SIOBHAN

A part of me expected to see Indigo and immediately know whether he was mine. Yet, he looks like the same person I’ve known for half my life. Handsome and a little skittish, Indigo didn’t transform into a new person after he stuck his dick in me.

I still have to be in charge of the mood and momentum of a situation. He is a badass on the road and in a fight, but the man is solidly a follower. He doesn’t trust his instincts when it comes to decision-making. That’s why he’s most comfortable around his group of friends. Between Bear, Golden, and Tack, no one else has a chance to say or do much. Even Sync tends to get bossy under certain circumstances. Amid all those big egos, Indigo will quietly wait for them to stop bitching and make a decision he can follow.

I don’t need Indigo to be a leader. My father isn’t one, yet he’s no wuss. He doesn’t mind a strong woman or listening to others. I’d rather fall in love with someone like my dad than an alpha like my uncles Zoot and Caveman.

The latter is keeping an eye on Indigo and me. As much as I appreciate his protective nature, I can’t have him butting his nose in my business just yet.

“Don’t tell Caveman about the baby,” I whisper to Indigo. “Or Dot.”

“Because you’re embarrassed?”

Stroking his beard, I fight the urge to smack some sense into him. Of course, Indigo doesn’t choose to say dumb shit. He simply got wired wrong as a little boy when he was still malleable. Now he’s hardened into this flawed self-hating man. Fortunately, he’s very handsome and sweet. Otherwise, I’d be running in the opposite direction.

“Because I haven’t told my family yet. Can you imagine if Caveman knew before my dad? It’d break Elvis’s big heart.”

Indigo’s expression shifts when he considers protecting people. He loses his self-loathing bullshit and gets his head back in the game.

“I won’t say anything.”

“Does he know we slept together?” I ask as my uncle loses the ability to control his feet and starts marching in our direction.

“No, but he probably suspects as much. ”

I smile at Caveman who smirks at my overly happy expression. “Come to cause trouble, lass?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“The boy’s doing fine in the hills.”

Sensing Caveman is growing territorial, I blurt out, “We’re going on a date.”

“Tonight?”

“No, tomorrow,” I state before looking to Indigo for confirmation. When he shrugs, I pretend he’s fully on board and smile at my uncle. “We’re going to dinner and a movie.”

Caveman sizes me up. I don’t know why I’m worried. He can’t keep Indigo from dating me. Yet, I feel like a guy picking up his date, only to find a shotgun-toting dad pacing across the lawn.

“Do you need a chaperone?” Caveman asks with complete sincerity.

“Yes, that’s why I brought our friends and the kids along today.”

Caveman narrows his eyes, feeling me poking at him. Dot joins us and frowns at Indigo.

“Who’s going to watch the little ones while you’re out galivanting around town with my niece?”

“I’ll do it,” Caveman announces and stops giving me a dirty look. “I’ll stay home and play papa while this one woos his girl.”

Dot smiles big at her younger brother standing a foot taller than her. He rolls his eyes in response to her amusement. I know they’ll soon be ragging on each other. They’re too much alike, always seeking out drama. When they get rowdy enough, I can understand why my mom fled to the south of the city to create space between her siblings and herself.

I inch away from my uncle and aunt. Reaching out for Indigo’s wrist, I tug him toward the back of the house where our friends are entranced by a pig.

“She won’t poop in the house,” Hector tells me as soon as he sees us. “She poops in the yard.”

“She’s a dog!” Jacinda cries and starts bouncing before steadying herself so she won’t scare Tangina.

“You should get a pig,” Tack tells Bear.

“I’m getting a dog.”

“I’m the one getting a dog,” Tack mutters. “Stop copying me.”

“I’ve done everything before you. You’re the fucking copycat. ”

“Shh,” Jacinda scolds the men. “Tangina needs quiet.”

Bear and Tack frown at how she confidently mangles the pig’s name. Natasha rests nearby in a chair, looking uncomfortable. Hunter circles the kids, taking pictures of them petting the pig.

Next to me, Indigo seems overly focused on my hand around his wrist. How many times have I touched him in the past? Hundreds? Thousands? Though I was simply showing warmth toward family, my affection likely meant more to him.

Glancing up at Indigo, I wonder how long he’s been attracted to me. Every conversation we’ve shared takes on a different vibe. Was he hinting at his feelings whenever we spoke? Did I miss the signals? Or did Indigo hide himself to avoid the sting of rejection?

My fingers caress his wrist, testing this attraction I feel. Do I want Indigo because I’ve gone years without a man’s interest? Is my lust spurred by this particular man?

Indigo frowns at where I touch him. His golden gaze focuses on my face. A breeze sends his patchouli-and-cinnamon scent to me. My pussy instantly clenches. I remember how incredible this man made me feel.

