Chapter 20

TWENTY

ALEXA

Hunter meeting Elijah was a surreal experience in itself.

I prepared myself for the obvious conversations which would arise from being in such a situation, but what I didn’t prepare myself for—and no way could have— was seeing my son being held by his father for the first time.

Emotions ran wild as I watched Hunter gaze at him with adoration, even though he had no idea he was staring at him this way. I expected him to be cold and heartless, given I’d seen the bad side of him when our affair was reaching breaking point.

My heart was so full, realizing at that moment the bond two people can share if given a chance. I don’t regret following my gut because, in the end, I only wanted the best for my son.

It went better than I could have ever imagined, until the end when his lack of transparency with his marriage goaded a reaction from me. Something wasn’t right, and typical Hunter kept his cards close to his chest. He’s an arrogant asshole when he wants to be, but I guess there are no surprises when it comes to discussing his marriage.

Right then, I knew, I would have to force myself to only look at him as Elijah’s father and nothing else. Any unwarranted feelings need to be controlled. Extinguish the fire before it burns the whole building down.

Back at home, things were quiet after what happened with Nikki. Mom didn’t want to talk about it, and I knew things were strained between them. It only made sense to find out from Dad what was happening.

“They will reconcile when Nikki stops acting like a bi—” Dad cuts himself off, only just remembering I’m the one he’s talking to.

“You can say it, Dad. She was a bitch.”

“Frankly, yes,” he agrees. “Not once did your mother and I blame them when Will was sneaking around with your sister.”

“Right, because what control would they have had over that? Beau and I don’t see eye to eye on things involving Hunter. So, it’s best to distance ourselves from each other for now. And for the record, I would never ask any man to give up everything for me. I believe in compromising when you’re in a relationship. Not that I’ve had many…” I smile involuntarily. Now it’s my turn to remember who I’m speaking to. “Sorry, Dad. Too much information.”

“It’s fine, Alexa. You’re right. It’s important to compromise. One day, some man will be lucky to have you.”

I laugh. “If they get the Lex Edwards seal of approval first?”

“Of course.” He grins.

The oddest thing about returning home is I get to spend more time with Dad. We binge- watch new shows on Netflix and cook together in the kitchen when Mom has a long day at work. Dad takes Elijah for walks, and I join them if I’m not busy helping Mom.

And the best part is that Dad is helping me with my UCLA enrolment, so hopefully, I will join next semester and not fall too far behind.

“I think I want to study medicine and specialize in Gynecology. I find it all fascinating.”

Ava sits with Dad and me outside as we watch the kids play. Unlike Millie, Ava is flexible with her work, but I also sometimes wonder, does she even work? She’s quite happy staying home with the girls so Austin can fulfill his dream of being a doctor. I guess it works for them.

“You find vaginas fascinating?” Ava scrunches her nose.

“It’s not about vaginas,” Dad corrects her. “It’s the women’s reproductive system.”

“Dad, please don’t ever say vagina again,” I plead, then let out a whistle. “I know it’s going to be a challenge. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I had Elijah.”

“Have a chat with Austin. He knows a lot about vaginas.” Ava snickers while Dad looks at her with an annoyed stare. “What? He’s a doctor.”

“Yeah, of the heart. Unless you call him doctor in the bedroom. Get that kink on.”

“Alexandra,” Dad warns. “Can we not, please?”

Emmy calls Dad to come to play with her, which he happily agrees to. Ava turns to face me when he’s far away from us and surrounded by two excited granddaughters.

“Speaking of kink, what’s happening with baby daddy?”

“Who, Hunter?”

“Uh, yes,” Ava drags. “Tell me all about the tension. I live vicariously through second-chance romances.”

“Firstly, there was no romance to begin with for this to be a second chance romance. And secondly, there is no second chance. We are going to attempt co-parenting.”

“Oh, that’s hot.”

“You’ve lost your mind. How is co-parenting hot?”

