22. Rebecca

22

REBECCA

Cole was right about telling David. I'd known the minute he brought it up, but seeing the devastation on David's face wrecked me. A wretched sense of loss invaded, knocking my legs out from beneath me.

David blinked, his mouth opening and closing several times. He'd gone pale, then flushed, and now back to pale.

"Say something." I took a step closer, stopping when he held up a hand to ward me off. "Please." Tears burned, but I refused to let them fall. I'd done this to him, and I would face the consequences.

"Did you know?" He swiped a hand down his face. The move pulled his mouth into a frown that stuck once he dropped his hand to his side.

I faced all three of them, the men I'd been on the brink of falling in love with, and squared my shoulders. "Not the first time." My chin lifted.

Cole held the back of his neck with both hands, like the weight of his head wouldn't stand on its own. He released a low curse, even though he'd already asked me the same question.

"So, that night…" He trailed off while shooting a look at Ethan.

I stood between all three of them, their bodies far enough away that I couldn't touch but close enough that their confusion and anger made my skin tingle. David's house was eerily silent. No dripping water from the kitchen sink. No squeaky closet door creaking when the air conditioning blew just right. Nothing to distract me from the truth I had to reveal. "The night you and Cole slept over? Yes, I knew then."

David swung his head toward Cole. "And you?" Pain bracketed his mouth in deep lines. He took one stiff-legged step forward. "You knew. That's what you two were talking about just now, wasn't it?"

Cole stepped up to my back. "Yes. I suspected but needed to make sure. I found a picture of Rebecca with Carrie when we were leaving."

Fitz pawed at my leg and I stooped to gather him into my arms. "Cole didn't know for sure. You should be mad at me, not him. It's not his fault." This was all on me. I'd made the choice not to reveal the truth. I should have told David as soon as I came back from visiting Dad and Carrie. I should have been upfront with all of them. But hindsight always gave us the right answer on what we should have or should not have done. It was easy to look back now and see where I'd gone wrong.

"Oh, I'm plenty pissed at both of you." David wheeled toward Ethan. "What about you? Am I the only fool here who didn't know that I was having sex with my ex-girlfriend's stepdaughter?" A dark laugh twisted his face. "God, that sounds like some TV bullshit."

"It's news to me too." Ethan stood with his arms crossed, that dark look I'd come to love so much flattening his expression. He almost looked furious, but when he shifted toward me, a softness burned in his eyes. "But it doesn't change anything for me."

The breath I'd been holding whooshed out so fast that lights flashed in my vision. Fitz licked my chin before sprawling across my arm. His soft, warm body in my arms slowed my thundering pulse. I took a breath, held it, then let it out. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Why didn't you?" David stepped away from me and shoved his hands into his pockets. The muscles in his forearms rippled like he was clenching and unclenching his fists. "You had multiple chances to tell me, yet you kept it a secret. Why? And what changed?"

"Cole made me realize how much I was hurting you by keeping it a secret." I forced the words out despite the pain they sent spiking through my heart. I'd walked away from them so they wouldn't lose their jobs, but this felt like the worst kind of betrayal.

It was the pain in David's face that undid me and made me realize how much I'd fucked up.

I kept my chin up and tried to stop the quivering in my lower jaw. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to be with me."

Carrie said David never showed his emotions, that he'd been closed off and unable to commit. I could see that part of him rising to the surface. His face blanked, but when I looked close enough, his emotions were there, faint but unmistakable.

His shoulders hunched forward.

"Carrie ruined him." Ethan crossed the living room to stand beside David, as I'd known he would. The three of them were best friends.

The last thing I wanted was to come between them and break up what they had.

"Don't." David walked backward until he reached the couch, then sank into it. "Carrie and I had some good years together."

Did he know why she'd left him? I didn't dare ask. Opening that old wound once was enough. There was no need for me to add insult to the already gaping injury.

"I was afraid you'd try to get her back, that you'd come between her and Dad." I whispered the truth into the silence. "I was afraid I'd never be enough for you. If Carrie was the woman you told me about, I don't have a prayer of living up to her."

"You've exceeded everything, Rebecca." David moved in slow motion, his head lifting. He'd been staring at my feet, but his eyes moved upward, taking me in inch by inch. "I thought Carrie ruined me. When she left, I was empty, shellshocked. I thought I'd never have feelings for anyone ever again. Then you…" He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes as he winced and shook his head.

What had he been about to say? That he had feelings for me?

Cole remained behind me, his presence solid and reassuring. This was why he'd said I had to come clean. I hated confrontation, but they deserved the truth. This affected everyone, but David most of all.

"Does she know?" David leaned into the couch, the sharp lines of his jaw standing out in stark relief.

