Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

ELEANOR

I was running.

Something seemed off about the motion, but I was too busy trying to escape to think too much about it.

Maybe if I had, I would’ve slowed enough to stop myself in time.

But I didn’t.

The pool came out of nowhere, and before I could pull myself to a stop, my momentum had carried me too far, and I was falling.

The shock of the ice-cold water hit me harder than the fall, and my limbs stiffened.

I’d never been in a pool before. I’d never been in any body of water that wasn’t my bathtub, to be precise.

Father never allowed me to venture more than a few meters away from the pack house, so there’d never been a need for me to learn how to swim or fight or do anything else that wasn’t directly beneficial to him.

And now his extremely controlling tendencies would be the death of me.

I struggled, trying to make my way back to the surface, but each flap of my arms only seemed to drag me farther underwater.

Air. I needed air.

But I was rapidly running out of it.

I flapped harder, but my limbs betrayed me, growing heavier by the second.

My vision swam as my struggles dwindled to nothing. The pressure on my lungs to take in the water and give in crested, and absolute fear consumed me.

Fear that this life would be all I ever knew.

That I would die without ever knowing a life outside the Red Moon Pack. How pathetic would that be, to die without having truly lived?

I didn’t know what made me look up, but something did, and I saw him.

Not that I could pick out any details at that moment. All I saw was a powerful blurred movement in the water heading straight toward me.

I saw a second chance at life, and I reached out to it.

I felt a touch. A spark. Then darkness.

The world came back to me in pieces.

The most tantalizing scent of cinnamon and spice. The taste of chlorine on my tongue. The feeling of firm, soft lips on mine. My lips tingled, my body coming to life beneath him.

Turning to the side, I coughed up the water I hadn’t even known I’d swallowed.

My savior stroked my back and gently pulled my hair away from my face, his touch evoking an emotion deep within me that had me sucking in a shocked breath at the sudden influx of words from my wolf.

It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

I straightened, my insides a scrambled mess as I turned to face what had to be the handsomest man I’d ever seen.

It wasn’t just the way his clothes clung to his impressive build, his ink-black hair falling over his forehead, the long dark lashes that framed blue eyes that seemed too hypnotic to be real, or the perfect symmetry of his jawline that took my breath away.

It was my wolf’s response to him.

Mate. Mate. Mate , Lara announced eagerly.

I tried to make my lips work, but the stranger got the word out first.

“Mate.”

If I had any presence of mind, I might have noted the tightness in his jaw as he said that word, or the frostiness in his ocean-blue eyes.

I didn’t.

I was still dumbstruck. Entranced.

So I leaned in, unable to stop inhaling his scent, which had me so giddy I couldn’t think straight. I reached out to trace a finger across the edge of his jawline.

He smelled so good that it was only instinctive for me to close the distance between us and press my nose to the skin of his nape, my gums tingling at the thought of sinking my canines into him and marking him as mine forever.

Mine.

I found my soul mate. My true mate.

For my entire life, I’d been lost. Now I would finally have someone at my side, someone I could love and who could love me the way I’d always hungered for.

Forever.

“Mate.” The word left me as a guttural moan.

My mate let out a curse under his breath, a shudder running through him as he slid his fingers through my hair, tugging me back so our gazes met.

His eyes were dark with desire, mirroring my own emotions.

He leaned in?—

“Where did she go?” Elena’s high-pitched voice reached us. “The alpha will have both our heads if her meeting with Dylan Hawthorne falls through!”

I tensed in my mate’s arms, fighting off a chill as my predicament brought me back to reality.

Father would never let this work. He would make me reject my mate. This deal with the Nightshade Pack was too important for him to let my happiness disrupt it.

My mate gathered me into his arms, moving so fast my mind couldn’t process it until we were behind a massive pillar, hiding us from Elena and my bodyguard.

I heard them approach the pool and went still. Very still.

My body was pressed against my mate’s, my head buried in his chest as one of his hands cradled the back of my head while the other gripped my waist. I shivered, and not because of my sopping wet clothes.

Consumed by thoughts that made my cheeks burn, I didn’t notice Elena and the bodyguard had left until my mate took a step away from me, those blue eyes steady on mine.

“Eleanor,” he said, his tone indecipherable. “You are Eleanor, the proposed mate for Dylan.”

I paused, confusion racing through me.

“Yes…but how did you know that?”

My meeting with Dylan was common knowledge, but the reason wasn’t.