“Well, it starts with the time alone, supposedly to bond with the baby. Then something happens, like you’re snowed in and have to stay the night.”

An unflattering snort escapes my mouth. “Luckily, it doesn’t snow in LA.”

“I don’t know, just something happens to prevent someone from going home,” she continues with animated eyes. “There’s nothing to wear to bed, so you have to borrow his shirt. It smells just like him … then one thing leads to another.”

“Okay, stop. Way too many books for you. You need to get laid.”

“Trust me, little sister. I get laid. In fact, I got laid this morning in the shower before two girls woke up to cockblock us.”

My lips press together. “I didn’t need to know that. Is Austin a shower-sex person? Shower sex is so uncomfortable. I don’t get why guys love it.”

“When you’ve got kids and can’t exactly fuck anywhere you want to, you take a shower.”

“This conversation is unsettling.”

“Why? Because you need to get laid.”

“Yes,” I admit. “It’s not like I’m counting down the days or anything, but I’m six weeks next week. Again, I have no one to scratch the itch, so this is all so irrelevant.”

“But when the itch is scratched, it’s going to be so damn good.” Ava grins.

I turn to face her. “But how does that work? Will it hurt, or will the vagina go back to normal?”

“It’s going to feel like you’re losing your virginity again. Tight.”

The conversation with Beau comes to mind. I miss him, and even though it’s only been a few weeks, it still hurts not to be able to call him and just talk about random stuff like usual. I did, however, pry a little with Millie. He’s back in Manhattan, but that’s it.

“Tight, got it.”

“What’s tight?” Mom asks, bringing us some snacks.

She places the platter down. There’s watermelon, strawberries, and these yummy banana muffins she makes. I quickly grab one, all of a sudden starving.

“Vaginas, after birth,” Ava informs her.

Mom nods with a knowing smirk. “Thank God your father is distracted.”

“We know, Mom.” I chuckle with a mouthful of muffin. “We know…”

Hunter messaged me that he was caught up with matters and apologized for not reaching out. Honestly, I didn’t know how to take it, given I thought he ghosted us, not wanting to take part in any responsibility. I’d been distracted with all the enrolment forms, which maybe was a good thing since I had a lot on myself.

At five weeks old, Elijah has grown so much. He’s chubby which makes him extra adorable, especially because I can’t stop kissing his cheeks. Another thing he does is smile when he’s sleeping. I swear, when he does, my heart wants to explode and wake him up.

But I’ve learned that’s a rookie mistake.

Let him sleep, or grumpy Elijah comes out and is not fun to hang out with.

Elijah has just gone down for his afternoon nap, so I decide to catch up on some emails to get my life in order. If all goes well, the plan is to get accepted into UCLA and find me a small apartment near campus. I’ll need to find a part-time job too, but I hope it’s local enough to balance everything. Despite Mom and Dad offering to pay for the apartment, I met them halfway and allowed them to cover my tuition, but the rent is all my responsibility. Again, I took Mom up on her offer to babysit for two days, and the others I will juggle with daycare. I’m praying I can afford everything because right now, it’s not looking plausible if I try to do this all myself.

My phone rings on the desk. In a rush, I quickly answer, praying Elijah doesn’t wake up.

“Hello,” I answer in a soft tone.

“Alexandra.” I recognize Hunter’s voice immediately and quickly straighten my shoulders to better listen. “Am I interrupting anything?”

“No, just catching up on emails while Elijah sleeps.”

“Of course, makes sense,” he simply says. “I was wondering if you are free tonight? I’d like to see Elijah, and I apologize for not calling sooner. There have been some pressing matters I’ve had to deal with.”

“Uh, sure,” I agree, then close my eyes to blurt out, “as long as it’s not awkward and formal like this conversation.”

“I see you’re still the same,” he muses. “I’m not sure how you want me to act when asking you if you’d like to visit with our son. Perhaps, I should have been more demanding. Is that what you want?”

