CHAPTER 32

She wanted to pick Drew up at the airport, but there just wasn’t enough time; she had six preteens coming to her hotel-suite-turned-apartment in a few hours. Drew had also had training every day leading up to the party and was taking time away from work to be there, so she’d needed to put in as much time on a board as possible before she arrived. That meant she hadn’t flown in the night before the party, which would’ve been ideal, but the day of instead.

Selma was running around the lodge, trying to make sure all the food was ready to go and that she had enough time to get it upstairs since she didn’t want to make the employees do that just for her kid’s birthday party. She’d made the cake herself, and it was plain on top, but she’d done her best to write out, ‘Happy Birthday, Gia!’ in blue icing, with blue being Gia’s favorite color.

Now, Selma was on her way back downstairs to grab it since she’d made it in the lodge’s kitchen, because if she’d made it in her own, Gia would not have been able to leave it alone until the actual party. That was when she saw her: Drew Oakes, her beautiful and amazing girlfriend, walking through the doors, carrying what looked like a gift bag in one hand, pulling a roller bag in her other, and she also had something under her arm, along with her backpack over her shoulders.

“Hey, babe,” Drew greeted.

Selma breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of her and hurried over to Drew, pulling her in for a hug and not at all paying attention to what Drew had in her hands.

“I missed you,” Selma said.

“I missed you, too. But I need to put this stuff down somewhere if I’m going to hug you back.”

“What do you even have?” She pulled out of the hug.

“Gia’s gift.” Drew set the gift bag on the floor.

“And what exactly is that?”

“Mouse Trap.” The woman held a board game out in front of her.

“You got her a gift and a board game?”

“No, I got her a gift, and this is for her cake.”

“I’m so confused…”

“You said she wanted a physics-themed cake, right?” Drew asked, looking confused herself.

“Yeah. But I couldn’t figure out what to do, so it just says, ‘Happy Birthday,’ on it.”

“Mouse Trap is physics. You have to put all of this together, and then you trap the mouse in the end or something like that. Anyway, I thought we could put part of it on the cake, and if I’m lucky, it’ll actually work, and she can use it for real. I thought it could be fun. But if not, that’s okay, too. She can just have the game, and we can maybe play it later.”

Selma melted and said, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Understand exactly what I need and just do it. She’ll love this.”

“Cool. I just need to clean all the pieces and figure out how to get it on the cake. Do we have time?”

“Yeah, they get here in an hour.” Selma took the game from Drew and set it on the floor. “But first…” She leaned in and kissed her slowly and deeply. “I am so happy you’re here; not because it’s my daughter’s birthday but because I missed you. I want as much time as I can have with you while you’re here.”

Drew smiled and said, “I want that, too. Let me get this going. I hope it works. Do you have extra icing in case I need to cover up some messes?”

“Yeah, it’s in the kitchen. Anyone in there can show you where. Can you do it down here so that it’s a surprise for her?”

“Sure.”

“Come on. Let me take you to your room. Then, you can get to work on that. I put you in the room next to ours so that I can sneak in.”

“Yeah? Did you make yourself a key, too?”

“I have the master key,” Selma teased. “But, yes. And here’s yours.” She handed the key to Drew, who pocketed it.

Selma picked up the board game and asked Olivia to hold on to it for Drew for a second. Then, they got into the elevator, and she practically fell into Drew’s arms. Drew held on to her and kissed her forehead and her nose.

“This feels so good. Why do you feel so good to me?” Selma asked.

“I don’t know. You feel good to me, too, though.”

They got out of the elevator and snuck Drew into her room. Selma wanted to stay. She wanted to climb into that bed with Drew, take off her clothes, and show this woman just how much she missed her. But she had too much to do right now, so she kissed her and said a temporary goodbye in order to finish the rest of the party prep.

Two of the girls arrived a few minutes early, so Selma got them ushered upstairs to hang out with Gia while she went back down to get the new arrivals. Once everyone was there and they were all watching a movie in the living room with Grandma, Selma texted Drew and told her that she could come up. Then, Selma walked over to the door and pulled it open, letting Drew in. They started singing ‘Happy Birthday,’ and Drew handed her the cake to carry. Gia and her friends all turned around, and the look on her daughter’s face was priceless. It was also terrifying.

Gia first glanced at the cake, and her happy eyes went wide as she took in the contraption Drew had built on top of it for her. But it was when Gia had realized that Drew had been standing there that Selma had a silent freak-out. Her daughter no longer cared about the cake in her hands.

“Drew!”

Drew continued to sing, but Gia jumped off the couch and ran over to her. Drew picked her up to hug her and then quickly turned Gia around to face Selma and the cake when the song ended.

“Mom! Drew’s here!”

“I know, honey,” Selma said. “She came for your party. Wasn’t that nice of her?”

“You’re here just for me?” Gia asked Drew.

