13. Micah

13

Micah

T en minutes later, we were in an enclosed room wearing giant overalls and safety goggles. Completely unnecessary for us as supes, but seeing as neither of us had bothered to compel the staff, I guessed we were going with it.

"How is it that you look perfect even when you're wearing something this ridiculous?" Nox was eyeing me in disbelief, chucking a hammer from hand to hand. "I mean, seriously, is that something to do with being an angel? Or are you just this hot all the time?"

I rolled my eyes to cover the effect Nox's words were having on me. "You're not doing too bad there yourself, Nox."

His grin turned wicked. "Careful, little angel. I might think you're giving me a compliment."

I turned so he couldn't see my blush. What the fuck was I doing? Was I flirting ? "So what do we do? Just bash the shit out of things?"

"Yup, basically. Figured we'd save the trees and get your rage out here instead. "

Balls. "I didn't realise you saw that."

I felt Nox brush against my back. I tensed, waiting for him to mock me for losing my shit. Instead, he reached around me, grabbing one of my hands.

"Here." He wrapped it around the baseball bat.

"I get to go first?"

"Of course." He let go and stepped back. I turned to face him. "It's our first date, after all, and I'm a gentleman."

"You're a demon."

"I notice you're not arguing with me about this being a date."

"That's because we both know it's not." I tested the weight of the bat, figuring out how much power I'd have to hold back. It wasn't like I'd be able to really work my frustrations out, but the thought was there. "The idea of us dating is ridiculous. We can't be together. And what's more, we don't want each other."

The temperature in the room rose alarmingly high, but when I glanced at Nox, his face was impassive. I must've been imagining things.

"You're right. We can't be together," he said.

See? It was much easier when we were on the same page. I wasn't sure why Nox had brought me here. Probably out of some misplaced pity after seeing me break down last night. It was stupid, really. I'd known as soon as I slid into his car that I was making a mistake.

That didn't mean I could stop myself making it though. Right now, I'd give almost anything just to have a few minutes of the peace I only seemed to find with Nox.

I studied the room carefully. There was an old washing machine, a TV, lots of plates and glasses, and even a printer. "Okay, demon. Tell me where to start."

B y the time our hour was up, my mood was considerably lighter.

"I had no idea that's how a printer looks on the inside," I said with a laugh. We were back in the car, minus the flames, driving back towards central London. "It's one of the few things in the compound that the twins haven't broken."

Nox's lips twitched. He hadn't taken a turn in the rage room, insisting he was happy just watching me break stuff. "Does that happen often? The twins breaking things?"

"More often than I'd like," I admitted with a sigh. "They try to contain their fights to the gym, but it doesn't always work like that. I think the office is safe because they're scared of Benji. It's his space as much as it is mine, and messing it up would put them on his bad side."

"I take it that's a bad thing."

"Very bad. Benji likes his things ordered in a certain way, and upsetting that means upsetting him. An upset Benji tends to be a violent Benji."

Nox shook his head with a laugh. "Shit, it almost sounds like our house. If I get home and one of them hasn't set something on fire then I count it as a win."

"Sounds like we've got more in common than we thought."

Nox was quiet for a moment. "Makes sense, I guess. Demons are just angels who chose a different path. The original ones, anyway."

Memories of my parents flitted through my mind, greyed and warped by the passage of time. "The path they chose literally divided Heaven in two."

"Because they wanted freedom," Nox said baldly, not taking his eyes off the road. "They wanted a life where they didn't live under the control of someone else. Where they had the freedom to do what they chose."

I snorted. "They lucked out with Lucifer."

"True, but only because he lost the battle. If he hadn't, the world would look very different. Maybe angels and demons wouldn't be raised to hate each other the way they are now."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "That doesn't change what actually happened though. There were never going to be any winners in a war that turned brother against brother. Best friend against best friend. Lover against lover. It was a recipe for disaster from the very beginning."

"Perhaps they thought it was worth fighting for. Sometimes you have to risk everything to gain the one thing you want. I know that's what I did to escape from Hell and live topside."

My brow furrowed. "Hang on, what did you risk? And what do you mean escape ? Couldn't you just come and go as you pleased?"

Nox laughed bitterly. "No. I only came to Earth when I was commanded to. The rest of the time I was required to stay inside the inner circles. I was as much a prisoner there as the sinners."

I was stunned. I'd been under the impression that demons had the same freedom of movement as angels. I mean, sure, ours was limited by our missions, but we weren't ever imprisoned anywhere.

Except that cell with Emilio wielding his whip .

