15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Maybe Wyn can do the impossible?

A few days ago, Sunshine had said he would come up with a plan for the Tinlorray situation, but he’d said nothing about a plan since. In fact, he’d been quiet, sad even, as he stayed in his greenhouse, missing combat classes and any other activities with his brothers.

Hallonnixmin (or Hal as Seth called him) had come several times to check on Fyn, as had Kal. He’d ignored them both, which made both of the brothers frown. They’d both asked about his appointments with his doctor, and Fyn had told them he wasn’t going. I wasn’t sure why he saw a doctor, but it was probably important.

Even when Seth came to see him, Fyn had sent him away.

I’d hung around him most of the time, chattering about nothing, though I’d left a few times to explore the palace. Every time, he would tense and ask me to come back soon, which I always did. I wasn’t going to leave Sunshine for long. When I returned, Fyn would crowd me, checking to make sure I was alright. I didn’t know what he thought was going to happen to me.

Something was wrong with him, and I wasn’t sure what.

Today, I was going to convince Fyn to leave his greenhouse in any way possible. He needed it, and so did I. I hated staying in one place, but I felt hella guilty leaving him for long when something was clearly bothering him.

Fyn was meticulously removing wilting blooms from a few of the bushes and pruning the branches back. His white hair hung around his face, obscuring it. His tail was limp near his leg—a definite sign he was upset.

I sidled up to him and hopped onto the table, giving him a wide smile, which he didn’t return.

Tough crowd.

“Do you want to see Wyn, Seth, and NAID today?” I asked. Maybe Wyn and the other scientists needed to run more experiments or maybe Urgg was there, and I could finally meet the barbarus.

“Do you?”

“Yeah, and I can’t talk to them without you.”

He moved to another plant without responding.

“It might be fun, and we don’t have to stay long, because I know you have your combat-class-thing.”

“I’m not going.”

“Ah.” I couldn’t make him go, but I thought he should. Drawing my legs up and crossing them, I said, “Wyn might have an update on getting NAID’s sensors to perceive me.”

“Possibly.”

So this was going well. I had no idea what was wrong. It had started right after I came back from Tinlorray’s and told him about my mistake. My knees paused in their bouncing. Was that the issue? My mistake?

Fyn was probably mad at me for my stupid-ass mistake. I’d caused Tinlorray more suffering. I hadn’t even seen her in a couple of days, which probably upset her even more, but I didn’t know what to do. I was hurting her no matter what I did.

Or was it about how close I kept getting? Fyn wasn’t a physically affectionate person, even with his siblings, though he allowed them to hug him or grab his tail occasionally. I needed to stop crowding him, but I couldn’t help myself. Everything inside screamed for me to snuggle right against him.

“Sunshine,” I said, my voice quiet, “I’m sorry.”

Turning in my direction, he asked, “What?”

“I messed up.” I kept my eyes on my lap, so I didn’t have to see the frustration in his expression. I never wanted to do anything to upset him—not ever.

A thud, like a pot being set down, sounded, and footsteps came toward me. His hands rested on either side of the table, bracketing me. “You didn’t make a mistake, Caleb. You had no way of knowing she would think you were her brother.”

“Then why are you mad at me?” I hated the needy tone in my voice, but fucking hell, I needed him.

“I’m not.” He leaned over me, his hair forming a curtain around us. “This has nothing to do with you. I have a mental health condition, Caleb, and sometimes it makes it hard for me to connect or express myself. This was never about you. My apologies.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I never meant to upset you.”

“It’s alright,” I said. “Can I ask what condition you have?” When he looked away, I continued, “You don’t have to tell me. I mean, fuck, that was probably a rude question. I’m sorry. I won’t ask again.”

“It’s fine, Caleb. I’m not mad. I don’t enjoy discussing it.”

“You don’t have to.”

