Chapter 19

NINETEEN

ALEXA

“Dad, will you look at me, please?”

At a slow and agonizing pace, Dad lift’s his gaze to meet mine. His silence is deafening, but it’s expected, given I just told him Hunter will meet his son for the first time.

We’re sitting inside his office without Mom because it’s important for me to have this conversation without her trying to convince him to come around. I’ve learned how their dynamics work. Most of the time, Mom tries to control Dad’s stubbornness, so we girls don’t endure the wrath of Lex Edwards. The number one problem with having a billionaire father who is ruthless in the corporate world.

“All I’m saying is think about what us girls mean to you. I know you don’t think highly of Hunter, and I do get that, but he is Elijah’s father and has a right to meet his son.”

“Alexandra,” he says my name in a cold tone. “Hunter Cash is not the man you think he is.”

It always comes back to this. Dad’s perception of him versus mine. This time, it’s different. I’m not in a relationship with Hunter.

“Maybe, I don’t know who he is,” I admit. “But that doesn’t mean he should be deprived of knowing he has a son.”

“It’s your life and your son,” he states adamantly. “And I do agree a man should have the right to know if he has a child. But as I mentioned, he is not the man you think he is. So, I ask you, Alexandra, please be careful. If he, in any way, shape, or form, attempts or say or do anything to hurt you, he knows exactly the price he will pay.”

I almost want to roll my eyes at him. As if I don’t know how to handle myself around a man. After all, I’ve been around Dad forever. I’m used to the whole alpha male ‘what I say goes’ bullshit.

“I promise, Dad, I will be careful.”

This conversation with Dad was difficult, but I’m glad it’s over and done with. Again, Millie was in shock Dad even had a conversation with me. She’s adamant that the Lex Edwards she dealt with is a completely different man from the one I deal with.

Then again, I wasn’t screwing his business partner behind his back. Surely, that was worse.

The days leading up to Hunter meeting Elijah were challenging. My anxiety was on a whole other level. I wasn’t quite sure why. What’s the worst that can happen?

I tried to busy myself with Elijah. Going for walks, taking him to his appointment, and trying to catch up on sleep.

Though it wasn’t all about Hunter, there is also the fact of Beau leaving for Manhattan. Even though he apologized for being a so-called prick, there is still this tension between us.

I decide to go see him at Will and Millie’s house and work our way through this as we’ve always done in the past. Unsure if he’s actually there, I take the risk and pack Elijah’s bag, followed by placing him in the car for the short ride over.

Will answers the door, dressed in a dark suit. Millie is at work with Mom, and all the kids are in school or daycare. The house is oddly quiet, something I’m not used to when visiting.

“Hey, sorry, Alexa. He’s not around,” Will tells me as I enter the house.

Thankfully, Elijah is asleep in his carrier. I place it on the ground because it’s so heavy, and my arm is dead from carrying it in.

“Oh, you don’t know where he is or how long he will be?”

“He’s out with some friends,” Will answers cautiously.

“Friends?” I question with a raised brow. “Here in California?”

“Yes, from high school.”

Beau went to an all-boys school, which is probably why he was so girl crazy once he graduated. I’m just surprised he never mentioned friends out here.

“I didn’t know he had guy friends here. He’s never said anything.”

“Let’s just say that while he did go to a boys’ school, he had girlfriends outside of school.”

I gaze at Will in confusion. “He’s visiting a woman?”

“An ex, or something. Look, I don’t ask unless told.”

The heat inside the room rises as I force a smile. What right do I have to get jealous? Beau is single and has the freedom to do whatever he wants. Just because I feel trapped in my life shouldn’t mean I project that onto him like it’s his fault because it’s not.

The back door opens, and it’s Beau. He doesn’t look any different, wearing shorts and a tee like he’s dressed up to play basketball or something. Not at all like he’s been on a date.

“Oh, you’re here,” I say faintly.

“Yes, I am here.”

“I thought it would be nice to see you and not wait till tomorrow.” My tone is stiff and formal, it’s the only way I can speak without blurting out how I really feel. “But Will said you’re busy with an ex-girlfriend?”

Too fucking, late.

Beau crosses his arms beneath his chest while watching me furtively. “Yes, I was visiting an ex-girlfriend and her husband. Oh, and their dog. Do you have a problem with my life that doesn’t always involve you?”

Will presses his lips flat, then grabs his phone.