Forcing that from my mind, I focused on what Nox had told me.

"What happened? What did you risk in exchange for your freedom?"

He gave me a tight smile. "I helped the mates of the sons of Lucifer escape from the ninth circle. Well, not just me, obviously. Dahlia was one of the guards on duty on the room where Oscar, Bailey, and Lucky were imprisoned. They bargained with us for our protection."

"And they guaranteed your freedom?"

Nox nodded. "That, and the protection of their mates if we're in danger while topside."

I gave a low whistle. "You're saying that, if I tried to kill you, I'd be dealing with the sons of Lucifer? Good to know."

Nox winked at me. "Aren't you glad you didn't kill me in that casino now? Can't imagine you would've enjoyed having to explain that to those particular demons."

I flinched. Yeah, that wouldn't have gone down well, especially seeing as it wouldn't just be the sons of Lucifer. This deal meant Dimitri would've come running too.

If I could make it through a century or two without seeing him I'd be all the better for it.

"Can I ask you something?"

My brows shot up. "Since when do you ask permission? Usually you just say whatever shit's on your mind without considering the consequences."

"It saves a lot of time that way. But this is…personal."

"You've already seen me at my lowest. You might as well ask."

"Are you upset that I saved Lucky?"

My nose wrinkled. "Upset? Why the fuck would I be upset about that?"

"Because he's Dimitri's mate." I felt like Nox was purposefully not looking at me now. "I know you're in love with him, Micah."

How the fuck does he know that? I leaned my head against the glass of the window. "I…I don't know what I am anymore. But I do know that I'm glad you saved Lucky. If Lucky had died, Dimitri would've too."

"So that's the reason you're glad? Because Dimitri's still alive?"

I closed my eyes, confused as to why Nox was pushing this. "Yes and no. I'm happy he's alive, obviously. My feelings for him aside, Dimitri was part of our unit for centuries. We were friends, almost like brothers…before I went and fucked it all up."

"Hey." Nox's voice was gentler than I'd ever heard it before. "You can't help who you fall in love with, Micah."

"I should've tried harder," I said hollowly, staring at the road racing past us. "If I'd done that then maybe we'd all have a relationship with him still. I know the others miss him, but he won't come around. Not while I'm here."

Nox rested his hand on my thigh—not in a sexual way, but to offer me comfort. "I think he will, eventually. I saw his reaction when he said goodbye to you all. I don't think it was easy for him either."

My throat thickened. I didn't like to think of that day. Of how I'd finally realised all the ways I'd fucked up, and what I was going to lose as a result. "We'll see. But even if it weren't for all that, I'm still glad you helped Lucky escape safely. He makes Dimitri happy, and he deserves happiness."

"Even if that happiness isn't with you?"

I turned my head to give him a tight smile. He wasn't watching the road, his intense amber eyes fixed on me.

"It was never going to be with me, Nox. My feelings aren't on Dimitri, and he's not responsible for how I feel."

Nox's lips pursed. "I think you're right."

"About what?"

"About angels being better than demons."

He pulled to a stop. I glanced around and realised we were back at the compound. How had the time passed so fast?

"If the person I was in love with didn't want me, I don't think I'd be this gracious about it," he said.

I scoffed. "Oh, trust me, I was far from gracious. I tried repeatedly to break Dagon and Dimitri up, and that's before you even take into account what I said to him that day in Hell. Believe me, Nox, angels and demons are no different when it comes to love."

He blinked slowly. "Yeah. I'm starting to realise that."

A spark seemed to hang in the air between us, charging it with something I was unfamiliar with. Something I didn't quite understand.

"You should go," Nox said abruptly, breaking the moment. "Here. This has been buzzing like crazy."

He passed me my phone but I didn't bother to look at the screen. "Thank you. For today, I mean. I think I needed it."

Nox tapped his fingers on the wheel. "I've added my number to your contacts. Next time you want to escape, you know who to call."

I was halfway out of the car before I processed what he'd said. "How'd you know I needed to escape?"

He gave me a tight smile. "Like you said, angels and demons aren't that different. Like recognises like."

Nox pulled away, leaving me at the kerb staring after him. How was it that Nox was able to see what I tried so hard to hide with ease?

Because he's the same, my mind whispered. Nox knows what it's like to feel trapped. To want something more.

That thought sent a flash of warmth through me before it was doused by the ice of reality.

Nox and I could connect all we wanted. It wouldn't change anything though.

