26. Rebecca

26

REBECCA

Three days later, I still kept thinking I'd wake up and find this all was a dream. I stepped into the campus library and strode over to where Lily sat with her books spread out across the table. She looked up at my approach, her tapping pen stilling on the blank page. "What's wrong?"

Tears threatened. I stuffed them back and sank into the chair across from her. "I might have to leave."

"Are you sick?" She scooped the books into a lopsided pile. "Is it something you ate?"

"No exactly." I traced the line of stripes on my shirt, a line that stretched across my stomach. One breath. Two. "I'm pregnant, Lily."

Lily blinked and her mouth popped in an O of surprise. We stared at each other, and I searched her face for any hint of judgment.

Would I ever come to terms with being pregnant? I'd meant it when I offered to leave college or transfer classes. That made the most sense, but honestly, how was I supposed to keep up my work with a newborn? If I left school now, I might be able to get a few more books written before I gave birth. Then I could upload them a chapter each week until I ran out of material. I'd thought it over since Cole made me promise not to make any decisions until we knew more. What else was there to know? I was pregnant. I had no idea whether Cole or David was the father. Dad and Carrie were going to go batshit crazy with the news, and that was before I even told them about my relationship with my professors.

I was in shit neck-deep with no hope of finding my way out.

"Rebecca." Lily snapped her fingers in my face.

I jerked my thoughts back to the library and my best friend.

She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Do you want to tell me whose it is?"

Words locked in my throat. I shook my head and winced at the flash of dejection she tried to hide when she sat back and crossed her arms. One brow shot upward, and she hissed through her teeth. "Is it?—"

"Don't." I held up a hand to stop her. "Please don't finish that sentence." I took my time scanning the library. We were the only ones at the tables, but I couldn't see past the long rows of books behind Lily. Anyone on the other side of the stacks could hear, and I would not risk word of this getting out.

"Lucas?" Lily mouthed the name.

A shudder of disgust wracked my spine. "No. Thank God."

"Yeah, that's a relief." She stood and picked up her books, shoving them into the messenger bag draped over the back of her chair. "I won't ask questions, but if you need to talk, you know you can count on me." She mimed zipping her lips shut like we used to do as kids. "I'm here if you need me." Without warning, she darted around the chairs and threw her arms around my neck. "Anything you need. Anytime. You call me, okay?"

"Okay." My voice wobbled despite every effort to control it. We'd been friends so long, I almost took her for granted sometimes. "Thanks, Lily." I squeezed her tightly. "I have to go, but I'll talk to you later."

"You'd better. I'll hunt you down if I have to." Lily's bubbly laugh gave me a chance to smile.

For the first time since finding out, I let myself consider that everything might be okay. Sure, I had a lot to consider, a lot of potential problems hovering overhead like bombs prepared to drop. But I had Ethan, Cole, Lily, and David on my side. I hoped and prayed they meant it when they said they'd stand with me. Ethan had turned cold there for a bit, but by the time I left Cole's house, he'd hugged me with a ferocity that stole my breath.

I texted Cole before I left the library. Ever since Lucas showed up that day, I'd kept on alert every time I walked across campus, especially in the parking lot where there were too many places to hide and not enough people around to make me feel safe.

My phone pinged once I slid into the car and locked the doors. Cole's simple text stating he'd follow me to the clinic warmed me through and through. He'd been the most attentive, the most passionate, since finding out about my pregnancy. I'd had a hard time leaving his house after my confession, but it was for the best. We all had a lot to think about.

I followed the directions on my phone, heading away from campus and into downtown traffic. My thoughts scrambled with every red light and every mile I drew closer to the OB building. By the time I wheeled into the parking lot and turned off the engine, my vision was spotty at the edges. I peeled my hands off the steering wheel, the sticky sound of skin on leather loud in the compact vehicle.

Cole knocked on my window, startling me enough that I almost screamed. Concern dug grooves between his eyes and cast a shadow across his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Lie. What else could I say? I was in no frame of mind to reiterate my fears all over again minutes before going into my first OB visit.

"David and Ethan said they're sorry they had to stay and work. They tried to get their classes covered." He shrugged. "Kind of hard when there's three of us asking for a last-minute sub."

"It's fine." I'd wanted all of them with me, but now that I stared at the gray brick building with a silhouette of a mother and baby plastered on every door and a giant sign out front, I was glad to be here with Cole. His easy temperament and calm personality gave me courage to step out of the car and shoulder my bag. "We'd better get inside. They wanted me here fifteen minutes early." I was pushing it, but didn't I always?

Cole held out his hand, taking mine in his strong grip. "We'll tell them everything tonight at Ethan's."

Right. We were supposed to talk about options once we had a definitive date from the OB. The weight of the whole situation threatened to choke me, but I raised my head and marched into the office. An instant sense of peace flooded me when deep blue carpet cushioned my feet. Soft chairs lined the wall on either side of me. A woman in lavender scrubs looked up from the desk and smiled. ""Hello there. What can I do for you?"

I stumbled through a too-long explanation, finally ending with, "I have an appointment with Dr. Patricia."

The woman's smile never faltered. "Did you fill out the new patient paperwork we emailed you? No worries if you didn't get to it. We can do it here."

