Chapter Two

Kade

"Calm down, man." My brother Charlie pulls back the cord, starting the chainsaw before cutting off the last few branches on a row of trees we've just brought into the barn. We're mainly a u-pick farm, though we do cut and freshen a few pines to keep up front for those that don't like the hike out into the woods.

He slices off the final branch and tosses the saw down onto the ground. "She's an employee and you're her boss. This looks bad if you take too much interest."

I pull a six-foot Fraser fir up from the cut pile. "I'm not taking too much interest. I'm keeping my employees invested in their work. This asshole came and bothered her on shift."

"And she stopped talking when you told her to and went back to work." He glances toward me. "Plus, he left, right?"

I grind my teeth against one another. I regret telling him anything. "That's not the point."

"What is the point then, brother?" Charlie snaps a look at me with narrowed brows. "You're on edge all the fuckin' time. You're barking at customers. I mean, hell, this whole eclipse thing has us on the map this year. We've got people coming in from all over the world for this, and with that extra attention, there are a lot more cameras everywhere. I've already seen someone posting a video online of you arguing with a customer over five bucks." He tosses the tree in the bailer and grabs another. "What's going on?"

"That woman who posted the video was trying to scam me. I don't put up with scammers."

"It was five bucks," Charlie groans. "Five bucks to keep your face off the internet and get a positive review instead of a shit one. I know you hate talking about your feelings, but you've been weird ever since the season started. For God's sake, it's Christmas. Figure it out or stop coming in."

"Right, and you're the pillar of Christmas charm." I toss the bailed trees into the back of the waiting pickup truck.

"It doesn't take much to be better than you are right now. Come on, brother. Be better." Charlie tosses the last tree in and shakes his head before climbing up in the driver's seat and taking off toward the barn. He pulls this righteous shit whenever he thinks he has the moral high ground, and it gets fucking old.

I chew the inside of my cheek and ball my fists at my side before walking into the pine grove. My family has owned this farm for generations and my brothers and I have run the place for the last twenty years. You'd think we'd have it down by now, but every year there's some kind of drama. Last year, we lost half our inventory to a barn fire. The year before that, the reindeer got sick, and we had to cancel a ton of events.

I think we've been spiraling downward since the year that Mom passed away. Ever since we were kids, we needed a referee to keep the peace. I miss her so much this time of year.

Despite all the drama lately, people look at us like we're blessed. That owning your own business is living the dream, but there's always something lurking around the corner. Sometimes I wonder why we don't sell the whole place off and separate our lives a little. I think we'd get along better if we did. Then again, I'm not sure I could give all this up.

I look around and all I see is our family's land. At this point, we're four generations deep in this dirt. You don't just pick up and walk away from something like that. This dirt is our link to the past. It's the place where our grandparents' parents put their blood, sweat, and tears. It's the place our family is known for. We've got roots so deep that they can't be replanted.

The sun fades into the evening sky as I wander the long aisles of Fraser fir and balsam. We'll see an influx of families an hour from now as folks are getting off work. This is my favorite time in the grove. There's something magical about rows and rows of snowy trees under the moonlight. The snow reflects the casting light and there's silence except for the crunching under my boots.

I stare ahead at the rising mountain range and suck in a breath of pine surrounding me. I don't know when life got so damn complicated. When Christmas stopped being fun and light. When I got so damn angry.

The crunch of another boot echoes a few rows down, followed by a sniffle, and then another. This part of the lot is blocked off for cutting, so there shouldn't be anyone down here. I move quickly through the trees, pushing back the sharp needles with my gloved hand as I walk. The snow is deeper out here, harder to maneuver.

"Oh, God. I'm not on shift." Jovie stands from the snow pile she's sitting on and wipes away a tear. "I just need space to think, and… yeah. I know this isn't an open area. I can leave."

"No, you're okay. I was out here thinking, too. My favorite spot to really get some good answers is that balsam to the right. The one that's tilting slightly. He's a good listener. Been talking to him since I was a kid."

Jovie pushes her blonde hair away from her face with her knit mitten and smiles. "Trees are the best listeners. There's this willow I used to sit under in the park in San Diego that seemed to have all kinds of answers."

"I've never met a willow I didn't like." I brush my hand over my beard, covering the half smile that's threatening my image. "Why the tears?"

She sighs. "You don't want to hear my problems. I can go over there and talk to the balsam."

"Actually, I do. I mean, you should be able to talk to your boss."

"Should I?" Her brow raises. "Is that a normal thing? I don't know a lot of people who tell their bosses all their emotional problems."

I shrug. "Don't know, but I know you're a better employee when you're not upset. So, spill it, unless you want me to go first."

Her shoulders relax. "That's way more interesting. What's up with you?"

I learned from watching my mother at church that you don't get people to open up unless you're willing to do the same. "Well, my brother Charlie is being a huge pain in the ass about everything this year. It's worse than other years. He seems to think he knows everything about everyone. Oh, and my three other brothers are each being assholes in their own unique and festive ways. Nick just bought a new tractor without telling anyone, Gabe decided to run a plow into a tree by the main house and took down an electric pole, and Sam, the oldest of all of us, is spending his paycheck to attend the Christmas party with some internet girl. So yeah, maybe that's why I've been miserable. Everyone is a wreck. What about you? That guy was really trying to push that ring on you."

Her plump red lips pinch together, and for a second, I flash on the thought of all that red lipstick covering my cock.

Fuck! That's one hell of an intrusive thought. What's wrong with me? Clearly, I need to jerk off or something.

"Yeah." She sighs and sits back on the snowbank, pulling her down jacket over her butt as she adjusts. "I know what you're saying about me deserving more, but I feel like that's how people end up alone."