Heaven wouldn't let me take a demon as a mate. They liked to tout the party line that fated mates were a protected sanctity, but I'd seen firsthand how false that was. The Grim Reaper had been kept apart from his mate for four millennia. The only reason he'd chosen to fight for Lucifer was because Heaven had refused to let him live topside with the one he loved and was bonded to.

Dimitri had escaped the ire of upstairs purely because his demonic mate was a son of Lucifer. They couldn't punish him without triggering Armageddon.

Me though? I didn't have anybody to fight my corner with me. Sure, the Seraphim might want to back me, but I wouldn't let them. It'd be a blow for Heaven, but they wouldn't hesitate in executing all of them just for standing up to them.

Emilio had told me this many times before. It was one of the reasons why they had never learned of the days I spent in his lair.

I shook myself, spinning on my heel and briskly walking to the compound.

It was ridiculous to think of things that'd never happen. Nox would never be mine. He didn't want me. Not thinking about that wasn't the challenge though. It wasn't what was terrifying me over everything else .

No, it was the slowly dawning knowledge that I might want him…even if I couldn't have him.

T he constant, relentless pressure returned the instant I stepped over the threshold of the front door. After the time I'd spent with Nox though, it was easier to bear than it had been in centuries. My mind felt clearer, my focus sharper.

If it had lasted, I would've rejoiced. But it didn't.

Two days later, I found myself bowing under the pressure once more. I knew I shouldn't message him, that it would lead nowhere good in the long term.

I fucking knew that, but I did it anyway. The feeling of peace he gave me was too addictive.

Nox didn't question me, just rocked up on his motorbike.

I didn't ask him where we were going, just slid on behind him and tried desperately to stop myself from getting hard.

Obviously that was impossible. He was on a fucking motorbike. He even had a leather jacket on, for fuck's sake. It was as though he'd peeked inside my brain, found my darkest fantasies and set about making them come true.

If he fucked me while I was bent over it, it might kill me. I had to bite my lip to stop myself suggesting it. Not that Nox would've minded. From the way he reached behind me to yank me closer to him, my erection nestled against his taut rear, he enjoyed the effect he had on me.

He'd driven us down to Brighton, where we wandered along the beach for hours. We talked about everything and nothing. Places we'd visited over the years. Who was most likely to start a fight in our respective households. What our favourite foods were. A documentary Nox had watched that he had very strong opinions about. Which of our friends we could never introduce because of the carnage that would ensue.

We settled on Ezekiel and Jeremiah. Apparently they both had quick tempers—something that would likely become a problem due to their personalities. Ezekiel was a perpetual grump, while Jeremiah was a fuckboi who liked to wind others up.

I supposed it was a good thing they'd never meet. That was one mess neither Nox nor I fancied cleaning up.

"Why do you fly everywhere?" Nox asked, neatly sidestepping a small crab. "You can teleport using lightning, right?"

"We can," I said, "but it takes a crazy amount of power to do so and we can only do it over very short distances. Unless Heaven sends us, of course. Messengers, for example, can travel further. On Earth, we tend to use it sparingly. Besides, I like flying. Being high in the air, escaping the chaos…it's peaceful."

Nox studied me quietly. "That's how I feel too."

There were so many unspoken words in the look we exchanged. Words about how much we had in common. How much we'd wrongly assumed about each other.

Words too dangerous to say aloud.

"What was your favourite century?"

Nox threw the next question at me as we reached the pier. The entire time we'd walked, my hands had been itching to take his. Our fingers had brushed multiple times, almost so briefly I might've missed it. I couldn't though, not with how each one sent bolts of electricity flooding through me.

Neither of us took that final step. It was like we both understood the line we were dancing along, and why we couldn't cross it.

I considered my answer thoughtfully. "This one, I think. The rise in technology has made my job harder. It's a lot more challenging to play off supe sightings as conspiracy theories now that the internet and live streaming is a thing. But it's also made the paperwork and admin side easier, so there's that."

"What about outside of work?"

I frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

The setting sun reflected off his eyebrow piercing as he raised it. "What was your favourite century if you take work out of the equation? Which one did you enjoy for you ?"

I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly aware of the biting wind. "I…I don't know. I've never really had much of a life outside of the Seraphim."

Nox paused, his face inscrutable as he studied me. I stopped walking too, my shoulders tensing under his scrutiny. Please don't ask me about this. Please don't point out how depressing and lonely my life must be. I don't need the reminder right now.

"My favourite century was the first AD."

The tension left me in a heartbeat and I smiled thankfully at Nox. "Why? Everything was pretty shit back then."

