19. Nox

19

Nox

" C an we discuss this in private?"

Dimitri's expression didn't change. "I don't keep secrets from my mates."

"And I'm not asking you to. It's just…" I paused, trying to find the right words. "This is difficult for me to articulate. I'm not used to opening up, let alone to strangers."

"We're not strangers," Lucky chimed in, waving his rapidly melting treat. "You saved me from Hell and bought me an ice cream. With two flakes. And sprinkles. You're a hero in my book."

Dimitri frowned at Dagon. "He knows he can afford his own ice creams, right?"

Dagon sighed. "Don't go there, it's not worth it. Trust me."

"We'll leave," Lucky said, getting to his feet and putting his bag on his shoulder. "I don't think you're here to cause trouble, so you two can have a nice little chat while Dagon flies me home."

Neither demon moved, just glared at each other like they were having a silent conversation .

Lucky raised a brow. "Any reason why I'm still waiting? Because I know you two aren't going to be stupid and not trust me on this."

Dimitri caved first. "No, little one. Of course we trust you."

Dagon got to his feet, kissing their mate on the tip of his nose. "You're too used to us jumping at your every command."

Humour sparked in Lucky's eyes. "Damned right I am, and don't lie, you love it. You wouldn't have it any other way."

"We really wouldn't." Dimitri got up and rounded the table. Once he'd soundly kissed both his mates, he up nodded Dagon. "Go. I'll be fine. I'll be home soon."

He watched them until they were nothing more than a speck in the sky before sliding onto the bench opposite me. "You could've just reached out to me. There was no need to bring Lucky into it."

Okay, maybe I'd underestimated just how protective they were over the human. It was stupid really, given what I was about to do to protect Micah. We weren't even bonded and I was prepared to end it all just to guarantee his safety.

"Forgive me. I didn't have another way to contact you and I'm desperate."

Some of the tension leeched from Dimitri. "You said this is about Micah? About someone hurting him?"

"Yes."

Dimitri scratched his stubble. "I'm sorry, it's just…I don't think that's possible. Micah's the most powerful arch to have ever existed. Even Lucifer and Ferry would struggle against him. I can't see that anyone is capable of actually causing him harm."

"Trust me, it's happening." The sight of Micah's ruined back flashed through my mind and I had to struggle not to let my demon surface. "You're right, it wouldn't be happening if Micah wasn't letting them."

Dimitri went rigid. "Explain."

I ran through everything I knew. That Micah was receiving physical punishments from Heaven. That I suspected this wasn't the first time it had happened. That he was hiding it from the Seraphim and had tried to hide it from me too.

The blood drained from Dimitri's face as I spoke. By the time I was done, his lips were white.

He stared at me mutely. He didn't move until his phone started to vibrate in his pocket.

He answered it as if he were on autopilot. "No, I'm fine. I'm just in shock. No, don't come here. I'm okay. I'll explain later."

I waited until he'd hung up. "Dagon?"

He nodded curtly. "He and Lucky felt my emotions through the bond and were worried. I'm sure you know what that's like though, with Micah."

"Micah and I aren't bonded." And we never would be. Fuck, I hated that.

"But you are mates?"

I toyed with my lip ring as I debated how much to reveal. Fuck it, Dimitri might be the only one who could help me, and after I was gone, maybe it would be useful. Maybe he could look out for Micah, knowing he'd lost his fated mate. "Yes."

"Fuck," Dimitri sighed. "I suspected as much after how he reacted to you in Hell. That's fucking shit though."

"Why?" Something in me turned cold. "Am I not good enough for Micah? Because if you think you've got any fucking say over how he lives his life then?— "

"Simmer down," Dimitri said, his lips twitching. "That's not what I meant at all. But surely you must know Heaven won't allow the two of you to be together?"

Just like that, my fury left me. "Yes, of course we do. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stand by while someone hurts him."

"As you shouldn't." Dimitri paused. "It's just so hard to believe, you know? Micah's infallible, he always has been. I can't believe he's letting someone do this to him."

"Nor would I if I hadn't seen the scars myself."

"Wait." Dimitri frowned. "How has he been scarred? Why didn't his body heal?"

I repeated what Micah had told me about the cursed ointment. "They're lash marks, so he'd been whipped. Repeatedly and over several hours, if I had to guess. He said he'd been healing for weeks."

