23. Rebecca

23

REBECCA

"No." I rocked onto my heels. Fitz scrambled for purchase when my arms went slack. "You can't. I mean…" I shook my head to clear my muddled thoughts. "We haven't made a decision yet."

"But we will. And when we all decide that Carrie needs to know, I'm going to tell her. This is not something you have to take on alone." His thumb slid along my cheekbone and over my ear, his hand cupping the back of my head as he pulled my forehead to his. "It's going to be okay."

Why did my heart thud like it thought he spoke a lie? I backed up and forced out a tight smile that felt more like a grimace. "We'll talk later?"

He dropped his hand to his side. "Sure."

The easy dismissal shredded the tiny bit of hope that had bloomed earlier. I settled Fitz in his seat and drove us home after putting Lily on my car's Bluetooth. "I have to drop Fitz off. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay." A surge of background noise blocked Lily's voice. Something crashed and a series of curses filtered through the phone. "Hurry. The truck is pulling in now and I have five customers waiting."

Fitz crawled out of his travel bed and into my lap, perching his paws on my stomach and resting his head on top. "You need to get back there." I couldn't drive and move him at the same time, so I pointed. "Go on. Back in your bed." He booped his nose on my stomach and sighed. "I have to go, Lily. Fitz is being weird and won't ride in his bed."

"Be careful." The phone cut in and out as I hit a dead zone.

My foot pressed harder on the gas as Lily ended the call. I'd rather be at David's figuring out what happened next, but Lily needed me. Lily, who almost never asked for help and would rather eat live lizards than admit she was in over her head. I pulled into the driveway and snatched up Fitz, holding him in front of me. "You'd better stay inside this time. If I come home and you're missing again, I don't know what I'll do with you."

Fitz sneezed in my face. Yeah, okay. Guess I deserved that.

He pawed the air when I unlocked and opened the front door, and I lowered him to the floor, expecting him to zip off to his food bowl. Instead, he spun around and bounced his paws off my knee, spun again, and repeated the pounce. "I don't have time for a cuddle and a nap." The deep whine and soulful look in his eyes caused me to falter. "One minute." I held up a finger. "Just one."

With a happy bark and another spin, Fitz ran to the couch and hopped up. He waited for me to sit and put my feet up before he crawled back onto my belly and stretched out. "What is up with you?" He never slept on my stomach. He preferred to lie in my arms or on the bed beside me. He never curled over my abdomen like a little dragon hoarding his treasure. He set his chin on my bellybutton and released the longest sigh I'd ever heard. "Are you happy to be home?" I fondled his ears. "Maybe you'll stay here now instead of running off. You scared me." That must be why he suddenly wanted to lie on me. He'd scared himself and now he needed that extra reassurance. "Sorry, Fitz. I have to go now." I lifted him up and kissed the top of his head. "Be a good boy. Stay home." I considered putting him in his crate, but he hated it and would be a depressed mess by the time I came home. Was that better than his possibly getting out again? Groaning, I rolled to my feet and put him in the kitchen, wagging a finger at him as I backed away. "Stay home."

I'd worry about him my entire shift, but I had to go.

Lily met me at the coffee shop door, yanking me inside before I'd even reached for the handle. "Thank God. I managed to get the guy to wait until I could check the order before he left. He's pissed, but he's waiting."

We stood in a patch of fading sunlight that warmed my back and reminded me of the hot air balloon ride with Ethan. What had started out as a perfect day had turned into the worst of my life. I moved out of the sun, with Lily following.

She stopped short of the half door that led behind the counter. "I need to finish this before he bolts."

"He's not going anywhere. Probably hoping you'll ask him out." I leaned around her and spotted the delivery driver standing in the back of the kitchen area with a clipboard in hand. He saw me watching and waved the clipboard at me, then pointed it toward Lily while raising his eyebrows. "Yep. Definitely hoping for a date."

"Shut up." Lily elbowed me and blushed. "You got this?" She waved at the three women standing at the counter.

"Yep. Go." I tossed my apron over my head and smiled as I tied it on my way to the first woman. "Hi, what can I get you?"

She huffed and ordered. I kept my smile in place, but it became harder with every snarky remark and annoyed look. Where the hell did they get off being pissy with me? Heat filled my cheeks when I overpoured a cup of coffee, spilling it across the counter. I bit back the curse and slammed a second cup down.

What were Ethan, Cole, and David doing right now? A tremble shook my hand when I pushed the cup toward the waiting woman. My smile gave up entirely when she shoved the cup back toward me and palmed the counter. "I asked for cream and sugar."

