Chapter 12

It’s not fun to sit and think about my future. I’ve never really felt like I had one. At least not one that’s my own, not until now. After shutting down for a bit, Cillian suggested I take a walk to clear my head. Surprisingly, the hospital we’re at has some kind of walking track surrounding it that they use for physical therapy.

Boris said I could use it so long as I was respectful of others, and Nessa told me to bring the gun just in case. I tried to give it back to her, but she just shook her head and told me to keep it until we were all home.

What even is a home?

I don’t know what to picture when I hear that word. A house? Family?

Neither of those things are for me; that’s been clear my entire life. Just having a roof over my head has been a fight for so long. Boris was worried that sleeping on the couch would be uncomfortable, but little does he know, the hospital couch is the second best thing I’ve slept on in my life, besides my bed back at the place with all of the kids.

I’ve gone back in the evenings, but only when it feels like I’m forced to. No one says I have to go, but the looks they give me tell another story.

It’s fair, I’m not one of them. But I can’t help but want to stay as long as I can. I’ve never felt so cared for, so seen. No one has ever brought me snacks or played games with me just for fun. I’m sure it’s just a distraction for Nessa, but I’ll gladly be that for her if it means I get to stay.

They make me feel safe. Protected even.

When I walk back into the hospital, I see Evie and Batman standing outside the cafeteria speaking in hushed tones.

“Thankfully, this is all over and the kids are safe,” Evie says.

I approach from behind and Batman notices me first.

“You got the other camps then?”

Evie spins to look at me, and Alexi crosses his arms. I’ve learned that this isn’t him being angry or trying to look intimidating, it’s just his normal posture.

“I’m sorry, what?” Evie blinks, brows pulling together at my question.

“The other camps. There were two more. They were smaller than ours with only like twelve or fourteen kids at each. Most of them were older. Once we moved up in the ranks, we got sent there. I was supposed to go in a few weeks or something.”

The two of them exchange a glance.

“You didn’t know there were more?” I question, the confusion on their faces clear as day.

They shake their heads. “Do you have any idea where they are?” Evie asks.

I scratch my head trying to remember. Since I was more of the leader at the camp, the guards would talk about plans with me. It helped me get the smaller kids ready for bigger exercises. I hated it, but if I could keep them from breaking down and crying, the guards would leave them alone.

“One wasn’t very far from us. I only know that because he had just left there to check on our camp before he shot Nessa.”

“You know who shot her?” Alexi asks with shock written on his face.

“Yeah, didn’t you all see him? He was the sponsor.”

How has it been nearly three days and no one told me they don’t know who shot her? Have they not been hunting him down?

“Fucking Donovan,” Evie curses.

“He actually shot his own daughter?” Alexi looks perplexed, but neither of them are more confused than I am right now.

“The guy's name wasn’t Donovan, and he looked nothing like Nessa. I thought you guys were like superheroes or something. How do you not know this?”

I try to keep the anger from my voice, but it’s hard. They said they saved us, but if they didn’t take care of everyone running this thing… Well, I know all too well that they will just rise again.

Alexi rubs a hand down his face as Evie pulls out her phone.

“We need Lev here. He’s gotta talk to Kai.”

I nod my head in agreement while clenching my jaw. I thought this was over. I thought I would be able to find a sense of peace and belonging. But if these people are still out there, we won’t be able to rest anytime soon.

“You are angry,” Alexi says in a low tone while Evie talks on the phone.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly.

“I’m just trying to not be scared,” I admit.

His hand lands on my shoulder, squeezing slightly.

“It is alright to be afraid.”

Scoffing, I shrug off his touch. Evie throws her hands in the air, walking down the hall to pace, talking about how they can find the other locations.

“What do you know about being afraid?” I ask, a little more spiteful than I meant.

But who can blame me? I thought this was over. Alexi looks at Evie for a second, then back at me.

“She was taken from me once. I thought I would never see her again. I have been afraid plenty in my life.”

Looking up at the man who I can only see as a carbon copy of the Dark Knight, seeing the truth in his eyes, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

“If you’ve been here before, then how can I ever hope for something different? How could I ever believe that this feeling will ever truly end?”

My throat constricts thinking about all of the things that could go wrong. The house could be under attack right now and we would be none the wiser.

Except, that’s not true. Lev and Damien are there, and I know they would get word to us instantly. Not to mention, Alexi has an arsenal of weapons stocked in the basement, and there are plenty of people guarding the exterior.

But what if that all goes away when things calm down and that’s when the enemy strikes?