"Weeks…" Horror dawned slowly on Dimitri's face. "Fuck. No. Was this because I asked him to help me in Hell?"

My fingers dug into the table once more as I tried to stop myself punching him. "You asked him to help you?"

To his credit, Dimitri looked sheepish. "I needed him and the unit. My mate was in danger."

I counted backwards from ten in my head, reminding myself that stabbing Dimitri wouldn't help matters. "Was this the first time you asked for his help in a situation involving your mates?"

He didn't answer me, but his expression told me everything I needed to know.

"Fuck, Dimitri, that's low. So you've asked him to help you, repeatedly, knowing he'd never say no to you." I shook my head in disgust. "You know how Micah feels about you. You've never once returned his affections, but you're happy to call on him as often as you need to."

"I didn't ask Micah to fall in love with me," Dimitri said hotly. "I can't control his feelings. And trust me, he's hardly an innocent in all of this. I almost lost Dagon for good because of his actions."

"I'm not saying any of that isn't true," I ground out, "but the fact is that you manipulated his feelings for you for your own gain. You won't be with him, but you drag him into situations where your happiness is flaunted. He's had to help you save the men you love while thinking he's not worthy of you. You ask him for help knowing there's a good chance there'll be repercussions for him afterwards."

Dimitri sighed, the fight going out of him. "Not this, though. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought they were treating Micah this way."

"Well they are and I'm going to put a stop to it."

"Good," Dimitri muttered. "I might be salty about how things played out between us, but I care about Micah. About all of the Seraphim. I'm happy with my mates, of course, but I can't deny that I miss them."

Dimitri was quiet for a long moment, lost in his own thoughts. Eventually, he shook his head sadly. "The Seraphim were my family. Including Micah. I don't want any of them being hurt."

"It won't happen again, not if I have anything to say about it."

Dimitri rubbed his jaw. "I can't believe he hid this from everyone. Why wouldn't he tell the rest of us about it?"

I stared at him levelly. "I think you know the answer to that. I think you know as well as I do what lengths Micah would go to to protect those he loves."

"Actually, I don't. Micah's been a closed book to all of us for as long as I've known him." He paused deliberately. "Something tells me he's not like that with you, though."

Fuck, was that true? I shifted in my seat. What would happen once I was gone? Would he ever open up to someone again?

Like Dimitri was reading my mind, he brought up the elephant in the room. "Whatever you're planning…you know it won't end well for you, right? Heaven won't let you execute an arch without then taking your own immortality."

"I'm well aware of that."

"But you're still going to go through with it?"

"What would you do? If you were in my shoes, and this was Dagon or Lucky being punished like this, what would you do?"

"I'd arrange for my friends to execute them alongside me," Dimitri said with a shrug. "I wouldn't let them live, that's for fucking sure, but I also wouldn't take this on alone. Having people at your back, especially high-ranking, powerful people, can make even the most self-important beings stop and listen."

I thought about my friends. The suffering they'd so recently escaped. How difficult they were finding the adjustment. I wasn't asking for their help; not with this. Besides, none of us were high ranking. We were powerful as far as demons went, but we were nothing compared to the supes who appeared to fill Dimitri's inner circle.

"That's a nice privilege to have." I gave him a tight smile. "Not all of us have that luxury."

"So, you're going to kill whoever this arch is, then sit back and accept your fate?"

I shrugged. "Basically, yes."

"What about Micah? "

My chest constricted so tightly that it was as though there was a rope around it. A rope that tightened every time I heard his name. "He'll be free to fall in love with whoever he chooses. Someone who's worthy of him."

Dimitri's brown eyes studied me critically. "What if you're the person he wants?"

"It doesn't matter." I looked away, focusing on where my hands were denting the table. "Us being together isn't an option. It won't ever be an option."

Dimitri didn't say anything, so I found myself continuing. "I'm not even sure if he wants me for me. Sometimes I think I'm just a stand in for you. A pale imitation of the one he truly wants."

A rough hand landed on top of mine. My eyes flew up to see pity over the other demon's face. "I doubt that very much. If anything, it was probably the other way around."

I frowned, pulling my hand from under Dimitri's. I didn't want to be impolite, but I couldn't stand anyone touching me right now.

Other than Micah, of course. His touch would probably calm me.

I didn't hate that idea as much as I did before.

