Chapter One

Jovie

Complete totality. It sounds like the title of a science fiction movie, which isn't really my thing, but Christmas totality is right up my alley.

Think about all the things that have to line up for that to happen. The sun, the moon, and the Earth all have to get together at one party, all at once, and they chose Christmas Eve. This is a once in a lifetime event and people know it too. This little mountain town is stocked full of tourists, and we're the only area with accommodations for a hundred miles that'll have this kind of view — minus any town lights.

"You've got someone waiting for you." My friend Mariah stands at the entrance to the barn with her cute little Santa skirt in place. I've only known her for a few weeks, but somehow, she just gets cuter and cuter, while I get older and older. I guess that's what heartbreak does to a person. It withers you up into a shell of your former self. "I think it's your ex. I can tell him to leave if you want me to."

I blow out a heavy breath and step out from behind the counter. "No, I should talk to him. Can you watch the register for me?"

She nods and squeezes my hand as she passes by. "Don't let him bully you into going home. You love it here. You know you do."

It's true. This little mountain town is everything San Diego isn't. Sure, it's not seventy-five degrees year-round, but out here everyone knows everyone, and the world feels alive in a different kind of way. In a truer kind of way. In a way that makes me feel connected with nature and the universe.

I realize that sounds all hippie-dippie, but it's true.

"I'm not going anywhere," I say, tightening my apron around my waist. "Trust me, this guy is not worth a second chance."

Mariah rolls her eyes and twists her long dark hair back away from her shoulder. "Whatever you say. Holler if you need me, or if you just want me to come try out my karate moves."

I smile and nod, ignoring the ache in my stomach as I step out onto the freshly fallen snow. Truthfully, I don't know what I'm thinking right now. I know I should hate Wyatt for what he's done to me, but for some dumbass reason, I still think about him… a lot. My therapist said it's PTSD from the hell he put me through, some kind of toxic bond or something, but it feels real. And deep down, in the solitude of my thoughts, I wonder if I should forgive him. It's either that or rip his balls off. The two feelings interchange quite regularly… hence the therapy.

Outside, the sun is high and bright, the pine trees are covered with a heavy white of freshly fallen snow, and there's a crispness in the air that's easy to fill my lungs with.

Wyatt immediately looks out of place here. While most men up in this part of the mountains wear flannel and jeans, my ex wears a three-piece business suit with a necktie. He's also clean shaven, which isn't a thing men seem to do in the mountains.

"What are you doing out here?" I cross my arms in front of my chest and act like I'm cold, but really, I'm nervous for whatever he's about to say. We haven't spoken in over a month, and we left things pretty hairy.

"I missed you," he groans, stepping toward me. He's shorter than I remember. Then again, maybe that's a product of me hanging around all these big lumberjacks all day. The men out here are cut from a different cloth. It's like there's something in the water.

"Well, had you followed through with our wedding, you wouldn't be missing me," I snark, shuffling in the snow between the pines.

His head lowers. "I fucked up. I'm sorry." He glances toward me. "I need you, Jovie. I'm not myself without you."

My eyes widen and the anger that's been stored in my nerves for weeks comes spilling out. "You're insane!" I laugh. "Like bat-shit crazy. I… yeah. You should go."

He drags in a deep breath and keeps his focus on me. "Look," he groans, leaning in, "you shouldn't forgive me. I'm an asshole. We were engaged, and I fucked it all up. I could stand here and rattle off excuses, but none of them matter. What I did was wrong, and I regret it. I see that now."

Everything is blurry, and my stomach aches with indecision. I've known Wyatt for nearly five years. First as friends of a friend, and the last two years very personally. I never would've dreamt he could have been this guy. Then again, I guess no one thinks the man they're dating is evil when they start. If they did, they wouldn't date the lunatic in the first place.

"Right." I don't know what else to say and I'm not fully sure why he came all this way yet. He could've called me with an apology.

Wyatt reaches out and wraps me in his arms. I should pull back, but for some reason I stand in place like a stupid, shell-shocked simpleton.

"You're on my clock, aren't you?" a man groans from behind. I already know it's my boss, Kade. He and his brothers own Evergreen Family Tree Farm and they're all similar pains in the ass, though I think Kade just might be the worst. He nods toward Wyatt. "And you are?"

Wyatt reaches out his hand. "Jovie's fiancé."

"Fiancé?" I glance toward Wyatt. "No, you messed that up, remember?"

"I figured we'd pick up where we left off." He pulls the diamond he'd bought for me from his pocket and hands it toward me like a piece of bubble gum.

For a moment, everything is silent except the drips of snow that melt in the afternoon sun. For years, Wyatt was all that I wanted, all I thought about. I got close to his family. I still text his mom. So, how do I turn that off?

Leaving me right before our wedding then re-proposing on a whim in front of my boss should do the trick, but I'm malfunctioning right now. I'll blame the lack of coffee this morning, even though I know I need to increase my therapy to at least twice a week going forward.

"I need you back at work right now." Kade's gaze is dark and angered.

I know I should hate this about him, but something about that grumpy look on his face makes my heart warm. I'm not sure what it is. No one wants to be around a grump, but there's more to him. I can see it. That and he's tall and wide, and looks like he could probably haul my big ass up and over his shoulders if he wanted to.

Why does my clit throb when that vision comes to mind?

What am I thinking? I shake my head like an Etch-A-Sketch and glance toward Wyatt, who's still pushing the engagement ring toward me.

Why is he doing this, why did he wait for me to run away before he decided he wanted me, and why do I wish my boss would keep this whole growly man thing up until all my problems were solved?

Kade steps between us and lands his hand on my back, guiding me away before glancing back toward Wyatt. "She's working. Do this on your own time."

Relief washes over me as the distance between Wyatt and I grows again. That should be my sign. The one I need to release myself from his grip, but I doubt it will be.

"Don't tell me you're falling for that shit," Kade groans, still holding onto me. His hand is big and reassuring. Is this what true comfort feels like?

Not at all, girl! Do better! God!

The man wants me to get back to work, not hold me while I cry, even if that would help a lot right now.

"What?"

"Look, it's none of my business, but I overheard that guy talking, and you're better than that." He clears his throat. "Plus, it's interrupting your productivity."

I'm pretty sure that was validation wrapped in some kind of frustrated sandwich, but I roll my eyes and blow him off. "You don't know what you're talking about."

He shakes his head. "I know you deserve someone who isn't trying to leave you whenever he gets overwhelmed. I know you deserve a man who acts like a fucking man."

More warmth. More validation. My clit twitches.

What's wrong with me? Kade is probably twice my age, my boss , and he might be the angriest Christmas tree farm owner on planet Earth. I don't need to crush on him like some hormonal teenager. I need to work on myself and move past needing a man altogether. Maybe I need to have a rational conversation with Wyatt.

No, that's not it!

I need to swear off men, attend a recovery retreat, and live alone in the woods forever, writing poetry about the trees and the way the wind blows against the tin roof of my shack.

"Thanks for the advice," I snark, stepping back into the barn, "but I've got this."

"Don't give him excuses. A mistake is forgetting milk on the way home. This guy is fucking with your heart. You let him and he'll keep doing it." Kade's gaze shifts downward, then up again, meeting mine with a soft understanding I'm not sure I've ever felt before, and all at once it's there again.

Validation. Pure, heated, genuine, ratifying validation, and every word sitting like a platter of fresh fruit, desperate to be devoured… and I do. With my eyes on the thick, inked-up giant in front of me, I devour every single word.

Someone call my therapist, because I need help.