The official story was that I was visiting the Nightshade Pack in place of my sick half-brother in a bid to keep up good relations, but?—

My thoughts stalled at the word “brother,” my mind moving fast as I took in the sight of my mate again.

Now that I wasn’t as starstruck by his appearance, I could see it—his uncanny resemblance to the picture of Dylan Hawthorne Elena had shown me.

“You’re the dark alpha.”

The words left me in a hushed whisper, like that could change the fact that my mate was the infamously bloodthirsty Hawthorne heir.

He didn’t deny it.

“I am no longer in line to be alpha,” he said matter-of-factly.

I was dumbfounded, unable to find my words.

“I…you?—”

Alexander Hawthorne kissed me.

My words and my thoughts vanished as he pulled me closer to him by my hair, stealing the air right out of my lungs. My entire world fell apart and rebuilt with a kiss that I felt in the depths of my soul.

I’d never been kissed like this before, like it wasn’t just our lips touching, but Alexander searing his name onto my soul, marking his territory. I couldn’t hold back a whimper of desire.

A low growl rattled in the back of Alexander’s throat, his hold on me tight enough to leave bruises. He ended the kiss almost as suddenly as he’d initiated it, leaving me weak-kneed and out of breath.

Alexander trembled and when I looked up at him, I was surprised to see a lone tear tracking its way down his perfect face.

I reached for him.

“Why—”

“Forgive me, Eleanor,” Alexander whispered, cupping my cheek.

I wanted to ask why, but my world went terrifyingly blank.

The sensation of Alexander’s body pressed against mine brought me back to myself, and I heard his voice once more, full of so much pain and sorrow that it broke my heart.

“...forgive me…I need you to be happy forever and I…I can’t give you forever.”

I jolted awake.

There was no pool. No pillar. No Elena. And no Alexander.

I shivered, the phantom chill of that day from four years ago still on my skin.

What sort of dream was that?

That wasn’t how I’d met Alexander. He’d pushed me underwater. He hadn’t saved me, and he’d certainly never asked me to forgive him.

But those last words I’d heard about forever made me think of last night, for some reason. What was that about?

A sense of unease settled over me.

His scent was fresh in the air, but Alexander wasn’t in the room or bathroom.

It wasn’t like I’d expected breakfast in bed or a lazy morning make-out session, but the fact that he wasn’t here at all just rubbed me the wrong way.

Maybe it was because the last time we’d been intimate, he’d pulled away just as suddenly. Or maybe it was because the night before we hadn’t resolved any of our preexisting issues before jumping into bed with each other.

It was stupid. I knew that.

But there was something about Alexander’s touch that made me a little stupid.

Not anymore, though.

Hastily getting out of bed, I pulled on my discarded shirt from the night before and Alexander’s robe before heading out of our room.

Alexander’s scent was fresh, so he was probably still in the house. We were going to have a conversation about everything, and I wasn’t backing down until both of us knew exactly where we stood.

I was dizzy with anticipation, my heart racing and butterflies taking up residence in my stomach.

Not that I had any reason to be nervous. Alexander had already chosen me last night. I just needed him to do it again, this time with our clothes on.

My optimistic mood darkened abruptly when I reached the staircase and heard a familiar raspy voice.

A quick look over the banister confirmed my suspicion. It was her.

“...was in a hurry yesterday,” Anastasia said, an odd note of worry in her voice. “He left the medications with me.”

What was she doing here, and what medication was she referring to?

Lily didn’t seem surprised by this information as she took the parcel from Anastasia with a curt nod.

“I’ll get them to the alpha when he returns.”

Anastasia’s gaze lifted to meet mine, as though she’d felt me watching her.

I put my chin up and walked down the staircase, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I refused to back down to Anastasia in my own home.

I was on the last step of the staircase when Anastasia’s nostrils suddenly flared, and her entire body stiffened.

What was she—oh.

I hadn’t realized it until that moment, but my scent had changed. Underneath the scent of our recent coupling, I smelled like a mixture of myself and Alexander, our scents merged now that we were fully mated.

For someone who was still on shaky ground with Alexander, I shouldn’t have been so satisfied by the wide-eyed look of disbelief on Anastasia’s face.

“Good morning, Eleanor,” Lily greeted me with a pleasant smile, seemingly unaware of the silent exchange between Anastasia and me. “Would you like your breakfast served now?”

I returned her smile, reminded again of Elena. I called her every week, and she seemed to be doing fine in the Red Moon Pack without me.