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. I could tell them the whole story of how I found out and how it almost ruined me. But that made it about me. I refused to downplay David's experience and make this about my problems and my insecurities. I'd come close enough already by admitting my fear.

Cole's hand drifted over my back, the barely there touch a reassurance. "Breathe. It'll be okay."

Would it, though? I sucked air through the tightness in my throat.

"She has to be told." David had himself under control, the extreme rigidness and lack of expression almost chilling.

"Why?" Ethan asked.

David focused straight ahead. "I'm worried how she'll take it when she finds out. It needs to be done soon. I don't want her blaming Rebecca."

"She shouldn't blame anyone." Ethan elbowed David in the ribs. "And you're acting like an ass hiding behind that shield."

"He's right." I forced my feet to move, not stopping until my toes touched David's. "You're pissed. It's fine, be pissed." I dropped to my knees. "Just don't shut me out. Please." Please let me be different. Let him want me enough to show how much he cared.

He stared straight ahead, a muscle in his jaw ticking. "Are you saying we don't tell her? That we keep all this a secret?" He splayed his hands across his thighs.

That was exactly what I'd been thinking. It would never work. We were already hiding, but I would only be their student for a year. Next summer, we could do whatever we wanted.

If we were still together next summer.

"We shouldn't have to hide." Cole draped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me to his side. "We're not doing anything wrong."

"According to campus policy, we are." Ethan interjected before David could speak. "Things are complicated enough without Rebecca trying to keep secrets from her parents."

"It's not like you'll be going to see them or anything." I tried to smile but it fell flat. "Right?"

"Valid point." Cole pointed at David. "I wanted her to tell you because of what happened with you and Carrie. That's it. There is nothing else that has to be done right away. Should we tell them? Yes. But when is the real question. If you tell Carrie and it pisses her off, she's as likely to out us to the dean as that student of Ethan's."

Shit. I'd almost forgotten about that.

"Secrets never stay hidden." David sounded as bleak as a black hole. "We're lucky we've made it this long."

"What do we want to do, then?" Ethan had been quiet for so long, I'd thought he wouldn't speak at all.

"Oh, we get to decide together this time? How magnanimous of you." David scoffed and kicked at Ethan's knee. "It's about time you figured out that we're in this together. It's not every man for himself."

This was not the conversation I'd thought we were going to have. The last of my excitement drained away, leaving me listless and weary. I swayed closer to Cole. Another inch or two and my head would be on his chest. I held myself back. "I think we have a few options. But I don't like any of them." The bitter taste of my thoughts infiltrated my mouth, coating my tongue in acid. "We could wait a year."

"No." All three of them shot me down simultaneously.

A flurry of hope burst inside me. "But that would solve all our problems. No worries about losing your jobs. Then we can even tell Carrie."

"I'm not waiting a year." Ethan's look scalded me. "I don't give a damn what the dean thinks, or what your stepmother thinks. I can be patient, but not when it comes to you. To us."

"So what is the solution, then? We tell Carrie and then we walk on pins and needles for the next year until I'm in different classes?" I hugged Fitz tighter as he snored in my arms. Pressure built in my chest and behind my eyes. It was all such a fucking mess. Why did I have to fall for them? They were amazing, of course, and hot as hell. We were all smart enough to know this was a terrible idea and that we should simply walk away before shit went sideways.

Should. Such a tiny word that held us hostage.

My phone rang, startling Fitz. He twitched and sprang forward, leaping into Cole's arms. Cole caught him with a laugh and ruffled the dog's ears. "That's Lily." I recognized her ringtone and made a grab for my phone before it rolled to voicemail.

She bellowed into my ear as soon as I tapped the button. "I need you to come in to work."

"Why? I'm not scheduled until later."

"I'm here by myself. Everyone else is sick and there's an order arriving in an hour. You need to watch the counter while I unload and check inventory." Lily's frantic tone made Fitz whine. He nosed my arm.

I winced at Ethan, David, and Cole. "I'll be there." Lily needed me and we were getting nowhere. Maybe things would clarify with some time apart.

I ended the call and took Fitz back from Cole. "I'm sorry. I have to go. Lilly wouldn't ask unless it was an emergency."

Cole hugged me tight, whispering into my ear, "I'll keep them from fighting."

A half-laugh, half-sob caught in my throat. "Good. It's not worth fighting over."

"You are." He tucked my hair behind my ear. "You're worth it. We'll figure this out."

Should I try to hug David and Ethan too? They stayed on the couch as Cole released me. Tension pressed in from every side, making the room feel ten times smaller.

David shoved to his feet, followed by Ethan. Ethan reached me first and kissed me on the cheek. "Be careful. We'll talk later."

David put a hand on the small of my back and guided me toward the door. He hesitated with his hand on the knob then dropped his mouth to my ear. "I need to be the one to tell Carrie."