Chapter 30

Before I knew it, I’d been on the Admiral Ven for over three months, and we’d fallen into a routine. We would eat breakfast in the morning, and then Kal would speak with the captain or Pimtimzol, and more rarely his father or older brothers. I would eat lunch with Urgg and Wyn.

The Ensign Puke nickname hadn’t died down, and Wyn hid from basically everyone, especially Monty.

NAID wasn’t any closer to choosing a name. We talked in front of the scientists every couple of days about pretty much nothing, but they took note after note, practically quaking in excitement. Whenever NAID expressed an opinion, I swear the scientists would practically leap out of their chairs.

After lunch, Kal and I would go to the experience shop three days a week to play our game. We were slowly working through the story. One night a week I had target practice, after which I would drink with Urgg and Wyn, though the latter wouldn’t touch even a drop of alcohol.

Once a week, I went to combat class. It wasn’t easy. I’d never been a lover of physical activity. I was a potato at heart, but it was nice to get out of the room and spend time with Urgg, Wyn, and Monty. I had to be in a different class from Kal, as we’d discovered his inability to handle me threatened, but Wyn had started training me. He wasn’t much taller than I was, and he was used to fighting people larger and taller than he, so he was teaching me the same.

What we didn’t do was talk about Kal’s past, and I left it alone as promised.

As odd as it felt, a sort of normalcy started. Not something I could’ve ever predicted happening when I first came aboard, but life moved on. At some point, I’d accepted what was happening. More than accepted, I liked being with Kal, and I couldn’t imagine living without him, but could I really live on an alien planet?

One thought kept coming back time and time again. It poked at my anxiety and invaded my thoughts at the worst times. If I said no, I would lose my memories. What would happen to me if I went back to Earth?

We stepped into our apartment after playing our game. Kal hooked his arms around my waist. “That was your fault.”

“No, it was your fault. I said take the left and you went right,” I protested, but I wasn’t invested.

His hold tightened. “Seth, are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I headed toward the food dispenser for a glass of water.

I watched Kal as he played with Lucy, wiggling a string toy. She jumped, snatching the end and rabbit-kicking it. I didn’t want to forget Kal. It’s not as if I didn’t like him or didn’t want to stay, but that would mean giving up Earth. I had no one waiting for me, but Earth was all I knew. I’d followed Travis to another state, and he had screwed me over. Was I making the same mistake? Did I even have a choice?

A blue figure appeared before me, and I jolted. Kal’s tail nudged my chin up. “Mate, what’s going on?”

My first instinct was to lie and hide my fears. It was what I’d always done in the past, but I knew it wasn’t a sustainable pattern.

“What happens if I say no?” I asked, taking a sip of water.

“No to what?”

My jaw clenched, but I forced the words out. “All of this. You. What if I say no at the end?”

He scrubbed his long hair, tail snapping. “I take you back to Earth.”

“And after?”

“What do you mean after? I leave you there and go home. Alone,” he ground out.

“But you would take my memories.”

“That’s standard procedure.”

“Standard,” I repeated, taking another drink of water. “You didn’t think to mention it?”

“I didn’t realize you wouldn’t know. Besides, I thought we’d work out.”

I set my glass down and tugged him close. “I’m not saying we aren’t, but you’re asking me to give up my whole planet. And I’m panicking about what my life will be like if I say no. I’ll have nothing left.”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you leave me wandering in the street? Lucy in a shelter? Me having no idea what happened in the last year?” I asked, crossing my arms over the small of his back. White noise started in my ears as fear eked in. A voice in my brain screamed at me to shut up. My muscles tensed in preparation for him to retaliate, even though I knew he wouldn’t.

You trust Kal, I reminded myself fiercely, but the alarm lingered.

He stepped out of my embrace. “You think so little of me? I would never abandon you or Lucy. I would make sure the two of you were safe and cared for, even if I wasn’t the one to protect you.” Kal grabbed my biceps. “I will never let you be in danger.”

My eyes burned, and I scrunched them closed, unwilling to cry.

“Trust me,” Kal whispered in my ear.

I thought I did, but clearly, I didn’t, not completely. “I’m trying.”

“I know, but at least give me a little due. What makes you think I won’t take care of you?”

“No one takes care of me.”

“I do. I will.” He let me go. When he reached his room, he said, “The choice is yours, Seth. But as for me? I want to be with you. Forever.”

I sagged against the wall. My choice? I had no idea what I wanted or what I would choose.

I walked back into the apartment, stretching. I was sore after my combat class. Monty had beaten my ass. He was determined to teach me to fight so Kal would worry less. Fat chance of that. Kal’s favorite pastime was to worry about me. When Monty hadn’t been beating me, Wyn had been. While he was short and quite thin, Wyn was an amazing fighter, who could slip out of any hold. He was also much stronger than he looked.

Farscapeplayed in the background, but Kal was asleep on the couch, one leg hanging off the edge, with Lucy curled up on his chest. Scenes like this were becoming normal. Crazy.

I crept to the food dispenser to get a glass of water. My lower brain wanted to jump him and screw the future, while my anxiety brain wanted to weigh every possible scenario, which I could do until the universe imploded.

Pushing away from the wall, I brushed my lips over his forehead. His silky scales had almost imperceptible ridges, and I loved the feel of them. I wanted to trace them with my tongue and kiss every inch to test if they felt the same all over his body.

“My Seth,” he whispered, tail hooking around my wrist.

Kal tugged me down next to him, upsetting Lucy, who squeaked in annoyance before hopping off. His arms wrapped around my waist, settling me on top of him. “How was class?”

“Wyn knocked me on my ass repeatedly. How was binge-watching?”

His forehead creased. “What?”

I chuckled. “Your show.”

“Oh. It’s fine. I like this one too.”

“Classic sci-fi fan. I would’ve never guessed.”

“Is that bad?”

“No.” With a deep breath, I took the plunge. “I like this.”

“You like this show?”

“I like this with you. Right now.” Feelings and relating said feelings were not easy, but I was getting better. With each confession, the anxiety of speaking lessened.

“Me too. More than I thought possible.” His amethyst eyes turned warm as his thumb stroked my bottom lip. “I love you, Seth.”

My mouth fell open. “W-what?”

“I love you. Do you understand what this means?”

I scrambled off him as a cold sweat started dampening my back. “I understand the words. But…” I shook my head. “You lo—” I could not even get the word out. “You? Me?”

“Yes,” Kal said, standing. “I love you.”

“That’s…” I shook my head as I searched for something to say, but I had nothing except the alarms blaring in my head. “Alright. Yeah. I got it.”

I backed up, bumping into the wall. I slipped into my bedroom to block the sight of Kal staring sadly at me. A second later, Lucy screeched to be let in. I pressed the panel, the door opened, she came in, and I closed it again.

No one had told me they loved me since my mother died. I had literally no idea what to do with those words.

I stumbled to the bed and sat down, numb. “Okay. Right.”

That was not the response I’d been hoping for. I had visions of him leaping into my arms, and we would spend some quality time in my room or his. I would make him pant in pleasure and scream my name, then at the end, he would declare he planned to stay. None of that happened. Seth had turned shockingly pale and ran away.

He hadn’t seemed happy, more terrified than anything. His fear plucked at my soul. How could someone being in love with him make him afraid?

Pimtimzol words came back to me. How could Seth trust me when I didn’t trust him?

The thought of sharing my past made me want to run from myself. What if I shared everything and Seth didn’t like what he saw? Would he leave?

“Choose me,” I whispered to his door.