INDIGO

After my first week at his house, Caveman gives me a room with a bed and space to keep Grumpy and Sleepy. My dogs wake me up before the kids do. I’m usually outside on the back porch when they show up.

Caveman is around off and on all day. The kids attend school. I’m on my own a lot, but I feel better with my dogs around. Grumpy doesn’t like the new location. He lives up to his name except for when I take the dogs for walks. They get so excited about exploring the woodlands.

I feel detached from my life. I even start believing Siobhan and I never slept together. It was all a lonely man’s wet dream.

Aunt Fred and Elvis visit me. They don’t mention Siobhan. I can tell Aunt Fred is worried. She hugs me a lot. I feel more like myself with her arms around me. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

After the second week, Noble rides up to ask if I plan to stay in the hills for good. He seems quietly irritated when I tell him how I don’t know what’s going to happen.

“If you’re on vacation, that’s fine. Nothing needs to be done. But if you think you’re staying here for good, we need to adjust what patch you wear. Other guys will need to pick up your jobs in the city.”

Even knowing I’m letting down my VP and club, I can only mutter, “I don’t know what I want.”

“If that changes, you can’t keep it a secret. Zoot is agitated. He thinks you’re on vacation and yells at anyone who says differently. So, if you plan to stay here, we’ll need to adjust his thinking in a way that doesn’t lead to bloodshed.”

Noble isn’t joking. Zoot’s a tough man to maneuver. He’s scary when angry but even more terrifying when worried.

After Noble leaves, I consider what I want to happen next. I feel comfortable in the hills, but I know I’m hiding. I stay at the house with the kids and animals. Dot checks on me every day, just like she did after my mom died and the state found a good home for Bubby.

Everyone worries I might kill myself. I don’t need them to spell out their concern. For all of Caveman’s blunt talk, he never admits how people say my mom jumped in front of the bus. Her death is treated like an accident. The lie isn’t told to preserve her memory but to protect my sanity.

I don’t feel suicidal. I just feel bad. That’s why I stay at the house. It makes me think of my mom during her happier times and keeps me from obsessing over Siobhan. All these years, I’ve never seen her at Caveman’s house. Except for a few family photos, this place is devoid of Siobhan’s presence.

Until today, when a line of black Kovak Syndicate SUVs rolls up the road to Caveman’s house. I assume they’re bringing Bear, Natasha, and their kids. He mentioned Jacinda and Hector wanted to meet Tangina. Natasha never travels without excessive security, so I’m not surprised when she slides out of an SUV with Bear’s help. The kids soon join them.

I frown at the sight of Hunter and Tack exiting another SUV. The pregnant redhead looks back inside and coaxes Siobhan to join them.

My heart sinks at the sight of the beautiful woman I love. When her gaze meets mine, I recall how soft she felt in my arms. She’s wearing a burgundy shirt and her “Aunt Flo” jeans. Her hair hangs loosely around her shoulders. I’m struck by how close I came to winning this woman’s heart.

Backing away, I consider running. Instead, I pet my dogs and accept I can’t hide any longer.

“Where’s the pig?” Bear asks while the women stand back near security.

“Hello, Indigo,” Jacinda says and waves at me from her spot next to Bear.

Hector bounces next to his slightly older sister and cries, “Hi, Indigo!”

I smile at how neither one says my name right. They get most names wrong. When they say Tack’s name, they sound like a cat coughing up a hairball.

“Tangina is sleeping on the back porch.”

The cute blond kids stare up at Bear while bouncing on their heels. His gaze remains on me.

“Be chill, okay, man?”

Though I frown at his comment, he ignores my reaction and takes the kids around the back of the house. Tack stays with the women except for Siobhan who shuffles in my direction .

“Hi,” she says in a meek voice before adding in a stronger tone, “I’ve missed you, Indigo.”

“I’ve been busy.”

Siobhan loses her fear and frowns at me. “Should I come back? Am I interrupting your busy schedule?”