"What do you mean?"

"You're his fated mate." Dimitri shrugged like it was obvious. "Maybe he was drawn to me because his soul was searching for you. Perhaps that's why he was in love with me, because I was a stand in until you arrived on the scene."

I let that idea percolate in my brain before reluctantly dismissing it. I would have loved to believe it, but I couldn't. Or rather, I wouldn't allow myself to.

It'd only make what I was about to do all the more difficult.

"Not to sound selfish," Dimitri said slowly, "but what about the deal? I can't let you do this if it's going to put Lucky at risk. I care about Micah, but my mates come first. Always."

That was fair. I didn't have a bond with Micah, but he was already that person for me. "I've already thought about that. It's the other reason why I wanted to speak to you. The exact terms of the deal were that we are ‘under your direct protection.' By choosing to do this, and telling you first, the deal won't be enacted."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded curtly. "I'm doing this of my own free will. I don't want or need your protection."

Dimitri nodded. "Okay, I think that'll work. I'm going to check with Dagon and the others first though. Can you wait until I give you the go-ahead?"

I nodded, taking his phone as he held it out and adding my number.

"You know, if it escalates, the deal might be enacted anyway," Dimitri said warningly. "If you find yourself in a situation where you're not prepared to give up your immortality, we'll have to come and save you."

When I laughed, it was without mirth. "That's not going to happen, believe me. I'm gonna execute the fucker who's hurting Micah and give up my own life in exchange."

"Your funeral, I guess," Dimitri said under his breath. "Have you told Micah about this?"

Was he mad? "No. He'd try and stop me. I think he believes he's earned these punishments."

Dimitri's nostrils flared. "That's fucked up."

"Exactly. So, no. He'll find out when everyone else does. By then, Heaven will have had me executed anyway."

"Have you thought about how this is going to affect him? "

I frowned. "Obviously. That's why I'm doing it—to make sure he's safe in future. To remind the higher-ups that they aren't above judgement being passed on them. Hopefully it'll teach them to respect their soldiers instead of torturing them."

"That's not what I mean." Dimitri leaned forward over the table. "Have you thought about how losing you will make Micah feel? You're his fated mate, Nox. You might not be bonded, but there must be some pretty strong feelings between you if this is what you're about to do."

"It doesn't matter," I said hoarsely. "I need to do this. Micah might think he wants me, but it's just the bond. Once the pull is gone, he'll get over me. He'll find someone to love who deserves him. Someone who's worthy of him."

"Sure that person isn't you?"

The rope around my chest tightened. My soul wanted to scream that I could be that man for him. That I might not deserve him, but I'd spend every damned day trying to be worthy.

But that wasn't on the cards. Not for us.

Someone else would be that for him. As much as it fucking gutted me, it didn't matter. So long as Micah was happy, that was all I wanted.

"It can't be," I said finally. "You know that. There's no future that would end happily for us."

Dimitri didn't say anything. Like me, he knew it was futile. Even on the very small chance that they allowed us to be together, they wouldn't let him remain on the Seraphim. And despite how difficult he found being leader, I knew Micah loved it. It gave him a sense of purpose that he'd be lost without.

I wouldn't make him choose between me and his unit.

"Will you…" My words faded and I had to clear my th roat and try again. "Will you check on him? Make sure he's holding up okay?"

"Of course," Dimitri said softly. "He might not let me, but I'll find a way. God knows he's protected me enough over the millennia. It's about time I return the favour."

Micah probably would have thanked him, but I wasn't about to. Dimitri was right; it was his turn to look out for Micah. "Good. Now, I need your help to figure out who the fucker is who's made my kill list and how to find them."

It didn't take long to narrow down the contenders. The mention of the whip took it down to one.

"Emilio is definitely cruel enough," Dimitri said darkly. "Are you certain that's what was used?"

"Absolutely."

Not only was it Emilio's preferred weapon of torture, it was mine too. I had little doubt that he knew how to wield it—the scars on Micah's back proved that—but at the end of the day, Emilio was an angel. I was a demon.

No one knew how to deliver punishment better than a demon.

Dimitri gave me a rundown of the places Emilio liked to haunt while on Earth. "He spends more time here than upstairs, so you should have luck at one of these."

"Probably gives him more opportunity to live out his darker impulses."

"Yup," Dimitri said. "If you don't find him in a few days, send me a text. I'll put Mori onto it."

