Reno

I tried to make it through the night without being woken up by my own head. I really did, but it seemed fate, God, or my own fucked up issues weren't content to let that happen. Once more, I woke up with a layer of sweat covering my body as I clutched the thin sheet like it would shield me against the horrors of my sleeping hours.

I should have known something was going to happen. It had only been a week since the announcement of Riley's departure, but more importantly, finding out what Leon had done for me was…well, I still didn't have words to adequately explain what he had done, except potentially make a sacrifice he should have left alone.

That only bundled up in my head, along with the fact that I wasn't blind or stupid. I had seen the changes in Elliot's behavior over the past several weeks. The caring and warmth I had spotted before were coming out even more often. Sometimes, I saw the way he looked at me with such gentleness and understanding that I wanted to cry and rage against it.

But…I guess I'd gone through my own changes because I couldn't bring myself to make him stop, to drive him away. I wanted to because it would be so much easier for us both in the long run, but I couldn't find the strength. I hated myself sometimes for finding peace in those moments and relying on his strength to get me through things.

And those thoughts, that people could care and would still care no matter how much I fought it, were digging up things in the backyard of my mind. Old, stinking, rotting corpses that I had shallowly buried were being brought to the surface with all the misery and pain that came with them. Sometimes, it was just the occasional memory that I tried to nudge aside so I was okay during the day, and other times, it was a black mood that rose from the background of my mind and rolled over me like thick, choking smoke.

I rolled over to find Elliot curled up in his bed, which wasn't all that surprising. Sometimes, he slept like he was trying yoga poses. Other times, he looked like a murder victim freshly dropped on the bed, or he just curled into a ball. He tried to tell me his fetal position was just because his body couldn't decide how to get comfortable. I thought there was more to it than that, but I wasn't going to push him to tell me. Some things were better left in your head. I knew that all too well.

Watching him sleep brought peace to my mind that I clearly couldn't find when I was supposed to be sleeping. There was that old envy, wondering what it must be like to sleep through the night so well, but I pushed it aside. I could fall asleep easily, and for him, it was a nightly struggle to get that far, even when he was exhausted. We both had our problems, I guess, and I didn't want to be irritated because his didn't line up with mine.

I knew I should get in the shower, but I could hear Elliot's irritated voice in my head at the thought.

"You promised!"

Well, I hadn't exactly promised. He'd tried to get me to promise that if I woke up from a particularly nasty dream, I would wake him. What I'd actually done was agree to consider the idea. It wasn't in my nature to turn to someone for help when I was dealing with something just fine on my own. I'm sure Elliot would argue against the idea that it was ‘just fine,' while he tried to make sure he didn't push me too hard.

"Fuck," I muttered, feeling my chest ache at the thought. How in the frigging fuck had I managed to randomly find a person who accepted my desire not to be pushed and went out of his way to work around it while still making me feel special?

Well, now I supposed I couldn't just up and leave him to lay there. Elliot asked for next to nothing from me, always letting things happen based on what worked for me. I'd feel even more like shit if I didn't let him have this one thing. Even if this one thing was completely unnecessary because he already struggled to sleep as it was, his little random power naps through the day weren't exactly making up for it.

How the hell did people deal with this? I wanted to make him happy because I liked seeing him happy, but it didn't make sense to disrupt someone with bullshit you've been dealing with for years…because it made them happy?

Yet here I was, getting up from my bed and walking over to sit on the edge of his. I reached out, gently setting my hand on his shoulder and squeezing it. Only to feel his arms tense and lean back as he flailed, hands balled into fists as he lashed out. I wasn't fast enough and caught a fist to the jaw that sent me off the edge of the bed to land on my ass with a heavy thump as he scrambled back, eyes wide with fear and sheer determination, before he caught sight of me.

"What are you doing on the floor?" the absolute jackass dared to ask me.

"Well," I said, checking to see if I was bleeding and tasting the familiar coppery tang of blood, which answered my question. "I was trying to do what you wanted me to, and you decided to deck me."

His eyes widened again, and he shuffled forward, reaching for me. "I'm so sorry! I was…well, it just?—"

"It's fine," I grumbled, trying to decide if I wanted to bat his hands away.

"I mean it," he said in a voice edging toward panic. "I didn't mean?—"

"It's fine," I told him again, trying to emphasize the word with force but not anger. "I'm just…it's my reaction to get pissed when someone hits me. I know you didn't mean it, and I'm not actually pissed, alright? Don't…don't freak out."

He let out a shaky breath. "I am kind of freaking out, aren't I?"

"A little," I admitted because we didn't generally sugarcoat things with one another, and this didn't seem like the time to start. I pushed back onto the bed now I was no longer in danger of getting punched again.

"Shit," he said, looking me over. "You were trying to wake me up like I asked."

"I was," I said, looking him over. "Maybe it was a good idea to wake you up if that's your reaction. Bad dreams too?"

"I don't know," he said, cringing. "I…the last few years before I went to prison. I used to stay with a group of…well, they're not friends and never were. They weren't great people. They also had a fucked-up sense of humor. Sometimes, they'd get into fights and end up in my room with each other or other people. Sometimes they'd get tweaked out on shit and fuck with me in my sleep, or just…fucking start hitting me. Got to a point where I learned the best way to deal with it was to start swinging as soon as I woke up."

