Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Sarah

I was still cranky with Deacon when we boarded Allegiant later that evening. As we settled into the café, the tension was thick. Drift and Lanai Dea were at their stations, seemingly happy to avoid the uncomfortable situation in the café. Rex’s men were the type I thought might have been born without smiling muscles, but even they gave half a smile of relief when he told them to wait in the cargo hold, instead of coming to the café.

No one wanted to be in tight quarters with a feuding union. Me, Deacon, and Jac spread apart, with Omen, Rex, and his conduit spy, Augur, between us. She and Omen were friendly, but Omen didn’t speak to her the way she spoke to me, so I was instantly on my guard around Augur.

Everyone was tense and quiet. My whole body was rigid. There were so many things unsaid between me and Deacon and Jac.

I needed to say them. Desperately.

I caught Deacon’s hazel eyes and jerked my chin toward the doorway, before I exited the café without a word. I walked straight to his quarters. He came in after me, and just before the door slid closed behind him, Jac’s big foot stuck through to block the door from locking.

He poked his head in and asked, “Is this a conversation just for two, or can anyone join?”

Deacon said, “Just me and her.”

“Come in, Jac,” I countered, not wanting him to feel left out. “This concerns you, too.”

He let the door shut behind him and leaned against the wall, with his thick, corded forearms folded across his meaty chest. “Thought I might need to referee for you two.”

“No need for that,” I said as I walked straight up to Deacon. He stared at me warily, as I came to him. “I don’t like being angry with you, companion.”

He exhaled a visible breath. “I do not like it, either, Consort.”

“And I know you don’t like Rex—”

He snorted angrily but said nothing.

“And that you don’t like having his crew on board, but ,” I paused, trying to sort out what to say next, “we are heading into a nest of killers. This could be the last chance we have to speak privately before we reach the conduits. Ever. I know how dangerous this is. But instead of talking about a plan with everyone who is going, I am here to speak to you, because that’s how important this, and you, are to me.”

He nodded once. “Understood.”

Very calmly, I said, “So, give me a reason why I shouldn’t be mad at you about all of this.”

He studied my face and the disgruntled lines near his eyes faded. He slowly lifted his hand and a long finger gently pinned loose strands of hair behind my ear. I fought a shiver, trying to stay unyielding and hold onto my anger when every instinct told me not to.

He murmured, “Because I love you, and I know you love me.”

I lifted my chin. “Do you?”

He blinked at me. “Of course, I love you—”

I cut him off. “Do you know that I love you?”

His hesitation killed me. An audible gulp was enough to make me worry. “I do,” he finally said.

“ That’s why you didn’t tell me about you and Rex, isn’t it?” I asked, staring into his golden eyes. “You aren’t sure if I love you—”

He shook his head. “No, I know you do, and you’re right, I am a fool and an idiot—”

I grabbed his uniform and pulled him down to my lips for a kiss. “You and Jac are the loves of my life,” I said against his warm, inviting mouth. “I don’t know what I have to do to prove it to you, but I’m going to keep trying to prove it.”

His large hand cupped the side of my face. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Sarah—”

“And yet, you still won’t tell me things?” I questioned. “Things about Rex?”

His jaw tightened, and he looked away. “I can’t—”

“Right.” I stormed past him.

But he grabbed my arm and spun me to face him, before he roughly kissed me. He picked me up, our lips and tongues locked together. Still mad, I pushed against him, but he kept me anchored in his arms. I was so angry with him for holding me like that.

But my heart…and my body, needed him, especially when I thought about what we were heading into. I couldn’t stop myself from spreading my legs around his waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he carried me to the bed. It wasn’t just the need of him, and it wasn’t the burning curiosity about him and Rex inside of me. The fear of what lay ahead…it was enough to make me overlook my anger. The stuff with Deacon was petty in the grand scheme of things, and I knew it.

We could be heading to our deaths.

He has his reasons. I trust him.

Trust was not the thing on my mind when he stripped his uniform away and my eyes devoured every inch of his naked skin. Jac slowly sauntered up behind him, equally distracted by Deacon’s nude body.

“Should I go?” Jac asked in a soft grumble, letting us decide if this was something we needed to work out just between the two of us, or if he was a welcome participant.