“That’s fine, Lily.” My gaze moved back to Anastasia. “I just came by to see our guest.”

Anastasia’s smile was so obviously fake she shouldn’t have bothered.

“You don’t need to worry. I was just leaving.”

I adjusted Alexander’s robe and matched her tone.

“Of course you were.”

Anastasia’s eyes flashed with barely restrained anger, and then she stalked away without another word.

The moment she was out of earshot, I turned to Lily.

“Alexander…was he…did he…” I struggled to put my thoughts into words before finally giving up with a sigh. “Never mind. Thank you, Lily.”

Lily nodded once, the shadow of a smile tugging up the sides of her lips.

“The alpha is at the training grounds,” she commented as she casually picked up the parcel on the dining table. “In case you were wondering.”

“Of course. Thank you.” I nodded, flushed and strangely embarrassed as I shuffled away.

While getting ready, I thought of a million ways I could begin my conversation with Alexander. A million questions I had for him. A million things I would’ve told him last night if my words hadn’t failed me.

But when he left his sparring partner and walked up to me completely shirtless, his chest gleaming with sweat and a shadow in his eyes, my throat closed up.

Damn it.

“Eleanor,” Alexander said gruffly.

Goddess, had it always felt like this?

This overwhelming need to touch him, embrace him, rub my scent all over him, and do anything but speak?

It took a few seconds before my vocal cords decided to cooperate with me again.

“Alexander. I was hoping we could…talk.”

His carefully blank expression didn’t shift as he motioned for me to follow him.

“Same here.”

A sense of foreboding swept over me.

I was probably overthinking it.

Alexander had never been an overly emotional person, so I doubted I was the only one here who was nervous about discussing last night and accepting the fact that we didn’t hate each other.

Alexander stopped walking when we were some distance from the training ground, and then he turned to face me, his expression still distant.

I cleared my throat, eager to break the ice.

“About last night,” I began, but he didn’t let me finish.

“It doesn’t change anything between us,” Alexander said curtly.

My world froze, my ears ringing as I tried to comprehend his words.

“What?”

“It was just sex, Eleanor.” Alexander shrugged, looking almost bored. “As you probably remember, we’ve done it before. It was nothing special.”

Nothing special.

Last night had been nothing special.

Pain lanced through me so sharply that I couldn’t take a full breath without tasting the acidity of Alexander’s words.

Months ago, I would’ve taken his words at face value.

I would have lashed out at him for being a manipulative, insensitive asshole.

But after last night, with the foggy memory of him asking me to forgive him when he hadn’t done anything wrong, combined with all the times he’d said cruel things but treated me kindly, I wasn’t ready to take his words at face value.

I thought of the many things that hadn’t added up since I’d come to the Nightshade Pack. I knew I was missing something.

Something big.

“You don’t mean that.” I met Alexander’s gaze as I spoke, searching for an inkling that my suspicions were correct.

“I know you’re keeping something from me.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “Alexander, whatever it is, you can share it with me.”

Something flickered in the depths of those icy blue eyes, but then a sardonic smirk tugged up the side of his lips.

“Do you truly believe that?” Alexander scoffed, and there was no sign of the man who’d trembled as he held me the night before. “That there must be some secret reason I don’t want you?”

I couldn’t let you get mated to Dylan. You’re mine. You always have been.

“I believe in you,” I said evenly, as if my heart wasn’t hanging in the balance. As if I wasn’t doubting and second-guessing myself all the way. “You aren’t the asshole you pretend to be, Alexander.”

Alexander moved leisurely to close the distance between us. When we were just inches apart, he swept my hair off my shoulder, baring my bonding mark as he threaded his fingers through my hair.

Confusion swirled within me, and my breath hitched in my throat.

“Your naivety is almost endearing,” Alexander’s tone was patronizing as mockery flickered in his eyes. “No wonder Dylan still wants you even though he has a baby on the way.”

My chest went cold. Very cold.

“Stop,” I said, trying to step out of his hold, but Alexander’s grip on my hair tightened painfully. He held me in place easily, forcing me to meet his gaze.

Alexander’s next words were mercilessly callous.

“Make no mistake, Eleanor, I’m not my brother. No matter how desperately you latch onto me, no matter how many times you climb into my bed, it won’t change how I feel about you.”

I slapped him hard enough that his face snapped to the side.

Alexander blinked down at me with surprise.

“Let’s talk again when you’re ready to tell the truth,” I said smoothly, before shrugging off his hold and walking away.