"Heh," I said, the laugh dry and humorless as I shook my head. "Yeah, I kinda know a thing or two about that. Sometimes, that was how my dad or older brother would be my alarm."

He wrinkled his nose. "Assholes."

"That's putting it mildly," I said, reaching out and patting down his flyaway hair. It had been buzzed so short when I'd first met him, but now it was growing and getting a little shaggy. "You know, I like the tough felon look on you. But this shaggy skater look you've got going is working for me too."

It was such a banal, stupid statement that should have sounded corny to his ears. Instead, he smiled, unconsciously running a hand through his hair and grinning. "Yeah? You have a thing for skater boys when you were younger?"

"Actually, yeah," I admitted, tugging on one of his locks. "Davis was one of those kids whose older brothers grew up skating, so he was doing it. Made him impressive at our school because who the hell was still skateboarding at that age? But he didn't give a shit, he still did it."

"Mmm, ever see Fantastic Four?"

"Uhh, yeah, more than one. I'm guessing you don't mean the cartoon but the movie with, uh, what's his name? Ends up naked and barely covering up his bits."

"Chris Evans as Johnny Storm. Seeing him cover up with a little coat or whatever was my awakening. I always watched that movie, and my dad never questioned it. Probably didn't notice, and I sure as shit didn't know why, but I did it."

"You're an idiot," I told him softly, pushing his hair out of his face. "So, you wanna join me in the shower?"

"Only if you'll join me in bed afterward," he said with a small, private smile.

"I…" The idea should have been tempting, but…despite a flicker of interest in my gut, the rest of me wasn't feeling it. All I wanted, especially after forcing myself to wake him up, was to have a little bit of closeness without sex. "I'm not really?—"

"It's okay," he said quickly, slapping on a smile I didn't believe for a minute.

"No, I don't…I don't want to have sex tonight. I'm not feeling it. The shower thing…I just…"

"Oh…oh! Well shit, I meant join me in bed without sex."

"Seriously?"

"Hey, I punched you in the face after a bad dream. The best way to make it up to you is a cuddle or two."

It was said like a joke and a convincing one at that. But that was also a gift of his, presenting something he wanted to do, or something he wanted to do for someone else, as a joke for him to snicker over. I had grown used to seeing him do it before and wasn't fooled.

Yet I didn't need to call him out either. Maybe that was just an extension of my avoiding too many things, or maybe it was just…growth—a way for me to let him have his little lies and accept the truth underneath the mask.

"C'mon then," I said with a huff as he continued to grin like a kid.

Thankfully, the shower stalls in the Tier Two cabins were bigger than the Tier Three cabins. I sometimes wondered if that was to add to the cramped quarters you got used to having in prison or if the upgrade was supposed to feel like an award. So much of what they did at the ranch was good, but much like Leon's tactic for putting Elliot and me together, sometimes there was an undertone of manipulation, the old carrot and stick combination.

It would also mark the first time we got into the shower together without intending to get our rocks off. The stall was still small enough that we were pressed against one another, which wasn't usually a problem when it was an excuse to grope each other. While trying to wash off, however, we kept bumping into one another.

"Woah!" he said after a good bump, almost knocking me out of the stall, grabbing my arm and steadying me. "Let's not do anything that will make the clinic ask questions."

"You're the one bumbling around in here like a drunk ox," I muttered.

"Shush," he said softly, pulling me closer and kissing me. It was brief and sweet, his lips lingering on mine for a moment before pulling away. Despite my insistence that I was not interested in anything sexual, I could feel my dick stirring to life. I know he felt it rise and push against his leg, and I expected him to say something or reach down like he usually did and take me in hand.

I wondered if I would argue against it, even though, despite my body's reaction, I wasn't in the mood for anything. I couldn't help what my dick did, and we had basically trained ourselves to get aroused when the other person was naked or we kissed.

Instead, he motioned with his finger. "Turn around. I'll wash your back, and you can wash mine. Otherwise, we'll be throwing elbows in one another's faces."

There was a logic to that I couldn't argue against, and I did as he said, exposing my back to him. He lathered his hands up before soaping up my back. After a few seconds, I felt something begin poking my upper thigh. Apparently, I wasn't the only one having an unconscious physical reaction to the shower, but I ignored it as he took his time to wash me and press his fingers into my muscles in a pseudo massage.

Once I was rinsed off, he wrapped his arms around my middle and pulled me close. His dick, harder than I thought, slid up my ass, and he pressed the side of his head against my neck. "Sorry."

"I'm not doing any better," I said, looking down as I held my hands over his and hugged them. "They're going to do what they're going to do."

"True," he said with a chuckle, nuzzling my back. "But this is…this is nice."

"It is," I said, the only words I could say in the face of his. I waited until he released me before turning around and doing the same to him. I never really got soft, kind of hard, when I was running my hands up and down his back, feeling the strength he'd built up over the past months. Knowing full well I'd seen a sight like this quite a few times with him by now, though generally, it was with him bent over.

By the time we got out of the shower, we had begun to flag, and I felt sleep creeping back into my mind. I had been so preoccupied with trying not to be sexual that I hadn't paid much attention to my dreams.

"We'll deal with your bed in the morning," he said, taking me by the wrist and pulling me toward the bed.

"I should at least get new pants," I told him softly.

