Chapter 2

In front of her stood Bhaltair, and étaín blinked, afraid that she was having one of her dreams again, but in the middle of the day.

Did I doze off in the hall?

Clearly not, for Elspeth had seen him and was now greedily peering into the room to look at him while étaín felt her mouth go dry and her limbs go weak. He was there, alive, and looking older, stronger, and annoyingly, more handsome, as Elspeth had already pointed out.

Her lips formed words, but they wouldn't come, and she wanted to stamp her foot. She hadn't been struck with speechlessness since Bhaltair had left, and now that he was there, she was struggling again.

Kaden came up to her with a grin on his face, and he took her hand, pulling her into the study, the last place she wanted to be. He shut the door behind her, no doubt leaving a disappointed Elspeth on the other side. étaín fought the urge to cry as well as to scream. She wanted nothing to do with this man who had broken her heart and made her feel a fool. Her whole body was stiff, and when her brother let her go, she stepped to the side to get even further away from Bhaltair. And then she did the last thing she wished to do. She stumbled.

In her horror and surprise at seeing her old love again, she'd stepped on the hem of her gown. Dear Lord, kill me now!

She was hurtling towards the floor, almost wishing she could stay down there forever, when a pair of strong arms caught her. She tensed again, breathing in Bhaltair's familiar scent, a smell she had decided to hold onto.

Traitor.

"Are ye all right, lass?"

étaín wanted to cry at the sound of his voice, the way it made her heart thump into new life as if it had been dead for the five years since she'd seen him last.

"Bhaltair," she whispered in a questioning tone, and once she was stood on her feet, she hurried out of his grasp and went to stand next to her brother.

Kaden laughed. "Is it nae amazin'? Bhaltair come back tae us after all this time."

"Amazin'," she said, staring at him coldly. "But where—what did ye?—"

She paused, yet again annoyed at her speechlessness and the inability to string a few words together when he was near.

Kaden tugged on her arm. "I couldnae believe it meself." He glanced at her, and she could see the slight narrowing of his eyes in confusion at her struggle to speak.

And she could feel the blush on her cheeks too, even though she was trying to stare the blaigeard Bhaltair down as best she could. There was no way on God's green earth that she was going to show him just how much he'd hurt her. She wanted Bhaltair to think that she'd not thought of him one second since his departure.

He will certainly never ken about the dreams, damn him!

"But, I think that Bhaltair is likely weary from his journey," Kaden said.

Bhaltair still hadn't said anything yet, and she wondered why. Even if he was far more handsome than he had been, he looked tired, as if he carried a great weight upon his shoulders.

Good. I hope it crushes him.

"Aye," he said, clearing his throat and putting his hands behind his back. His dark eyes turned to hers. "It is good tae see ye again, étaín."

She said nothing, only nodded, for fear that all the pain she'd suffered in that moment would come spilling out. It had taken years for her to push it away, deep down inside herself, and she was furious that one glance at him could make it all come up again.

Kaden blinked at her, but she didn't turn to her brother. Instead, he went to the door and called for the maid. étaín busied herself by looking down at some papers on her brother's desk. He was watching her; she knew it, but she refused to look up at him. She also had no interest in speaking to Bhaltair, and she hoped he would not be staying long. Where had he been, anyway?

Dinnae be curious. It doesnae matter. He left and never came back, never sent a word. What sort of friend does that?

Kaden returned and put a hand to Bhaltair's shoulder. "The maid will take ye tae a room, me friend. Go and rest. We will see ye in an hour or two fer the evenin' meal, should ye wish tae join us."

"Aye." He hugged Kaden, his hands clapping on his friend's back. "Thank ye. It is good tae be home."

"Good tae have ye."

Kaden followed his friend out the door, and then when he shut it, he turned around and stared at étaín with continued confusion.

"Are ye nae happy tae see our old friend? It has been some time. And ye looked as if ye couldnae speak."

étaín stomped around the desk and flopped into the chair across from her brother's. He found his way to his own chair, continuing to stare at her with perplexity.