I shook my head. “You should stay. I want…I need , both of you.”

Deacon grabbed Jac’s fatigues and wrenched him in for a feral kiss. As they made out, I undressed. Jac tore his own clothes away. Once they were both naked, they moved onto the bed on either side of me. Each pinned a hand of mine to the bed, while they took turns biting and kissing my lips and breasts.

My body ground against the fur bedspread, desperate for more. Together, they each grabbed a thigh and opened me wide. Two sets of fingers toyed with my pussy, each with their own agenda. My groans grew into one long, loud moan. When they each began taking turns fingering me, I lost my mind.

“Fuck me,” I panted, delirious for them. “Please, fuck me!”

“Which—”

“I don’t care!” I nearly wailed.

Deacon nodded to Jac, and Jac climbed on top of me. He thrust straight in, filling me up. Our moans of pleasure mingled and Deacon kissed me, like he needed to devour me whole. He moved up the bed and sat behind me, a leg on either side of us. His cock was tantalizingly just out of reach. He petted my forehead and watched us with greedy, seductive eyes.

Jac lowered his head and kissed me, then reached up for Deacon’s cock and fisted him in time with his thrusts.

Each stroke inside of me was another brush against my G-spot. Or G-spots. I wasn’t sure how the Mother Test had changed me, but since I passed it, everything was different, including my body. My good spot had become my good everything, bigger and more sensitive. It made sex much more intense, so watching Jac jerk Deacon off while he fucked me made my body shake with pure desire.

Deacon growled deep in his throat as Jac’s movements sped up inside of me, matching the rhythm of his hand stroking Deacon’s shaft. “You’re gonna make me fuck your mouth, aren’t you?”

“Counting on it,” Jac said, like a challenge.

Deacon knelt next to me and obliged him. Wrapping his fingers in Jac’s long hair, he guided his cock straight into Jac’s mouth, giving me a close up view of Deacon fucking Jac’s throat, as Jac fucked me. I adored seeing them together like that, so full of lust and love for each other, with me sandwiched in between.

Deacon glanced down at me, his eyes hot and hungry. “You like watching me defile his mouth, don’t you, Consort?”

Nodding frantically, I cocked my hips up, riding Jac’s cock from beneath him. He groaned as I took all of him deep inside me and squeezed tight, and Deacon held his head still for his own personal use.

“And now you’re fucking him, too,” Deacon said as I used my legs around Jac’s waist to make him sink to the hilt. “I love watching that.”

“Yes,” I whispered, working myself against Jac, every thrust getting me closer. When I came, my nails dug into Jac’s ribs as I howled, pulsing around his cock as my orgasm consumed me.

It was then that Deacon finally pulled out of Jac’s mouth and released him, allowing Jac to lose control inside of me, whipping his body into mine, roaring as he did. His eyes were wild, like his driving thrusts, and shockingly another orgasm crashed through me. When Jac came, he rammed the deepest yet, and my release hit like a shockwave. I soared away on sensation, lost to the feelings inside of me.

While I tried to regain my bearings, Jac pulled out and moved off of me, and Deacon was right there, filling me up with every single inch of his cock. He bit my shoulder like a feral animal, pumping wildly into my body.

He flipped onto his back so I was on top, his hips jackhammering upward, lighting me up with his cock while Jac reached over and pinched and played with my stiff, sensitive nipples, triggering yet another shocking release. I cried out as my pussy squeezed around Deacon’s shaft, and he growled like a beast as he poured everything he had inside of me, until neither one of us had anything left to give.

After we cleaned up, the three of us collapsed on Deacon’s bed. We snuggled up, and within seconds, the two of them fell asleep. But after so many orgasms and our athletics, I was wired.

I scooted from the bed, dressed, and rejoined everyone else. Me and the guys hadn’t solved anything by fucking our brains out, but at least I felt better. Deacon didn’t hate me, like I had feared.

Jac had explained all the details about the moat after he tracked me down earlier, when I’d stormed from the bedroom after our argument. He swore he had told me the whole story, and if there was anything about him that I wanted to know more of, he would tell me that, too. But he wouldn’t break any confidences between him and Deacon.

