14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Time to do my stalking duty.

It had been over a week since I’d come to Tamkolvanloknol, and we had yet to discover my tether. Fyn had asked me all manner of questions from about my family to past relationships to my interests, but there was no lightbulb moment. I had no idea why I was stuck here, but it was fine.

I was less tired than before. Fyn made me feel alive. He talked to me and treated me like everyone else. Fyn and I spent almost every moment of every day together, and I liked it—I more than liked it.

Seth and I would often hang out, chatting in Zoltilvoxfyn’s greenhouse, chilling in his apartment, or with Wyn and NAID. Kal would often leave Seth with Fyn when he was off arguing with people and probably threatening violence—that was a usual response of his from what I’d witnessed. Apparently, he didn’t trust anyone to keep Seth safe, except his brothers.

Sometimes Kal would join us when we all hung out, which was fun. He treated me like I was alive as well, laughing and joking with me. He found me funny, even when Fyn and Seth didn’t.

Wyn and NAID were trying to find a way to be able to communicate with me without Fyn, but they weren’t optimistic it would be anytime soon. I hadn’t told anyone besides Fyn about NAID wearing Nana’s face either for two reasons. One, she would feel awkward, and two, I liked seeing Nana even if it wasn’t her.

I had yet to be introduced to Urgg, and I really wanted to meet the barbarus. They seemed like fun, and since I didn’t understand their language, it had been next to impossible to learn much about them.

But it had been a few days since I’d seen Tinlorray, and the guilt was beginning to grow. I had promised Yolkeltod to check in on her, but I’d been busy. Well, that was an excuse. I kind of felt like a peeping tom or something when I watched her grieve. I hoped she’d let go of Yolkeltod’s body now that his soul had moved on, but I didn’t know if she actually would.

Grief was a funny thing. It rooted us in place and refused to let us move on, even when we wanted to.

I glanced at Fyn, then quickly away. He was wearing a tight gray tank top and red leggings that clung to his muscular legs. His long white hair was tied into a messy knot. Unable to stop myself, I peeked again. He was drinking water, scales shinier than usual. The apple in his throat bobbed, making me swallow a groan.

I’d gone along to observe when he went to his combat class, even though there was plenty to explore. The whole time I’d been unable to look away from him. His broad form as he stretched. The way he laughed occasionally with Kal. The way he moved when he fought. The strength of his tail. His serious expression when Kal or the instructor would comment on his form.

It all captivated me.

I’d barely paid attention when he introduced me to his eldest brother and crown prince, Hallonnixmin. I’d clocked dark blue scales, messy purple hair, and nothing else. Same with Hallonnixmin’s mate, Gilvaxtin. She was pink—pink hair and scales. I had no idea what else. I’d given no more attention to Monqilcolnen who remained beside Hallonnixmin and Gilvaxtin, making light jokes. Instead, my eyes remained fixed on Fyn.

When we came back to his apartment, I’d barely spoken because I’d been embarrassed by the amount of staring I’d done. I didn’t think Fyn noticed my blatant ogling, because he hadn’t said anything. Besides, if I’d opened my mouth, words about what I’d felt watching him would spill out.

Obvious thy name was Caleb.

Pulling my gaze from his throat, which bobbed as he drank water, I said, “I think I’m going to go to the city today.”

He lowered the glass. “What?”

“I need to check on Tinlorray.”

“I will come with you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re a prince. I can’t imagine she would be comfortable with you randomly showing up.”

“True,” he replied slowly.

“I need to make sure she’s okay, then I’ll be back.”

Sunshine stared at me, his claws scraping against the glass. “Do you have to?”

“Yeah.” I moved until I was in front of him. I peered up at him, wanting to close the distance between us and press my lips on his.

His jaw clenched, tail writhing. “Will you come back?”

“Probably not tonight. It depends on the shuttle schedule.” I’d asked Wyn and NAID about the schedule through Fyn, and they’d pulled it up for me to memorize. It had been easy enough.

“I would…” he trailed off and swallowed, making that alluring knot in his throat bob. “I would prefer it if you came back tonight.”

I grinned, unable to stop it, and went up on my toes. “I will try my best.”

“Thank you.”

Butterfly wings fluttered in my midsection, accompanied by a soft beeping noise. Both were gone in a flash, but I rested a hand on my gut. It had been there. Beaming at Fyn, I knew he was my sunshine, bringing this new cozy summertime into the winter of my afterlife.