The deep sound of his voice stirs a very buried desire within me. The last thing I need to think about is what is going on between my legs. Hunter wants to see Elijah, focus only on that.

“No, why would I want you to act like my boss again? I’ll be there. What time?”

“How about dinner time? You still eat, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I mock. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“Food, yes. Sure, let’s go with that answer.”

“Wait, I think I walked into that one, but my brain is so fried, so I’m not sure. You’re a single man, Hunter, so I assume you always eat out. There, awkwardness over. Actually, you’re kind of married, so I don’t know.”

“Alexandra, I’ll see you at six.”

“Did you cook all this?”

Hunter’s lips curve upward into a crooked smile. Only now do I realize Elijah smiles just like him. They’re bound to look alike or have the same mannerisms given they are father and son.

“I did. I have many skills not always found in the boardroom.”

I hide my smirk behind the glass of water since I can’t drink wine or anything fancy. I’m counting down the days until I can do something wild like have a shot, but in the meantime, I’ll admire the feast in front of me.

“You certainly do.”

He lifts his gaze from where he is preparing a salad. “So, you really meant it when you said no formal talk, huh?”

“Look, all I’m saying is if we have to hang out for the sake of our son, let’s not make it like some business meeting. I’m sure we can talk about other things. Like the weather or sport. Scrap that, no sport.”

“I can agree to that.”

Hunter places all the food on the table and suggests we eat. The homemade Lasagna he made is mouthwatering with a decent layer of bechamel sauce. On the side, there are fresh bread rolls and salad. I fill my plate, starving as I take in all the aromas.

Outside of work, there’s really not much to talk about, aside from April, which I’ll bring up out of curiosity. We still haven’t spoken to each other since I left, and despite my wanting to reach out, it never felt like the right time.

“How is April?”

“I think, okay,” he answers nonchalantly. “She’s in Australia with some guy.”

I chuckle softly. “She loved Australian men, so I’m not surprised at all.”

“You don’t speak to her anymore?”

“Not since …” I trail off, then continue, “not since you and I ended.”

He simply nods and doesn’t push on the subject.

“And so, everything is good with Meredith?”

“She performs her job as needed,” he states.

Great, why is this so hard? When we were fooling around, we would talk non-stop. Granted, there were a lot of dirty conversations, but still. I think about something to talk about and end up talking about college. Hunter doesn’t seem bothered, given it’s been years since he went.

On cue, Elijah fusses because it’s his dinner time.

“Do you mind if I feed him?”

“Of course not. Do you need any help with anything?”

“Banana leaves, if you have them, and grapes. You know, for fanning and feeding me while I nurse our son,” I tease.

Hunter drops his gaze, but I see the smirk he’s unable to hide. “You’ll be the death of me.”

As I latch Elijah on, he begins to drink and too fast for my liking. Every time he does this, he ends up with gas. I stroke his hair to relax him, hoping he’ll slow down.

“You’ve said that to me before,” I remind him.

He tilts his head with a cocky grin. “Have I?”

“Yes, when, um. You know what? Never mind.”

What is wrong with my brain? He said it to me multiple times after I made him come, usually with a blow job. The memories come back, and all of a sudden, my cheeks flush. I keep my head low, wishing there really were banana leaves to cool me down.

“Alexandra, it’s inevitable our past may come up. Just so you know, I’m okay to discuss things like two mature adults.”

“Sure, it’s fine for you because you’re a man still getting laid,” I blurt out without thinking. “Try being pregnant forever and then birthing a child through your vagina. Trust me. There’s not much up for discussion unless I somehow put myself back on the dating scene.”

Hunter’s expression shifts, and of course, he doesn’t like the mention of other men. A slight growl escapes his throat as he crosses his arms with his lips pressed flat.

“You plan to put yourself back on the dating scene?”

I let out an annoyed groan. “Do you think it’s fair I stay single forever?”