My heart hurt from Alexander’s words, but I still couldn’t shake my suspicion that he was hiding something from me.

Maybe I was delusional. Or maybe, just maybe, I was onto something.

Luckily, there was someone I could ask about this.

Seraphina.

If there was some secret Alexander was keeping, she was bound to know about it…right?

I couldn’t shake the memory of the day we’d met, when she’d been about to tell me something about Alexander, but he’d interrupted us before she had the chance.

Was Seraphina’s information the key, or was I just grasping at straws?

I made my way to the patch of woods we usually trained at, lost in thought.

What would I do if it turned out there was no secret? If this was just who Alexander was?

It wasn’t until I stepped into the clearing that I realized what I’d walked in on.

Seraphina and West were pressed against each other, their gazes locked as they drifted closer to each other, about to share a kiss.

Oh.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t predicted this. I just hadn’t anticipated that I’d walk in on it.

My questions could wait a few more minutes.

Fighting a smile, I began to back away carefully, but I stepped on a fallen branch.

It was a small crack. An average wolf might have missed it, but West didn’t. He sprang away from Seraphina, his eyes flying to my exact position.

Seraphina followed the line of his gaze, her cheeks flushing as she met my gaze.

“Eleanor,” she said, her arms wrapped around herself as though she was trying to disappear. “We…I thought you would stay in after yesterday.”

Right. After getting framed for attacking Micah.

I was going to find a way to return that favor if it was the last thing I did, but for now, I had more pressing problems.

Seraphina and West stood stiffly, not looking at themselves, or me, or anything in particular.

Well, this wasn’t awkward at all.

I cleared my throat.

“Uh, I was just…uh…leaving.”

I began to move, but West was faster.

“I…I have patrol duty,” he announced suddenly.

He paused by my side before he left the clearing.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday, Eleanor,” he said.

My eyes dropped to his arm, which was still bandaged from where my claws had gouged into him as he’d held me back from interfering with Alexander’s whipping.

He wasn’t completely healed, but Alexander was already healed from his brutal whipping.

Yet another loose thread that didn’t make sense in this tapestry.

“It’s okay, West.” I shook my head, an apologetic smile on my lips. “I know you were just looking out for me.”

West flashed me a grateful smile, his eyes flickering longingly in Seraphina's direction before he headed out swiftly as if he was being pursued.

I moved toward Seraphina, a smug smile on my lips.

“So…are we going to talk about West?”

Seraphina raised her chin, folding her arms combatively even though her cheeks were aflame with embarrassment.

“Are we going to talk about the change in your scent?” she teased.

Her words reminded me of the reason I’d come looking for her, and my smile dropped.

Seraphina was at my side in seconds.

“Are you all right, Eleanor?”

I took her hand in mine and met her gaze evenly.

“I need to know something,” I began. “The day we met, you were about to tell me something about Alexander before he interrupted us. It was something important, wasn’t it?”

Seraphina stiffened, and her gaze fell away from mine.

That meant I was onto something, right? Hope flickered in my chest.

I held onto her hand tighter.

“Seraphina, I need to know. Please,” I pleaded.

When Seraphina’s gaze met mine again, she seemed like she’d aged years over the last few seconds.

“Eleanor, do you love my brother?”

“What?” I blinked at the unexpected question.

How had we changed topics so swiftly?

Seraphina’s gaze searched mine.

“Do you love Alexander?” she repeated.

I thought about it and found that…I didn’t know.

From trying to kill me the first day we met to marking me to trampling all over my emotions, I didn’t know what I felt for Alexander.

Only that he made my heart race and filled my mind with so much confusion I could barely think straight.

I didn’t know what to call this feeling.

Seraphina’s expression fell, and she plastered on a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“It’s all right. It’s not like he’s been a model mate.” She gave a little shrug before folding my hand in hers. “Even if you don’t love him yet, can you try to trust him? For my sake?”

Trust Alexander?

“Seraphina—” I began, but she didn’t let me finish.

“Promise me,” she begged. “Please.”

I ran through rudimentary training exercises before heading home, feeling more confused than ever.

Seraphina had refused to confirm or deny my suspicions.

It felt like I was moving underwater—my senses muted, my vision blurred.

Seraphina had asked me to trust Alexander, but the thing was, I already did.

As crazy as it sounded after all his inconsistencies, I trusted him.

That was the last thought I had before I stepped into our house and saw them.

Alexander and Anastasia…kissing. In our home.

How many times could one man break my heart?