"He wasnae me friend, fer I was far too young. I was just his friend's little sister," she spat, then looked up, surprised at the vehemence in her voice. Kaden looked surprised, too, so in a calmer tone, she added, "I only meant that he was more yer friend, Kaden. And then he left ye, God kens why?! And durin' the time our parents…"

She trailed off. Not only had she dealt with the pain from Bhaltair's insulting rejection but then she had been cast into despair a few years prior when her parents had died. Her father's wife had been a stepmother to Kaden and Líadan, but she had been her true mother. And now she had only her brother and sister in her life, whom she loved dearly. But every day, she missed her parents. Right then, they would know what to do and how to act. They would tell her if she was doing something wrong, and they would comfort her. She missed them so much sometimes, it felt like she would choke with the weight of it.

"Och, aye. But I have a feelin' that something terrible happened," Kaden said, frowning, folding his hands on his desk. "He didnae tell me much, for it seemed tae give him pain. But he will soon."

étaín traced a finger on the wood grain on Kaden"s desk. "How long will he be stayin' with us?" she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"I dinnae ken, but we will be good hosts tae him. He is a beloved friend, family. I thought he had been like a braither tae ye, but ye acted as if he was a stranger!"

"He is a stranger!" étaín said, her cheeks flushing with heat again. "I dinnae ken him any longer. Dinnae be so na?ve to believe that the man who left is the same as the one who came back. It's been five years, braither."

"Well," Kaden replied with a shrug, "I suppose now will be the time fer all of us tae get tae ken one another again. I will write tae Líadan. She will be pleased tae hear of his return."

étaín did not reply. There was a knock on the door, and she feared for a moment that Bhaltair had returned, but it was only Marcus, Kaden's adviser.

"Och, Marcus. I wanted tae tell ye that an old friend has returned tae us. Bhaltair MacThomas. After five long years, he is finally back."

Marcus put his hands behind his back and nodded. "Och, aye, I remember ye mentionin' him. Good tae ken he is back with ye."

étaín watched an expression flit across Marcus"s face. He was usually so stoic and quiet and hard to read. Over the past five years he and Kaden had become close. He was Kaden's second, and étaín wondered for a moment if he would be bothered by the fact that Bhaltair had returned, a man who had once been Kaden's very best friend before he'd departed without much information or word.

"Aye. So, he will be with us, but I dinnae ken how long. He may join us in some of the trainin' as well," Kaden told him, his eyes trailing over some papers on his desk.

"Aye, very well."

Marcus glanced down at étaín, and she turned away, hoping that he didn"t catch her staring, thinking about his reactions. He had red hair and brown eyes, and he was about Kaden"s age. She always enjoyed seeing him smile since it was a very rare occasion. She had tried to make him laugh on more than one occasion.

"Join us fer dinner too," Kaden said. "Will ye tell the kitchen that another has come?"

"Aye, laird," Marcus said with a slight bow, and then he left.

"Now," Kaden said, shuffling a few papers on his desk before he squared étaín with an older brother sort of look. "We need tae discuss the feast, aye?"

"Aye," she said, letting out a sigh, glad to be talking in something other than Bhaltair.

However, even though there was the distraction, she couldn"t help but keep thinking of him, wondering why he was there, why he hadn"t spoken much when she'd come into the room and why he looked as if there was a great weight upon him. Nonetheless, her promise from all those years ago stayed firm.

I will stay as far away from him as possible, and I will never show me heart in front of a man again.

* * *

Bhaltair's mind was full of jumbled emotions, but he"d learned to take sleep when he could find it many years ago, and almost as soon as he was led to the room that the maid had given him, he drifted off in the bed. He was awoken a little while later by a manservant that informed him that dinner would be served shortly. Bhaltair lay back in the bed for a moment, not sure he wanted to slip out from the warm covers. Autumn was upon them and there was a slight chill in the air. His journey had been a cool one, but now he was finally back in the warm, comforting castle he had so often called home. It brought a smile to his lips, which immediately faltered when he saw étaín's horrified face again in his mind's eye. It was no surprise that she had been perturbed at seeing him again. He had been terrible, insulting, and not friendly in the least during their last encounter.

He finally stood from the bed and went to the bowl of water on the nearby table, washing his face and running his hands through his hair before tying it up again. He stood by the fire for a few moments, feeling the warmth deep in his bones, and as he pulled on his jacket, he wondered if he"d done the right thing by coming back. Perhaps he should have stayed away. Then he would not have had to deal with his guilt. Yet at the same time, he felt the need to tell someone what had happened, why he disappeared without a word, what his life had been for the last years. He had wanted to return to his friend and a place that had always made him feel safe and loved. It was something he'd not experienced for some time.