"Don't worry about it," he said, pulling back his sheets and lying down. For a moment, I looked down at him, looking so relaxed, his eyes half-lidded, his once hard but still thickened dick nestled against his thighs, whole body stretched out before me, and I felt a flash of heat. And then he yawned heavily, completely killing the flame. "I don't think they're going to be doing any random checks now we've basically got the stamp of approval."

I was a little reluctant, not liking the idea of someone coming in while we were both naked and sleeping together. But he was doing a good job of making the bed look incredibly inviting, emphasizing his point by tugging on my hand a little to draw me down. It was probably not the smartest idea, but I felt my knees weaken and got onto the small bed beside him.

Neither of us was huge, but we weren't small, so there wasn't much room. And yet, just as surely as I took control whenever our clothes came off…in other circumstances, that is, he took control as soon as we were beneath the sheets. No sooner had I laid down than he managed to wrap himself around me from behind.

"You're little spoon today," he said, burrowing his face into my neck and kissing it gently. "Hope that's not too sub-bottom for you."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "You do realize I bottom too, right?"

"I wouldn't know," he said, and I could feel him grinning, his face pushing against me.

"Do…you want to top?" I wondered, realizing we'd never talked about the possibility. Then again, talking wasn't something we did all that well, but we were generally pretty good about making our wants known in other ways. I'd never got the indication that he wanted a turn of his own.

"Well, not right now," he said in a thickening voice. "But I wouldn't say no. Definitely wouldn't say no."

"Huh, alright," I said. It wasn't something I did all that often. Bottoming had always felt so…vulnerable. I had to warm up to it once I realized someone wanted that from me. Yet Elliot only had to say that he wanted to, and after a few seconds, I realized I would let him. Well, no, not just let him. I looked forward to it.

"Good talk," he murmured, arm wrapped around my middle, the other tucked and cramped somewhere between us. "Real good talk."

"Jackass," I muttered, smiling as I heard sleep catching up with him.

"Mhmm."

"Fuck you."

"Mmmmhm."

He was already drifting off before I could find anything else to throw in, his breath deepening behind me. I focused on him rather than the worries of what would find me when I fell asleep. I focused on the sound and feel of his breath as it hit between my shoulder blades, on the presence of his legs pushed against mine, and the arm wrapped protectively around my waist. I was so distracted I never realized I was falling asleep and then I was past the point of knowing anything.

"You know,"Elliot began, reclining to tuck his hands under his head. "I have to admit, these random ass bonding experiences are pretty alright."

"This one is. Just wait till they have us doing trust falls or something equally stupid," I said, reaching into the small basket we'd been given and grabbing a couple of the grapes that were still left. Autumn was a nice time of year in Texas, especially because grapes were in season, and I'd yet to find a grape as good as the ones grown in Texas.

"It's actually kind of funny when you think about it," he said, leaning over to tug at the corner of the blanket we'd been given to straighten the corner out. "This is the kind of thing they always joke about on TV. Take something like a picnic and call it something like ‘Group Experiences' or…actually, I can't think of anything funny."

"Well, you were bound to figure out you weren't funny at some point. Just took two and a half decades, is all. Some people are slow learners, no shame in that," I told him with a grin.

"Don't ruin our perfectly nice picnic by being a dick," he told me with a scowl. "This is really relaxing."

I had to admit, it was pretty nice to have a whole half day off away from everyone else at the ranch. A handful of us had been given what we needed. The chance to find a spot somewhere off the ranch, to plop down, and have a relaxing meal of fruits, cheeses, and cured meats. That was this month's ‘whittling' apparently, but according to Leon, the ranch would pick the first Sunday of the month every few months to have some ‘bonding time' with others. A few other Tier Threes, like Elliot and I, were allowed to do it outside the ranch without supervision, while the rest had to stay.

If there was ever a way to blatantly announce to the whole ranch that we were possible candidates for an upgrade to Tier Two, they had done it. Incidentally, it had been Mona who'd given us our basket, telling us to find anywhere that looked nice without needing half a day to travel. Leon looked surprised and tried to cover it up, but not fast enough for me to miss it. So it seemed Mona, despite her earlier issues with me, was apparently on board with Leon's plan.

It was just…strange, knowing he'd put so much faith and effort into things, and now he even had Mona believing his instincts. I still wasn't convinced he should have done it, but then again, I wasn't exactly mentor material either. Maybe it hadn't been just a gamble that paid off, but something inside him that I lacked that told him I was capable of working things out.

I looked over at Elliot, sprawled out on the blanket, his eyes closed and the most restful I'd ever seen him while awake. He'd chosen what he dubbed ‘the mini mountains' where we'd once looked for sheep. Mona and Leon had given their approval and again warned us to keep an eye out for anyone we didn't recognize, especially if they weren't coming from the direction of the ranch.

"Heard something?" I had wondered at her sudden strictness.

"Nothing definitive, just gossip. Too many ranches in this area, and they're all a bunch of gossips. Still, it doesn't hurt to be cautious," she told me with a pointed look. "No testosterone moments, got me?"

"Understood," I told her, noting how she said it to me rather than Elliot. Of course, at the time, Elliot had been cooing softly to try to get the gray tabby, Heathen, to come out from her place on a tool rack. However, his sickeningly sweet voice hadn't convinced her to relocate, much to his disappointment.

All in all, it was a pretty good spot. It offered ample shade but didn't keep us out of the wind when it blew over the hard earth and rock to cool us off. And we were away from anyone else, just the two of us, where we could relax.