“What are you doing?”

“Molesting you.”

His scowl darkens before he realizes I’m screwing with him. I try to see the situation through his eyes. How he spent a long time wanting me but knowing I didn’t see him that way. Each time I touched him, did he question my intention? Has he trained himself to assume I’m only being friendly?

Or Indigo might not like my touch. He could want me without the physical stuff. Is that why he flipped out after we had sex?

“I like touching people,” I tell Indigo. “I’m affectionate.”

“We didn’t just meet. I already know that.”

“Is it okay for me to touch you?”

Indigo tugs his hand free. “I’m not a child. Don’t talk to me like one.”

“Fine, if you want adult honesty, you should know you act weird when I touch you. Is that because you don’t like it or because my touch gives you a boner? What’s happening here?”

Indigo stares at me in the way he does when people get on his bad side. I nearly back off. Then, I remember how I’m not dealing with a stranger. This is Indigo. I know him. He pulls this staring intimidation tactic with lots of people. It never worked on me before. Why should I get rattled now?

“When you stare like that, I think you want to kiss me,” I lie just to mess with him. “Is that what’s happening here?”

Indigo blinks rapidly, probably thrown off since normally people get scared of his staring ploy. When he frowns at me, I smile warmly.

Poking at him with an ornery zeal Caveman and Dot would appreciate, I tease, “You do want to kiss me, don’t you?”

“Always.”

His unflinching tone makes my heart race. “You can kiss me right now if you want.”

“No.”

“Are you not minty fresh?”

“I didn’t know you were coming. I need time to prepare.”

“Did you prepare that morning at the clubhouse?”

“Yes, for several hours.”

“Oh, well, that explains why the kiss was so good.”

Indigo narrows his gaze and mutters, “You’re talking to me like a kid again.”

“I’m actually not. I talk to everyone this way, ya burnt tater tot.”

Walking past him toward the kids, I give Tangina a head rub and enjoy more pig facts from Jacinda and Hector.

“Pigs don’t sweat,” Jacinda says and looks at Natasha who likely told her that information. “They roll in the mud to not be hot.”

Hector bounces next to his sister, waiting for his chance to speak. “Pig mama sings to the babies. My mommy sings to me.”

I smile at the blond cuties and catch Natasha tearing up. The last five years have been a roller coaster for my friend. She’s only now finding her footing again.

I want everything for my friends. That includes Indigo, who watches me with a relaxed gaze. I think he prefers me at a distance.

Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want a goodbye kiss after the kids get restless and Natasha suggests we head out.

Rather than smooch Indigo, I shake his hand and tell him to pick me up at my house. I’ll message him with the time for the movie.

Indigo doesn’t say anything. He watches me like I’m leaving forever. I don’t know what his expression means. I feel like I should say the perfect thing to fix his current drama, but I’m worried he’ll take wrong anything I say or do.

Caveman walks over to stand next to Indigo as I shuffle toward the line of SUVs. I’m conflicted by what happened today. I expected Indigo to show more reaction to the baby news. I figured he might stake his claim on me or announce he loves me. Instead, he kept his distance.

I gently tug my best friends away from their men. “Tack and Bear can ride with the kids. I need alone time with my gal pals.”

Bear shakes his head. “If Indigo will be judged harshly, we ought to be there to defend him.”

“I was actually planning to talk shit about the two of you.”

“Sure,” Tack replies. “But seriously, you need to give Indigo some slack. He doesn’t do well under pressure.”

“I saw him stand with you and Hunter in the middle of a shootout. He was as cool as a cucumber.”

“He didn’t need to be sensitive then. You’re asking him to fess up to feelings he’s kept hidden for a long time,” Bear says and pokes his index finger at me. “Don’t judge him.”

“I’m not the bad guy here.”

“Well, he isn’t the bad guy, either.”

Stepping closer, Tack presses us apart with the palms of his hands. “No one is the bad guy.”

“No one,” Hector says and imitates Tack’s hand gesture.

Seeming confused, Jacinda shuffles closer to Natasha. Sighing, I realize everyone’s on edge.

“I appreciate you all coming up with me to talk to Indigo. I know it’s a pain to drive to the hills. We could linger a bit if you want. Maybe Caveman can share fatherhood tips.”

“No, we’re good,” Bear says, immediately lifting Hector and walking to the SUV with the booster seats. “Let’s stop somewhere for dinner as a reward for the kids being so good with the pig.”

“Pigs are smart like dogs,” Jacinda says as he picks her up and rests her in her booster seat. “I have a pig, please?”

“Maybe. But we have to wait until the baby is bigger.”

The kids lose interest in pets once they start talking about their baby sister. I figure they’ll be discussing Olívie for a while.