“Yup. Happy Birthday, Gia! Look at that cake your mom made you. Cool, huh?”

Gia returned her attention to the cake, and Selma smiled at Drew, who was being very kind to her in that moment.

“Whoa! Mom, that’s so cool. Does it work?”

“Uh…” She glanced at Drew, who nodded rapidly. “Yes, it does. Want to try it?”

“Yeah? Can I?”

Selma walked over and placed the cake on the coffee table. Drew let Gia down, and they watched her hurry over to the table with her friends to get a better look at it.

“It’s a pulley system,” Gia noted, shaking her head. “That’s so cool.”

Drew moved to stand closer to Selma and placed her hand on her lower back.

“You didn’t have to tell her I made the cake.”

“You did make the cake,” Drew replied. “I didn’t bake that thing.”

Selma rested her head on Drew’s shoulder and said, “Thank you. She loves it.”

“I’m glad. I left the rest of the game downstairs, but we can clean the cake pieces and play it together.”

“She won’t want to play it. She’ll just want to make it all work, take it apart, and put it back together again. But if you want to watch her do that and have her explain it to you, we can do that.”

“When do her friends all leave?”

“A few hours.”

“And after that, we can all have dinner?”

Selma nodded, leaned in, and kissed her on the cheek. Drew smiled a little, but her eyes went wide, so Selma turned to see Gia looking at them. She had a smile on her face, too.

“Drew?”

“Uh… Yeah?”

“Can you show me?”

“I don’t think I need to show you anything. You know how this stuff works better than I do.” She let go of Selma, though, and walked over to kneel down on the other side of the table. “Walk us through it. What does it do and how?”

Gia excitedly walked everyone through how all the levers and pulleys or whatever else was on the cake worked and showed how the cage dropped down, trapping a little mouse character beneath it. Then, she showed them how it could work differently by moving some of the pieces Drew had, probably painstakingly, put in position around, and did it again.

“She’s good for you and Gia, I think,” her grandma said as they both watched.

“Maybe too good.”

“What?”

“Gia loves her, Grandma.”

“So do you.”

“It’s too soon for Gia to get attached like this. She didn’t even care about a cake she’s been begging to eat since before I made the thing because she saw Drew standing there.”

“Oh, honey… She’s ten. Drew is cool and talks to her like she’s a grown-up. She also spends time with her, likes to let Gia talk about whatever she’s interested in, and that’s why Gia likes her. Don’t do whatever it is you’re thinking about doing right now.”

“I’m not thinking about doing anything,” she argued.

“Yes, you are. I know you,” her grandma replied.

Drew looked up at Selma then and gave her a wide smile.

“She’s perfect,” Selma said softly.

“No, she’s not. She might be perfect for you, though, and that’s what matters. You and Gia are a family, don’t get me wrong there, but you have this woman who cares about you and your daughter. You could all be a family one day, too, Selma. Don’t push her away because you’re scared.”

Her grandmother then walked over to the table and watched Gia put the pieces back together. Selma stood off to the side of the action and looked from her daughter to her girlfriend. Drew laughed at something Gia said. Then, she pointed at something. Gia moved it, and they laughed together. Selma let them play for a few minutes, but when her kid had more icing on her hands and arms than the cake itself did, she finally called it off and took the cake into the kitchen to try to cut it into pieces that people would actually eat. Drew carried in the pieces from the game and set them on the counter to clean later.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m okay. Why?” Selma replied as she cut the cake.

“You aren’t saying much, and you kind of looked like you were in a deep conversation with your grandma there for a minute.”

“Can we talk about it later?”

“So, there is something to talk about, then?” Drew asked and picked up two plates to carry into the living room.

“I’ve got it, Drew,” Selma stated.

“Got what?”

“The cake.”

“I can see that. I was just going to carry these out.” Drew set the plates back down on the counter then. “But I will leave them here instead and just… go back out there.” She took a step back. “Or do you want me to go, period?”

“What? No, I don’t want you to go. Why would you ask that?”

“Drew!”

They both turned to see Gia running back out of the bathroom where Selma had sent her to wash up.

“Can we play the game now?”

Drew looked at Selma, who nodded.

“Sure. But I have to get it from downstairs. There are more pieces. Can you wait up here?”

“Okay. Mom, can I have cake now?”

“Yeah, honey. Take that piece there and carry the other one to Grandma. I’ll get the rest cut up and bring them out, okay?”

Gia took two plates, and when Selma looked back up at Drew, the door to the suite was closing behind her.

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself.

Then, she looked up at her grandma, who accepted the cake from Gia before she glanced back up at Selma and shook her head.

