19. Rebecca

19

REBECCA

I listened to the message for the eighth time, my jaw unhinged and my pulse erratic.

"Hey, Rebecca." Ethan's smooth cadence slid right through me. "Listen, I'd like for us to talk. Away from everything. I've booked a hot air balloon ride. If you want to come with me, here's the address." He rattled off the address to a nearby airfield and the voicemail ended. I hadn't answered the phone because I didn't recognize the number. How had he gotten my number?

I'd never, ever, in my wildest dreams thought that Ethan would call me, much less invite me out on a date. Wait. Was this a date? He said he wanted to talk. We could do that pretty much anywhere except on campus. Why the hot air balloon? Was he trying to be creative? Sexy? Mysterious? Did he want to get me in the air and toss me overboard? "Whoa. Whoa." I slashed my hands through the air. "Intrusive thought alert, Fitz. We are not going to let that one stick around."

Fitz yawned at me.

"You're right. I should stay here. Right? I shouldn't go. I mean, who wants to take a hot air balloon ride?" Me. I wanted it desperately. Eying my shorts and tank top, I chewed my lip and checked the time. If I was going to go, it had to be now. "I'm going." I pointed at Fitz. "And don't you try to stop me." He huffed and stuffed his nose deeper into his pillow, closing his eyes with a deep sigh.

Guess that was it, then. I was going on a date with Ethan.

An hour later, I pulled into the parking lot for a field where hot air balloons were tethered to the ground.

Ethan stood near the gate, his arms crossed and a pair of sunglasses covering half his face. He spotted me the minute I climbed out of the car and wove between vehicles until he reached my side. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come."

I pocketed my phone, keys, and wallet. "I almost didn't." I'd gotten a flash of fear about halfway and had to stop and reconsider my options. Not knowing what he wanted pushed me onward the same way it did now.

"We're over here." He slid a hand to the small of my back and guided me to a balloon with a geometric pattern done in reds, whites, and yellows.

A slender man nodded and opened the gate leading into the basket.

Ethan nudged me in ahead of him but never broke contact as we made our way to the far side of the basket.

Our operator worked on releasing the balloon, but I was too occupied with Ethan to pay much attention.

He removed his sunglasses, revealing dark rings around his eyes and tense lines creasing his forehead. "How are you?"

"Fine." I shrugged. "How are you?"

"I'm not asking to be polite." His tone sharpened and he closed his eyes, pressing his thumb and forefinger into the closed lids. "Sorry. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Why?" Curiosity prodded me forward. I ran my thumb along the line in his forehead, smoothing it away with the pad of my thumb.

His eyes snapped open. He devoured me with a look so intense it froze time. "You, Rebecca. It always comes back to you."

The ground beneath my feet shifted. I lurched forward, planting my hands on his chest. Did the entire earth move at his words? The basket rose off the ground several inches. Right. Not the earth moving, just the basket.

Ethan's hands were on my waist, his grip gentle as he pulled me closer and whispered in my ear. "We shouldn't see each other. There are several very good, very personal, reasons I should not have called you."

Great. He'd brought me here to reiterate the ‘we can't see each other' speech we'd already gone over.

"But there's one reason I can't help myself." Warm breath feathered over my ear, followed by his lips. "It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself to let you go." His hands tightened. "No matter how harsh the repercussions if things end badly or we're found out, I always come back to this."

I didn't dare even breathe. One wrong move and he might disappear on me. This might all be a dream. A very vivid, detailed, hot dream. And if that was the case, I did not want to wake up. Being in Ethan's arms was everything I thought it would be and more. He smelled like the deep woods, all dark cologne and man. I wanted that scent so deep in my pores, it never came out.

The ground beneath us slipped away, leaving us riding high over the city in a flimsy basket that at any other time would have scared me to death. In Ethan's arms, I found bliss and the spark of hope that I'd snuffed out when I ended things. "Ethan."

He groaned and backed away while keeping hold of me.

His emotional distance severed the giddy feeling I'd attributed to the ascension of the hot air balloon. I ran my hand along his jaw. "You're talking in circles. Why did you bring me up here?"

His head dipped forward until our foreheads rested together. "Despite all the reasons I should let you walk away, I can't stop thinking about you." His lips brushed over the tip of my nose. Just when I thought he'd kiss me for real, he dropped his hands and took a step back.

