18. Rebecca

18

REBECCA

Ethan didn't say a word about sex, about a relationship, or about anything. With a nod and a tight-lipped frown, he pushed up from the table. "Cole's assignment is meant to challenge your thought process. He wants you to look at the individual moments each statistic portrays, then look at the bigger picture."

"What about yours?" He was going to leave, and I had no right to even think about stopping him.

The tightness in his mouth eased, but he took a step backward, then another. "I want to know if you believe that love and tragedy can coexist. And if so, how?"

With those parting words, he snatched up his jacket and helmet and disappeared outside. Seconds later, a motorcycle roared to life and a dark figure zipped down the street.

I deflated, folding into myself on the seat with my head on my arms.

"What happened?" Lily snapped a towel in my direction, the crack of it snapping me upright.

I shrugged, playing nonchalant. "Nothing. It's over, Lily." Over before it had ever really begun, but I accepted it. She knew I found Ethan, Cole, and David attractive. She'd pushed me toward the idea of sleeping with them. But even she didn't know the full extent of everything I'd done in my bedroom with David and Cole. Those were special memories meant to be kept secret. I might use them as fodder for the scenes in my book, but that was different. I didn't dare tell her how it had felt to know I made both men go crazy, that I loved the way Cole drove into me while I blew David until he barely held himself in check. There were moments between us that felt animalistic and wild, moments I didn't dare release onto the page for fear of ruining the power of them while trying to express the sheer joy and strength of my emotions.

The fact that they found me attractive messed with my mind. I fiddled with my coffee cup, spinning it around on the tabletop.

"You want to have a study session tonight? Margo and Nick need help with their marketing research analogy." Lily scooted into Ethan's seat and snapped my laptop shut. "And you need some company."

"If you invite Margo and Nick, you should ask Pepper and Kim to come over too. Kim's great at analytical stuff and she has a crush on Nick." I stood and carried my cup to the kitchen.

Lily followed me. "Are you going to tell them about your book? I think you should. They're going to be hurt if you keep hiding it from them. It's doing really well. They're bound to hear about it sooner or later."

"I'll think about it." It had been on my mind. The six of us were close enough that they knew about my aspirations and had encouraged me through the years. I'd promised to let them know when I published something, though we'd all made the assumption that I would aim for a traditional book deal.

I caught my reflection in the mirror behind the counter. My hair fell in waves around my shoulders, almost hitting my waist. I'd worn jeggings and a loose shirt today, and one side of my shirt was rucked up around my waistband, showing off my extra weight in the worst possible way. I yanked the shirt down. How did I manage to get the attention of not one, but three super hot professors? I was nothing special. I was usually quiet, unobtrusive, and a bit of a bookish nerd. I rarely partied and almost always went to bed early. Until David and Cole, the craziest thing I'd ever done was to have sex in the back of Lucas's car. Tried to, anyway. He'd given up when I said I was uncomfortable.

"You might as well go home." Lily patted my shoulder, then steered me toward the door. "You keep drifting off. I've asked you a question three times and you didn't even hear me."

"Sorry." I shrugged off my weird thoughts. "I'm fine."

"No. Go on." She grinned, flashing her dimple. "You can be in charge of drinks and snacks. Grab some stuff on your way home. We'll be there as soon as my shift ends."

Fitz greeted me the minute I walked into the apartment. His joyful bounces and yips brought out a smile, the first one in days. "Hey, you." I scooped him up and nuzzled the top of his head with kisses. "Ready to eat?" I still hadn't figured out how he escaped, and I prayed he'd stay in the house from now on.

Fitz growled and barked, his feet scrabbling until I put him back on the floor and he bounded into the kitchen.

I didn't feel like eating, so I fed Fitz and cleaned up the apartment before setting out the snacks. Everyone would grab their own drinks when they wanted them.

Lily didn't bother knocking but walked on in. Margo, Nick, Pepper, and Kim all fanned out behind her.

Margo fell onto the couch with a dramatic oomph . "You would not believe what happened today."

Kim eyed Nick on her way through the door, then bolted into the kitchen. "Nick, you want a soda?"

"Sure." Nick set a stack of books and his laptop on the side table and slid his messenger bag over his head. It hit the floor with a solid thud.

"You know…" Kim returned and handed Nick his drink, holding her own without opening it. "Your bag works better when you put your laptop in it. Less chance someone on the bus will try to steal it from you."

"Someone tried to steal your laptop?" Margo's feet crashed to the floor and she bolted upright. "Who was it? What did they look like?" At six feet, with her closely shorn hair and lithe build, Margo made the rest of us look puny. "Did you go to the police?"