“I’m just going to head into the office and get a couple of hours of work done before the kids come home. I’ll see you guys later.”

No surprise he bailed, not wanting to get caught in our heated argument. When the door closes, Beau immediately moves to Elijah, touching his hair but careful not to wake him.

“So, are we going to talk about this because ambushing you at your brother’s house wasn’t exactly part of the plan? You know I have a baby to take care of.”

“Yes, I do know that, Alexa. It’s why I’ve been backing off.”

“Backing off?” I question him. “What for? You know I love having you around, and you’re not even here for much longer. Don’t you want to spend time with us?”

Beau remains silent, keeping his thoughts to himself. This is unlike him, almost as if something or someone has gotten into him and told him to stay away from me.

“Okay, I get it,” I say with a pained voice. “I’m a mom, and you’re still single. You have this whole life ahead of you and so much freedom. I’m weighing you down.”

Beau slams his fist on the table, causing me to jump. “Don’t you get it, Alexa? I’m trying my best here to let you live your life, but you’re not making it easy for me.”

“What…? What do you mean?” I stammer. “I’m not making it easy for you? Okay, sure, it’s my fault I got pregnant. I should’ve been more careful, but you know what? I don’t regret having Elijah. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Admitting the truth is hard. We often regret decisions or life choices, but as I stare at my son, I can’t imagine my life without him in it.

“Then why won’t you let me go?” he argues with a clenched jaw. “Let me live my life, and you live yours.”

I feel the blood rising within me as anger consumes me. The Beau standing in front of me, pleading with me to just go away, is not the same Beau I love.

“I’ve never asked for anything more than your friendship. Now you’re acting like you can’t even be in the same room as me.”

Beau drops his gaze, shaking his head. “I can’t stand beside you and watch you welcome him back into your life.”

“Hunter?” I ask. Why does this always have to be the core reason for our arguments? “He’s Elijah’s father.”

“Right, so let me walk away, Alexa. Let me walk away before we completely lose our friendship.”

With a trembling chin, I refuse to let him walk away. If anyway needs to walk away, it’s me.

“Goodbye, Beau.”

Leaning down, I pick the carrier up despite my weakened muscles. Closing the door behind me, I safely secure Elijah in the car before driving off.

I beg myself not to cry, doing my best to get him home safely. But once the car is parked in the driveway, I can’t hold back any longer. My posture collapses as tears stream done my cheeks and eventually become heavy sobs.

Losing my best friend is a pain like no other. But just as Beau wished for, I’m letting him go. I can’t change Hunter being in my life, and if that’s hurting Beau, then being in the first row of the audience to my so-called life is probably not the best idea.

There’s no time for me to dwell, given Elijah becomes restless. After a feed, burp, and diaper change, he refuses to go to sleep. I feed him again, but something bothers him. It’s like my own sadness is being projected onto him. He’s incredibly unsettled, and with my patience wearing thin, all I can do is rock him around the house.

Mom and Dad are out late, so I try to navigate this independently. I realize just how hard it is not to be able to ask anyone for help. It seems unfair to call them to come back home, but as the night drags on, Elijah does not budge. I’m this close to calling Millie or Ava and asking what the hell I should do. I find myself in more tears, utterly exhausted. Eventually, somewhere after midnight, Elijah falls asleep just before my parents come home.

I don’t last long, crashing once he does.

When morning comes and the sun has risen, Elijah is quick to wake up. My body is dead tired, sore, and aching from I don’t know what. How I’m going to last the entire day is beyond me.

Just like a zombie, I go about my usual routine with Elijah. It’s a nice day out, so I try to leave the house because thinking about tonight only brings on more stress.

Outside, the sun is glaring, and my eyes are sore from all my crying last night. I place a pair of sunglasses on and drink a ton of water to hydrate. I desperately want caffeine, but given I’m breastfeeding, the last thing I need is a wired-up kid who won’t sleep.

As I sit on a park bench and watch people go by, I think about how tonight will play out. The last time I was at Hunter’s place, I was most likely naked and being fucked by him in every way possible. Separating our past and possible future won’t be easy. Then, I remember his role in my life as Elijah’s father, and that is it. Despite what Beau may think, there are no plans to get back with Hunter.

He’s married, and why would I want to be with a man who marries a woman for convenience and then tries to start a family with her?

As long as I remember that, this may have a chance of working out for Elijah.

