27. Ethan

27

ETHAN

If I kept up with the pacing, I'd wear a hole in the floor by midnight. I tunneled a hand through my hair and let out a frustrated growl that vibrated my chest. "Fuck." My coffee cup sat empty on the counter, and I tried to blame my racing heart on the jolts of caffeine. It didn't work.

I swiped up the cup and carried it to the kitchen. "What's the matter with you?" I stared at my reflection in the window over the sink. It faced the street, giving me a view of the driveway and the city in the distance. Jealousy tightened my hands into fists. I tried to breathe through the surge of emotion, but it caught me by the throat and threatened to strangle me right then and there.

I'm pregnant. Rebecca's quiet voice filtered through my mind, the words no less impactful now than they had been that day. I'd worked through my classes in a daze today as I waited.

One more hour. I checked the clock to confirm and rolled my head from side to side. I'd already gone for a run, lifted weights, and flipped through every streaming service in hopes of distracting myself.

Rebecca was pregnant… with another man's child. Jealousy surged again, and my grip on the cup turned bruising. I tamped down the urge to throw it against the wall just so see it shatter, to see some evidence of my turmoil in physical form.

There was no way the baby could be mine. Rebecca and I had sex only days before she found out. That wasn't enough time for a test to show up positive. I'd checked. I placed the cup in the dishwasher and pried my fingers off the cool ceramic.

With that done, I headed back to the living room and resumed pacing. It was the only thing that helped. I spun around in front of the bookcase, right in front of a picture of me, Cole, and David on our last summer break. We'd rented a cabin and gone skiing. Our faces were windburned and our smiles bright. We'd loved every minute we spent together. Who knew that a year later we'd be here, tangled up in a relationship with the same woman? It was more than unlikely. We'd never even considered anything like this before.

When Rebecca admitted to her pregnancy, I'd seen the whole relationship crumble. David and Cole would find out one of them was the father and they'd start a genuine, typical, monogamous relationship. It was what made the most sense. Fuck if that was what I wanted.

Being with Rebecca was the best thing that had happened to me. I'd have given it up if that were what she wanted, what she needed, but she'd clung to all of us. I'd almost been too stunned to function, my mind spinning out possible scenarios so fast that I struggled to string more than a few words together in any coherent fashion. I wasn't meant to be a father. I'd given up on that idea a long time ago.

It flared to life again now as I picked up the picture and carried it with me to the couch.

David passed by the front windows and threw a hand up in greeting. I motioned that the door was unlocked and hurried to put the picture away. Seeing me carry it around like a psycho would invite too many questions.

"Any news yet?" David entered without knocking and kicked off his shoes.

I scoffed. "Course not. Cole wanted us to wait and discuss everything in person."

"Yeah, he told me the same." David flushed to the roots of his hair. "I tried to call him. He barked a curse at me and told me to be fucking patient and that they'd be here soon." He sat on the edge of the couch but popped right back up. "Got anything to drink?"

"Fridge." I pointed over my shoulder. "Get what you want. Liquor's in the cabinet."

We might all need a stiff drink by the end of the night. I closed my eyes and tried to get a grip on my emotions.

David shuffled around in the kitchen. Cabinet doors opened, closed. Opened again. The sharp bite of whiskey sliced the air. "You want one?" His voice came from far away.

I kept my eyes closed and shook my head. "Already had two. Better not go any further." I wasn't meant to be a father, I reminded myself as David knocked back a whiskey and slammed the glass on the counter. My father was a bastard, a cheat, and a liar. I had nothing to offer a kid. I had a better chance of ruining them than I did raising them right. Once Rebecca found out about my history, she'd agree and I'd be out of this relationship.

My lip peeled back in a snarl. My father had ruined enough of my life. Was I going to let him ruin this for me too?

"What the fuck is that for?" David stomped closer.

I dropped into a chair and tried to settle with my spine cushioned in the backing and my ankle over my knee. My foot jiggled up and down so fast my laces slapped my heel.

"They're here." David's voice fell. He tugged at his collar, then unbuttoned the top button and removed his tie. "Why am I nervous? Are you nervous?"

"I'm not going to be a father." I bit out the words in sharp notes that raised David's eyebrows.

"Don't be an ass. We're all part of this. Is biology really going to matter?" He had a point and he knew it.

We both sat forward, then stood when the knob turned and Rebecca peeked in. She caught us staring at her and a tremulous smile emerged. "Hi." She pushed the door the rest of the way open. "Cole said for me to come on in. Is that okay?"

She met my eyes, her own so full of fear and uncertainty that my insides writhed with the need to comfort her. "It's fine."

Her smile grew and she stepped in, holding the door open for Cole. "I tried to stop him."

We didn't get any further than that before Cole stumbled in. Balloons fanned out over his head, the letters so twisted and knotted up that the balloons themselves hung in a tangled knot. He hefted a cake toward his chest. "We have news."

"Is everything okay?" David took Rebecca into his arms and kissed her cheek. "Are you all right? How was the appointment? When do you go back?"