Mori was another son of Lucifer, and until his abdication, he'd been Hell's resident tracker. If anyone could find him, it'd be Mori. I nodded in thanks. It was the most I was willing to give Dimitri for his help.

With our business concluded, I braced to stand. Dimitri spoke once more, making me pause. "Nox…are you sure yo u're strong enough to execute Emilio? He might not be on Micah's level, but he's a powerful fucker."

I grinned; the first real one since Dimitri had arrived. "I'll be fine. I have something he doesn't."

"What's that?"

"Motivation. He hurt my mate, so he dies. That'll be enough."

Dimitri tilted his chin in approval. "Make the fucker pay."

B efore tracking down Emilio, I first had to locate the cursed ointment that he'd used on Micah. It had taken a trip to Scotland to visit some eccentric witch Dahlia knew, but she'd happily sold me the amount I needed.

Lots. That was the amount. The cunt was going to be begging for his eternal rest before I finally gave it to him.

Tracking Emilio down was far easier. He was at the very first location on the list—a seedy brothel in the backstreets of Amsterdam. Unlike the heavily regulated ones in the red-light district, this one had no security. The women in the windows had shadows in their eyes, ones that hinted at the darkness they'd been shown. I sent a text to Dahlia, asking her to burn the place down in a few days before depositing a healthy sum into each woman's possession.

I was lurking in the shadows on the roof of the brothel, just waiting for the text from Dimitri. As soon as I had it, I'd be going in.

My phone vibrated, but when I looked at the screen, it wasn't from the demon .

No, it was from my little angel.

Micah

I know you said we're done, but can I see you?

I swallowed hard, knowing I'd like nothing better than to see him. I couldn't. I was too far down this path to turn back. Any association with me now would only mean trouble for Micah. It was bad enough that I had to hope that his unit would protect him. That none of them would confess to the higher-ups that I was his fated mate.

My phone buzzed again.

Micah

You haven't been home in days. Where are you?

Fuck, I should've known Micah wouldn't give up on us this easily. The pull was as great for him as it was for me. The ache to go to him burned in my chest constantly.

Micah

I know you said we're over, but I can't let you go. Not yet.

Please, Nox. I need to see you.

My hands were trembling so much that the incoming messages were getting harder to read. Or was that because of the wetness clouding my vision?

Micah

Don't make me track you down, Nox. I'll do it .

Alarm replaced the grief in a flash. My fingers flew over the screen.

Don't track me down, little angel. We're done, there's no point fighting it.

How can you still call me that and in the next breath tell me we're done?

Because you'll always be my little angel. That was what I wanted to say, but I wasn't that cruel. Not where Micah was concerned. I wasn't about to give him hope when neither of us could have it.

You know as well as I do that this will never work. It's better to cut our losses now before someone gets hurt.

I'm already being hurt by this, Nox

Fuck. The pain in my chest was visceral. I couldn't stand the idea of Micah hurting. He'd weathered so much agony in his life already.

Before I could respond, another message flashed up from him.

Micah

Forget I said that.

No, I didn't think I'd ever be able to forget it.

Micah

You're right. This is for the best.

My screen went black. I slumped to the roof, letting the phone fall beside me. Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I reminded myself that this was for the best. As much as I wanted to reassure Micah that he wasn't alone in his feelings, that I wanted his happiness more than I'd ever wanted anything before, I couldn't. Not without giving him false hope.

It was better if I died with him hating me. His heart wouldn't break then. He'd get over me faster.

My screen lit up again and I scrambled to check it. It wasn't Micah this time, but Dimitri.

Dimitri

We've all agreed that the deal won't be broken if you do this. Go get the fucker.

Finally. I shoved all thoughts of Micah out of my head and focused on the only thing that mattered.

The angel who'd hurt him was in this building.

And it was time for him to face his judgement.

I could've simply entered through the front door, but what could I say? Like all demons, I had a flair for the dramatic.

Crashing through the window, I heard a scream as glass went in every direction. Throwing up my shield, I protected the poor girl who'd been unlucky enough to be selected by Emilio before compelling her to leave the room and forget everything she'd seen.

The angel, who was arrogant enough to not even have warded the room, gaped at me in confusion. "Who the fuck are you?"

I let my demon surface fully. "Your worst fucking nightmare."