In the end, that’s all that matters.

Nikki and Rocky have flown in from the East Coast despite Beau leaving today. Mom insisted they come over for dinner so they could meet Elijah.

As we sit at the dinner table, the conversation seems more forced than I’m used to. I’ve gotten this weird vibe all night from Nikki, but I guess it’s not unusual given she’s got a high-pressure job, and perhaps work is getting to her.

Rocky is the same, which, right now, is refreshing.

“Quite some little boy you got. Are you sure you don’t want to make him an East Coast boy? We’re built tougher.” He chuckles.

Dad purses his lips, keeping his opinion to himself.

“I miss NYU, but raising a kid in the city would be hard. Mom and Dad are fantastic.”

“Well, the kid misses you. He’s not the same,” Rocky mentions.

“You mean Beau?”

Nikki stabs her fork into the chicken, causing everyone to look. Rocky glances at her, and something passes between them. I watch Mom look at Nikki, but much like me, we have no clue why she appears to be in some mood.

“So, what’s the plan?” Rocky asks. “Back to college one day?”

“Hopefully, I’ll be able to get into UCLA and can continue studying. It’s not NYU but still an excellent school.”

“Yes,” Nikki speaks with a stiff smile on her face. “It’s not NYU. Maybe someone should convince Beau to stay.”

“Stay?” I question.

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Nikki glances at me with an odd expression. “Beau wants to drop out.”

“Nikki, he wants to transfer. Not drop out,” Rocky corrects her.

“Well, it’s almost the same. Let’s face it. Once he’s busy raising a family that isn’t his, I highly doubt he’ll have time to study.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

Nikki throws her napkin on the table and folds her arms beneath her chest. “We’re all family here, so why not have an open discussion about why my son wants to give up everything he’s worked hard for just because of you.”

My head draws back for my mouth to fall open.

“Nikki,” Dad warns. “No one has asked Beau to give up anything.”

“Really, Lex? I think your daughter is the one begging him to be around.”

My stomach turns with an unwanted pain following. I’m unable to swallow, not understanding at all what is happening here. Beau isn’t dropping out. If anything, he is going back home to live his life without me.

“Nikki,” Mom slams her fist on the table. “Don’t you dare come into my house and treat my daughter this way? Beau is a grown man who can make his own decisions. Don’t you dare blame this on Alexa!”

“Why, Charlie? She’s the one who needs my son more than he needs her?”

I can’t sit here any longer. The hurt is too much to bear. My chair pushes back, forcing me to stand. I place my napkin down, then turn to look at Nikki.

Her resentment runs deep. I can see it in the way her face stiffens upon me looking at her.

“Just so you know, Beau is heading back to Manhattan, and I’m staying here. We both made the decision to live our own lives. So, before you go ahead and judge me, your son is where he needs to be, and that’s all that should matter to you.”

I walk out of the room and take Elijah with me, escaping upstairs to get ready to meet Hunter. With tears falling down my cheeks, I try to clean myself up enough to look decent.

There’s a knock on my door, and I know it’s Mom.

“Alexa, are you okay? I’m so sorry that happened.”

I take a deep breath. “Honestly, Mom. I can only take so much. My decision to keep Elijah feels like it’s a burden to everyone. Now, I have to introduce my son to his father. Who probably feels like he’s a burden too.”

“Don’t say that. Elijah is not a burden to anyone.”

“Then why does it feel this way, Mom?” I cry, unable to hold back.

Mom wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her tight embrace. I cry into her chest, releasing the hurt and pain of everything in my life, spiraling out of control.

“Alexa, look at me, please,” Mom pleads, forcing me to pull back. “Elijah is a blessing. We all love him so much. Right now, things are hard, and you’ve had to make decisions based on someone else, not you. We will support you no matter what you decide. Do you understand me?”

I nod through tears.

“I have to go, Mom. I’m already late.”

“Good luck, honey. We’re just a phone call away if you need us, okay?”

With a deep breath, I muster up the courage to take another big step with an unknown outcome.

All I know is I have no choice. What’s best for Elijah is all I need to focus on.

Motherhood is just as Mom described it. Making decisions based on someone else.

And right now, my son’s future hangs in the balance, depending on how Hunter reacts to meeting him and what we do moving forward.

I’m scared of the unknown.

But just maybe, the unknown is another blessing in disguise.