17. Rebecca

17

REBECCA

Nerves danced along my spine and sent tingles into my fingertips as I raised my hand to knock on the dean's office door. I'd been summoned right after my last class of the day, which was the worst time after the day I'd had.

My knock barely sounded before a gruff, "Come in" sent me hurrying into the room. Brown paneled walls, diplomas on display behind the desk, and the older man I'd seen on the website but never in person, sent my good sense scurrying for cover. "Miss Roberts." Dean Scott stood halfway, one hand to his waist and the other motioning me toward the chair opposite him. "Please sit."

I did as he ordered because I had no choice, crossing my ankles and tucking my feet under the chair with my bag on my lap. I thought about asking him why I was there, but words stuck in my throat. Katrina's glee when she questioned me about Ethan came back to me. I'd left her in the dark, refusing to admit to anything, but I knew women like Katrina. Like Lucas, she thrived on chaos and confusion.

"There have been some unfortunate rumors regarding you, Miss Roberts." Dean Scott resumed his seat with a sigh. "I first brought my concerns to your professors, who all reassured me that your behavior does not match what I've been told."

Really? Which professors had he spoken to? It was on the tip of my tongue to ask, but I swallowed the need to know. I didn't dare show too much curiosity.

"An anonymous report came through a few hours ago." He tapped a single finger on his desk, where a sheet of paper rested upside down. "It says that you were seen in the arms of Professor Halstead."

Ethan. Oh, fuck. I'd kissed him right before Katrina interrupted us. A desert took up residence in my throat. I tried to clear the dryness, but my voice still squeaked when I spoke. "I'd just suffered a terrible ordeal on the quad. Did you hear about that?" Maybe I could divert him. "My ex stalked me onto campus, then tried to make me leave with him. Professor Halstead interfered." I didn't have to feign the quaver in my voice. "I hugged him once I knew I was safe. I was terrified that Lucas wouldn't leave and wanted to thank Professor Halstead. It was a mistake to hug him, I know that, but I was overwhelmed."

"So nothing has happened between you and Professor Halstead?"

I hated the way his brows arched upward like he thought he'd caught me in a lie.

Thankfully, I could answer with total honesty. "Nothing other than that single hug. Which will not happen again."

His mouth twisted to one side, and he rubbed his index finger over the lines in his forehead. "This is your one and only warning, Miss Roberts. Fraternizing with campus employees is strictly forbidden. Should these rumors continue or another occurrence come before me, I'll have no choice but to pursue further action. You understand?"

Oh, I understood, all right. Standing, I nodded. "Thank you for understanding, Sir."

He let me leave without another word. My heart threatened to burst right out of my chest all the way from his office to the parking lot where I climbed into my car. I locked the doors and leaned my forehead on the steering wheel. I couldn't keep doing this. I could not put Ethan, Cole, and David in jeopardy of losing their jobs and becoming another statistic of professor/student relationships. I had to tell them, in person, face to face. But I didn't have any of their phone numbers. I did know where Cole lived, though, and it was on my way.

Half an hour later, I parked in Cole's driveway and pocketed my keys. His car sat in front of me. I second-guessed myself until the front door opened and Cole stepped out. His solemn expression gave me the strength to step out of the car and make my way up the drive.

"I need to talk to David. Ethan too." I had to do this.

"They're already here." He thumbed over his shoulder and stepped back, ushering me into the house.

Convenient. Or maybe not so much, considering what I was about to say. "You all get together like this often?"

Cole shrugged and twirled a half-empty bottle of beer. "When we need a break but don't feel like going out, yeah."

A break. I could use a fucking break right about now. I grabbed the nearest bottle of beer, cracked the cap, and drained it. Three male bodies filled the small living room with tension and the bite of sexual attraction. The space shrank until I felt every breath, heard every exhale, and tasted my own desire with every swallow. I'd much rather climb into one of their laps and forget about this whole day. Instead of doing what I wanted, I did what was right. "I'm going to start taking online classes."

Ethan stiffened. "Why?"

"Because I can't keep coming to your classes. Not when I feel the way that I feel, and being in the same room with you is torture. Especially when I came here to tell you all that we can't see each other anymore." I tried to grin at Ethan. "Not that you and I saw each other at all."

He gripped the bottle in his hand so tightly I expected it to break. He tossed it aside and leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs. "Why the change?"

I told them everything. It was the least I could do, and it would convince them that I meant every word. "I won't let you jeopardize your careers. I didn't really think it could happen. Naive, I guess." I tossed the empty bottle into the trash and backed toward the door. "Goodbye." The word tasted like ash and fell with the power of an earthquake.

All three men stood. Jaws working, they hesitated. That was when I knew they understood I was right.

"I don't like it." David glared at Ethan. "You should have been more careful."

"It wasn't his fault." I didn't dare move toward them. One wrong move and I'd never leave them. I wouldn't have the strength to back away a second time. "We have to stop now."

"She's right." Ethan's twisted scowl pierced my heart. "It's not just our careers. Rebecca's reputation is on the line too. If she's drawn into a legal battle over this, it could follow her the rest of her life."

I hated that he was the one speaking the harshest truth. It fit what I knew about him, that he would sacrifice his own happiness for someone he cared about. It also meant he wasn't the jackass I'd always painted him as in my novel. Maybe this was an aspect I should add to his character. He had a softer side, a caring side I'd experienced firsthand when he held me.

"I'm leaving." I set the bottle on the side table and took one last look at the three of them. Ethan stood off to the side, his hands deep in his pockets and that same scowl twisting the side of his mouth up in a snarl.

