Chapter 11 Navi

All night, visions of Rochir's bloody grin haunt me. Painful pulses and screams dots my vision. My skull feels like it's splitting open from the back to the front.

He knows what I am.

He knows I can talk to Titans.

I can't move from the fire without the ache in my empty stomach and my head growing unbearable.

The scent of cooked meat nears my nose and makes me nauseous.

"Navi, you must eat to live." Shavih's voice pounds in my head.

I can't forget the faces of Tasha and Siom and the five others we lost before them. I let them down, and they're gone. I don't want to be responsible for more.

My body rises. Heat curls around me to the soft rumble of a frustrated Titan.

"Let her rest." Jeela's voice comes close, but the sounds are muffled and too fast, making them difficult to sort.

Craze's voice rumbles like an idling thruster. It is hot and smooth and uncharacteristically level. "I know her pain more than you think I do."

The warmth of his body around mine eases the aura and the tension in my stomach.

I try to open my eyes but only manage a glimpse.

The digibadge on Craze's chest glows softly above me. Shavih's glaring at him and tugging on his shoulder. But Craze doesn't budge. He is a mountain of toned metal.

"Navi?" Shavih coos.

Craze's attention falls to me. My eyes water from the pain, and I'm forced to slam them shut again.

Something smooth massages my temples and the aura fades.

Craze's voice enters my ear in soft rumbles. "I know you have done what you can. But it's unfair to blame yourself for what you can't control. Let me keep you safe while you sleep. You can fight me tomorrow."

I don't want to find comfort in him because I don't feel I deserve it, because my trust is broken—of others and of myself to make good decisions. But as his lips graze my ear, his almost kiss comes back to me.

I remember back to the way he held Tasha as she died so she felt safe and how he daringly made himself a shield for us all as we escaped Rochir's ship. There was disappointment on his face when Shavih told him the truth about me.

I can't speak through the pain, but I try to relax in his arms. I don't have the energy to fight.

His fingers work magic down my neck until the throbbing melts away, and I am left with only the weight of the cybernetics in my head dragging me into the abyss of sleep.

Off and on through the night, Craze keeps me warm and feeds me when I am ready.

I wake feeling hot and heavy to find Shavih whispering with Jeela as another blanket is rolled up and carried off by Tangle and Macabre. When I prop myself up, she wheels around and tries to shield me from the sight. But three more of our sisters have passed in the night. The missing blankets and bodies make it easy to know.

I look around for who's left and notice Craze is missing, too.

Axe leaves his post in a tunnel entrance with urgency. Gunshots echo through the cavern.

Jeela gets to her feet.

"They are fine," Tangle says without even looking up. "Please eat. You will need your strength. We will move camp today."

The Titans feed us freshly cooked meat, berries, and grasses. Rations are better than nothing, but I like the change.

Soon, Craze drags in a creature that looks like Sevrin's welvirs. He sets it on a rock and trades positions with Macabre to cook over the fire.

Craze washes his hands in the water pipe at the back and then joins us with only a glance at me.

For an hour, he turns the meat cooking on the metal rack that hangs from a pole buried in the ground. Craze offers me a steaming strip.

When our fingers brush, Craze inhales sharply like he's overcome by some sort of rush.

"Thanks," I say low so I don't want the women who still sleep.

As much as I like the shelter, I don't want my friends to live out their final days in a tunnel system on a moon. I gave them hope for freedom, but it's still false hope in my mind until I follow through with my promise. As much as I wanted to give up during my migraine, now that it's gone, I'm reconsidering.

In the distance, the other three Titans have become a processing plant for the welvir Craze brought back. Macabre skins. Axe slices. And RamBash tenderizes.

I tense as RamBash pounds a piece of a steak harder than seems necessary.

Craze follows my gaze to RamBash, where he angrily slams his fists down on the meat. Craze chuckles. "Don't worry about him. We all have our demons, but to be fair, welvir is quite tough."

"I take it he doesn't like welvirs?" I ask, grateful he's speaking to me aloud for a change.

"Uh, no." Craze frees another cooked slice from the grate like the heat of the flames doesn't bother him at all and hands it to Jeela. "Welvirs clawed him up pretty good shortly after we first set up camp. That was before I salvaged enough supplies to properly repair my brothers. I was the only one who survived the fall undamaged."

So that's what he meant when he said he understood.

Only after everyone has been fed does Craze take anything for himself. We've spent years having things taken from us. His gesture means a lot.

I know we won't survive together if we're divided. And as much as I hate being plugged in, I know that compromising is sometimes the only way to make ends meet. So I close my eyes and reluctantly unlock my splay's network connection. I change my codename to Navi and call Craze.

NaviCraze: I'm sorry about last night. I was overwhelmed.

Craze slows his chewing and looks askance at me. I didn't know you were human. You were cloaked. You spoke to us like a Titan. And you controlled Ravenger III like a CyberPilot. So I must apologize for the way I—handled you. Please forgive me.

I'm sorry I let you think I was a Titan, I reply.

Shavih watches us closely from the other side of the fire pit.