Fyn swayed toward me before stepping back. “I have…” He said a long word I didn’t recognize. He must have seen my confusion because he elaborated. “It’s a disorder that influences my brain chemistry. I’m prone to bouts of sadness, isolating myself, excessive sleeping, guilt, and intrusive thoughts to name a few things. It makes it difficult for me to do things or connect.”

Depression. He had depression. “I understand. If you ever need a break from me, tell me.”

“I never need you away from me, Caleb.”

Staring at Fyn, I fought my damn romantic heart that had me swooning where I sat.

“Let’s go talk to Wyn,” he said, effectively changing the subject.

“Then you can go to your combat class. I like watching you. It’s fucking hot.” I gave him a wink and rushed out before I saw his reaction.

I stayed ahead of Zoltilvoxfyn until we reached the lab where Wyn worked, embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I told Fyn that I liked watching him. I mean, I did. It was the unadulterated truth, but I didn’t have to blurt it out. Curse my tongue and my inability to keep quiet.

The door didn’t slow me down in the slightest. Wyn was bent over a desk that was one long monitor. His claws were clicking on the glass as his tail flicked. Strands of his bubblegum-pink hair had fallen over his lavender scales.

Wyn was lovely. No doubt about it. But even as I studied him, I started to compare him to Sunshine. My Sunshine was much hotter.

You are dead , I reminded myself.

The door slid open, and Fyn stepped inside. Wyn stood, approaching, while the other scientists called out greetings and offered their throats.

“Prince, it’s yourself.” Wyn tilted his head to the side, acknowledging his superiority.

Drakcol were odd creatures. Probably had to do with some of the warring clan crap that Fyn had told me about.

“Ensign Wyn,” Fyn replied. His tail swished near me, sliding through my ankle. I swallowed. He was so careful to not touch me, like ridiculously careful, and it made me wonder if the tail swipe meant something. God, I hoped it did. I was acting like a teenager, making a production of every little thing. But still, it meant something, right?

“Caleb desired to speak to you and NAID,” Fyn said, startling me out of my thoughts.

“Yep,” I said, bouncing and making sure my ankle brushed his tail. When a subsequent shiver went up Fyn’s spine, I fought a grin; he didn’t move away, though. “I’m here to check on the status on making the sensors see or, well, hear me.” Sunshine dutifully translated.

Wyn’s tail started moving faster. “It’s not going as well as I’d hoped. NAID.”

She appeared a moment later. The sight of her sent a strong longing for home through me. I missed Nana. I missed my family. I’d been off Earth for over two decades now. Nana might not even be alive.

I stared at the ground, sadness swelling, and a sudden frustration eclipsed it. My eyes didn’t burn. My throat didn’t tighten. All of the physical sensations that accompanied emotions were not possible. Man, I missed being alive. I missed everything.

A sheet of white hair blocked my sight of her. Zoltilvoxfyn had stepped in front of me, shielding me, even though no one else saw me.

“Progress?” he asked, voice tighter than normal.

Wyn’s shoulders hunched and his tail curled around his ankle. At his obvious distress, I placed a hand on Fyn’s back. He shuddered and his wings twitched under his tunic. An urge to run my finger over them, to ask him to set them free so I could see them, rushed through me. I suppressed it. Now was not the time.

“I’m alright,” I said. Unable to help myself, I trailed up his spine, then over his shoulders, and down his sides, forming a rectangle before resting my hand on his lower back. His frame was so damn perfect.

Fyn rumbled in the back of his throat, then coughed. “My apologies, Ensign Wyn. I did not sleep well.”

NAID’s head bobbed on the screen, making me grimace. It was odd to watch a disembodied head move up and down. “Sleep is extremely important, Prince. Edith Smith says, ‘Lack of sleep can hinder your decision making. Worries. Stress. All of it will keep until tomorrow.’”

I froze, digging my fingers into Fyn. He shivered when my hand slipped through him, making me pull back. How did NAID know anything about Nana? Sure, she looked like Nana, but NAID wouldn’t have known her.