◆◆◆

After all of the kids had been picked up, Selma looked around her living room, finding it to be not as messy as she thought it was going to be, and she started picking up the plates and cups and the leftover items from the goodie bags she’d handed out. Gia was in her room, already playing with the gifts she’d been given, and her grandma was in there with her, trying to learn about the book Drew had gotten her daughter called ‘This Book is a Planetarium.’ It was an interactive book that could somehow project constellations on the ceiling, and it also functioned as an infinite calendar, a musical instrument, a geometric drawing generator, a message decoder, and a sound amplifier.

Selma was sure she would hear all about that later, but Drew was nowhere to be found. She’d come back with the rest of the game and played a round with the girls, who all seemed to enjoy it, but they were hopped up on sugar, so that probably had something to do with it, too. After that, Drew had gone to her own room to let Selma take care of getting all the girls back to their parents and give Gia a chance to calm down a little, too. Selma thought she’d come back after a while, but she still hadn’t, so she walked into Gia’s room and motioned to her grandmother that she was going to the other room.

“Hey,” Drew said when she opened the room door. “I thought you had a key.” She moved farther into the room to let Selma in.

“I do. But I didn’t just want to walk in,” she replied. “I thought you’d come back over.”

“I didn’t know if I should. Maybe you’d want some time alone with her.”

“We were all going to grab dinner, I thought.” Selma closed the door behind herself.

“I can grab dinner solo, if you want.” Drew sat on the end of the bed.

“Why would you do that?”

“Selma, are you ready for this?”

“Ready for dinner?”

“For me being in Gia’s life. I got the impression today that maybe you aren’t.”

“It’s not that,” she said and sat down next to Drew.

“Then, what is it?”

“I’m terrified. I’ve never done this before, Drew.”

“I know that. But you also said I could come. I’ve been trying to be so patient and understanding, and I don’t want to cross any lines, but it feels like I have, and I didn’t mean to. I–”

“You didn’t. It’s me, okay? I’m scared that she’ll get too close to you, and you’ll be gone. Drew, she loves you. I’ve never seen her act like this around anyone. She’s getting really attached, and that scares me.”

“We’ve talked about this, though.”

“Sure, but not when you were right there, and she ran to you instead of caring about her birthday cake that she’d been desperately wanting for weeks now. It’s different, seeing her with you.”

Drew nodded and looked down at her feet.

“So, what do we do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I stop talking to her? Stay away from her for a while until you’re ready?”

“No, that’ll hurt her.”

“Then, what, Selma? That look on your face earlier in the kitchen, when I just picked up plates to help you, told me a lot, and I don’t know where I fit in here. I’m not trying to be her other mother. You know that, right?”

“Babe, I know that. I–” She took Drew’s hand. “I have my grandmother and my family, yes, but I’m in this alone. I am a single parent. At the end of the day, she’s my daughter, my responsibility. And today, it felt like she–”

“Was our responsibility?”

“Yes. It felt like you were her other mother.”

“And that scares you because you don’t want that?”

“Maybe someday,” Selma replied. “But I wasn’t ready for it to feel like that today.”

“I want to be with you, Selma.”

“I want to be with you, too.”

“But I don’t want to have to disappear when Gia’s around,” Drew told her. “I’m not saying I need to be around all the time, but I think today told me that I am ready for this.”

“This what?”

“All of it,” Drew stated. “Look, I’m older than you; you know that. I’ve got maybe a season left before I’m done with professional snowboarding and will need to move on to something else. I’m ready to settle down. I want someone who wants me and is ready for that, too.”

“I am ready for that,” Selma argued.

“I think that would be true if there were no Gia. But just like this is new for me, it’s new for you, too, and I don’t know if you’re ready to let me all the way in. I’m not mad, but I am worried, and I guess I’m a little disappointed, too, because I thought this could be the start for us. You, me, and Gia spending time together. And we’d tell her about us later, when you were ready, but I don’t think you are now, so I don’t know what to do about that.”

“What are you saying?”

“Nothing. I don’t know.” Drew ran her free hand through her hair. “I think I should skip dinner. We didn’t tell Gia I was going, so it should be okay.”

“Drew, no. I–”

“I’m going to book a flight for tomorrow.”

“What?”

“I’ll make sure to say goodbye to Gia before I go.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Selma said.

“Babe, I need you to be okay with me being in her life, and I don’t know that you are right now. I get it. I do. It’s just hard. You told me once that you wanted me to have what I need, too, and I know what I need now. I’m not trying to pressure you into telling her that we’re together, but even me just being there, now that we are, seemed like a problem today. I didn’t know what to do when we were standing next to each other and we were touching. I know she saw us. I just… I don’t want to have to hide from her even if she doesn’t know about us, Selma. So, I need you to get to a place where you’re ready for me to be involved in whatever way you’ll let me. I can see it.”

“See what?”

“Us being together for a long time. I can see the three of us together in a house, having dinner while she’s telling us something cool that she learned at school, and I love that little fake picture I have in my head. I’m ready for it. Are you?”

“I want to be,” Selma answered as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

“Then, I should go until that changes.”