41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

So that’s not red.

My fingers plucked the wilted blooms off the plant with mechanical precision. Eight weeks and three days had passed since my Caleb had vanished. I was still meeting with Doctor Jalnin almost daily, and my family didn’t leave me alone yet either. Now, though, I spent a good amount of time with Seth in my greenhouse. He was an easy companion. He didn’t pester me with questions or try to get me to talk about Caleb or what I felt—we simply existed.

I also provided a shield for him. The Ranks had been increasingly pressing Kalvoxrencol, Father, and Mother to see him. Seth didn’t want to, and Kalvoxrencol was bristling about anyone coming near his mate. Seth wasn’t to be left unguarded, and Kalvoxrencol trusted me to protect Seth when he could not, and I would. Nothing would harm him physically or otherwise while I was present.

He stared out the glass windows, sweat coating his red face, as he fiddled with his touchstone. Kalvoxrencol was currently speaking to the Cohort to relate Seth’s desire to be left alone. The two of them hadn’t been spending much time together, because of me and this new issue, but it was mainly my fault.

A sudden wave of darkness crashed over me, pulling me under. I was so pathetic. I dragged everyone down with me. No one was safe from my gravitational pull. Even Caleb. Especially Caleb. I’d hurt him most of all. Everything was my fault. My poor mate. He’d deserved far better than me.

Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I lowered my head, allowing my hair to form a curtain around me. I ripped a withered bloom off the bush so hard that the leaves rustled and the branch cracked, threatening to break. I was a pathetic excuse for a warrior soul. I couldn’t keep anyone around me safe. I couldn’t keep my mate safe. My mate. Oh, my Caleb.

“Stop.”

I jolted.

Seth stared at me. “Stop.”

“What?”

“Hating yourself. I recognize the expression.”

“I must apologize that you and Kalvoxrencol cannot spend as much time together.”

“That’s not your fault,” he said.

“It is.”

“No,” he repeated, “it’s not. None of this is.”

My mate-brother was wrong. “Caleb is. All of this is.”

A long rush of air came out of Seth. “I’m going to say something mean, but I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“What?” “

“Not everything is about you, so stop acting like the weight of the world is on your shoulders or that everything bad is your fault.”

A tear slid down my cheek.

“I know your brain is fighting you, Fyn, making you feel less than, but it’s lying,” Seth said. “Blaming yourself and saying everything is your fault is belittling and undermines other people’s choices. Kal and I are here with you because we love you. We choose to spend time with you.

“Caleb chose to stay. He loved you, and you blaming yourself is making Caleb’s fading about yourself. He knew the risk, he knew the cost, and he chose to stay. He chose to stay because he loved you. Not because you loved him or needed him, but because he chose to be here with you. Not your fault.”

He grabbed my arm. “All the problems in the universe are not your fault.”

I looked away, tears streaming down my cheeks.

“I know what it’s like to fight your mind every day of your life, but you need to remember something.”

“What?” I asked, voice thick with emotion.

“We love you, Fyn, and we want you in our lives. You're not a burden. You are not unwanted.”

I shut my eyes.

“Now, I am going to make us both uncomfortable and hug you.” True to his word, Seth stiffly pulled me into a hug. I clung to him tightly as tears poured down my cheeks.

“I miss him.”

With every day that passed, the longing to see him grew. Deep in my gut, I still perceived the connection to Caleb. I needed him, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. Would this longing ache ever fade? Did I even want it to?

Dr. Maklownil stood on the other side of the force field next to an old woman with wispy green hair, rough brown scales, and milky gray eyes. She held a piece of glowing glass in her bony fingers.

“What exactly is happening?” I asked.

Maklownil replied, “Priestess Hok is going to test your soul type.”

“Why?” I wasn’t sure if I even believed in soul types or not, so what was the point?

“If you are indeed who you say you are, your soul type will be different than Yolkeltod’s recorded one,” he said with a smug smirk, as if he’d found a way to prove I wasn’t who I thought I was.

“And if I’m a warrior?”

“The shade will still be different.”

“Fine.” I knew who I was.