"No one tried to steal my laptop." Nick sent a scathing look at Kim, who acted like she didn't care. "Someone bumped into me, that's all. My laptop fell."

"Does it still work?" I offered Fitz a treat and grinned when he spun in circles until I placed it on his plate.

Nick settled on the couch beside Kim with a sigh. "Let's find out." He opened the laptop and pressed the power button.

Kim's shoulder brushed Nick's. He didn't seem to notice but also didn't pull away.

Lily snorted beneath her breath. "Totally clueless."

"Yep." I agreed while giving Fitz another treat. He gobbled it up, then raced over to Margo and pawed at her leg until she lifted him up into her lap.

"It's fine. Now. Who's going to help me with this?" He pointed at the screen. "I'd rather translate Latin while hanging upside down."

"I can help." Kim leaned in, a little too eager in her movements. She jostled Nick, who lifted his soda off to the side when it sloshed out of the can.

"Whoa. Careful." He grabbed Kim's leg, and I thought she'd pass out right then and there.

Lily wiggled her eyebrows at me. "You should show them now, before they get too into studying."

"You think?" What if they hated it? What if they read it and thought I was weird? "Maybe I should wait until I have more of it done."

"Up to you. But I think you need to accept that you're a kickass writer and your story is amazing." Lily shrugged. "Just my opinion."

And if I didn't trust her opinion, whose could I trust? "Fine." I picked up my laptop and carried it into the living room. "Can I show you guys something first?"

Every set of eyes turned my way. Lily sat on the arm of the chair beside Margo and draped her arm over Margo's shoulders.

"I promised I'd tell you when I published something." I held up a hand to stop the congratulations, halting Kim mid-shout. "It's not a publishing deal. I've posted a few chapters on a serial reader site and the story is on the verge of going viral." I never thought I'd say those words. I'd fed a lot of my frustration, and my current situation, into the story, to the point that I worried they'd recognize it. "You can read it if you want. It's just a few chapters, but I plan on publishing the whole thing as I write it."

Kim snatched the laptop from me and held it in her lap. Nick leaned in close, his chin almost resting on her shoulder. Margo made her way over, and Lily stood on the other side behind Kim. She'd read it before, but her attention stayed riveted on the page even as she read it again.

Anxiety threatened to send me running from the room. I watched their expressions.

Margo read faster than the others, and I knew the instant she reached the scene where I had the main female character in bed with the three guys.

Nick's eyes bugged seconds later. "That's not possible." He finished reading, then pushed his palms against his thighs and arched away from the computer, leaning his head back to look at Margo. "It's not possible… is it?"

"I mean…" Margo rubbed a hand across her throat. "I've never. But that doesn't mean it's not."

"Holy shit." Kim covered her mouth with her hand. "Rebecca Ann Roberts." She used my whole name in a shocked tone, but her eyes glittered with delight. "You've been reading up on this." She motioned at the screen. Her cheeks burned scarlet.

"What would you know about it?" Shocked, Nick snapped his head around toward Kim. "Have you ever?"

"No." She waved her hands back and forth in front of her. "But I read. And this genre is hot." Winking at Nick, she fanned her face. "It's called TVP. Triple?—"

"I get it." He covered his ears with both hands. "I know what it means. Doesn't mean I want to talk about it." He waited several seconds, then lowered his hands. Another minute passed.

Would they realize the story was about me? Sure, I'd added stuff. A lot of stuff. I mean, I had the woman sleeping with all three guys, and riding all three of their cocks at the same time, by chapter two. That definitely had not happened to me. Which was a shame, really. I'd love to have given it a try.

Margo snorted and smacked the back of Nick's head. "Admit it, you're trying to imagine it right now."

"Am not." Nick crossed his arms, but the sullen look didn't last. He finally coughed into his fist and laughed. "Yeah, okay. I'm curious how it would work."

"You're not the only one." Lily grinned over at me.

We'd actually discussed the chapter at length, pun intended, and consulted more than one site on sexual positions. My poor web browser would never recover. I smiled back at Lily when Margo let out a whistle. "Can you imagine, though?" She wiggled her hips, bumping into Lily's with her own. "Talk about a night to remember. I'd be so drunk on sex, I might never go back to one on one."

The conversation turned into a rapid-fire question and answer, with everyone asking how far they were willing to go. Even Nick managed to find enough honesty to say he'd always wanted to have a threesome, preferably with two women, but now he'd be entertaining the idea of another guy. Their words spiraled around me. They didn't know what I'd done, but they seemed accepting of the idea of polyamory.

How would that play out in real life? If I told them right now that I'd had sex with two men and dreamed about a third joining us, would they accept it? What if they knew it happened with my professors?