Her tone makes me back away. Siobhan instantly looks guilty.

“We need to talk.”

I shove my hands in my pockets and brace myself for what comes next.

“I’m sorry about what happened at the clubhouse,” Siobhan says as her nails absentmindedly scratch at her elbow in the way she does whenever anxious. “I hadn’t meant to upset you.”

“I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“About what?”

“About what I did.”

“Do you mean when you acted cold after you were done?” Siobhan asks and shrugs. “That’s a guy thing or whatever.”

“No.”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ve only been with two guys.”

“And Sync didn’t act like that.”

“No, he also ditched me quickly afterward, but he was nicer about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Siobhan inches closer. “Why were you so upset? Did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“You can be honest. I won’t cry.”

“You look like you’re already about to cry.”

“I’m nervous.”

Frowning, I ask, “To talk to me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Is that a real question or are you screwing with me?” Siobhan asks and immediately sighs. “No, you’re not someone who plays games. I mean you try, but you’re terrible at it.”

“Did Aunt Fred ask you to come here?”

“No. This is all me,” Siobhan says and glances back at her friends waiting near the SUVs. Returning her gaze to me, she inhales sharply and blurts out, “I’m pregnant. I haven’t told anyone except Hunter and Natasha and their men. Now, I’m telling you. ”

Her words don’t hit me right away. They linger in the air between us. I’m too focused on feeling guilty to really feel this new information. I want Siobhan to forgive me. Or forget what happened so I can get a do-over.

Once her words finally sink in, I drop to my knees and stare at her stomach. I remember how soft and golden her belly looked when she was stripped down on the bed. I didn’t see any scars from her C-section, but everything was happening so fast. Once again, I wish I’d gotten control of myself. I wanted to memorize every inch of Siobhan.

Now, inside her body is the start of a baby.

Looking up at her beautiful face, I ask, “Are you going to keep it?”

“I want it, yes.”

“What if it’s like me?” I ask, hating her a little for not seeing how her new baby won’t be as good as the ones she had with Sync. “My mom was crazy. I’m not right. I don’t know about my brother. This baby might be wrong.”

“Even if our baby has problems, it’s still mine,” Siobhan explains tenderly while studying me. As her soft gaze hardens, she adds, “How can you think bad things about our baby when it’s the size of a poppy seed?”

Standing up, I frown at her. “You don’t know everything wrong with my bloodline.”

“Well, you know what’s wrong with mine,” Siobhan mutters and gestures toward Dot smacking Caveman with a dish towel nearby.

I feel weird like I should be alone for a while. No, I’d rather look at Siobhan for a little longer. She studies me with her perfect blue eyes. I love the color of them. No one has blue eyes like she does. Even Aunt Fred and Carys have slightly different shades of blue.

“I didn’t want to fuck at the clubhouse.”

My words startle me as much as they do her. Siobhan’s expression loses its hardness. She looks sad and vulnerable now.

“I wanted to take you on a date. Movies and dinner,” I explain, feeling like a moron. “But I got all fucked up in my head.”

“Okay.”

“I still want to take you out on a date.”

Siobhan nearly smiles. “Where would we go?”

“Do you really want to go out or are you just stuck because of the baby? ”

Siobhan cocks an eyebrow and loses her vulnerability. “I don’t get forced to do shit. I’m Elvis O’Malley’s daughter.”

Siobhan smirks at her words, feeling confident for a moment before she remembers why she’s here. Once the worry returns to her gaze, I feel like shit.

“I want you to pick where we eat dinner,” Siobhan says, testing me.

“Redwood Steakhouse.”

“The place where I got stood up?”

I think back to Siobhan sitting alone and growing sadder every minute her date didn’t show up.

Studying me, she asks, “Did Pork Chop and Scarecrow know why they scared off that guy?”

“I told them I had a bad feeling about him.”