Tack and Bear kiss their women before joining the kids in their SUV. Soon, I’m in the middle spot between Natasha and Hunter in another SUV. The line of vehicles makes its way out of the hills and down toward our upscale neighborhood.

“What do you want to talk about?” Natasha asks when I fall silent and just rub their baby bumps.

“I feel like I’m trying to force things with Indigo.”

“Because of the baby?”

“A little maybe. But even before then, I was assigning all this meaning to our quickie. I got to thinking we could fall in love, and I wouldn’t be alone. It would be so perfect, too. He’s part of the family. I can trust him with the girls. It’s like we’d skip over all the awkward stuff in a relationship. But that’s not a smart way to look at things. I’m acting like I’m desperate.”

“You’ve been alone for a long time.”

Tearing up, I admit, “I miss life with Sync. I want a man. I know I said I didn’t, but that was because Indigo and my brothers were making it impossible for me to date. Besides, the men I was trying to date were lame.”

“I’m going to be honest, okay?” Hunter says, and I brace myself for her brutal truth. “You and Indigo aren’t coming at this thing from healthy places. You’re lonely and longing to replicate the good times you had with Sync. Indigo has been nursing his feelings for you for years. Neither one of you is seeing the situation clearly.”

“What do I do?”

“You’re going to dinner tomorrow, right?”

“A full date with movies, too.”

“Try not to view him as your foster brother or the father of your baby. Don’t think about the past or future. Simply focus on having fun like you would with a guy on a date. See if you two have chemistry.”

“What if we don’t?”

“I don’t know.”

“What is chemistry, really?” Natasha asks. “Is love enough? Indigo isn’t a stalker with no sense of who you are. You aren’t clinging to the first man to show you interest. You two have history. You care for each other on a deep level. But are you attracted to him?”

“I always thought Indigo was sexy. But so are Bear and Tack and a lot of my foster brothers. I didn’t consider riding any of them. Of course, since our time together at the clubhouse, I’ve imagined Indigo naked a lot. His good looks seem very obvious now. I definitely want to have more sex. ”

Natasha takes my hand. “I don’t know if Bear and I have chemistry. We didn’t immediately start flirting when we met like Tack and Hunter did. But once I saw Bear in a romantic way, I couldn’t see anyone else. He was the only one for me, even when I thought we couldn’t be together.”

“Does Indigo remind you of Sync?” Hunter asks.

“No. Sync seems normal and relaxed. He isn’t, of course. Indigo wears his trauma on his flesh like tattoos. It’s always there. No one spends time around Indigo without feeling how deeply troubled he is.

“Does that bother you?”

“I’d rather have someone fucked up in an obvious way than someone who hides it well. Sync was never honest. He hides his damage from himself. Even when he wanted to end things, he wouldn’t say it. When I dumped him for cheating, he just said I was making the right decision.”

“Indigo wouldn’t cheat,” Hunter states as a fact. “He waited for you. But I think maybe, just considering it from a psychological point of view, Indigo might be weird about sex. That’s something you should keep in mind.”

“Weird how? We didn’t do anything exotic during our hookup.”

My friends snicker at the word “exotic” before Hunter explains, “Indigo isn’t just weird about you having sex. He gets agitated when anyone talks about sex around him. I think that’s why he’s always butting heads with Golden.”

“He did seem disappointed in me for putting out.”

“Or he might have been disappointed in himself for putting out. Indigo might need help viewing sex as a positive act.”

“I’ll ask my dad to give him the sex talk again,” I say, making them snicker. “But what if I’m pushing this thing with Indigo?”

Hunter nuzzles her cheek against my shoulder. “Just go on the date and see how you feel. If you realize you can’t make things work, you are under no obligation to love him like he wants.”

“Poor Indigo,” I mumble. “I’m going to break his heart.”

“You have a right to be happy, even if that means he can’t be.”

“Your honesty is killing my hope boner.”

“Well, in that case,” Hunter replies in a peppy voice, “I think Indigo is a handsome, loyal biker, which is just what you need. You’re used to odd men, and you can handle him. I know he’ll be a great father since he’s protective of his dogs. Everything will work out perfectly.”

“You’re right,” I say, embracing her happy lies. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll just be me, and Indigo will just be himself. We’re already friends and family. The only thing that’s changed is how I want to rub all over him and put his dick in my mouth.”

“There you go,” Natasha says, snickering at my horniness. “Just have fun. That way, if things don’t work out, you can at least make good memories. And if things do work out, you’ll know it’s because you two make sense and not because you pretended to be someone else.”

I take their hands and try to see myself on a date with Indigo. He’s been in my life for so long. I’ve watched movies with him before. We’ve gotten meals out, too. I consider him one of my favorite people.

Yet, Indigo didn’t react at all like I expected. I have no idea how he’ll behave tomorrow on our date.