I peeked at Tinlorray. I was hoping she would find a way to speak to Wyn, though she hadn’t yet. When she did, Wyn, who would hopefully believe her, would talk to Seth, who would get me the hell out of here and back to Zoltilvoxfyn where I belonged. He would help me figure out this whole new body thing. Everything would be manageable with him by my side.

Maklownil released the force field, eyeing me. While older and smaller than me, I had no doubt he would win in a confrontation. I was shaky and weak. Treatments to stimulate muscle growth were not going well when they actually did the appointments, and they didn’t let me out to walk very often.

The old priestess said in a ceremonial voice, “All soul types have value and are treasured.”

Tinlorray scoffed.

“You disagree?” Priestess Hok asked, lips pursing, probably at the interruption.

“Warriors are venerated because of our violent past. Spiritual souls are treasured because of their connection to the Crystal. Seekers are now important because of the technology they bring. Creators are cast aside. Drakcol do not value art,” she replied.

Hok huffed. “Red is warrior. White is spiritual. Blue is seeker. Green is creator.”

She extended the piece of glass that glowed bright white. Without ceremony, I touched it. The light swirled around my fingers, caressing me. The white light changed colors to a grayish-blue. Maklownil’s mouth fell open, and even the priestess gaped at me like a caught fish. Though Tinlorray appeared nonplussed. Not much could shake her after accepting that her little brother’s body no longer housed his soul.

I wasn’t a warrior soul. I was a seeker. A mix apparently, edging on the spiritual side, if the gray meant what I thought it did.

“I think this proves I am who I say I am,” I said, crossing my arms. “I am Caleb Smith. Zoltilvoxfyn is my mate. Give me access to the Crystal, and I will prove he is mine, no one else’s.” I couldn’t help the growl that rumbled in my chest. I needed Fyn, and he needed me. And with every day that passed, the longing got worse.

Both of them continued to stare at me and the glass until it faded into a soft glowing white. Eventually, the priestess said, “I need to speak to my superior.”

The doctor didn’t respond, but he secured the force field and left.

So my specialists were consulting more special specialists. Lovely. That was an excellent sign, I was sure.

Tinlorray followed them without a word.

“You should not be here, Seth. Pest will challenge and kill me when he finds out about this, and I am not teasing,” an even voice I recognized said.

I leaped up from the bed, ignoring the fiery knives raking over me, and slammed into the force field with a thud, trying to see. No one was in sight, but I heard Seth respond, “As you’ve said over and over again, Monty, and I don’t want to be here, believe me, but I have to know for sure. Besides, I doubt he’ll kill you.”

“He will. Of this, I have no doubt.”

“Maybe. But do you think he would’ve been alright if I came alone?”

“Seth, Kalvoxrencol would not want you to come at all.”

“I don’t care. I have to know.”

“You shouldn’t have told him,” Monty said, but I didn’t know who he was talking to.

As they stepped into view, Wyn replied, voice quiet and head down, “Seth is my closest friend, Commander. When Tinlorray found me, she didn’t give me a choice but to believe her, and once I did, I had to tell him.”

Tinlorray stood next to Wyn, and Seth was in between Wyn and Monty. I placed my hand flat on the force field. My tail wrapped around my calf and my wings hung lifeless against my back, but they twitched and fluttered.

“Seth,” I warbled.

He started to step toward me, but Wyn and Monty held him back.

“He can’t get out,” Tinlorray said. She sidled up to the force field and punched it, then shook her hand out. “It’s unbreakable. Only his doctor and security can release it.”

“You got them,” I told her, tears spilling over my cheeks. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

She gave me a forced smile but didn’t say anything.

Seth knocked Monty and Wyn’s hands off and approached the force field. His round face was red, and sweat gathered on his temples. He must be nervous because I saw the vein in his neck throbbing. “What is your name?”

“Caleb Smith.”

“How am I supposed to believe you’re him?” he asked. “I’m not trying to be mean, but anyone can say that. If you or Tinlorray,” he said, glancing at her and blushing, “were in the palace you might have heard Fyn say that name.”

