, but then Alec did and started stripping and then you did this moon-eyed thing and?—"

Theo shoves his forkful of pancakes into Jason's mouth to stop him from talking as memories from last night flood his brain. He had been dancing, alone and then with Alec. He'd gotten a little handsy and then tried to climb on the table and then—Alec had done it first. Drunk Theo didn't care, but sober Theo recoils at the idea of what kind of attention he would've drawn to himself if he'd actually made it up onto the dining room table. Or worse, that photos might've existed of his lapse in decorum. Thankfully, before he could do what sober Theo would regret, Alec had climbed onto the table and drawn all the attention away from Theo and onto himself.

Suddenly Theo isn't hungry at all.

"Your anxiety gets worse when you don't eat," Jason reminds him, swapping the pancakes for the omelet. "Protein will be better."

"Thanks, dad," Theo snaps. As soon as it's out, he regrets it. The only thing he hates more than his own brain is when he snaps at Jason. It's like snapping at a puppy, and guilt churns in his belly. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You need to eat," Jason says, entirely unperturbed. "I know how you get."

He's right. Theo does get anxious when he hasn't eaten, or when he drinks too much, or when he's just awake. Anxiety is kind of Theo's baseline, but it's definitely worse when his blood sugar isn't stable. Refusing to risk snapping at his best friend a second time, and praying the food will settle some of the hangover, he takes a massive bite, unprepared for how delicious it is.

"The best cure for a hangover is definitely Alec's food," Jason says, nudging Theo's arm.

"Will he be ok?" Theo asks, barely swallowing before taking another huge bite.

"Yeah, he gets in moods sometimes. The only one who can get him out of it is usually Charlie. He's always known how to handle Alec, especially after his diagnosis. Mom and dad tried, but they were busy and—" Jason trails off with a shrug.

"What happens when he's in school and not living at home?"

Jason pauses, thinking it over. "Not sure. He's got a lot of friends. I'm sure he's got someone he trusts there. Antonio, maybe? Or that Riley guy. They seemed close last night."

The reminder of Riley sets off a fresh wave of nausea and Theo can barely choke down his eggs. He has no right to care who Alec is close to, or to worry about who he turns to when he isn't okay. Except Theo can't deny that he does care. He cares far more than he should.