I continued to observe him as he seemed to doze off. In the process of getting comfortable, he had scooted around. The result was his shirt bunched up in the middle of his stomach, and the shorts he had put on after this morning's work had ridden down.

Curious, I carefully inched closer and looked, only to discover something was missing around the waistband of his shorts. "Did you go commando?"

He cracked open an eye and shrugged. "Well, I knew we wouldn't be doing anything that involved a bunch of sweating, so yeah. After I showered, I just put on the shorts."

"Interesting," I said, a thrill running through me when I was reminded we were alone. We were also quite a distance from anyone else, which meant we were…well, alone.

"Interesting? Are you horny?"

"Definitely," I said, reaching over and running a finger just under his waistband. Enough that I could feel where his skin was warmer trapped under the clothes and the faintest tickle from the hair on his groin. His eyes remained open and he watched me, not moving, as I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his stomach.

Since I had finally knocked myself mentally over the head and told myself he didn't always need me to rail him into walking funny, I'd grown more comfortable with taking it slow. We still had a couple of hours before we had to head back if we wanted to make it before dark. So, if I wanted to gently lick a salty patch of his skin and feel his muscles tense under my tongue in anticipation, I was going to.

"Shit," he groaned as I tugged at his shorts, sucking gently on the point on his hips I knew to be sensitive.

"I don't think the cacti will care if you swear loudly," I said, looking at him as I unbuttoned his shorts to pull them off, tossing them away.

"Oh shit, there's no one around!"

"No one to hear you moan, groan, or scream."

If he was almost hard by the time I got his clothes off, that reminder of our isolation was enough to finish the job. His dick bobbed against his flat stomach, and I wasted no time licking down the shaft, carefully running my tongue over his balls and between his thighs. That last one made him yelp. I knew he would because I generally tried to avoid doing it because there was always the risk we'd be overheard.

"Fuck me," he groaned as I ran my tongue back up and sucked on the head, cleaning the ‘mess' he'd left.

"Actually," I said, gripping the base and holding his cock steady. "Was kind of hoping you'd be the one fucking me."

His head snapped up, staring at me with wide eyes. "Seriously?"

"I've never lied to you before. Why the fuck would I start now?" I said with a scowl.

"I just…didn't know if you said that the other night to…I don't know, make me feel better?"

"And when the fuck have I ever said something intentionally to make you feel better?"

"You make me feel better a lot."

"When have I ever lied to make you feel better then?"

He huffed and then laughed. "Alright, fine…wait, does that mean you brought the lube?"

"I might have included it," I admitted with a smirk, loving how his eyes lit up at the realization that I'd come prepared.

"How the hell did you manage that?" he wondered.

I snorted, glancing over at the horses still meandering nearby. "Those saddles have pouches. It wasn't hard to slip the bottle in from my pants, so it didn't get broken on the way here."

"You sly dog, you," Elliot chuckled, reaching down to start lazily stroking himself. "You really want me to fuck you?"

"Do we have to go over how I don't fucking lie to you again? Because it's starting to piss me off."

"Yeah, because your anger and your horniness totally don't go hand in hand or anything. You definitely haven't fucked the sense and ability to walk out of me while being pissed at me, no sir."

From anyone else, I probably would have felt a jab of shame that would have inevitably become a cause for another flare of my temper. Coming from Elliot, though, I knew damn well that his teasing wasn't hiding some truth, and he wasn't being passive-aggressive. As much as his constant blurting out whatever came into his head could be annoying at times, it did mean I didn't have to question it. He was grinning while saying it, still rock hard, and looking at me like he wanted to take me on the spot, so I definitely knew he had no issue with the rougher aspects of our sex.

As much as I hated to leave him lying there, looking good enough to snatch up on the spot, I had to get up to retrieve the lube in question. That wouldn't stop me from being a bit of a tease, however, pausing once I got to my feet. We'd both taken off our boots once we'd settled in, so all that was left was getting my pants and shirt off. I wasn't a stripper with the skills to do it sensually, but I could still feel Elliot's intense gaze on me as I walked off, bare-assed as the day I was born.

He was still watching me just as intensely when I came back, not bothering to hide the bottle of lube in my hand. His eyes darted all over my body in a way that never failed to make me feel a few inches taller and several times sexier than I could ever remember feeling before. If I had any doubts about whether or not I was ready for him to do the fucking, they disintegrated in an instant as I got down onto the blanket with him.

"You're the boss," I told him, leaning back and waiting.

He snorted, getting up to crawl over to me. "Yeah, okay. We'll see how long that lasts."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he managed to successfully distract me with a kiss, his hand coming down to wrap around my cock. It lingered only a moment before he broke the kiss, instead choosing to use his mouth to trace a path down my body, nipping at my neck before moving on. We were in no rush, and I laid back, watching him as he took his time, practically worshiping me as he reached my groin.

I expected him to take me in his mouth, but instead, he pushed my legs up, nibbling gently on my inner thighs before kissing them. It wasn't something I'd done before since it really wasn't my thing, but I wasn't surprised when his tongue went lower and pushed into me. I'd always maintained that having someone's tongue inside you was a weird feeling at first, but it never took long for the strangeness to pass and be replaced by pleasure.