I bared my teeth in a hateful grin. "They're at the counter beside the door. Help yourself." With that, I looked past her, trying like hell to ignore the eyeroll and grumbling about how no one bothered with customer service anymore. Fuck that shit. The woman could doctor her own damn coffee. I didn't have time to cater to her needs. "What can I get you?" Each word slid out through gritted teeth as I faced the next customer.

A man walked in, and for a split second, my heart soared. Tall and broad shouldered with a tangle of dark hair, he looked like Ethan at first glance. I blinked and he turned into just another guy. The joy burst into a million pieces. Who did I think I was? I was the girl they had sex with, the girl they said they were willing to risk their careers for. The girl they were unwilling to wait a year for.

Because they knew their interest would never hold that long and they wanted sex now?

No. I pushed at the thought, but it lodged deep, rooting itself in my insecurities. Lucas came to mind, all the shit he'd told me while we dated. I'd never wanted to believe him, but what if he was right and I was always doomed to fail at relationships because everyone would leave me? He'd acted like love was some fickle thing that could be turned on and off at will. Wait. Love? I wasn't in love. Sure, I'd had sex with them, but that had nothing to do with love. So why did my pulse jump and I felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about them leaving me?

The guy ordered a plain black coffee that had me questioning why he bothered stopping at a coffee shop for something so simple. My boss would die of mortification if he heard me talking to people that way.

"Here's your coffee." I managed to keep the cup from sloshing as I pressed the to-go cap in place and handed it across the counter.

The tall man grunted and stalked out without another word.

Lily returned wearing a smile and a blush. She even skipped over to me. "You were right."

"Course I was." I tempered my anger and stuffed it way down deep. Lily had every right to be happy and have fun. I could be lonely and angry on my own time. Still, every time I thought about David and what he might be doing, my stomach twisted.

The last customer left, jingling the bell behind her.

"What's wrong?" Lily washed the dirty cups and stacked them within reach.

"Nothing." My shoulders were too tense to shrug. I sat on one of the stools behind the counter, my feet already aching.

"Bullshit." She pointed right in my face. "You'd better tell me the truth right now."

So I did. I spilled everything that had happened, even telling her about David and Carrie. She listened through the whole thing, never once showing anything other than surprise. I finished by throwing my arms up. "It's hopeless."

"Not hopeless." Lily took my hands and held them. "Complicated. But the best relationships usually are. It will work out."

"You don't know that." I hung my head, letting the silence in the shop wrap around me. "They could have any woman they want. Why bother with me?"

"Because you're smart, beautiful, and funny." Lily nudged me to my feet when the door opened and three people walked in.

I so did not want to work another minute, much less the rest of the night. How had this day gone from blissful hot air balloon ride, to sex, to drama, to this? Surely, there were limits to how much annoyance a body could take.

"I'd like a quad shot espresso with matcha green tea, two sugars, a pump of hazelnut, poured over ice and stirred." The woman's high-pitched voice matched her beaked nose and narrow eyes.

"That sounds disgusting." I curled my lip. "Are you sure you want all that?"

"I ordered it, didn't I?" She crossed her arms and stared down her hooked nose at me.

"Fine." I grabbed the matcha green tea and started throwing everything into a cup.

"Poured over ice," she reminded me with a hiss.

Fucking bitch. I bit my lip to keep from saying it out loud and started over on the order.

Lily took care of the other two customers while I slogged away on the woman's crazy concoction. There was no way it tasted good, but she swiped it from my hand and took a long drink before handing me her card to pay for the order.

Lily whistled when the door closed behind the trio. "Damn, girl. What the hell has gotten into you?"

"Nothing." I huffed and tied my hair back in a ponytail. "I'm irrational and angry for no reason. I'm tired and sick of dealing with people who think they're the only person in the whole world and we should cater to their every desire." After the day I'd had, I'd earned the right to be pissy. "I'm tired, okay?"

"Tired. Right." Lily put her back to the counter. Her slim arms crossed and she tipped her head to the side. Her striped shirt stood out against her burnished copper curls and freckles. Unlike me, she pulled off the careless look with her sleeves rolled up to her elbows and the oversized shirt tied at her waist to reveal a black tank top underneath. "You've had a crazy day. I get that. But you're never this short-tempered." Her eyes narrowed, then widened, and both hands came up to cover her mouth. "You're acting just like my mom when she was pregnant."

"Don't even." I waved her off. "That's not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be." She whispered through her fingers, looked around the empty shop, then asked, "Are you sure you're not pregnant?"