He left the room, not wanting to be late for dinner, but his steps were slow as he descended the stairway towards the hall. It was not only the horrified expression on étaín's face that had struck him. It was also the fact that she was just as he had imagined her: a fully grown woman. There was maturity in her face, in the line of her jaw and her neck, and in the brightness and intelligence of her dark brown eyes. He could not help but notice that her figure was womanlier as well, and her lips still as pink as that day by the river when he had felt them against his own. Her hair was long and dark, but it had been pinned and plaited up. He wished as he had for years, to reach up and free it of its pins and move his fingers through it.

In his wildest dreams, though, he had not imagined just how beautiful she would be. In all the years they'd been apart, he had been unable to conjure her image. But now he would have to bear it. He would have to stare at her for days on end and be near her, and he wondered if he would survive it. Outside the hall, he heard voices, and with another deep breath, he opened the door and stepped inside, eager to return to a life akin to normalcy.

"Och, ye've come," Kaden said, standing up from where he was sitting at the head of the table, and he lifted a drink in his hand. "We werenae sure if we should let ye continue tae sleep, but it seems ye roused."

Bhaltair stole a glance at étaín before he pulled on his jacket a bit and stepped closer to the table, finding a seat. "I wouldnae have wished tae remain abed. It has been far too long since I've eaten at this table. And what a jolly table it was."

"Hear, hear!" Kaden called out, lifting his glass, and the others did the same. étaín and another man were both there. For a moment, Bhaltair wondered if this man was her betrothed or soon to be. He pushed away the foolish feeling of jealousy that filled his stomach. Once a servant filled his cup with ale, he too lifted his glass in the air. "I want tae make a toast tae our old friend Bhaltair. We thought he was lost, but now he is found again."

Bhaltair swallowed nervously, keeping his eyes on the smiling Kaden, instead of looking towards étaín. He could practically feel her gaze burning into him with fury.

"We have missed him these five long years, but now he is back and returned tae us safe and sound," Kaden added.

But changed,he wanted to say, yet he remained silent, giving his friend a grateful smile.

They clinked glasses, and Bhaltair tried to push down the guilt of being toasted to. However, he would have to get over it, he was sure, because Kaden had always been that kind of friend. He was always ready to celebrate anything that had to do with those he loved. Kaden was always understanding too. Bhaltair had been both surprised and not at just how quickly Kaden had believed him about not being yet ready to speak of where he'd been for the past five years. Kaden was always loving, always forgiving. He didn"t feel worthy of it, even if what had happened hadn"t been his fault.

"This is Marcus, me adviser fer the past two years. He is a dear friend, and he is also like family," Kaden said, motioning hand to the red-haired man at the table who wore a calm expression, with intelligent eyes.

He was glad for Kaden that he'd found someone to speak to and confide in, even if it made Bhaltair feel a little bad and all the more guilty for his absence.

"Tell us," Marcus said. "How was the journey? Will ye be here long?"

They began to eat. Bhaltair had known he would likely be questioned, but he had hoped that Kaden would share enough with Marcus and étaín for neither to poke at his past.

"Long enough fer me to feel it," he said with a grin, hoping it came across as teasing. "And as fer how long I will stay, I dinnae ken. It would of course depend upon me old friend. But I dinnae wish tae ride away on the morrow."

"And a good thing too," Kaden said, taking another sip from his ale. "Ye are welcome tae stay as long as ye like."

Bhaltair noticed that étaín was silently eating, cutting into her meat and chewing slowly. She was not even looking at him now. He gripped his hand tightly around his cup, took a long sip, and then turned to her. That evening she was looking even lovelier in a dark green gown. Her dark, almost black hair was tied back, but a few curls hung around her face. Her skin was alabaster, making her lips look even pinker in the firelight.

"étaín," he said calmly and slowly, feeling almost dizzy as he watched her dark brown eyes slowly lift to his. "What have ye been daein' these five years? How have ye been keepin' busy?"

His hands were trembling a little, but he tried to act normally, buttering his bread and waiting for her reply. Calmly, she put down her knife and fork and dabbed at her mouth with a napkin.

After a breath, she said, "I have been perfect, Bhaltair, thank ye fer asking. I didnae realize ye would take such an interest in the goings-on of the younger sister of yer friend, as she still so inexperienced, young and sensitive. Ye shouldnae worry about such a woman."

And with that, she picked up her knife and fork again and took another bite, and silence reigned.

Damnation.