"True." He chuckled as we resumed walking. "But that was the peak of the gladiators in the Roman Empire. Whenever I was sent topside, I'd break the rules by staying long enough to see a bout."

"What did you like about it?"

"I mean, it was essentially hot, buff men beating each other to death while wearing very little…what's not to like?"

Surely he couldn't be this obtuse? "Umm, how about the fact that they were slaves ?"

Nox quieted at that, his gaze drifting over the crashing waves. "Maybe that was part of it too. They were just as trapped as I was. Seeing them take a bit of power for themselves, even momentarily…well, it made me feel like maybe someday I could have that."

I let Nox's words settle into my soul, cracking open the gates of my heart. I didn't hesitate, just reached out and took his hand in mine.

"That makes sense. I think we often relate to people who are going through similar things," I said.

Nox squeezed my hand, and I was grateful he hadn't pulled away.

"Maybe that's why we get on better than we should. We both know what it's like to be trapped."

"I'm not trapped," I said automatically. "I can do as I please."

Nox stared at me with those unforgiving amber eyes. "Sure about that?"

I fell silent. No. I wasn't sure about that at all.

Once again, Nox threw me a lifeline. "How about favourite food? Mine's a croissant from this little patisserie in Paris. Stohrer, I believe it's called. I wonder if it's still open."

We continued in that vein until the sun dropped below the horizon. Hunger eventually drove us from the beach and up into the winding lanes. After Nox mentioning the Roman Empire, I was in the mood for Italian food. The demon at my side didn't protest, just smirked a bit like I was being predictable somehow .

Fuck, I shouldn't have liked that smirk on him. It should have annoyed me. Irritated me.

It shouldn't have had fucking butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

They continued all through the dinner, picking up every time Nox smiled at me. Every time he teased. Every time he taunted.

What he was offering was dangerous. Forbidden. We both knew it.

Yet neither of us seemed inclined to stop it.

Over the next couple of weeks, we fell into a routine of sorts. Every few days, I'd reach out. He'd pick me up and we'd spend time together. Benji had become my co-conspirator, covering for me during the hours I'd disappear. Of all the Seraphim, he was the one who saw through my lies where Nox was concerned. I suspected he even knew we were fated mates. But he'd agreed to keep it quiet from the others.

For now.

Like everything else with this situation, that was something I was choosing to ignore. I didn't know why Nox was spending all this time with me, or when it was going to end, but I was too addicted to the sense of peace he gave me to give it up just yet.

Eventually he'd get bored with me, especially as we weren't having sex. Don't get me wrong, there'd been plenty of flirting and casual touches, but that was as far as it went. Nox hadn't so much as tried to kiss me. The one time I'd made a move on him, he'd shut me down before dragging me into an arcade to play on the 2p machines.

It made no sense. He obviously wasn't spending time with me in an effort to seduce me, so what was he after?

The question finally burst from me as we wandered around the Natural History Museum. I'd let slip that I'd never been here a few days ago, despite living so close. Nox hadn't either, so he'd chosen it as today's destination.

"Why are you spending all this time with me?"

Nox shrugged. "Nothing better to do."

"I don't believe that. Not after centuries in Hell. There's a whole world out there to explore, Nox. Surely that'd be more fun than being with me."

He nudged my shoulder. "I'm having fun with you, little angel."

I stared at him in confusion, drawing to a stop beside a Greek statue. "No one has fun with me. I'm many things, but fun isn't one of them."

Nox stopped too, standing far too close to be called polite. "I beg to differ. I'm having fun with you right now."

"But we're arguing."

Nox's rich laugh had my spine tingling. "Arguing with you is always fun, little angel."

I didn't know what to say to that. He was right, we did have fun together. Arguing with Nox, bantering with him, it made me feel more alive than my immortality ever had.

But that didn't mean we could be anything more than this.

"You know we can't be together," I whispered, like I was hoping to hide the truth in the words. "They wouldn't allow it."

Nox's response was calm. Measured. "I know."

"Then what are we doing? Aside from having fun."

"We're getting to know each other despite the bond."

"But why? What's the point?"

Nox's tongue flicked over his lip ring as he considered his answer. "Because…because you intrigue me, Micah. You have all these layers, and each one I peel back reveals so mething new. It's quite addictive, and I'm not ready to give it up yet."

Weirdly, that response reassured me. Soon, Nox would get to the centre and realise there was nothing there. Nothing worth his time and attention, anyway. Then he'd get bored and move on.

And everything would go back to normal.

I just had to hold on and enjoy the ride while it lasted.