"I have it." I pulled the stack from my bag and held it out. "Sorry."

"Oh, honey, don't you apologize. You're growing a human. You get away with anything for the next nine months." She speared Cole with a look. "Isn't that right?"

"Right." He rested a hand on my shoulder.

The woman watched, her gaze flicking between us as she tried to figure out our relationship. Cole wasn't quite old enough to be my dad, but the obvious age difference caused the woman to narrow her eyes a bit. "It's common protocol for you to go back alone for the first portion of the appointment." Her smile returned. "Once the exam is finished, you're welcome to invite one person back to stay with you."

Interesting protocol. I thanked her and moved away from the desk, taking a seat and dragging my bag into my lap. Cole took the seat beside me, his smile strained at the edges. "She thinks I'm your pimp. Or worse."

"Worse?"

He relaxed with his legs bent at the knees and his ankles crossed. "Probably wonders if I've kidnapped you. That's why she wants you in there alone. Bet she asks a million questions about whether you feel safe."

"That's ridiculous." I scoffed but my gaze betrayed me, drifting back to the receptionist. Did she really think something like that? She tapped away on the keyboard, but with a halfhearted effort. The majority of her attention stayed with me and Cole. Holy hell. She really did suspect something was off. My stomach tensed. Would we always face this kind of reaction?

I'd expected some sharp looks and snide remarks because of our age difference, but not this. Never anything like this. I started to stand, prepared to march over there and tell that woman exactly what I thought of her insinuations.

"Let them do their job." Cole's breath shivered across my cheek. "It's good that they're concerned."

I gripped the arms of the chair. The door across from me opened and another lavender-clad nurse stepped out. "Rebecca?" Cole and I were the only people in the room, but she still looked around before grinning at me. "Would you follow me?"

I stood reluctantly, with one last look back at Cole. They probably mistook the gesture as my being afraid of him, but facing the unknown on the other side of that door without him by my side twisted me up all kinds of wrong ways. I made myself move and followed the woman whose name tag read Sophie until we reached a large room in the middle of a quiet hallway.

"You're our first appointment after lunch, and Dr. Patricia likes to keep things chill in the afternoons," Sophie explained while handing me a gown and housecoat. A for real gown and housecoat, none of that ridiculous paper stuff.

"I'm liking it here already." I hugged the garments to my chest.

"I'll leave you to change, but first I have a few questions." She held a clipboard up and waved it back and forth. "Generalized questions, really."

She rattled off a list of questions that didn't sound generalized at all.

Did I feel safe at home?

Did I have a support system in place for me and the baby?

The list went on and on before circling back around to my safety.

I held up a hand, my annoyance bursting out. "Stop. I'm not in any trouble. I'm safe with the man who came with me. I appreciate your worry, but it's misplaced."

Sophie laughed, the sound popping like champagne bubbles. "Okay. We have to check. You wouldn't believe what we see on a day to day basis." She turned. "Dr. Patricia will be in soon. I'll invite your friend to come back once she finishes the initial exam."

"Thank you." I was comfortable with Cole, but not comfortable enough that I wanted him in the room while the doctor checked my downstairs. Why they felt that was necessary, I'd never understand. Still. Who was I to try and buck protocol?

Thirty minutes later, after a thorough exam by Dr. Patricia—who came in with a warm smile and made me feel right at home—Cole joined us in the room and Dr. Patricia tapped a few buttons on a large machine.

"Who's ready to see baby?" She held up a wand-looking device. "Now, I'm sorry to say we'll have to do a vaginal ultrasound since you're not far enough along for the other. But we'll make this as comfortable as possible." Her bright smile included Cole, who crossed to my side and took my hand between both of his.

"Will we learn the gender today?" He sounded breathless, animated. His eyes were glued to the black screen. Static flashed, and the discomfort from the wand pressed in. He dropped his gaze to mine. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." I gave him a smile for reassurance and angled my head to see the screen better. "Can you see anything yet?"

All I saw was black and gray, blobs of static and shapes that meant nothing.

"No gender today. We'll take measurements if we can and see how far along you are since you're uncertain about your last period." Dr. Patricia patted my knee with her free hand. "Don't you worry. Things will get easier after this first appointment."

I wanted to believe her.

Her lips puckered, and she tapped a series of keys on the machine, freezing the picture.

"What?" I knew that look. I'd seen it too often in Carrie's face.

"What's wrong?" Cole's hand tightened on mine, and he leaned over me to get a better look.

Dr. Patricia reached beneath the machine and pulled out two brown paper bags like what they used to give us at school when we had picnic lunches. "Breathe into this if you feel like you're going to hyperventilate."

"What? Why?" My chest tightened, and a clammy sweat popped out on my forehead.

She smiled and tapped the screen. "Nothing is wrong, but you need to take a deep breath and prepare yourselves."

I squeezed Cole's hand so tightly my fingers tingled. "Tell us."

Her smile widened, and she made two circles on the screen, drawing a pair of red circles. "You see this? And this?"

Cole and I nodded. I could not have spoken for a million dollars. A nervous inkling latched onto me at the same time Dr. Patricia held up two fingers.

"You're having twins."