Questions continued to spill out of him until Rebecca put a hand in the center of his chest, her smile luminous. Where she'd been pale and shaking a few days ago, today she glowed with health and vigor. I'd never understood that whole saying about pregnant women having a glow, but I got it now.

Rebecca cupped David's cheeks in her hands and kissed him on the mouth. "Everything is fine."

"Damned balloons." Cole set the gold weight on the table and slid the cake next to it. He grabbed a T balloon and pulled it to the side, followed by a S that had tangled up with the W until they were stuck together too tightly to separate. He spun the balloon strings around, turned, and tried to line up more of the letters.

"What's this all about?" I waved at the balloons, then the cake.

Cole handed me an "I" balloon. "Hold this. I swear they were in order when I got them out of the car. I should have kept a better eye on them."

I eyed the array of letters. T. S. W. N. I. My brow furrowed. "Is this some kind of game you're playing to tell us who the father is?"

"We won't know that for a while." Rebecca hugged David, then dropped her arms and stepped back. She wore comfortable clothes, which for her was a skirt that brushed her knees and a loose shirt that showed the column of her throat. A necklace sat in the hollow of her throat, the heart pendant winking when she crossed to stand in front of me. "That's something we need to discuss."

Cole handed David a balloon, then threw his hands up in the air. "Forget it. Here." He swatted the balloon away from David and picked up the cake.

"I'm so confused." David pinched the bridge of his nose. "Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

"That's what I'm trying to do. Look." Cole shoved the cake toward us both. His eyes shone brightly.

I pulled my gaze to the cake in slow motion, not trusting what it might reveal.

" Twins for the win ." I read the words in a low monotone, my heart taking up residence in my throat.

David's jaw unhinged. He did that thing where his body locked into place and stared. "Explain."

Cole rolled his eyes, acting almost as giddy as the puppies he fostered. "We're having twins." He tried to include me, but the look between him, David, and Rebecca tore my heart out and stomped it into the ground.

"Seriously?" David moved to Rebecca and splayed his hands across her stomach. "Are you sure?"

"The doctor was pretty adamant." The tightness in her body eased under David's attention.

I'd become even more of an odd man out. I took a step backward, ready to retreat to the kitchen and give them space. Maybe I'd have another whiskey, after all.

"You can't talk to Carrie without me. We're doing this together. All of it." She held out a hand to me. "If that's what you want." Her chin quivered before she managed to control it. "I won't force any of you into this. None of you signed up to have kids. I told you I was on birth control, and I was."

"It's always a possibility." David put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm not upset. Not at all. And from the way Cole is acting, I'd say he's over the moon."

It was true. Cole acted like he'd regressed fifteen years. There was a lightness in his step, a joyful note in his voice, and that damned brightness in his eyes. All of it combined to confirm that he was more than happy to learn of Rebecca's pregnancy.

Why did it bother me so much?

"Ethan." David spoke my name with a sharp note that jerked my anger up to the surface.

"What?" I fisted my hands and tried to curb the annoyance roiling under my skin.

Rebecca crossed to stand in front of me. Her chin tipped up as she angled to meet my eyes. "What's wrong, Ethan? Please talk to me."

How could I deny the plea in her voice? She was the one woman I'd never be able to deny. It was why I'd been willing to walk away. I still would if it was what she wanted. "We have to come clean."

To her credit, she didn't flinch back from the harshness or the darkness I felt clawing through me.

"We will. We'll tell my parents soon. There's no need to say anything right now." For the first time, I saw fear in her expression. "I'm only six weeks. Dr. Patricia recommended that we wait until twelve weeks to share the news."

"Why?" I asked.

Cole toed the carpet, his joy evaporating. "Twelve weeks is considered the safe date. If she carries the babies to twelve weeks, there's a good chance she'll carry to term."

That turned dark in a hurry. I'd not even considered that the pregnancy might not make it to term. One look at Rebecca's downcast expression and I brought her in for a hug. "I'm not upset about the pregnancy. I'm jealous as fuck that there's no chance they're mine."

"They are our children." Cole waved his hands around in a way that was meant to encompass all of us. "I couldn't care less about biological paternity. We are all their parents."

It was a nice sentiment. Would it hold up once they were born? What about in the years afterward? Would Cole see David in one of the babies and feel this same burn of jealousy? I knew one thing for sure. If I didn't get a handle on my own jealous nature, I'd never make it as part of this relationship. The mere thought of my jealousy driving me away caused the red fury to fade.

Rebecca fit in my embrace like she'd been made for me. I'd seen the look on the others' faces when they held her. We all felt that powerful connection and we'd do anything to keep Rebecca with us.

I rocked Rebecca from side to side. "Okay. They're our kids. But we can't keep this a secret much longer." I tipped her chin up and stared into those gorgeous eyes that had hooked me from the beginning. The next words out of my mouth would ruin the festive spirit, but they needed to be said. "We need to tell the dean the truth before it's too late."