It certainly didn't hurt when he went at it with the same enthusiasm he approached everything else sexual between us. His tongue swirled around inside me, exciting nerves that pushed a low gasp out of me. No sooner had the noise left me than he reached up to jerk me off. The combination wasn't the same intense surge of pleasure that came from other things, but I let it ripple through me as he opened me up.

When he pulled his mouth away, I picked my head up just in time to feel two cool, slick fingers push into me. It had been a while since anything had been in me, but he'd done his work with his tongue, and I opened up easily to those two digits. Clearly not one to waste an opportunity, he used his mouth to wrap around the head of my cock, jerking a slight gasp out of me when he swiped the underside of my head repeatedly with his tongue.

I'd give Elliot this much, he knew how to work someone into a comfortable place. I only barely noticed the third finger being added, and it only grabbed my attention when he intentionally spread his fingers apart. There was no burn or ache, just the sensation of muscles resisting momentarily before giving in to the inevitable. And the whole time, there was the much-welcome sensation of his mouth wrapped around me and taking me deep.

"Keep fucking around, and you're going to lose your chance," I told him, already beginning to feel the familiar early signs that I was approaching the end. To which the little shit responded by immediately taking me as deep into his throat as he could and sending another warning jolt of hot pleasure jerking through me. "Fuck!"

"Okay," he said with a grin as he pulled off and then out of me. "One second."

I watched as he leaned back to grab his clothes, confusing me for a moment before he bundled them up on each side of my hips. The blanket we were on was thick and comfortable, but it probably wouldn't be enough to spare his knees if he was trying to fuck me. Once he had them in position, he moved my legs back up, pushed my jeans under my lower back, and then steadied himself.

I barely felt any pressure when he pushed into me, taking me by surprise. Elliot was smaller than me but wasn't exactly what I'd call little. Apparently, he had relaxed me far more than I thought, and I let out a low groan at the sensation of him filling me. He took his time, holding himself steady as he slid into me, pausing when he reached the depth his fingers couldn't go.

"You don't have to treat me like glass," I told him grumpily when the anxious need for more began to build inside me.

"I haven't fucked someone in years. I'm trying not to come," he told me with a chuckle.

I snorted, leaning up and grabbing his hips. "You'll live."

"Don't you…" he began, but I jerked his hips forward, grunting when I felt a sharp sting. Only to then find him groaning above me as his worry came to life and he began to come inside me. Torn between the feeling of warmth spreading through my ass as he filled me, and the ache of my impatience, I watched as his face twisted up. "You absolute dick."

I waited a moment before raising my brow. "Wow, you weren't kidding."

"I wasn't lying!"

"You're missing something."

"What?"

"You're still rock fucking hard. Someone's got stamina today."

"Oh."

I waited until he finally gave an experimental tug of his hips. His face pinched slightly from what I guessed was oversensitivity, which eased after a couple of slow pumps. Which worked out fine for me, considering I still needed to loosen up. When he finally pushed into me with a low sigh of what I thought might be relief, I was more than ready.

Apparently, I didn't need to signal that to him, which would have probably tried my patience, considering the anticipation and the need that had built up inside me. Elliot bowed forward, gripping my thighs to use as a balance and holding himself steady as he began to thrust down into me. At first, there was just the building pleasant warmth of his cock moving inside me, and then he shifted positions, changing his knees and leaning forward, and suddenly his cock lit a whole new fire inside me.

"Aw fuck," I groaned as new nerves lit up, washing away my quiet impatience and eagerness. I quickly shifted from pleasure to ecstasy, which made it impossible to think clearly.

Elliot didn't waste the opportunity, immediately holding himself in place as he began to thrust in earnest. Staring up at him, I watched his face set into an expression of pure focus as he worked up more speed. It wasn't the same force I used on him, knowing damn well it drove him nuts, but it was eager and as focused as he got when he was intent.

Despite his earlier doubts, I had zero trouble letting him completely control the situation. It didn't hurt that he was starting to pick up speed, and I wasn't sure I had the strength to do much to take over. And I certainly didn't have the willpower to stop him. It was infinitely better than any other time I'd let someone top me, and I was sure it came down solely to the fact that Elliot was working his ass off to make mine feel as good as possible.

It wasn't the first time I'd let someone top me, but it was certainly the first time I'd given in to the moment. To feel how tightly he gripped my legs as he held on to fuck down into me, the way his face was hardened with concentration, but there was no mistaking the sharpness of his breath as the pleasure took him as well. The feel of him inside me was overwhelming, and I welcomed it completely, groaning my way through.

"Sorry," he hissed, shifting his body so he could stay upright while reaching down to grip my cock once more. Just one stroke sent a whole new pulse of pleasure through me, and I could feel what little time I had left slam to zero.

"Oh fuck," I hissed as my orgasm struck, making my body go rigid as ecstasy slammed into me. I barely noticed and didn't care when I felt warmth splatter my face as I came harder than I had in a while.

If I thought I wasn't holding back, it was nothing compared to Elliot"s shout as he lurched forward, burying himself completely. His breathing came in ragged gasps as he came for the second time, and despite feeling wobbly myself, I had to grab hold of him and keep him steady as his arms quivered.

"Hooooo." He breathed out slowly and carefully. "That was…okay. That was…yeah."

I was positively buzzing from my orgasm, but I managed a shaky laugh. "Damn, if I knew you could fuck like that, I would have had you do that a long time ago."

