Chapter 11

Two days have passed, and I have not left Nessa’s side unless it was absolutely necessary. She asked to see the pictures of Aiden last night and told us about how it reminded her of her sister. When she began to cry, I was desperate to find some way to help her through this. I got lucky because this morning I received a message that my package will arrive here soon.

Pacing at the door, I try to calm my anxious nerves that are desperate to get back to my woman. Cillian and Kai are with her, which helps, but I want her hand in mine and see her breathing with my own eyes.

“Package for Boris,” a young man says as he approaches the doorway.

I snatch it from him and hastily sign for it. Needing to ensure everything is perfect, I open it immediately before taking it to Nessa. It kills me that she woke up without me there this time. The memories of her anguish when I left, again , flooding my mind.

I have decided to speak with Dr. K about it because leaving seems to be the only way I know how to process my emotions. And I refuse to put Nessa through that pain again.

“Are those it?” Cillian asks, walking over to the table in the foyer.

“Yes.” I told him my plan, and he agreed it was a good one. I just hope Nessa is okay with it.

Once we determine it is exactly what we wanted, we go back up to the room together with Twizzlers for Kai and a hot tea for Nessa.

Kai told us he had never had candy before, so naturally, Cillian went down to the gift shop and bought at least twelve different kinds for him to try. He has been obsessed with the violently red candy Americans call Twizzlers ever since.

We enter the room to find Nessa and Kai playing a card game on the bed. It is strange to me that the kid is so attached to her, but he makes her smile in a way Cillian nor I have been able to over the past few days.

“You’re cheating,” she tells Kai, and he grins back at her.

“There is just no way you’re this good. You always win!”

When she sees us, some of that smile fades. It kills me a little inside to know that we remind her of what she lost, but I am hoping this will ease some of the ache.

“We got you something we think may help,” I say, approaching the bed. I hand her a white box, while Cillian and I each hold a black one. Kai takes the Twizzlers and goes to the spot that he has claimed on the couch as he watches us.

“What is this?” she asks, lifting the lid and gasping in shock.

Tears spring to her eyes as she removes the red beaded bracelet with Aiden’s ashes inside. There is a black metal piece in the center with her name on it in a beautiful cursive font.

I was able to find someone who could place the ashes in the beads, and they did a rush order for me. Doc helped me arrange the cremation so that Nessa could have this immediately.

Sitting on the bed beside her, I take the bracelet from her as one of her hands covers her mouth, silent tears tracking down her face.

“You told us last night that the hardest part was that you never got to say goodbye.” I place the jewelry on her wrist and fasten it. “Now, you never have to. Aiden’s ashes are in each of these beads, and she will be with all of us forever.”

Cillian fastens his around his wrist. I do the same while trying to swallow around the knot in my throat. It was a risky move making this decision for her, but I can only hope that it was the right one.

“We also had a small casket created for what was left of her ashes so that her resting place was comfortable and gentle. There is not much, but you can do with it what you wish.”

I show her the hand carved casket that is only the size of my palm. It seemed too cold to put her in an urn. With this, I can at least feel that I have put her to rest for the first and final time.

I am sure it makes no logical sense to some, but then again, feelings rarely do.

A sob breaks from Nessa as she practically crawls into my lap, and my eyes cloud over with moisture. Cillian sits beside us, intertwining our hands with the bracelets. We might have lost our little girl, but she will always be with us.

“T-together?” Nessa asks, her voice broken. I pull her close to me while being mindful of her injury.

“Together, Lisichka .”

Cillian brings our hands to his lips and kisses Nessa’s fingers. “Together.”

The plastic crinkle of a candy wrapper has Nessa turning her head, and Kai looks at us with wide eyes. “Sorry if I ruined the moment.”

Nessa shakes her head with humor as Cillian lifts his arm.

“Get over here, kid.”

With a Twizzler hanging out of his mouth, he walks over and wraps his arms around us all. “I feel like I need to try more candy. This stuff is amazing!”

Cillian snorts. “You’re going to have to cool it with the sugar, your teeth will fall out.”

My brows pinch because never in my life would I have imagined Cillian thinking ahead about things like candy being bad for your teeth.

Kai deviously takes a bigger bite of the candy, flashing him a huge grin.

“Might as well enjoy them while I have them. Besides, aren’t fake teeth a thing? I’ll just get new ones if I need to.”

“With what money?” Cillian scoffs jokingly.

Kai’s face drops. He looks down in his hand at the now empty package of candy and shrugs.

“Guess I’ll have to get a job or something.” His voice is soft and quiet, nothing like the boy we have gotten to know while in this cramped room.

“What kind of job would you like to have?” I ask, attempting to pull him from his soured mood.

Kai tosses the wrapper in the trash and walks back to his seat. “Maybe something like what you guys do. I’m not really good at anything besides fighting, and I’m an okay shot. What can I do with that?”

The three of us exchange glances. This is not the life we would choose for someone his age.

“I am sure you will find other things you enjoy besides fighting. You have strong leadership skills, and there is so much of the world to discover.”

He shrugs awkwardly before looking down at his phone. Nessa helped him get a few games downloaded, so he must pull one of those up. I can tell that this conversation is not over, but that is a problem for another day.

Cillian goes to sit by Kai, and they start a hushed conversation while I cuddle with my girl. Cillian has been hogging her, and I need my fill. I’m desperate for her warmth pressed against me and her head on my chest. Kissing Nessa on the forehead, I position us so that I can lay by her side.

“I know I have a problem with running away when you need me most. I have decided I will talk to Dr. K about it once we are home. I need you to know that it will never be you that I run from, and I will always come back.”

“I’m learning who you are in a crisis, and I understand how these things can make you feel out of control. I just hope that one day we can learn to run towards each other instead of away.”

I nod, playing with her hair and feeling her breathing grow deeper until it evens out. We have a lot to work on with our relationship, but one thing is for sure. She is mine, and that will never change.

I am just thankful that this is finally over.