I don't think she likes me , Craze says.

I smile a little. She doesn't like or trust most beings. But she will protect the women when I'm gone.

To where? Craze continues eating. It's a strange thing to speak with him, to know it's him by his voice, yet to not have the physical acknowledgement of his eyes. But it takes me back to the years of being blind and mapping things by touch and sound instead of sight. It's unusual and yet it's almost comfortable.

I let them hope for freedom.

They have it here, he defends.

A deep sigh fills my tired lungs. But they don't. None of us do because we're in hiding.

Craze scans the group. Agreed. And we will get out of here, but I think we have been aiming too low. We have to be unpredictable. So that means taking the biggest ship that sets down.

I choke a little. Come again?

He leans toward me, gaze filled with mischief. His lips purse ever so slightly, and I think he's laughing at a private joke. The big one. They won't expect that. They think we scurry around and steal tidbits of tech and slip away into the night. But Macabre is quite the planner. I am primary infiltration. And the others, being the types of units that they are, well, we can get into just about any building or ship we want. We just haven't had the numbers for a full assault.

Maybe we don't need that, I offer.

Craze rests back and on the arm closest to me. His body heat warms the air between us as he gives me his full attention. The way his gaze travels over my body, stirs hot desire that makes my skin flush.

He hooks a finger around the end of my cloak beneath my knee where, I wager, he thinks I can't see it. I'm listening.

His interest in me is unexpected. I don't know how to handle it. The only lust I understand is Rochir's kind.

We just need to get into their heads. Sevrin used to do it to me in testing. He'd make me pick up weapons and point them at myself.

Why?

Because that's something most humans won't do. We don't instinctively want to die. That has to be a decision we reach on our own. So that's how he got confirmation I was obeying. But in the end, he didn't want to damage the tech he was testing, so I didn't have to burn out my own eyes or cut my splay out. Jokes on him though, I did want to die for a long time. It's how I made it under his radar for the first two years. When we were here last, a lot of things changed because we saw all of you.

Craze's fingers graze my thigh. Do they have implants too?

I can't think through the gentle sensations of his touch and lean away. Sevrin's is only one way, to me. Likely to Killstar, too.

His eyes fall to study the hand I've shied away from. His brows contort with pain.

What's wrong? I ask .

My punishment program is broken, but it still hurts.

What are you talking about?

Craze sits up and presses a hand to his chest. When humans reject us, we are rendered punishments for not doing as we are asked. CSP was only a backup for broken units, mostly ones like myself. But I still feel this horrible pain in my ultromotor.

I didn't realize Titans felt pain. They're machines. Then I consider the others: Macabre, Axe, Tangle, and RamBash all act like the cyborgs they are. Craze is the only one who moves like a human with the subtle expressions and stolen touches.

Seeing Craze in pain when he has only been kind to us, to me, makes me hurt for him. I wasn't rejecting you, Craze. I just don't like being touched by anyone.

He studied me for a moment. Why?

"Time to move out." Macabre joins the group by the fire. Several of the others sit up. A few remain asleep.

CrazeLocal: Report.

MacabreLocal: I do not wish to scare the women, but there are patrols in the area, topside. RamBash is going to close the shafts. But we must go now. He and Axe will join us later.

I listen as they discuss the tunnel system they think is best while I rouse my sisters with Shavih and Jeela. There are only five left beside them. Loli barely moves when I shake he shoulder.

"Please don't make me leave this fire. I am so cold."

Not another one. Please not another one.

Tangle guides the hoverdrone over to the group. Shavih and Jeela help bundle the women up while Macabre loads them.

CrazeNavi: Come on, we have to go.

NaviCraze: I'm not going. She's cold. I don't want her to die this way.

CrazeNavi: It's not safe to stay. The pack is the safest option.

I am suddenly grateful for the isolated channels of the Titans' network so I can have quiet conversations without others listening in.

NaviCraze: Fine. But I want to take some heat with us.

CrazeNavi: You've got me.

I look to the fire that Macabre is putting out with a bucket of water, ponder his response, and wonder why he doesn't mention the other Titans.

Rolling some of the hot stones from the fire into my blanket, I wrap them up and climb onto the platform at the back.

NaviCraze: Let me hold her.

He settles Loli's body close to mine then joins us. I tuck the hot bundle of rocks under her legs and support her head and torso. Sevrin took her hands but didn't replace them like he did with the other women. I adjust the blankets around her and swipe the loose hair from her eyes.

"How's that?" I ask her.

She shivers but smiles. "Nice. Thank you."

Tangle gets us headed through the tunnels, his gold light blending with the headlights, illuminating our path.

Craze eases in behind me. You can lean on me. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

I don't want to, but as the tunnel moves up and down and sways side to side, I grow weary of supporting myself and Loli.

The heat of Craze's chest spreads through my back as my body slumps under the effort.

His warm breath feathers down my neck. Craze draws my hood over my head as the tunnels grow colder, then adjusts his position and slides an arm around my waist.

CrazeNavi: Don't want you to fall off.

His need to touch me is unusual, but it's growing harder to not like it.