“I will be honest with you, Kai,” Alexi says as we watch Evie sit in a chair looking defeated, “I have fear coursing through me daily. It comes with being part of the underworld. However, I have also found the greatest family I could have ever asked for in this life. We fight for each other, sacrifice, and claw our way to better days even when we are fifty feet under.”

Alexi turns to me, something shining in his bright blue eyes that makes me really hear his next words.

“And we will fight for you too. You are allowed to be disappointed in us, angry even. But we will still fight for you.”

I swallow hard, emotion clogging my throat because I have never heard those words before. No one has ever fought for me, it’s always been me fighting for myself or others.

When all I can do is nod, I think Alexi understands why that means so much.

“If there is any information you can think of, I am always here.”

Evie comes back and they both begin making phone calls while I try to recall anything of importance. I need to get them this man’s name.

It’s on the tip of my tongue; I can almost taste it.

Maybe that’s just leftover Twizzlers.

Alexi paces the floor just like Boris does, and Evie sounds like she’s assembling the Avengers for a mission. I swear if they have someone like Iron Man on this team, I will fanboy so fucking hard.

No no no. Focus, Kai.

“Do you know where the other camp was?” Evie asks me with the phone pressed to her ear.

“I remember it wasn’t in Norway. They had to take a plane to get to it, but I don’t know if they ever said where it was to me. I never really expected someone to save us, so I didn’t file all the information away.”

I look down at the floor, frustrated I can’t freaking remember such an important piece of information. I’m a kid, I should be able to remember everything.

But too often, my thoughts were with the others when I was in the room with the guards. I constantly scanned to make sure the ones I knew would beat the kids were with me as often as possible.

Some would try to take food from us as punishment, but we created a good system for handling it so it was less of a worry when I was away.

Every meal Mikey, Isaiah, and I would save our bread and pocket it. If food was taken from someone, then we would put it under their pillow when we got back to the bunker. That way, at night they could eat.

Survival was never just about one of us. It was always how we could help each other.

“Kai, the guards got to Pokey again. He won’t come out from under the bed,” Mikey informs me as he walks into the training room.

Pokey had been struggling ever since he lost a match against the twins. They pulled his hair, and one of them split his cheek. I’ll never forget how all three of them cried afterwards, and I was the one who had to pick up the pieces.

It took hours of explaining that bad men can make other people do mean things, but that doesn’t make the other person bad. Pokey eventually forgave the girls, but the guard who forced their match is still a sore spot for him.

“I’ve got it.”

I head back to the bunkers to hear the man yelling. The bunk beds have a wire piece on the bottom that Pokey can squeeze underneath, and the guards can’t get to him from there since they are bolted to the walls. It has probably saved his life a few times.

“You little shit, get out here before I set this place on fire!”

I hear Pokey whimper as I approach the man from behind. They never tell us their names, so I just make them up. It confuses them, which is the extent of the fun I have in here.

“Hey, Greg. The bunker is made of metal and concrete. What exactly are you going to burn?”

The man spins, glaring at me with a gaze so sharp it feels like it could cut my skin open. “Get him to the training room.”

He points a finger under the bed where I can just make out Pokey’s eyes.

“He won’t come out if you’re in here.”

His fists clench as he pulls a gun from his side. I look from it to Pokey.

“If you shoot him, the sponsor will be pissed. He’s the only one that can fit into the air ducts and the only one brave enough to try.”

He has always liked small spaces, they make him feel safe. So, when they started teaching the younger ones skills for getting into small places, to overhear information or to be able to break into offices and steal files, I knew this was where Pokey would excel.

The man yells as he storms out of the room, and I walk over to the bed to lay on the floor beside it.

“I know you’re scared, but I will hold your hand to the training room.”

“He hurts me,” Pokey says, making my heart twist in my chest.

“I won’t let him. Not today.” If he tries anything, I will put myself between them. Greg knows I won’t back down.

This is how I have gained the others’ trust—by stepping between them and the guards. I’ve proved I’m willing to fight for them, and because of that, they listen to me.

“Okay, Kai.” His voice is so small.

We walk outside, and I hear Greg shouting into the phone.

“The little shit is more trouble than he is worth. I’m telling you…”

I remember the name.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

“Batman!” I yell running to him as they walk towards Nessa’s room.

“I remember! I remember the name!”

I catch up to them, breathing heavily. Wide eyes stare at me as I push my hair out of my face and stand to my full height.

“It’s not Donovan. It’s Ronan.”

They exchange a look, shock on their faces as if they don’t want to believe me, so I give them his full name in hopes that maybe they can actually take him out.

“Ronan O’Brien.”

Evie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Nessa’s ex-fiance.”