Part of me understood his logic—it wasn’t his secret to tell. But I was still hurt to be left on the outside, and I wasn’t sure that the bond between them was something I’d ever be able to crack into or be a part of.

Perhaps I should work on creating my own bond with them individually, instead of together. It might make me stop feeling like it’s them, plus me.

Regardless, I vowed we would fix everything between us after the conduits. If there was an after.

When I walked into the café, Rex was gone, but Omen and Augur sat across from each other. They seemed to be playing some kind of game but I saw no tools, no cards. They smiled at each other, neither looking up when I walked in. Neither did they blink as they continued to stare into each other’s eyes.

“Should I go?” I asked, feeling as though I was a third wheel here, too.

Omen smiled without glancing at me. “You should stay. Augur is about to lose.”

Augur snickered. “Omen doesn’t know there are whurlers in her hair that will make her lose.”

“Whurlers?” I asked, sliding into one of the empty seats at their table.

“No such thing,” Omen said as she chuckled.

Still neither of them blinked or looked away from the other. It was unsettling.

Augur explained, “Whurlers are the tiny ghosts of fish, and when fish die, they like to live in our hair. That’s why sometimes, you wake up and your hair looks all crazy. Whurlers did it.”

“Tossing and turning did it,” Omen countered in a wry tone.

Augur’s eyes were still on Omen’s, concentrating. “Then you won’t mind that particularly scaly whurler that’s crawling around your neck, up into your hair again. You feel that, right? The rough texture swimming up your scalp?”

I almost felt it and had to keep myself from fidgeting.

But Omen was unmoved. “They’re a fairy story parents use to get their children to brush their hair, Sarah. It’s not real. Stop messing with her like that, Augur—she doesn’t know what’s real here.”

“If you’re not careful, it’ll swim into your ear.”

“Stop cheating, Augur—”

“I don’t cheat.”

I frowned as I looked between them. “How would she cheat? She’s not touching you.”

“She is telekinetic,” Omen said. “She can make it feel like the air is blowing on you or something is touching you. Among other things.”

Her opponent pouted. “I wouldn’t dare cheat and I am hurt you would accuse me of such things, Omen.”

“What game are you two playing at, anyway?” I asked curiously.

“We’re seeing who can stand to be stared at the longest, without blinking,” Omen said.

“Which is why she’s going to lose,” Augur insisted.

I thought about that for a moment. “I wouldn’t have thought ghosts needed to blink.”

“We don’t,” Augur explained, her eyes staring straight ahead at Omen. “It’s just a habit. Older ghosts don’t bother with it. For that matter, we don’t need to eat or use a bathroom…most bodily functions are optional for us. Except for sleep. And sex.”

“That’s optional,” Omen said.

“Like hell it is,” Auger teased.

I grinned at their competitive bickering. “And what is the prize for winning this game?”

“Pride.” Augur’s single-word answer hung between them, like something neither was going to give up.

“Where is Rex?” I asked, wondering where he’d disappeared to.

“In the cargo hold with his men,” Omen said.

I watched them play their silly game. The way people who knew each other for a long time could just make up a game or a contest, all of it had put me in mind of my sisters. There was a sudden ache in my chest for them as I remembered the childhood we shared. The soft feel of braiding Jenny’s blue streaked hair—she had begun dying it blue the moment she had any spare money. The way Elizabeth was blunt to the point of hurting my feelings, but always made sure everyone was clean and as fed as any of us ever were.

Strangely, I missed Elizabeth’s cold honesty as much as I missed Jenny’s silly sweetness, and the thought made me sigh.

“Why the sigh?” Augur asked.

The details of our complicated life were too personal to share with a stranger, so I kept it simple. “I miss my sisters.”

“I know the feeling,” Augur said, then amended, “I know it’s not the same thing, but the conduits—we’re a sisterhood, too. Being opposed to them feels strange. Like I’m doing something wrong.”

That caught my interest. “Why oppose them, then?”

“There’s no real reason for us to be hunting Rex,” she said, still holding Omen’s gaze. “Is he a bastard? Of course. He’s a Terian. But he’s also kept Faithless from falling apart a few times, and—”

“Why would it fall apart?” I cut in.