“Progress?” Fyn asked.

“I’ve been researching other species' technology.”

“Why?” Fyn asked.

“It was Seth’s idea,” Wyn said, leaning his hip against his desk and crossing his arms. “When Seth was first brought aboard the Admiral Ven, NAID searched for species genetically similar to humans to help Dr. Qinlin with his medical treatments.”

“Amorians,” Fyn said. “Father is currently interviewing an Amorian doctor or two who will be in charge of Seth’s health.”

Wise, but somehow I doubted Seth wanted one, let alone a team of doctors hovering over him and studying him.

Wyn didn’t remark on the new doctor and continued, “Seth thought we could do the same thing here. Search for other species that might have sensors to perceive Caleb. He’s tangible, to some degree, so he has to be occupying some plane of existence. There are photonic species that we are unable to see. They might have technology that can perceive Caleb.”

“It’s a good idea,” I said.

“I agree,” Zoltilvoxfyn added after telling them what I said. “Has it yielded anything?”

“Not yet,” NAID replied. “Technology within the Coalition is easy enough to test. It’s the independent nations that are proving difficult. They don’t share technology. The…” she made a low snap I assumed was the name of a different species, and I tried to silently practice it, “are a photonic species that I believe have what we need.”

His back tensed. I slid my fingers up and down, and he twitched before relaxing.

“What?” I asked.

“They are xenophobic. Most photonic species are, except with other photonics,” he explained.

“It’s a problem,” Wyn said. “I sent a request to Prince Kalvoxrencol regarding asking the luxnis if they have any idea of how to help us.”

“That’s going to take a significant amount of time. The request will have to go to my father, who might wish to bring it before the Cohort before sending it on to the Coalition,” Fyn said.

“Yep,” NAID replied. “But we’ll keep working. Since Caleb is present, we should run more scans.”

“I concur.” Wyn snagged a few instruments.

I moved from Fyn’s side, and his tail tried to curl around my ankle before flicking away. He directed Wyn to where I stood. I shoved my arms out, like it would make a difference. Wyn ran several different instruments over my general area. One had a flat tip with the diameter of a baseball, another had a glowing tip reminding me of Doctor Who , and the final one was a rectangle that gave off a blue ray.

Wyn and NAID made comments back and forth about whatever the results were, but I didn’t pay much attention. My gaze remained locked on Fyn, who watched me with the slightest quirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

No matter how Wyn buzzed around me, Fyn’s green eyes never wavered, and it caused the oddest sensation deep within me. So faint I had a hard time pinpointing it or even accepting it was real, but I loved it.

“We’re done,” NAID pronounced, making me start and yank my gaze off Fyn.

“That’s good,” I replied, voice squeaking. I glanced back at Fyn, but he was facing Wyn and NAID.

We left shortly after that. Fyn was still quieter than usual, and I was still worried about whatever was bothering him. At the same time, I was skipping along the halls because he’d let me touch him. He’d acted like he enjoyed me touching him. It was a very bad idea, a fucking horrible idea, to start something with him, but I was beginning to wonder if he wanted to—like I did.

He was a candle in the darkness of my afterlife. Losing him wasn’t an option.

I whipped around, walking backward. Sunshine raised an eyebrow, and I grinned, bounding up to him. I saw his throat bob, and my smile widened. “We are going to your fighting class now, right?” I asked, not remembering the Drakconese word.

“Hand-to-hand combat class, and no.”

“But I want to watch you.”

His throat bobbed again. “Excuse me?”

“I like watching you,” I said again. I’d said as much earlier, but maybe he hadn’t understood. “Is that bad?”

“No.” He stepped even closer, making me look up at him. “It’s not.”

“Then you should go, and I’ll stare at you. You’re the only one who will know, though.”

“Not if I tell everyone.”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes, but I won’t.”

I replied, “Then I can ogle you in peace.”

“You are more than welcome to.”