Elijah is done feeding, so I place him on my shoulder to burp him. I try for a solid ten minutes, but nothing. As I pull him back to examine him, he projectile vomits all over my chest. The warm milk smells absolutely vile as it lingers all over me.

“Just great,” I mutter.

Hunter takes him from me as I try to clean myself up with tissues, but I’m completely soaked. The fabric of my top is clinging to my skin.

“Go to the closet and grab a shirt,” he insists.

“It should be fine.” I grab a strand of my hair, only to see it on my hair. It got everywhere. Argh, I feel so gross. “You know what? I might take you up on it because I feel disgusting.”

“You’re welcome to take a shower. I’m sure you know where everything is.”

“Will you be okay with him?”

“If I’m not, I can come to get you in the shower?” he teases.

“Ha, ha. Very funny.”

I make my way down the hall to Hunter’s room. When I walk in, I intake a breath and try to ignore the bed so perfectly made. Heading straight to the closet, I grab a tee and almost run out of the room. The memories of everything we did is too much to handle.

But then, I enter the shower.

I remember exactly how he demanded I get on my knees and suck him off. When he came, I was gifted a charming pearl necklace. Then, he pressed me against the wall and devoured between my legs until it was my turn to come.

My hands reach for the faucet, turning on only the cold water. I last only a few minutes before I begin to shiver. Quickly hopping out, I dry myself and change, then soak my top in the sink, and wring it out.

I quickly stick my head out as I exit the bathroom to tell Hunter I’m using his dryer. The cycle says one hour, so all I need to do is last that long.

Easier said than done.

Hunter is sitting on the lounge with Elijah making soft cooing sounds. I watch them again but then decide to clean up the kitchen while they spend some alone time. As I stack the dishes in the dishwasher, my eyes stumble on a pile of papers on the counter. Not wanting them to get wet when I wipe down the benches, I pick them up only to notice they are divorce papers.

“You’re getting a divorce?”

Hunter’s face tightens as he turns around to face me. “It’s none of your business.”

“Uh, it kind of is my business. You’re my son’s father,” I protest. “Were you going to tell me?”

“If I did, what exactly does it change?” His question leaves me stumped. Hunter is right. What does it change since it’s not like we’re together? “I’m guessing you can’t come up with an answer.”

“It changes everything,” I tell him with a raised voice. “I don’t know why, but it does. Look, I should go.”

“Alexandra.” He grabs my arm, causing me to stiffen in his grip. “We should talk about this.”

“Oh, so now you want to talk about it?” I argue back. “I’m going home.”

Just as I’m about to grab my things, our phones ping simultaneously, which is unusual. I pick up my phone, which is an emergency alert. According to the text, there is a hostage situation two blocks over, and all residents have been asked to remain in their homes. Just great, I can’t stay here, but I can’t exactly put my life or Elijah’s at risk by leaving.

“Why would I get this text? I don’t even live here.”

Hunter shrugs then rubs his hands on his face. “Maybe, it’s picked up your location. You’re staying. No chance in hell you or Elijah are leaving with swat teams not far away.”

“Great,” I mumble. Then, remember Ava and her ramblings about getting snowed in. “Ava was right…”

“Right about what?”

“Nothing,” I mumble. “Just Ava being Ava.”

Hunter insists I stay in the guest room since it’s nice and big for Elijah and me. It’s just after nine, so I quickly text Mom and explain that I’m okay but also don’t wait up. She doesn’t ask any questions, which I appreciate since the last thing I need is a lecture on Hunter.

I can do this, and nothing will happen. It’s just one sleepover for the sake of our son.

“Elijah looks like he’s about to crash, so if you don’t mind, I’ll get him settled and head to bed myself.”

“Of course. Good night, Alexandra.”

“Good night.”

Before he walks in the opposite direction, he quickly leans in and kisses Elijah on the head. “Good night, son.”

