CHAPTER 33

Drew didn’t want to leave, but she didn’t exactly want to stay, either. Selma had left her sitting on the bed in her room to go back to Gia and her grandmother. Drew didn’t know what to do, so she ordered room service and ate by herself in a room right next to her girlfriend’s, the woman she knew she loved but wasn’t sure was ready for someone to love her back.

Maybe that wasn’t fair – maybe this whole thing wasn’t fair – but Drew knew what she wanted now. And, initially, Selma had been fine with her attending Gia’s party, helping with the cake, getting Gia a gift, and them all having dinner together and playing a game after. She wasn’t sure if Selma still put Gia to bed, and Gia was ten years old now, so it wasn’t likely Selma still tucked her in, but Drew had also been looking forward to putting Gia to bed together. She had this image of the three of them sitting on the couch and Selma telling Gia that it was bedtime. Gia would hug them both and go off to brush her teeth or something, leaving Selma and Drew in the living room alone to watch TV or talk. It was probably some Norman Rockwell-style fantasy, but she’d had it all the same.

Selma snapping at her over a couple of pieces of cake being delivered by her had hit Drew harder than it should. It felt like she was being scolded for trying to be in the most important part of Selma’s life, and she hadn’t liked the idea of Selma wanting her in hotel rooms or at Drew’s place but not at her own. That small moment had Drew worried that Selma was ready for a vacation romance but not something real. When it was just the two of them, it was amazing. But when it was the three of them, Selma got scared, and while Drew understood, she couldn’t keep pushing aside her own fears and concerns about Selma not being ready for them to be something real.

So, after dinner and a long, hot shower, she’d climbed into bed and turned off the lights. She was exhausted. She’d been killing herself in training because she had wanted to take a few days off to spend time with Selma and Gia. Then, she’d flown internationally to get to them and had had a turbulent flight and a long drive from the airport due to bad weather. Now, she would be going back home tomorrow, and she wasn’t sure what to do about her relationship.

Right as Drew was about to close her eyes, though, she heard the beep sound at her door. Someone – no, not someone – Selma was using her key. Drew didn’t move. It was immature, and she knew that, but she pretended that she was asleep. Selma slid into bed behind her and wrapped her arm around Drew’s middle. Drew still didn’t move.

“I’m sorry,” Selma whispered.

Drew didn’t know what the woman was apologizing for, exactly, but an apology wouldn’t change the fact that Selma wasn’t ready for Drew to be in this part of her life; the part she shared with Gia. And Drew could be patient; she just couldn’t change how it felt seeing Selma’s wide eyes, telling her that she could take the damn cake to the kids herself because she didn’t need Drew’s help.

When Drew woke up the following morning, Selma wasn’t there, but she’d left a note that she had to take Gia to her drawing class and that she’d be back. Drew hadn’t told Selma what time her changed flight home was, which was her own fault. She texted Selma that she had to leave for the airport to make her plane and packed the few things she’d bothered to unpack.

“Don’t give up on her.”

Drew turned toward the front desk and found Ruth standing there with a clipboard in her hand.

“Sorry?”

“Don’t give up on her.”

“I’m not. I just have to get back.”

“Oh, Drew…” The old woman shook her head.

Drew walked over with her roller bag.

“Honey, Selma hasn’t had anyone real in her life, ever.”

“She had an ex-boyfriend.”

“He was a decent man, don’t get me wrong, but Selma never loved him. He was the kind of guy you date when you don’t have time to meet anyone else and he’s there. I realize that sounds mean, but it’s also the truth. There was no love there, no passion. He didn’t mind that she was a single parent, and she liked him enough to give him a chance.”

“Ruth, they were together for six months.”

“Drew, you’re a snowboarder – you know that she was gone for most of that time leading up to the Olympics. And most of the rest of her time was spent here, with Gia. I’d wager that they spent maybe a dozen or so nights together that whole time.”

“Okay. So…”

“So, you are real to her. She’s never had real. She got pregnant young, devoted her life to Gia and this family, and, well, snowboarding. Nothing else. Then, you show up here, and you connect with her daughter, whom she’s been so protective of because Gia’s father wanted nothing to do with her. That’s a weight that Selma has carried for over ten years now. She’s tried to be Mom and Dad to Gia – or, two parents, if you’d rather. Selma never found anyone worthy of her or that child to share any of the responsibilities that come with parenting. Now, you’re here, and not only do you want her, you want Gia, too.”

“I do. I love Gia. I think she’s an amazing kid. She’s a little Selma, and I–” She stopped herself.

“And you love Selma.”

Drew nodded and said, “She doesn’t know yet.”

“Well, that’s for you to tell her, then. But I’m her grandmother; I see her making a mistake. And while I think it’s important that we all learn from our mistakes, I can’t let her make this one.”

“She said she wanted to be ready, Ruth. She didn’t say that she was.”