“Ask me anything,” I said in garbled English. “Anything about Earth. I can name presidents, weird events, or food. I can tell you what we talked about when we first met. I can tell you about the paintings in your room, the plants in Sunshine’s greenhouse, or anything.” Tears coursed down my cheeks. “Please believe me, Seth. Please get me the fuck out of here.”

A smile tugged on his lips. “Hey, Caleb.”

I bawled, sinking to the ground. He followed, pressing against the force field. I couldn’t stop the heaving sobs. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Every emotion was stronger. Every touch, sight, smell, or sound was potent as hell. I’d been a ghost for so long, and now I wasn't. I had no idea what to do with any of it.

“Sunshine,” I said, hitting the force field with the flat of my palm. The sharp sting reverberating up my arm made me whimper. “How is he?”

Seth started to say something, but Monty growled. “I will not allow you to speak about Zoltilvoxfyn. I do not accept this drakcol is Caleb.”

Wyn glared at him, but his tail wiggled and his shoulders hunched as he said, “Do not threaten Seth again, or you and I may have an issue, Commander.”

Monty looked at him, but Wyn would not meet his eye, tilting his head to the side to offer his throat.

Wyn had never struck me as protective, and he always wilted under Monty’s gaze, but he was ready to throw hands at the perceived threat to Seth. “Still not quite over the puking incident yet, but you’re getting better.”

Wyn gaped at me, but Monty was the one who asked, “What did you say?”

I pointed to Wyn. “He puked on you on the Admiral Ven. I was there.”

He crossed his muscular arms. “That incident is well known.”

“Yolkeltod has been in a coma since before you returned, Commander,” Tinlorray said. “Caleb here hasn’t had access to any technology. How would he know? He doesn’t have visitors, except me and his doctors. Or do you fear he and I are trying to trick you? For what gain? I had not even heard of Caleb before he introduced himself. How would I have?”

Monty did not respond.

“I believe you,” Seth said.

“Seth, I need out. Please. I need Fyn. I can’t take it. How is he?”

“Fyn is… existing. I will try to find some way to get you out of here.”

“Did you hear about my soul testing?”

“What?” Seth asked.

Tinlorray replied, “His soul type was tested again. Yolkeltod was a warrior. Caleb is a seeker.”

“His soul changed color?” Monty asked.

“Yes,” Tinlorray said.

Seth commented, “You seem like a seeker.”

I didn’t care about any of that. I wanted out. I wanted Zoltilvoxfyn. “I need him,” I repeated, breath growing harsher by the second.

“I know.”

I gripped my stomach. “You don’t understand. I need him. I don’t know what’s wrong, but it’s like I’m dying. No, it’s worse than that. I have to be with him. I’m losing my mind.”

“You touched the Crystal,” Monty said, “before you faded.”

I chose not to rub it in that he was starting to believe me. “Yeah. So?”

Seth laughed. “It forged a link. The damn Crystal linked the two of you. You have to answer the soulmate-call-thing.”

“They will have to let you go,” Monty said, arms crossed. “We do not keep people from answering the longing for their mate.”

My heart thrummed. It sounded different than my human one had, but I was grateful for it… and hated it at the same time. God, I was so confused. “I will get to see him?”

“After you’re proven to have a call placed on you. The Ranks have means to see and track who your mate is.”

I lifted a skeptical eyebrow.

“It’s real,” Seth said. “They found me across the universe.”

“True.” My tail squeezed my calf as my wings hugged my shoulders. I chewed on my lip, hating the cold, smooth floor while also wanting to roll on it. I scratched my arm, then stopped, hand fisting. “How soon?” I asked, rocking. I needed Zoltilvoxfyn. He would fix everything.

“Soon,” Seth promised.

I looked at Monty, who said, “I will speak to the Ranks.”

“Thanks.”

“We need to leave before Kalvoxrencol realizes you’re missing,” Monty said. “Pest will not handle your absence well.”

Seth started to stand, and I tried to grab him, but the force field stopped me. “Don’t go,” I pleaded. “Please, don’t go.”

He wavered. “I have to, but I’ll be back.”

I nodded, tears gathering again. “Hurry.”

“I will.”