His face suddenly shifted to a brilliant grin. "Yeah?"

I stared at him then, taken aback by the sudden squeeze building in my chest, until it felt like I couldn't breathe. His hair was plastered to the sweat on his forehead, clearly having worked hard to give me the best pleasure he possibly could. His face and chest were flushed, and a bright gleam in his eyes was even brighter than his smile.

Never before had I felt something so intense for someone else that felt so goddamn good it hurt. It was probably inevitable that I was going to lose him at some point. That was just the nature of life. But I knew right then that this was going to be the hardest loss of a living person.

At least we had time.

"Yeah," I told him, wrinkling my nose. "Now pull out gently. You got off twice, and I do not want to have to explain weird stains on this blanket."

He laughed, doing as I said, and I knew he'd be making ‘double load' jokes in the future whenever we were lifting things. But that was just part of being with someone like Elliot, and you either learned to block it out as I used to or, as was the case nowadays, you learned to love it.

Leaning back in my seat,I stared out at the ranch and watched the sun"s rays as they began to soften. The sun was low enough that it made the tallest edges of the buildings glow with a burning orange and red, making it look like they were made of embers. The temperature was already beginning to drop, but nothing that would send me scurrying inside yet. Plus, unlike a lot of my fellow Texans, I wasn't nearly as sensitive when it dropped below eighty degrees, and I was happy to enjoy myself.

I felt it before I heard the tread of shoes and glanced over. Mona approached me, looking like she was preparing for a vicious hostile takeover in some boardroom with her pantsuit and heels. Even taking her time, she still put plenty of authority into every step, and I didn't think it was intentional. That was just who she was.

"Evening," I said, taking a drink from the iced tea I'd taken from the dining hall. When there wasn't a meal being served, drinks were left out for people to help themselves. It seemed even the iced tea wasn't made from prepackaged mixes, which I knew just from the taste. "And what did I do?"

Mona chuckled softly, taking the seat next to me, and peered out at the ranch with me. "You know, a lot of people seem to think I love being in the Big House, up on the top floor, looking out on everything."

"Higher up, better air conditioning," I said with a shrug. "I wouldn't blame you."

That made her chuckle again. "Wrong. I like it right here on this big, unnecessary porch that almost no one has the balls to use unless they're invited."

I had to give her that. I rarely saw someone using the porch despite the tables and chairs littered about the wrap-around. "We're felons, some fresh from prison, and even then, old habits die hard. You go where you're not expressly told to go, and your ass is grass. That's just habit."

"It's funny. You'd think some would break that habit," she said, reaching into a pocket and holding out a mini cigar for me. "Even people like Leon don't, and he's been here almost two years."

I rolled the cigar between my fingers as she fished out a lighter. "Don't see many employees doing it either. Well, I've seen Max do it."

"That's because Max is Max," she said, lighting her cigar and handing me the lighter. "And just like you, he doesn't think about things like other people."

"Like me, huh?" I asked as I lit my own.

She let out a cloud of thick, rich-smelling smoke. "Doesn't think much about the expectations of random people. Mostly because neither of you wants to deal with people. It could make you bastards, but it also gives you confidence in other people's eyes…or arrogance."

"Well, he grew up rich. I'm sure he learned a few things about acting like he's at the top of the heap, no matter where he goes. Even if he doesn't act like a cocky dick, some things are going to stick."

"Grew up rich, did he?"

"I heard his last name once when I had to go to the clinic for my monthly exam. I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but Max looked ready to yank that stupid guy's head. I had to stretch my brain to remember the last name of a bunch of rich fucks I didn't give two shits about, but I remembered eventually."

"You have no idea how pissed he'd be that you made the connection."

I shrugged, enjoying the cigar"s taste but knowing better than to try to inhale. "I don't plan on telling him I know. Just like I don't plan on asking why he got landed in prison in the first place or what he could have done that his family name and money couldn't have got him off without being so bad that he could still come here. He's been through the program. He gets to have that privacy."

"That didn't change much about him to you?" she asked, looking at me curiously.

I glanced at her, confused. "No. It's not like he goes around acting like a rich prick. And shit, he's still here instead of going back to his family, so he clearly doesn't want to be that rich prick. Should it have changed anything?"

"It's human nature to find our assumptions getting in the way of how we treat people," she said, watching the horizon instead of me now. "I think you and Elliot are a prime example of that."

"I can see that," I said, thinking how I'd thought he was an empty-headed idiot who existed simply to annoy people, and he saw me as a brainless asshole who existed only to fight everyone. "But we got over that."

"Which is part of what we try to push here, getting over our pasts, our assumptions, all that messy stuff," she told me.

I glanced at her with a snort. "I heard you weren't all that keen on keeping me here after the Riley incident."

"Oh? When did Leon tell you that?"

"Who said it was Leon?"

"Well, considering the only other person brought into that discussion was Mr. Isaiah, that leaves only one suspect."

Well, there was no point in bringing up the house staff. Even if they were the type to gossip, I generally didn't float in the circles that would pick up that sort of gossip. "You don't seem too bothered I know, or that he told me."

"Why should I? It's my job to ensure this place runs smoothly. If that means stepping up and voting against the idea of keeping someone who presents a threat to others, then I will do that."

"Heard it was quite heated."

"Interesting. I didn't expect him to own up to that."