“She is. She just doesn’t know it yet. So, like I said, don’t give up on her. Just give her a little time.”

“How much?”

“If you love her, you’ll give her as long as she needs. I know she feels it, too. She’ll get there.”

“I’m not getting any younger, Ruth,” she joked.

“Neither am I,” the woman replied. “And I’d love to see my granddaughter happily settled down with someone before I go. So, just trust me on this. I’m old and wise; I know what I’m talking about.”

Drew gave her a smile and an appreciative nod.

“Okay. I do have to go, though. I re-booked my flight for today.”

“Then, go. But don’t pull away from her.”

“Okay. I… I won’t.”

Drew left, feeling slightly better, and headed to the airport. That night, she and Selma didn’t talk. They shared a few awkward texts, checking in on how their days had gone and the weather, which Drew hated, but it was all she could manage after the past couple of days.

The next morning, she woke up and decided to hit the mountain; not to train, but to get on a board and do a run for fun. The ride on the lift always gave her time to think, and she used it well, deciding to call Selma when she got home because they needed to talk about what they were doing. The first part of her run was good, but as she got to a cropping of trees, she went to turn away from them, and something in her knee locked on her. She was still able to turn, but only just, so she ended up toppling over and landing on her side in the snow.

“Fuck,” she muttered and unclipped her board.

It was her previously injured knee, and when Drew tried to stand, she could put some weight on it, but barely, which meant that she needed to be careful going down the rest of the mountain and get to her trainer immediately.

◆◆◆

Drew Oakes: I’m out.

Selma Driscoll: Out of what? The shower?

Drew Oakes: The next USA competition. My knee.

She saw Selma’s picture on her buzzing phone and hit the accept icon.

“Hey.”

“What happened?”

“I went on a run today, and it locked on me. I rolled, and I was able to get up and make it down the mountain, but it’s pretty swollen, and the doc doesn’t think I should race on it.”

“Babe…”

“I just thought you should know.”

“You just thought I should know?” Selma asked, sounding a little irritated. “That you hurt yourself? I hope I would know; I’m the girlfriend. If anyone should know, it should be me, right?”

“I only meant that I texted you because you were probably with Gia. That’s why I didn’t call. I didn’t want her to maybe see my picture pop up on your phone screen or something.”

“Drew…” Selma didn’t say anything for a moment. “Babe, that’s not what I want; you avoiding calling me with important information because you’re worried Gia might see.”

“I don’t care if Gia sees. I’m worried you might.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll call next time.”

“Babe, how are you? What’s wrong with your knee?”

“I just tweaked it. Scans came back fine, but it’s swollen, so I need to take it easy.”

“God, I want to be there. I should be taking care of you. Are you staying off it like you’re supposed to?”

“Yeah. Andy came over about an hour ago and helped me get everything in my bedroom to make it easier for me. Computer, food, that kind of thing.”

“Andy? Andy was in your bedroom?”

“Yes, with her girlfriend. Daisy was here, too.”

“Oh.”

“Selma, there’s nothing going on between Andy and me.”

“I know. It’s not like that. I just… I should be there. I’m your girlfriend. I should be there to take care of you when you’re hurt or sick, Drew.”

“We’re long-distance, so not much we can do about that right now.”

“Drew?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we okay?”

“I don’t know,” Drew replied honestly. “I think that’s up to you.”

“Why is it up to me?”

“Because I told you what I want, and you’re not there yet. I’m not going to pressure you to be ready for something you might not be.”

“I haven’t ever–”

“I know. I only meant that I’m going to give you time, Selma. If you need time to realize that I’m here, that I’m not going anywhere, and that I want you and Gia in my life, I’ll give that to you.”

“What does that look like for us? You, giving me time?”

“I don’t know. You have a Team Canada competition coming up, and you also have a lot going on. This injury is at the wrong time for me because they’re going to make cuts to the team soon, and I’ll find out if I’m cut or still on Team USA. You’ll have the same thing going on there. Maybe we just take a break from this for a minute until some things calm down for you.”

“You… want to take a break?”

“No, I want you, Selma. But I need us both to want the same things. Maybe you take this time and realize you don’t want what I want. I hope that’s not true, but if it’s what you need, I’ll give you time.”

“So, we what? We don’t talk or something?”

“We can still talk. I don’t want to not talk to you. And I don’t want to break up, either. I don’t want anyone else. I’m suggesting that you focus on figuring out what it is that you want. That’s all. Then, we really talk, and we see if we want the same things.”

“I… want you.”

“I want you, too,” Drew said. “But I don’t only want to be the woman you visit and share romantic hotel rooms with once a month. I want to be the woman you’re really with, Selma.”

“Okay. I get it. I understand what you’re saying, I mean,” Selma replied.

“Then, I should let you go so you and Gia can have your time together.”

“When will we talk again, Drew?”

“Whenever you want. I mean that, Selma – whenever you want.”