I barely stopped the whimper from leaving my throat. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure we're talking and not reacting." He turned to face the open sky and gripped the edges of the basket. "Take a minute and clear your head."

"It's going to take more than a minute." I grumbled under my breath, but he must have heard because his lips twitched like he withheld a smile.

The city spread out below us, the bright green field where we'd launched nothing more than a memory in the distance. That's what Ethan should be, a distant thought.

"I have trouble thinking clearly when I'm with you." Ethan's admission came while he looked straight ahead. "I agree with everything you said at Cole's. It's a terrible situation. If I were a stronger man, I wouldn't be here. If I had any honor or morals, I never would've called you."

"But you did." I slid my hand over the rough basket fibers and gripped his fingers. "Why did you?"

"Because I can't breathe when you're not with me." He faced me, his eyes soft and full of emotions I didn't dare try to name. "I tried to let you go. God, did I fucking try." A raw sort of anguish filled his face, pulling his mouth to the side as he brushed his thumb over my cheek. "If you still want me, I'm all in. No matter what, I'm yours."

I swear to God that the world stopped. I'd read thousands of romance books, studying the language of love and attraction and everything else. Nothing undid me the way Ethan's words did. He said things in a way that burned through my misgivings and made me want to throw caution to the wind. Every possible obstacle felt as insignificant and remote as the dots of green grass below us.

A burst of air filled the balloon, lifting us higher. My stomach swooped with the motion. Taking Ethan's hand, I held it between both of mine and leaned into him. His free hand rested on my back with a gentle touch that supported me when I kissed him.

He tasted like power, like a man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go for it.

He wanted me. I languished in the hard lines of his body, the soft touch at my spine, and the rigidity of his shoulders. He'd torn out my doubts with his declarations and reassured me that he wanted me without cajoling or making empty promises. He'd given me the freedom to make my own decision, and I locked onto my wants and needs with both hands.

I stroked a hand up his arm and over his shoulder, our lips fused in a kiss so hot I might never breathe again. His tongue stroked the seam of my lips, and I parted for him. My body ignited when he made a low sound in the back of his throat and his tongue brushed mine.

"Going down. Might want to hold onto something." Laughter tinged the operator's voice.

Ethan and I broke apart. I licked my lips, still tasting him. "Come back to my apartment with me."

"What about Cole and David?" His immediate question tugged on my core.

A dream image of all four of us in bed together forced me to lock my legs together to keep upright. If he didn't already know what I'd done, I had to tell him. I turned my back on the balloon operator and gripped the basket with both hands. The descent caused my stomach to drop in sickening swirls. "I've slept with David and Cole." I licked the last of him from my lips. "At the same time."

To his credit, he didn't stiffen or pull away. No shock or disgust crossed his face. He simply looked into my eyes and slid his palm up and down my spine. "What do you want today?"

"You." I breathed in the scent of him along with the beauty around us. "Today, I want you."

He cupped my cheek. "Then that's what you'll have. I'm not opposed to sharing. Tell me what you want, and I'll make it happen."

The flutters in my stomach had nothing to do with the ride anymore. Now they were all about the possibilities. Three men. Three very hot, very sexually pleasing men wanted me and were not afraid to have me all at the same time. How did I get so lucky?

It had to be a dream because I was not the kind of woman who had things like this happen. Ethan lifted my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. The basket bumped the ground, coming to rest with a light shudder.

How long could this possibly last? Ethan said he didn't mind sharing. I believed him. I trusted that he meant it. But how long would that hold true? Would he decide after today that he really wanted me all to himself? I mean, shit. That would be amazing. I'd be lucky to have any one of them.

How ridiculous was I that I didn't want to give up any of them?

"Second thoughts?" He stepped out of the basket once we were cleared, his fingers laced together with mine. It was such a simple touch, but also a blatant display that we were together.

"No second thoughts." My thoughts were all about the future and how long this could last. Cole and David had shared me once. What would they think when they found out about Ethan? The last they knew, we were done. Was I going behind their backs?

"Should we tell Cole and David?" I kept pace with Ethan as we made our way to my car.

He looked left and right before focusing on me. "Do you want to tell them?"

Did I? I worried they'd try and talk me out of it. That small fear was nothing compared to how much I cared for Ethan and how desperately I wanted him in my bed. They might think they had the right to join us, and while I dreamed of that happening, this moment with Ethan felt special. I wanted this one time to be just the two of us in case they all decided that they didn't want to share, after all.