"So, you'd rather settle than go after what you deserve?"

"No," she snaps. "That's not what I'm saying." She huffs, "If you go dismissing everyone after they make a mistake, what's left? No one is perfect."

"True, but the people that want to be in your life usually make an effort to show you that. Do you think that guy shows you that?"

She looks at the snow and reaches for a limb on the tree, pushing the powder off inch by inch as she thinks over my question. "I don't know. Sometimes, yeah, but here's the thing. What if I leave him and find out that every man is exactly the same, and it's me who's had jaded expectations this entire time?"

"Look," I sigh, "we've only known each other briefly, so I don't really know you, and I certainly don't know your ex, but I do know that love doesn't make you question yourself in a snowbank after dark. I know love doesn't make you talk to trees. I know you deserve more. A lot more."

Her gaze narrows, and she looks away without saying a word.

I want to reach out and pull her close to my body to show her what it feels like to really care about someone. "In the brief time you've been here, I can tell you've got a good head on your shoulders, you've got a lot of care for others, and you're as beautiful as the day is long. You have all these things going for you, but you're losing sleep over some asshole who most definitely will be the same asshole threatening divorce the first time shit gets real."

Her gaze meets mine. "What's your story? You've got all this advice to give, so where's it coming from?"

I stare at her for a long moment, wondering how I got into this mess. I don't talk about feelings. It's why I'm alone. Women want to talk about feelings… a lot. With most women, even the most mundane thing can turn into feelings. The dishwasher didn't get loaded properly… feelings . The trash didn't get taken out… feelings . I power washed the driveway instead of trimming the hedge… feelings. Women need things I don't understand. They want things I can't give them.

I shrug and sit opposite her on the snowbank. "I've tried the feelings thing in the past and I struggled. Ultimately, every attempt led to disappointment, and everyone got hurt. So, I've learned to step back and take care of myself."

"That sounds lonely."

"It's not as bad as you think. I get time to do whatever I want, whenever I want."

She leans toward me slightly, bundling her jacket tighter. "Really? You don't ever wish you had a family?"

"Sometimes, mostly because I wish I had someone to leave my part of the farm to. I mean, none of us brothers got married or had kids, so we're not sure what's going to happen to this place after us." I brush my hand down over my beard as I talk.

"Well, you can leave all this to me if you want. I've always wanted a farm." She grins as she stares out at the horizon, as though she's imagining all of this being hers. "What's it like, having a legacy like this?"

"Shit, I was just thinking about that. I think it's a blessing and a curse."

"A curse?"

"Mostly a blessing, but I think if I could get my brothers to leave, I'd be happier." I laugh.

"You don't mean that."

"Yeah," I sigh, "probably not. You have siblings?"

"Nope. I've got that spoiled only child thing going on. I did have an imaginary sister, though. She did all the chores I didn't want to do."

I laugh. "And how does that work?"

"Mind over matter. If Tina is doing the dishes, I don't have to."

"Okay. I like this mind over matter thing. So, leave Tina to deal with this ex and you free up your mind for other things."

"I couldn't do that to Tina. She works hard enough as it is." She chuckles and stands from the snowbank. "You never had an imaginary friend?"

"No, but I did have an imaginary dog once, though. I was trying to guilt my parents into getting me a real dog."

"Did it work?"

"Perfectly. Duke and I spent eighteen years together. He's under the pines up on the hill now. Another reason I can't leave this place. There're far too many memories."

"I don't think I've ever had a place like that. We moved around a lot when I was a kid."

"That had to be hard on an only child."

"Yeah," she laughs. "I blame most things on it. My lack of social skills, my unwillingness to share, my virginity."

My eyes widen and my stomach clenches. Did I hear that right?

"Oh, God. See… lack of social skills. Sorry. I'm," she blows out a breath, "I… yeah."

She turns and walks away, crunching through the snow toward the barn.

I stand and follow after her, though I have no idea what I'll say when I catch up. I'm well versed in saying stupid shit, but I'm lost when it comes to reassurance, especially about something sexual. "Stop. Hold on."

"No, I should go. It's late and I have to get back and feed the cat. She'll eat the couch if she gets hungry enough."

I jog forward and grab her arm. "Hold on."

She turns back, her plump lips parted, her light hair blowing back in the breeze. "What?"

"Have dinner with me."

Her brows narrow and I'm already regretting the idea. Truthfully, I don't even know why I asked. My mouth is just running.

"What?" Her tone is soft and sweet.

"Dinner. Food. You need food… and I need food." I glance away, then back again. "I could use the company. Feed the cat and come over to my place. How about an hour from now?"

She stands in the moonlit snow with a red tipped nose, staring at me as though she doesn't know what to say.

"I just announced that I'm a virgin. I'm a social pariah. You shouldn't want dinner with me, unless you have some kind of virgin fetish or something." She looks away, then back again. "Oh God, please tell me that isn't the case. I don't think I could handle it."

"I didn't hear you say shit. I figured I needed help planning for the eclipse party at the end of the month and you needed something to get your mind off of things. I was going to ask you, anyway. We're expecting almost a thousand people, and given your background, I figured you would be the best one to ask. You're an accountant from San Diego, right?"

Her head rolls back. "Yeah, but you're full of it. I can't imagine you asking anyone for help on anything."

"I do." I clear my throat. "I could use all the help I can get."

She bites the inside of her cheek and stares down at the snow for a long while before she starts tapping her face in thought. It's a pretty cute sight with the mitten and all. "This is probably dumb, but… sure. I'll see you in an hour."

I nod, and though I'm not sure what the hell it is I'm doing, I just keep on doing it.