"He didn't. He was professional about the whole thing."

Mona smirked, tapping some of the ash over the railing. "Now that sounds a lot more like Leon. And I imagine he only told you because…let's see, from what I know of Leon…he told you because he wanted you to know he had been in your corner, rooting for you. That you had someone willing to believe in you."

I wasn't surprised, but it was a good summarization of what he'd said. "That…was pretty close, actually."

"I like to know things about people, especially when they're in charge of taking care of other people. Helps to keep things running smoothly."

I thought about that for a moment, remembering how that conversation had gone in the room all those months ago. Leon had repeatedly looked to Mona, while the latter had pushed him to take responsibility for his decision after he'd fought so hard for it. At least, that's what I'd assumed after Leon had divulged his ‘argument' with Mona. Except now, I was beginning to wonder if there was more to it.

"You know, it occurs to me. A smart, capable woman such as yourself?—"

"Oh, this should be good."

"What?"

She looked at me, her lips twisting up wryly. "You, giving a compliment."

I snorted hard, waving her off. "It's not a compliment. It's the truth. You'd have to be both of those things to do the job you do. To have Mr. Isaiah's complete faith."

"Ah."

"And someone like you is probably involved in the selection process for the guys who get into this program."

"That is a reasonable trail of logic you"re forging."

"Which means you helped or even picked me for the program."

"You sound surprised."

I snorted, flicking my ash over the railing. "Yeah, well, I was confused as fuck when I was told what was being offered to me. As it was, I'd already been in a few fights behind bars."

"Yes, I was told that," she said, lightly tapping the side of her cigar thoughtfully. "I was also told that two of those three incidences involved the, uh…victims, having tried to take…liberties with you."

"Rape, they tried to rape me," I said in a flat voice.

"That wasn't in the report I was given," she said in a neutral voice. "But I must say it's good you're willing to call it what it is."

"Why does that matter?"

"Because many men in your position don't like to admit it. Don't like acknowledging it, let alone calling it by its name. It's common with rape victims or those who narrowly missed it. Shame is a big motivator, especially with men…and particularly with proud, physically capable men like yourself."

"Yeah, well, I knew what I was getting into when I went to prison. Doesn't mean I was going to let it happen," I told her, taking a hard puff. "And I'm not going to avoid it because they're fucking assholes."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way," she said with a smile. "Mr. Isaiah and I both appreciated that story. But I'm betting you've wondered why we still brought you on. That seems to be where you were headed with your story."

"Can you blame me? When you've got guys here who didn't glare at you through the introductory meeting."

Mona reached into her jacket again and drew out a flask, opening it up and taking a drink before pocketing it. "We go through quite an extensive process. All sorts of background information is important to us, and yes, that does involve not only how you behaved behind bars, but what you did before that. As much as we push that rehabilitation is important, pragmatism must balance the idealism."

"So, you pick easy people to help like Elliot," I said, unsurprised. "Make yourselves look good."

"Well, with Elliot, that's a yes and no. He told you?"

"Told me what he did. Both to get behind bars and why the other guys in that robbery got locked up."

"And there you go. He's both an ‘easy person' to rehabilitate and a prime example of our cause. He wanted to do better, so we gave him the chance."

"So, a little bit of both."

"Yes. And you…you too, were a mix of both. Though one of the more challenging ones, I'll admit."

"Me?" I asked in sudden confusion. "What?"

She turned, not just her head, but her upper body as well, leaning on the arm of the chair to stare intensely at me. "Do you think I just looked at the charges you were given? Do you think I didn't find ways to dig deeper, to see the what…and the why?"

My jaw clenched, but I kept my voice steady. "I see."

"Not a fan of that story, I see."

"I don't…regret what I did," I said, refusing to look at her. "I regret him."

She sat back, and I heard the flask clink. "Let me tell you another story."

"Really?"

"Shut your damn mouth and listen," she said with uncharacteristic roughness. "See, I grew up in a little town you've never heard of. Not much money in that town, and that went the same for my mama. She grew up there and fully expected to die there. It was me, her parents, and my three sisters in that little house she'd grown up in."

I knew something about that, save for the grandparents" part. "Okay."

"But see, it wasn't the poverty that got to us. It was my grandfather. Mean old drunk that he was. Never had a kind word to say, and had my grandma so beat down, the woman hadn't had a thought of her own in ages. Once upon a time, I thought it was the same with my mama. After my daddy died, I thought the last of my mama's spirit was long gone."

"I'm guessing it wasn't."

"No, see, there was something else about my granddaddy that, like everything else, no one talked about. Sometimes, when he got drunk, he didn't just get mean, he didn't just hit you. Sometimes…well, sometimes he liked to visit you in the night. Take you somewhere quiet?—"

My stomach clenched, and I had a sudden moment of clarity about why I was hearing this story. "I understand."

"I figured you would."

"So, what happened?"

"What happened is that one time, I finally told my Mama what was going on. And she got real quiet. Asked me some questions and then went and found my sisters. She talked to them. She made sure we slept with her in her room for a week, having us rotate who slept on the bed."

"Just a week?"

"Well, it wasn't much of a problem after that. See, my granddaddy went and had himself an accident."

"The, uh, fatal kind of accident?" I asked, finally daring to glance at her.

