Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Orla, aged 16. December 18 th

Orla made her way down to Cranberry Cove and smiled to see that Shay was sitting there waiting for her.

Their Christmas tree, this year dressed in gold, sparkled and twinkled as it sat on the beach behind him. It had become a tradition now, every December 1 st , Shay would drag a tree down onto the beach and they would decorate it together and she loved that they had that thing that was just theirs.

‘Hey,’ she offered him a piece of Christmas pudding fudge from her bag and he took one. She poured out two mugs of hot chocolate from the flask she’d brought with her. ‘I have a question for you.’

‘Shoot.’

‘And you have to be honest.’

‘I’m always honest with you.’ He popped the fudge in his mouth.

‘Have you had sex?’

He choked on the fudge, and she slapped him hard on the back. ‘Oh my god, are you OK?’

He recovered himself and cleared his throat. ‘I wasn’t ready for that question, why would you want to know that?’

Orla sighed. ‘It seems like everyone in the world has had sex apart from me. And it’s not like I’m saving myself for marriage or the greatest love story, it’s just that I’m only sixteen and the few boys I’ve dated I’ve certainly not wanted to go that far with. All the girls say sex isn’t a big deal, it doesn’t mean anything. And judging from their less than complimentary reviews of sex, it doesn’t even seem that enjoyable, so I’m certainly not expecting it to be this beautiful, special thing that you read about in books or see in movies, but… I don’t know, I just feel that the man I’m with should at least set my world on fire. I should be attracted to him. When we kiss, it should mean something.’

She stared out at the sea, feeling her cheeks flame. And that might be where the problem lay because the only man who set her world on fire was the one sitting next to her. And nothing had ever happened or would ever happen between them; they were friends and always would be. He didn’t see her that way. But she knew that if they ever did kiss, at least for her, it would be electric. And she supposed she was looking for that. When she dated, when she kissed a boy, she was always looking for that excitement, that thrill that she knew she’d get from kissing Shay. She was setting herself up for failure because nothing would ever come close to how she felt for him.

‘I don’t think you’re wrong for waiting,’ Shay said. ‘It has to feel right. The person has to be right. You shouldn’t just have sex for the sake of having sex. And a lot of people who say they’ve had sex are lying simply because everyone else is saying they’ve had sex. I bet there are a lot more virgins in Apple Hill Bay than you think.’

‘So have you?’

He paused before answering. ‘Yes.’

‘More than once?’

‘Yes.’

‘With more than one woman?’

‘Not at the same time but yes, I’ve slept with more than one woman.’

‘How many is more than one?’

‘Too many, but Orla, the life I lead is not one to admire. I drink too much, smoke too much, get into too many fights and sleep with women when I don’t even know their name. I’ve never loved any of them, barely even like them, what does that say about me? I’m seventeen, do you think I’m proud of that? I scraped through my GCSEs with no more than a handful of satisfactory grades. There will be no university for me. So don’t think just because I’ve had sex that I should be held in some great esteem. I have a lot more admiration for you, someone who respects themselves than someone like me, a complete shitshow. Also I swear too much too. I’m clearly such a catch.’

She hated when he spoke about himself like that. ‘There might not be any university for you, but you are studying a BTEC in carpentry and doing a City and Guilds in bricklaying and one in plumbing. You have already secured an apprenticeship at the White Cliff Bay furniture company for when you finish sixth form and I know how hard they are to get so don’t make out like you’re an uneducated lazy arse idiot. Just because you’re not academic doesn’t mean you’re stupid. And regardless of all that other stuff you said, you’re one of the kindest, loveliest men I know and that is far more important than how much you drink or how many women you’ve slept with.’

He looked out to sea, and she could tell he didn’t believe her.

‘OK, that aside. What was your first time like?’

‘Quick,’ Shay laughed. ‘Thankfully it wasn’t her first time, I’d have felt awful if it was. I think it lasted no more than thirty seconds. No woman wants to look back on their first time with that kind of disappointment. I had no idea what I was doing, or how to please a woman. Thankfully my skills have come a long way since then. Apparently, it’s something I’m quite good at.’

She knew he wasn’t just saying that to impress her. He never blew his own trumpet.

‘So you enjoy it?’

‘Most men enjoy sex because they almost always come. Women’s orgasms are apparently harder to achieve.’

‘Apparently?’

‘Well, as I said, it’s the one thing I’m good at. But sex for me is more than just a meaningless orgasm. When I’m with these women they look at me like I’m someone special, like I’m not some worthless piece of crap, and I enjoy that feeling, no matter if it’s only for one night.’

‘I’ve never looked at you like you’re worthless, I’ve always seen you for the man you are, not the man you love to hate. I’ve always thought you were special and I don’t need an orgasm to think that.’

He smiled. ‘Good job too, I don’t think I could look myself in the eye if I slept with you.’

A stab of pain pierced her heart.

‘What does that mean?’

‘You deserve someone so much better than me. And that’s who you should wait for, someone who will treat you with the respect, care and love that you deserve. You are one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met and you should be with someone incredible too. Don’t jump into bed with someone just for the sake of having sex. Aim higher than that.’

‘You’re right, I’m not going to rush into this and I’m certainly not going to sleep with some random guy I’ve only known for a few hours. Are you going to Clara’s Christmas party tomorrow?’

Shay nodded. ‘I’m friends with her brother and Melody wants to go.’

Orla suppressed an eye roll at the mention of his latest girlfriend. She was a bit of cow, always wanted Shay to pay for everything and got super jealous if he even spoke to another girl. Orla couldn’t help thinking that Shay deserved better too.

‘I hate parties,’ Orla said. ‘It’s not my sort of thing at all. Especially as I don’t drink. But I like Clara and I promised I’d go. But now everyone is talking about how they’re going to have sex at the party. It’s a large house apparently, with lots of bedrooms. Half my friends that are going are single, but they’re all excited about the prospect of hooking up with someone from the party. I can’t think of anything worse. I will stand in the corner, drink orange juice and sneak out after a few hours once everyone is too drunk to notice.’

‘Good plan. I’d much rather be doing that than making awkward social chit chat.’

‘Is Fern going?’ Orla asked, hoping she’d have at least one person on her wavelength to talk to.

‘No, Mum is taking her on this painting course for the weekend. It’s up in Exeter, so they’re staying over tonight and tomorrow night.’

‘Oh, she’s been so excited about this course, I didn’t realise she was staying over.’

‘I think that part was kind of last minute.’

‘So you and Theo have been left to your own devices?’

‘No parties in the house and no overnight guests. She means Melody. Mum doesn’t like her.’

‘Why not?’

‘She doesn’t trust her. To be fair, Mum doesn’t like any of the girls I date. She has very high standards of what kind of girl she wants for me. I’m more realistic. But you can stay over if you want. Mum’s always happy for you to stay.’

Orla smiled. She had stayed over at least once a week over the last few years. Despite her parents’ promises, they still rowed often, although the plate throwing and glass smashing had stopped. But Carrie always made her feel welcome.

‘How do you think Melody will feel if she knows that I’m staying over but she’s not allowed to?’

‘Well, I don’t plan on telling her. She’s staying over at Clara’s house anyway.’

‘Won’t she be expecting you to stay with her?’

He pulled a face. ‘I’d rather make sure you get back home safely, so come and get me when you’re ready to leave.’

‘You’d rather come back with me and spend the night alone in your bed, than have sex with your girlfriend.’

‘Yes,’ he said without hesitation.

She smiled and shook her head. She was never going to get over this man.