I stepped onto the shuttle that would take me to one of the satellite cities of the capital. It was quite some distance away, but the shuttle made the trip short and relevantly convenient. When it landed, I slipped through the crowd and wound my way through the streets. I had to backtrack a few times before I found the hospital.

Finding Yolkeltod’s room was harder than I would’ve guessed. The search took over an hour before I stumbled upon a familiar hallway. I stepped through the door, and Yolkeltod’s lifeless body was still in the bed near the window.

The machines attached to him via cords and tubes beeped in a consistent rhythm. There was a new square device on his forehead that had nothing on the minuscule screen. I couldn’t say what it did, if anything, because it looked like a black box stuck to his forehead.

Tinlorray was nowhere to be seen.

I plopped onto the stool next to his bed and stared at him, tracing the planes and angles. He felt oddly empty, which, I mean, he was. Yolkeltod was no longer here. He’d moved on to whatever came after this.

Some of the lingering guilt of his easy passing had vanished when Fyn had told me there had been no way to reconnect his soul to his body. Despite that, it would have been nice to reunite the two. Yolkeltod was all that Tinlorray had.

The longer I stared at his body, the more uncomfortable I grew until I was fidgeting on the stool like a kid in church. I was in the same room, basically, with a corpse, which shouldn’t bother a ghost, but it did. Sure, he breathed and all that jazz, but everything that was Yolkeltod wasn’t here anymore. So he was a corpse. A zombie. Though he didn’t hunger for brains.

Oh my god, what if he did wake up and crave brains? Zombie apocalypse on an alien planet. Visions of hordes of lumbering drakcol who grunted for brains pranced around my mind.

Thankfully, the door opened and distracted me from my random thoughts. Dr. Maklownil strode in followed by another person. The doctor's jagged pink scales appeared even rougher next to the other drakcol. She stood straight, her fern green scales shiny with youth, and her deep brown hair was neatly braided down her back.

Her claws clicked on a tablet as she asked, “Has his sister or guardian approved yet?”

“No, their guardian has deferred to Tinlorray in this matter,” Dr. Maklownil replied as he moved closer to Yolkeltod’s bed. He peered at the monitors before focusing on the blank black box, then frowned. “She hopes he’ll come back. He’s a warrior soul.”

“Soul type doesn’t matter in this situation,” she said, voice laced with kindness.

“I’ve explained that to her multiple times, but the anomalous readings stoked her hope again, not that she needed much assistance.”

“How much longer can we cater to her protectiveness? He will not awaken, and yet I understand her need to keep him like this.”

Dr. Maklownil lifted his palms.

“I will talk to her,” she said, tapping on the screen. “The hospital can offer her a…” She broke off into a word I didn’t understand. I repeated it over and over again, not knowing what it was, but from context, I assumed someone to help Tinlorray. “Perhaps that will help.” The woman tucked the screen under her arm. “It doesn’t seem right to keep him like this.”

“It’s not,” the doctor said.

The new woman was probably hospital administration checking on the situation. Yolkeltod must be a long-term patient. They chatted for a few more minutes before departing.

Bouncing, I stared out the window and watched the potted ferns wiggling in the wind. There was nothing to do. All the other beds were full of drakcol, but none of them had visitors, nor did they talk. I turned back to Yolkeltod and patted his arm without knowing why I did it, my fingers slid through it like they did everything else.

Man, I missed touching people. Hugging or snuggling. It was the simple things in life. Interacting with the world and being a part of it. I truly wasn’t here. I had one foot in this existence and one foot in the other.

Which was why I needed to leave.

Fyn had been right when he said this plane was for the living, not the dead—not me. How to leave was as much of a mystery today as it was last week. What my tether might be was anyone's guess. Still, I would have to try to find and break it.

A twinge pulled in my chest.

What was that? Pain? That was new. Faint. Barely more than a needle prick.

My Sunshine’s smile popped into my thoughts. He was finding his smile—maybe it hadn’t been lost in the first place? Even with Seth, he’d been relaxing. They would be okay without me. They had each other, Kal, and their other brothers.

Another twinge stung my chest. Gone as quick as it came.

Zoltilvoxfyn , I thought. This crush had refused to dim; instead, it grew steadily under his shining light. Hugging myself, I tried to force away the thought. I couldn’t stay here because I liked him. Fyn had told me to pass on; that was his whole purpose.

Still, I didn’t want to leave him.