Augur gave a patient smile. “Faithless is a city of ghosts. Ghosts don’t have much to lose. They’ve already lost everything. So, they get rowdy.”

I considered that for a moment. “And that’s why you’ve sided with him? He keeps the ghosts from being rowdy?”

“And his cock.”

I laughed at her reply. “I thought Omen said sex was an option for ghosts.”

“And I’ve opted in ,” she said, a delighted look on her face.

Omen smirked at her friend. “That explains a lot.”

Finally, Augur blinked, then swore when she realized she’d lost. “Moons above, Omen, how?”

She shrugged, blinking herself. “I’m that good.”

Her opponent laughed and got up from the table. “Fine. Don’t tell me. Think I’ll go see about getting laid before the fight starts. Excuse me.”

“Still not sure about her?” I asked Omen, once Augur had left the café.

“Something has changed in Augur.” Omen’s brows furrowed. “I can’t figure it out, but she’s not the girl I knew.”

I braced my elbow on the table and my chin against my palm. “Are any of us?”

Omen glanced my way, her eyes perceptive. “Something is really bothering you.”

“It’s just…I’m missing my sisters. I’ve been the equivalent of married twice in the past eight weeks, at least I think it’s been about that long, and my sisters were at neither of my weddings—unions, whatever you want to call them. It’s just not what I pictured when I was a little girl.”

“What did you picture?”

I smiled, melancholy filling me as I thought back to my simple childhood. “Me, in a fluffy white dress, my sisters as my maids of honor. Me, looking gorgeous, them looking jealous, but still happy for me.” I shook my head at myself. “I know, it’s silly and I shouldn’t be focused on that kind of stuff right now—”

"Nonsense,” Omen cut in. “Focus on whatever you want to focus on right now, Sarah. Honestly, your dream sounds nice. Such a simple thing.”

“Me or the dream?”

“The dream. You are the Mother—forgive me—the Queen of conduits,” she said with a grin. “ You are far from simple.”

We were quiet for a few moments, lost in our own thoughts. After a while, I said, “I take it Rex left the café right after I did with Deacon?”

Omen tipped her head. “How’d you know?”

“I think he’s uncomfortable around you when I’m not around.”

She grinned. “Excellent.”

I laughed. “Oh?”

“I hate him,” she said vehemently. “I understand why he is needed for this mission, and I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do, but if it weren’t for all of that, I would have ended him already.”

The intensity of her animosity toward Rex surprised me. “How come?”

“Augur and I differ on the idea of how to keep Faithless calm.”

I mulled over what she’d just said. “I thought you didn’t know about Faithless before all of this.”

“I didn’t.” Omen looked visibly upset. “Before I had heard about Faithless, I had heard of Rex doing other things—terrible things—to keep ghosts in line, and I don’t think that torture should be an option, unless absolutely needed.”

I nodded. “Agreed, though I can’t imagine a time when it’s needed.”

“Trust me, there are times,” she said coolly.

I didn’t want to think about Omen’s idea of when torture was needed, since it went against what I believed in. So, I changed the subject.

“I’m really missing my sisters, and sometimes, I feel so out of place here,” I admitted, sharing a bit of what I was experiencing. “I feel like Deacon and Jac have this bond that I can’t break or even be a part of, and I think that bothers me so much because I had that with my sisters. And when I miss them, seeing the guys and how tight they are together, it makes the pain of being away from my siblings worse. And wow, I feel petty saying that out loud.” I chuckled at myself.

“Petty?”

I tried to explain. “I just mean, there’s so much going on that’s so much more important, and I shouldn’t let my jealousy get in the way of my union with Deacon and Jac, right?”

“I do understand,” Omen said, sympathy lacing her tone. “You miss your family. Perhaps after all of this is over, you can go to visit with them.”

Just knowing that was a possibility, I smiled instantly. “That’s a great idea. I should do that.”

She smiled, too. “And, whatever we face ahead of us, Sarah, know that no torture will happen in your name, I promise. Not from me, anyway.”

I winced. “You noticed I was uncomfortable with the whole torture thing, huh?”

“Your foot has not stopped tapping since it was brought up.”

I immediately stilled my foot. “Sorry.”