“Well, at least, you three soggy fries were nice enough to join me, so I didn’t eat alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you, really?”

“About you being sad? Yes. About keeping that finance guy from boring you? No.”

“He and I had stuff in common.”

“No you didn’t.”

Siobhan offers a little smile. “No, not like you and I have stuff in common.”

Frowning, I feel like she’s subtly insulting me, but I’m too dumb to understand how. I glance over at Tack talking to Caveman before my gaze returns to Siobhan.

“You brought them in case I was mean to you.”

“No, they’re here for your sake. I feared you’d hear about the baby and run screaming into the woods. Bear and Tack came along to chase you down.”

I smile at how she teases me in her usual way. I wasn’t sure how we could go back to normal after fucking in the clubhouse bedroom.

My body aches at the memory of our time together. I wish I could touch her now. I bet she’d let me kiss her. We could get a meal tonight. I’d drive her home afterward. Everything could be easy.

Except I’m me. I’ll forget to talk or overreact to something. Even if I hadn’t fallen for Siobhan, I never would have dated anyone. I can’t deal with the responsibilities. I let people down .

Stepping away from Siobhan, I see her differently now. She’s no longer the beautiful woman who makes me crazy. Siobhan is a potential victim of my bad choices. I’ve already messed up our first time together. I put a baby in her belly. What will people think? The club guys will razz me. I’ll take things too personally and mess up again.

“I’d like to go to a movie before we have dinner,” Siobhan says, taking my hand and flattening it out so my palm is upward. “I want popcorn and soda. You can hold my hand as I whisper complaints in your ear.”

“Complaints about what?”

“The movie. We’ll see a shitty action movie with dumb dialogue and terrible acting. Do Steven Seagal movies go to theaters or are those only on streaming? I feel like I could complain a lot about one of his movies.”

Siobhan’s gaze watches me in a new way. She’s seeing me as a man rather than one of her foster brothers.

My hands go to my hair and then my beard, wondering if I look sloppy. Siobhan smiles wider.

“Will you take me to the movies?”

“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

“Because you want to and not because you think you have to behave a certain way, right? I’m not interested in having a pet.”

“What about my dogs?”

“I meant in my bed. So, no, Indigo, your dogs can’t stay in my bed.”

“I don’t just want to fuck,” I mutter, feeling overwhelmed by her talking about her bed.

“Stop thinking about my pussy and focus on spending money on me,” Siobhan announces, seeming to have gotten her confidence back. “During our movie and a meal, I want you to talk about yourself, even if you just share old stories I’ve already heard. I’m going to listen differently now because I know what your dick looks like.”

Shaking my head, I hate how she laughs at my frustration. But I’m also relieved she isn’t angry with me.

“I’ve never gone on a date before.”

“I’ve only dated Sync and a few nerds who slipped past your net. I haven’t gotten to hold a guy’s hand and flirt in so long,” Siobhan says before adding in a softer tone, “I’m glad I get to do it with you.”

Frowning, I step back. “You’re being too nice. ”

“No, I gave you attitude earlier. I also mentioned your dick to make you feel awkward. I’m my usual bitchy self.”

A smile warms my face. “I wish I did things different at the clubhouse.”

“I’m not,” she says and pats her belly. “I hope we have a little boy. I want to name him Bishop after the android from ‘Aliens.’ You know, just to fuck with Carys.”

My stomach flips sideways at the thought of me as a father. What child deserves that horseshit? Before I can get too upset, I imagine my kid in Siobhan’s arms. She cuddles so much with her twins.

“It’s okay, Indigo,” Siobhan says, reacting to something on my face. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, either, but we’ll figure it out. We aren’t strangers. I trust you. I hope you can trust me.”

Siobhan has the power to silence my past and brush aside the garbage rustling around in my head. When her beautiful blue eyes focus on me, I can’t see anyone else.

That’s what happens right now. The world narrows down to her smiling face, and I break free of the burden of being me.