I swallow the lump inside my throat and force myself to take a breath. He called him his son. How can something so innocent trigger an emotion in me? The line between us is blurring, and I need to step away and remind myself of the boundaries I insisted on having. This was never going to be easy, but I never expected it to be this hard either.

As I predicted, Elijah fell asleep on the bed beside me almost instantly. I fall asleep not too long after, but somewhere in the middle of the night, I wake up in pain. My breasts are engorged, but Elijah is fast asleep and missing his usual feed. The only thing I can do is the pump, but I don’t want to wake him beside me.

I carefully hop out of bed, reach into the diaper bag and grab my pump. I usually don’t bring it, but for some reason packed it just in case.

The living room is dark, and I choose to keep the lights off. Only the pale moonlight filters through the windows, making a soft glow against the nicely decorated room.

With the suction part latched onto my left breast, I begin the process, feeling instantly relieved. I try to keep quiet, but the suction makes this air sound. Just as I’m about to switch breasts, I hear footsteps.

“Is everything okay?”

Hunter stands in front of me, wearing boxers and no shirt. I force myself to turn away because of the small glimpse of his body I caught, the man still has the most amazing body.

“I needed to pump. Elijah has passed out, and I can’t sleep if they’re engorged.”

“Oh.” I hear him struggle. “I understand.”

I manage a small laugh. “I didn’t know you had engorged breasts to understand.”

“You know what I mean,” he chastises, taking a seat beside me. “So, you have to do this every day?”

“Yeah, I produce too much milk, and Elijah can’t keep up with the supply. It’s a good problem to have, I guess.”

My hand begins to cramp up, prompting me to stop and switch sides.

“What’s wrong with your hand?” he asks, worried.

“Nothing major. It just cramps from doing it so much. I probably should invest in an automatic pump, but carrying a machine around is annoying.”

“A machine?”

“Yes, don’t freak out. It’s normal.”

“I’m not freaking out. It’s just all new information. So, what now? You’re done.”

“Uh, no. I have to swap sides. Maybe, can you turn away?”

“Alexandra,” he breathes, the simple sound of my name making my skin break out in goosebumps. “It’s perfectly natural, right? Why hide it?”

“Because, Hunter…”

He doesn’t turn away, keeping his gaze fixated on me. I move my hand under my top and try to switch until he lifts my shirt to help me. I’m unable to concentrate, but being the polite gentleman he is, he keeps his eyes only on mine and doesn’t look down at my chest. Finally, I’m able to secure the suction cup on my nipple.

“Now, what do you do?” he asks faintly.

“I… I press this and begin pumping.”

Hunter moves my hand and places it down on my thigh. Slowly, he wraps his fingers around the lever and starts to press down, then up. I close my eyes, biting down on my lip, tasting blood, trying to ignore how every inch of me is burning with desire. This has to stop. It’s so wrong, yet it feels so right at the same time.

I hold back until my legs are soaked, and I can’t take it anymore. In a rush, I place my hand on his to stop him.

“Please, stop,” I beg of him, catching my breath.

“You said you needed to release,” he answers, with a grunt in his voice. Ignoring me, he continues to pump. My entire body is about to combust, and I can’t, not in front of him. “If you want me to stop, tell me why.”

“I… I can’t do that.”

He leans in but stops pumping. “It’s just us. We need to be honest with each other if this is going to work.”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” I lie.

His hands press down, the suction causing me to gasp. “Hunter, please.”

“Please, what?”

“Please stop, or I’m afraid I’ll come in front of you…”

Slowly, he pulls the breast pump off me and places it down on the coffee table. “Well, you can’t expect to tell me such a thing and not follow through.”

“We can’t do this,” I remind him. “We can’t fuck each other.”

Hunter moves in to close the distance between us. His lips touch my lobe, then he whispers, “Who said anything about fucking? Let me make you come, please.”

“We shouldn’t…”

“But I will,” he demands before his hand is down between my legs, causing me to moan. “Now be a good girl and spread your legs, just the way I need you…”