David and Cole never broke their rigid posture. David seemed ready to speak, or to break across the room and hold me. He did neither. "This doesn't have to be goodbye. Not forever."

"Just until I get my degree." I held the doorknob, letting the metal ground me and keep me focused. "Let's be honest. We all know you'd lose interest in me, anyway. Why not end it now, while we still have good feelings for each other? It'll take four years to get my bachelor's degree. You won't wait that long." I wasn't worth the time.

"Stop selling yourself short," Cole snapped. The words shot through the room. "You don't know what we're capable of. I think you're afraid to find out."

"Maybe you're right. I'd love to stay and find out, but we all know it's over." I wrenched open the door and sucked in gulps of air saturated with asphalt and palm trees. They were intoxicating, their presence almost too much for me to bear. I forced my feet to move, breath held in hopes they'd call me back.

We'd made it through the first threat of scandal. Putting them through a possible second one was unconscionable.

Lily texted me after I made it home. I couldn't tell her what happened. I had no desire to talk about it at all. I wanted sleep and the blissful oblivion of forgetting for a few hours that I'd lost the best things in my life.

With online classes staring me down the next day, I went into work early to keep busy. The extra hours wouldn't hurt, and Lily would be grateful for the reprieve from our coworkers still attempting to set her up on blind dates. She'd managed to get out of the date with Robert, saving me from having to save her. But they kept trying to fix her up with random people who came in throughout the day.

Lily took one look at me and shoved a latte into my hands. "I'll keep them coming."

"You're a good friend." I set up my computer and typed out a few paragraphs before I completely lost motivation for everything, including my story that was still doing remarkably well for only having two chapters posted.

The day passed in a slog of lectures, taking care of customers, and trying to catch up on all the work I'd fallen behind on while mooning over my professors. What a way to start my college experience.

A jangle from the door later in the afternoon gave me an excuse to lift my head from the statistics assignment I'd avoided for a week.

Ethan stood in the doorway in jeans, boots, and a thick leather jacket over a white T-shirt.

My jaw hit the fucking floor, my sharp gasp loud enough to draw his attention around. He froze when he saw me and his jaw hardened.

Lily skipped around the counter. "Oh, Professor. Thanks for coming by."

What the hell?

"You said it was an emergency." Ethan slid off a pair of designer sunglasses and tucked them into his jacket pocket. The deep brown leather brought out his tan and the richness in his eyes. His hair was tousled and windblown despite the helmet he set on the nearest table. "What's going on?"

He came here because Lily claimed an emergency? How did she even contact him?

"Rebecca needs your help." She shot me an innocent, wide-eyed smile. "She's been cursing at the computer for an hour. Something about the diabolical nature of sonnets and their inability to have a happily ever after like any decent story should."

I was going to kill my best friend.

"It's fine." I stood and held out a hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't tell her to call you. I had no idea."

Lily's gaze ping-ponged between us, her mouth puckered into a frown. "Is something wrong? Your emails said to let you know if we had trouble. I've never seen Rebecca struggle with an assignment like this."

"I can't believe you called him," I hissed at Lily when I reached the counter.

The three of us faced off in the otherwise empty shop. Coffee percolated behind Lily, the chugging gurgles soothing and familiar. I'd had too many lattes, and the caffeine caught up with me in a rush. "I was complaining. I like to complain when I'm working on a difficult assignment. Lily never should have called you. I have everything under control."

Ethan shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the back of the chair where his helmet rested. "I'm always willing to help a struggling student."

Was it me, or did I hear a double meaning in the words? Like I could pretend to be struggling to spend time with him? No. Ridiculous thinking like that got me into trouble, got all of us into trouble.

"Let's see this assignment." He reached for my elbow but stopped before making contact. Heat flared in his eyes when I sucked in a breath and held it. "I'd like to help, Rebecca."

Why did he have to say my name like that? He couldn't mean anything by it. He'd agreed yesterday that we should stay away from each other.

"I'll watch the shop." Lily waved us off while raising her eyebrows at me in a get-it-together move she'd mastered in sixth grade.

Ethan walked over to the table where my laptop sat on the statistics assignment. He grunted at the screen and sat. "Walk me through this."

"Through what?" Why did my body choose that moment to self-ignite? My palms sweated. An ache started behind my eyes. "You shouldn't be here. We agreed."

"I said you were right. I never said it was what I wanted." He stretched out a hand, stopping again before making contact. A harsh line appeared between his eyebrows. "I want to touch you, Rebecca. But if I do, if I give in to that single second, it will all be over. So I need you to tell me, explicitly, what staying away from each other looks like."

"It's not this." I made sure my story notes and word document were minimized so he wouldn't see them if he flipped through the screens. I'd move the laptop, but I needed the barrier between us. He'd admitted he wanted me, that I held the control here. I didn't want it. I refused the responsibility of holding his career in my hands.

A group entered behind Ethan, five college-aged kids with loud mouths and enough laughter to drown out my turbulent thoughts. "I can't be near you, Ethan." I caressed his name, lingering over the consonants. "If this is going to work, I can't be near any of you."

"We feel the same way." He gripped the edge of the table with one hand until his knuckles whitened and the sharp points threatened to pop through the skin.

I'd never seen so much tension in five fingers, and it made me wonder what else he could do with those hands.

Those thoughts led me to one I'd tried like hell to avoid but that exploded across my vision with the force of a lightning strike. If he asked me about sex, I'd never be able to say no.