Chapter 9

Kai devours his sandwich, doing everything he can to avoid eye contact with me. Blimey, I’m not sure why so many people act like if they look at me, I’ll be able to see inside of their soul.

It’s a gift I wish I had but definitely do not. Sure, I can see if someone’s sad or upset, but even those emotions have limits. They can be masked and placed behind so many facades that knowing them all, for even one person, would be impossible.

“Why won’t you look at me?” I ask him, curious if he will be honest or just try and placate me. These types of questions help me figure out where to start with people. If they don’t trust me, then I can’t help them. I have to figure out where our trust lies and build from there.

“I don’t know what to say to you.” His head is down, but he slowly lifts it. “And I get this feeling that you have the power to take things away from me. I don’t like that.”

Honesty, but also admitting distrust. I can work with that.

“What are you afraid I’ll take away from you?”

“My power to choose.” His answer is immediate. He’s been thinking about this.

“Kai, I am here to give you that power, but also to help guide you in making choices that will help you heal.”

I don’t want him to believe I’d manhandle him into a car simply because I don’t agree with him being here.

“Guide me how?” At least he’s making eye contact now, even if it is laced with skepticism.

“Are you afraid I’ll make you go back to the house with the other children?”

He nods. There, that’s sorted at least.

“Why is that?”

Kai rubs his hands on his pants before answering. “Because I want to be here.”

“Yes, I can see that. You’re quite devoted to her. Would you care to share why that is?”

Blowing out a breath he leans over the table, putting his head in his hands. “Nessa is the first person to ever make me feel safe. The first person. I don’t remember my mother, but I remember the foster parents that treated me like trash and as a live-in babysitter. I’m just not ready for that feeling to go away.”

“Are you afraid that without her that you won’t feel safe again?”

He shrugs noncommittally in typical teenage boy fashion.

“How old are you, Kai?”

“What month is it?”

Bollocks, none of them probably have any idea how long they’ve been away.

“It is the thirtieth of August.”

“Then I’m thirteen. I’ll be fourteen next month.”

I sit and think about that for a minute. It seems that Kai has been through even more than I imagined. I’m guessing that it will be the same story most of the other kids carry.

Now I wonder if they’re all foster kids. Since not many foster parents fight for these kids, it’s much easier to trick the system and blame it on the kid being a runaway.

“Why aren’t you saying anything, doc?”

I snort a laugh, leaning forward to mimic his posture.

“I’m trying to think of what you would be doing if you had never been taken.”

He shakes his head, sitting back in his chair.

“I’d probably be taking care of some foster kids. Same as always. It’s basically been my job since I can remember.”

“It shouldn’t have been.” When he looks away, I explain more. “Your job should have been to have fun and enjoy age-appropriate things.”

“Yeah, well, foster care says otherwise.”

Kai reminds me a lot of Nessa. Quick to act but slow to speak. Guarded, yet wears his emotions on his sleeve. I could see why he feels drawn to her because they’re so similar.

“Where do you want to be right now, Kai?”

“Here. Please.” The way he pleads has me smiling because he thinks I call the shots somehow. Sometimes I do, but it is very rare that I ever have to. I give this family the information they need to heal and in turn they respect my advice.

“You don’t need my permission. My job is just to talk to you. Your job is to make choices based on our conversation. Now, when Nessa leaves, or when you need a break to shower and eat, how would you like to do that?”

Now that he can see I’m not here to strip him of his freedom, he sits up a little more confidently and makes eye contact.

“Could I stay here during the day, just until she's good enough to go home?”

I nod. “Of course. I’ll drive you here after breakfast and then bring you back after tea time.”

He smiles, a genuine one. It makes my heart warm. Helping kids was always what I wanted to do. There’s a certain peace in guiding a young soul to find its strength.

“How are the kids doing?”

I sigh. “They are doing better than I expected. It has been rather a challenge figuring out what all of them need, but we have a close family and everyone is doing what they can to help.”

“I want to help too. Those kids know me, they trust me.”

This brings me pause. On one hand, it would be great to have his help because of who he is to those kids. Kai is a leader through and through. However, I don’t want him falling into the pit of feeling like it is his job to care for everyone else.

“I’ll make you a deal,” I say. “I will accept your help so long as you know you can always tell me no. I want you to tell me when it is too much at any time.”

“I can do that.” He holds out his hand for me to shake it. I take it but don’t release him yet.

“If we come to you and ask a question about someone, we’re not asking you to handle the situation, we are asking you to help us handle it. You’re no longer the parent here. We will fill that role. It might just take time to build that trust and learn everyone’s triggers.”

Kai squeezes my hand. “Deal.”

Pulling out a new phone from my handbag, I hand it to him. I had a feeling this was going to happen, so I was sure to grab one of the phones Lev provided so Kai has a way to contact anyone, including me.

“This is for you. All of our numbers are programmed in there if you need anything at all.”

He takes the phone from me, turning it over in his hand.

“Lev made sure it was safe, and only age appropriate features are allowed. This is not an attempt to censor you, just to keep you safe until we can establish boundaries.”

“I don’t even know what I would use it for other than to call you guys. I’ve never had a phone before.”

I smile, thinking back to when Nessa talked to me about what to get for the kids. She was so excited to get them tablets and phones, and Lev was more than happy to help set them up.

“Nessa got them.”

Kai chuckles softly. “I’m sure she thought of everything.”

I can tell he wants to say more, so I stay seated instead of heading back to the room. When a minute passes and he still hasn’t said anything, I break the ice.

“What is it, Kai?”

Sadness seems to seep across his features.

“Do you, um…” He looks warily around the room before speaking softly. “Do you think Nessa would want to maybe… keep me?”

My heart rate speeds up, knowing exactly what he’s asking. It makes my chest ache. The foster system has failed so many, and Kai is a victim of the worst of it. I know what Nessa is going through right now is going to be a tough road, but from the way Cillian acted towards Kai, I see they already have a bond.

“Tell you what, when I know that Nessa has had some time to process and heal, I will tell you. Then, you can ask her.”

Kai swallows, nodding his head as if she has already said no.

“Kai?” When he looks up at me, his eyes are filled with unshed tears.

“That’s not a no. I won’t say that it’s a yes, but I know she needs a little time to recover. You can be by her side for as long as you’d like, okay?”

He blinks the tears away quickly, nodding his head.

“Okay.” It is definitely forced, but he needs time to process.

Bloody hell, we all need time to process.

“Let’s get back?”

We make our way to Nessa’s room, my thoughts circling around one question. If Kai already feels this attached to this family, how do all the other kids feel?

So many of them were hurt by their own families and have no one to rely on but us.

Somehow, I have a feeling this family just became much bigger than we could have ever imagined.