I lifted my hand to the light, pretending to feel it, and I froze. I could see through my fingers. I’d never been able to do that, except when I extended myself too far and vanished. My skin always looked like it had when I was alive, but right now I was blurry to the point I saw the green of the ferns on the balcony. I shook my hand, like that would help, and watched until I solidified once more.

Tucking it against my stomach, I locked any and all worry away. It was all fine.

The sky had started to darken by the time Tinlorray arrived. She was even more worn out than the last time I’d seen her. Her tail was lifeless on the ground, her hair limp, and her scales dull. She trudged across the room and flopped onto the stool, not giving me enough time to leap out of the way. I passed through her, making her shiver.

“You need to let him go,” I told her when she grabbed Yolkeltod’s much larger hand. She didn’t hear me, but I couldn’t help telling her. “He’s gone, and he’s never going to come back.”

Tinlorray brushed his reddish-brown hair behind a tapered ear, then tugged the blanket up over his broad chest. She smoothed the blanket over him as she said, “Yolkeltod, you need to wake up.”

The uncomfortable curl returned with a vengeance. This was a private moment, but here I was watching it like a voyeur. I had promised Yolkeltod, but there was nothing I could actually do.

With a slight grimace, I sat on the edge of his bed. “He’s gone, Tinlorray, but you’re all he cared about. You were his tether.”

She didn’t respond; instead, she kept straightening and tucking the blanket around his still frame.

I stayed with Tinlorray the entire time she was at the hospital, even though it made me feel icky. I tracked her to their apartment and watched her crash onto the bed, crying. I patted her back, fingers disappearing into her.

Tinlorray shivered, then paused, head lifting. “Yolkeltod?”

I yanked back. “Shit.”

“Yolkeltod, that’s you, isn’t it?”

“No. No, it’s not.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I knew you wouldn’t leave me.”

“Double shit. The worse shit in the entire fucking world.”

A shaking hand stretched in my direction as if Tinlorray sensed me. I scrambled back. This was bad. Like really bad. I hadn’t thought about the fact I often made people shiver. No one had ever noticed before. But, of course, she would think it was her brother, not some random ghost hanging around her like a creeper.

“Yolkeltod,” she cried. “Don’t leave me. Please. I need you.”

“Fuck.” I placed my hand on hers.

Her breathing quickened. “Yolkeltod.”

“This is bad. Really fucking bad,” I said, but I didn’t draw away.

I paced the shared space of my quarters, wings out. I’d tried to keep them tucked against my back, but they slipped out without my permission. My eyes flicked around for the hundredth time, searching for Caleb. The hour was late, and he hadn’t returned yet. I needed him to come back.

My tail lashed as I swiveled around again. I should go to bed, but sleep wouldn’t come even if I tried. Worry pulsed with each beat of my soul. Where was Caleb? Was he safe? Had he moved on?

The very thought of never hearing his exuberant voice or seeing his beaming smile made ice course through my veins. Life without Caleb would be very dull.

When I turned yet again, I paused. Caleb stood near the door without his usual smile. In three steps, I stood in front of him. My hand lifted of its own accord before I stopped the movement, my fingers curling into a fist and falling to my side.

“Caleb, what’s wrong?”

“I made a mistake.”

“What?” I asked, tail twitching, and stepped even closer. I shouldn’t. Just because he was dead didn’t mean I had the right to invade his space. We hadn’t discussed permissions. Not friendship… or other ones.

He peered up at me, chewing on his bottom lip. I swallowed at the sight of his blunt, white teeth digging into the plump pink skin. Caleb shouldn’t be allowed to do that.

“What?” I asked again, my voice deeper.

“I went to see Tinlorray again, the older sister of the ghost,” he explained.

“I remember.”

Caleb’s shoulders hunched. “I…” he trailed off, then shook his head. “I patted her. I was trying to help, I swear, but she shivered and thought it was her brother. I couldn’t leave her, and she kept reaching for me, crying. I-I touched her again. She thought it was Yolkeltod.”

My mouth fell open before I snapped it shut. “That is not ideal.”

“What do I do?”

I froze under the weight of his large, hopeful eyes. I had no idea what he should do. I hadn’t helped many spirits cross over, and none of them had been complicated like this. I swallowed the self-loathing swelling in my chest, growing like a weed. This was my gift. I was supposed to help, and I couldn’t do anything. I wasn’t worthy of this gift or Caleb or anything else.