A cold, mirthless smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Exceptionally fatal. No one knew how he managed to plug himself in the chest while cleaning his shotgun or why he was out in the woods to do it at such a late hour, but who knows the minds of drunks?"

"Yeah," I said softly. "They're something alright. How tragic."

"Oh yes," she said, that vicious smile growing slightly wider but not taking over her face. It was the expression of a woman remembering something pleasant from years past, something that didn't shine quite as bright but still hadn't gone dull. "But from tragedy can spring opportunity. My grandma never really ‘woke up,' I guess you could say. But my mama sure did. She managed to get herself a job in Atlanta and packed all of us out there. Worked herself to the bone she did, but she did good by us."

"I'd say she did amazing," I admitted, knowing full well there was no way in hell I could have expected anything like that from my mother. Hell, if someone had come for me like that as a kid, she probably would have turned a blind eye if it meant getting her next fix.

"That she did," Mona said, grinning far more warmly around the cigar between her teeth. I realized then that her speech was quickly returning to the sharp, precise tone she usually used, the buttery smoothness with a shaky bit at the edges disappearing. "Which is precisely why she has found herself wanting for nothing. She works now only because she wants to, but she has everything she needs, and when it comes time to make her finally stop working, she'll never want for anything. My sisters and I have made sure of that."

I supposed that was the one bit of revenge someone who grew up the way I did could finally have. If my parents ever reached the age where they could barely work, there would be no one to help them. I would never, and neither would Mara, which left the other three who were as useless and self-serving as our parents. They'd be left with nothing but their own choices.

"I don't know if I should say I'm sorry or glad," I finally told her after almost a full minute of silence. "I feel someone like Riley would know…and Elliot would just repeatedly tell you how sorry he was and how fucked up the whole thing was."

Mona glanced sidelong at me, her smile warm still. "They are sweethearts, aren't they?"

"Far nicer than me," I said, smirking at her. "And you."

"The world needs nice people. And it needs people willing to look at the bottom line and see what needs to be done."

I gave a derisive snort. "Please tell me you weren't lumping me in with you. All I've done is screw up my life. I don't think I count for what needs to be done."

Mona rolled her eyes. "Then you weren't listening."

"I listened. But what am I supposed to say?"

"Say whatever you want, but despite everything, I think you know very well why I told you that story."

I grit my teeth. "Maybe I do."

"I'll add one little part of it because I'm already trusting that you understand me and won't go telling anyone what I told you."

"I won't."

"Not even Elliot, I imagine."

"Understood."

"Once, my mama and I had a few drinks, just the two of us. She wasn't much of a drinker. I'm sure you can imagine why. But we got in our drinks, and I was feeling…a little bold, I guess you could say."

"You asked about your grandfather, didn't you?"

"All I did was ask about his accident. How it could have happened."

"And she said what?"

"She said that accidents happen all the time in out-of-the-way places like my original hometown. And if some drunk has himself a nasty accident, a drunk who likes to visit the rooms of his granddaughters," she slid her gaze to me. "Or his daughter…then well, sometimes God can be a little slow to sort things out, but when he does, it can be in the strangest ways."

"Like strange accidents."

"Exactly. You get it."

I thought I did. That monster had taken advantage of his daughter, Mona's mother, while growing up. Maybe she had convinced herself it had stopped with her and wouldn't happen with her daughters. It wasn't something I was a stranger to. I'd seen it happen more than once in my old neighborhood, where the scum of the earth roamed around like they owned the place.

Yet, her mother had done what I rarely heard happen in my neck of the woods. She'd heard her daughters and had… ensured it would never happen again. She took the necessary steps to make sure her daughters would always be safe from the monster of her own childhood.

"Yeah," I grunted, looking down. "I think I know why you're telling me."

"Good. Then you know why I championed for you to come here in the first place," she said, standing up and puffing on her cigar. She turned to peer down at me, smiling slightly. "And why I let Leon argue so passionately for you to stay…well, that was one reason. The others…that's between Leon and me."

Only then did I notice Elliot standing a few yards away in the shadows of one of the buildings. I didn't know how long he'd been leaning against that wall, but his cautious, watchful expression told me he'd been there long enough to realize Mona and I were having a conversation that didn't involve him. It was a good reminder that he wasn't nearly as dense as I, or even he thought he was.

"You're safe now," Mona called with a glance as she walked away, apparently aware Elliot was there.

"Evening," Elliot muttered as he reached the stairs as she descended.

"Hey," I said as he glanced at the chair beside me.

"Is this…something I should ask about or leave alone?"

"What?"

"What you two were talking about."

I looked up, seeing the anxiety on his face, and smiled at him, knowing it would ease his nerves. "We were talking about…something I need to tell you about one day soon."

"That bad, huh?" he asked, sitting beside me, scooting the chair closer to mine.

"It was kinda like how life can be, some bad, some good, and the mess in between all of it."

"Wow. That's uh…are you sure everything's okay?"

I looked at him, knowing that even if Mona hadn't said it, she was right. I was going to have to sit him down and tell him. To tell him my story, one I didn't technically owe, but…well, he deserved to hear all the same. If Mona could tell her own story, with all the horrors and shame that probably came with it, then I could tell my story since it paled in comparison to hers.

But that could wait, and I reached over to squeeze his wrist in a rare gesture of open affection. "You're here. So it is now."

And like the sap I was becoming, his grateful, happy smile was all I needed to feel better.